Wolfsbane, page 14
Selene glared up at the ceiling, shadowed and cobwebbed far above. If this was her own mind, no one was listening, but she shouted it defiantly anyway. “Am I truly so selfish, deep inside? If Dare’s happiness is with another, not with me, the whole world bleeds? I did not ask for this!” She screamed that last, both hands clenched. “Or worse, do the lives of hundreds of Were count for nothing against a perfectly natural wish that my brother had not died? I would not make that choice. I would not make any of these choices, so why do you show them to me?”
“Selene!” Ares caught her, crushed her to him, and stroked her hair. “It’s all right, Selene. You need to rest. We’ve none of us had time to mourn properly. I can get someone else to help me with the negotiations.” His voice grew soft and soothing, as if she were as mad as Ginnie.
And perhaps she was. Perhaps all this was real, her mind had broken somewhere along the way, and she’d imagined all of it. She didn’t think so, but how would she prove otherwise?
So Selene let her brother coax her out of the barn, and back to the house, to rest. As if resting would help any of the problems, real or imagined, currently surrounding her.
***
After dinner, Andrew went walking, though it didn’t do much to clear his head. He mostly spent the time longing for Silver to talk out his strategy with, or wishing he could shift and chase the rabbits he smelled. He’d already broken the Convocation prohibition against shifting once, though. No one had mentioned it, given the extenuating circumstances, but once more and he suspected he’d get kicked out. Still, he wanted to hunt and kill something. The sharp pine smell and the crunch of needles and dirt under his feet reminded him of other Convocations, ones he remembered leading.
He circled back around to the cabins before sunset, aware of his appointment. Even so, three figures were already waiting behind his cabin. Edmond rolled over an old, collapsed fence post, probably to look for insects beneath, while Selene and John watched. John kept twitching toward his son like he wanted to save him from some danger, but Andrew couldn’t imagine what. Splinters?
Selene noticed him first. “Andrew.” She lifted her fingertips in a small wave, and even smiled slightly. Andrew looked past her, so she stayed slightly out of focus. John looked up and frowned, much more suspicious. He shoved his hands into his pockets.
“What’s this about?” he demanded as Andrew arrived. “Selene wouldn’t tell me. Just that she thought I should listen to what you have to say.”
“Someone needs to depose Rory, and you’re a match for him—” Andrew didn’t even get a chance to finish his carefully constructed explanation. John growled, scooped up Edmond and turned to go.
Edmond squirmed. “Daddy! There was a lizard! I was going to catch the lizard!”
Selene blocked John’s way and held out her hands for Edmond. “I know where lots of lizards are. Want to come with Aunt Selene?” Edmond immediately jerked his weight toward her, and John nearly lost hold.
“Selene,” John growled, though when she took Edmond from him, he didn’t fight her. “I’m not cut out for leading. You know that.”
“Maybe you should try again and see, you coward.” Selene made the last word into a joke, but Andrew suspected it wasn’t, quite. She hitched Edmond onto her hip, and headed off into the trees, away from the cabins.
John glowered at the ground. “What in the Lady’s name did you say to her?”
Andrew shrugged. “I guess she doesn’t like Rory.” He hoped Selene’s help wasn’t due to his personal charisma. He didn’t want anything from her on those terms, so he pushed the idea out of his mind. He was going to depose Rory, however he did it, so he wouldn’t ignore an abandoned fresh kill if that got him there faster. “Look. I’ve been where you are, okay? You make mistakes, but sometimes you’re a better leader for having learned from them. You don’t know if you don’t try.”
“You have it in for Rory, why don’t you take him down yourself?” John finally looked up long enough to search Andrew’s face.
“He knows my moves.” Andrew pinched the bridge of his nose. “Let’s pretend for a second I wasn’t intimately familiar with the scandals of the Western packs, even before my memories got scrambled. What did you fuck up so badly, anyway? Was it something to do with Susan?”
John shoved him, fast enough Andrew stumbled back. He caught himself and redistributed his weight quickly enough. He’d take that as a yes. John opened his mouth for some kind of angry retort—and stopped. “How in the Lady’s name do you know her name?”
“I must have heard it.” Andrew assumed that sometime in his missing years, someone had talked to him about Susan, if she’d been enough to cost John the Seattle alphaship. “What happened with her?” He assumed John had been forced to break things off with her in an ugly way. Given how much they’d loved each other in his false memories, he wouldn’t be surprised if the stress had made John retreat from his duties as alpha.
“Even Selene can barely remember her name. I don’t think Ares ever knew it.” John examined Andrew tightly. Andrew waited patiently, and finally John sighed. Old pain stretched across his shoulder muscles. “I got her killed. I revealed what I was, and . . .” His voice failed and tears came to his eyes. “They had to kill her.”
Susan—dead? Andrew rocked back a step; he couldn’t stop himself. But she had been crucial to the smooth running of the pack—a pack that wasn’t real. Maybe the real Susan hadn’t been like that. But still. What a Lady-damned waste of a life.
John swiped the side of his wrist roughly across his eyes. “So, yeah, thanks for the walk through old, painful history. Go fight your own damn challenge fight.” He strode for the trees.
Andrew watched his best chance to defeat Rory walk away, but all he could think of was Susan. “How could they—did they even bother to talk to her first?”
John slowed, stopped. “Come on, wake up. You’d have killed her if she was in the Roanoke pack.”
Andrew growled at the very idea. “I’d have talked to her. Figured out if she was intelligent enough to keep her mouth shut for the sake of her son. Which she was—would have been . . . I mean, she could well have been. Now we’ll never know.”
John looked up at the sky for a few moments. Andrew glanced up too, automatically, but he saw no birds or anything else to catch the attention. He supposed John was using the intense blue, orange-tinged now with the approaching sunset, to organize his thoughts. With no clouds and the new moon tonight, Andrew supposed the stars would be beautiful.
“It’s a very pretty speech.” John looked down again. “I wouldn’t have thought you were the pretty speech type. But Susan is gone, and you don’t have to do much to prove it, do you? I’m not going to fight your challenge fight for you. You want Roanoke, get it yourself.”
He strode off once more, and this time Andrew didn’t try to stop him. Damn it all. What now?
Chapter 14
Tatiana took stock with her eyes closed when she woke, by habit. The smell of a hotel room was unmistakable. So many small brushes of different humans that, like a huge murmuring crowd that moved past individual words, it merged into a featureless scent that her mind linked with the species as a whole. She was surrounded by human.
And Sacramento. Her scent and a thin trickle of fresh air came from the same direction, so Tatiana assumed she’d been smart enough to sleep in front of the door. In wolf, the scent clarified as she drew another breath. Tatiana let her eyes slit open, and she found the gray curve of a flank where she expected, striped diagonally down the center by sunlight from where the drapes didn’t meet in the middle. She opened her eyes fully, but there was nothing else particularly of note in the room: bland walls, blue carpet, art based on leaf patterns. A hotel room.
Sacramento lifted her muzzle from her paws, less like she’d somehow smelled Tatiana’s eyes opening, and more like she’d only been dozing and checking on her prisoner every few minutes. She stood and stretched, bowed over her front legs, then turned her back for at least the illusion of privacy while she shifted. Tatiana rolled over to look away. There was no value in embarrassing her captor.
She heard the shuffle of cloth as Sacramento dressed, but Tatiana didn’t roll back yet. Now she knew her situation, she needed to figure out what she was going to do next. Last night, she’d thought only about getting away, but this morning she remembered all too keenly that her passport was sitting in her suitcase back at the pack house. And her phone. And her money. How was she supposed to make it home with none of those things, swim in wolf?
“You could come back with me voluntarily,” Sacramento said, voice coming closer. Tatiana sat up and turned to her. The way the comment followed from her thoughts was eerie, but of course Sacramento was taking stock for the morning as well. She had a stubborn prisoner she needed to transport.
“Why would I do that?” Tatiana eased herself against the headboard and put a hand to her temple like the movement had made her head swim. She felt stronger—if rather desperately hungry—this morning, but better Sacramento underestimate her.
Sacramento started dragging her blond hair back into a tail, getting tighter and tighter with each pass before she fastened it off. “Because you’re not going to get anywhere, trying to run. The Roanokes aren’t stupid; they’re not going to execute you for something that wasn’t your fault. You don’t have anything to fear.”
“It doesn’t matter whether the Roanokes are stupid; they’re not awake.” They could have roused while Tatiana was sleeping, but Sacramento would have taken a very different tack with her persuasion then, Tatiana suspected. The alphas are awake, all is forgiven, come back with me!
“Well . . . no.” Sacramento took out her phone, and her face showed that the screen was just as blank of good news as it had been all night. She slid it away again. “But you still won’t get too far.”
“No,” Tatiana admitted, pushing with her hands on the mattress to sit up straighter, then slumping as if the effort had been too much. She must have made the word sound too weak, because Sacramento’s expression sharpened.
“Not with the whole pack looking for you on our home territory, I meant. You don’t have to do the ‘poor weak little mid-ranker’ thing again.”
Tatiana couldn’t think of any protest that would help her, so she settled on silent confusion instead, even as she swore in her head. Had she moved too quickly, too easily since she’d woken up? But she’d hardly moved at all. Sacramento had to be just guessing.
Sacramento smiled thinly at her expression of confusion. “You’re the alpha’s daughter, for the Lady’s sake. And I’m not in the Roanokes’ league as far as intelligence, but I can spot when someone’s playing a role because I know a little something about playing one myself.”
She sat down on the second hotel bed, facing Tatiana, knees wide. She rolled her neck, then released her hair. She shook it out and combed the front locks up over the crown of her head so they fell back just so. She leaned back on her palms, lounging, body language becoming so relaxed as to be uncaring.
“My former alpha, Nate, he was kind of an asshole, and his son was a little prick, but what a pack needs is authority, you know? And he was authoritative. Man knew how to chase.” The pitch of Sacramento’s voice hadn’t changed, but her tone made it seem like it had, light and quick, almost giggly. “I did help him out a little, with the small details, you know? Nothing important. That was his job. Mostly, I just listened.”
Sacramento sat straighter and pulled her hair back, even more tightly this time. “Ugh. Listening and agreeing all the time is useful occasionally, but I’m glad not to have to do it with that cat anymore.”
No wonder Sacramento seemed uptight if she was overcompensating for having to act that way. Tatiana nodded in respect for her skill, then caught herself. What was she doing? Sacramento had all but accused her of trying to manipulate everyone. Where did that leave them? Did Sacramento mistrust her, or was she trying to forge sympathy by pointing out similarities?
Either way, Tatiana clearly needed to do much more than pretend weakness. Sacramento wasn’t going to turn her back on her, no matter how much she flopped against the pillows. What she needed was another Lady-damned vision, a real one, now when it would be useful.
“I won’t go back with you.” Tatiana shoved to her feet and threw a punch right at Sacramento’s jaw. She had no idea if it would have done any damage had it connected, but that wasn’t the point. Sacramento’s automatic reaction was everything she’d hoped—the other woman knocked her hand aside with one arm and slammed her solidly in the stomach with the other fist. Stunned lack of air reached up and snatched at Tatiana’s whole body.
***
Alexei finished out the game of Round the Round with a flurry of jumps in the circle drawn in the dirt—feet to sides, to center, to top and bottom, to center. He was a big man, far too big to be playing a children’s game, but he moved with his habitual grace. “Did you catch that, Tania?”
Tatiana sketched her own round in the dirt with her toe. She nodded. Alexei had always asked that after his fighting demonstrations when he was in human. In wolf, he’d looked at her with his head slightly tilted. If she hadn’t caught it, he’d show her again, as many times as she needed. If she lied and said she had, he’d knock her on her ass when she failed to reproduce the move. Then show her again.
Tatiana took a couple practice jumps in the center of the round, compacting a leaf into the dirt. She was far too old for this game as well, but Alexei was showing her. He was the one who’d made her feel like she really could be a Tooth, when she’d joined up as a gangly teen, longing for a direction in her life. He’d never taught her anything lightly, so this must be important. First center, then edge, edge—she counted each step in her head, and gave him a little bow when she finished.
Alexei didn’t say anything in praise, but he smiled. It lit up his whole face, usually flat like a plane of rock, his jaw was so square and his dark blond hair buzzed so short. Tatiana stepped over, and he clapped her on the shoulder. “At least I can do something right, yes?” she teased.
“Except follow orders,” Alexei said. The light of his smile drained away into solemnity and a flicker of pain. Orders were very important to Alexei. Thinking for herself, Tatiana had had to learn on her own.
“Father’s orders.” Her hair wisped soft against her cheeks, disturbed by her jumping, and she scraped it back. “The North Americans say ‘alpha’s daughter’ like it’s important. An honor, not a fact of life.”
Alexei hunched his shoulders and looked away. “I wish you wouldn’t do this.”
Seeing the hurt in that hunch, Tatiana didn’t want to, but she couldn’t stop herself either. “Do you know who my father was? My real father?” Alexei was older than her. She didn’t know by how much, but he might have been old enough to know if her mother had a lover at the right time. Or if she’d been chasing among the humans.
“I wish . . .” Alexei loosened his muscles and touched one of her shoulders, turned her to face him, caught the other. “That I could teach you to be content, Tania. You always nip at the heels of whoever’s trying to lead the pack. Knowing a fact won’t make you stop that. If I’m not your real brother, does that make me love you any less? It doesn’t matter who your father is.”
Surprise held Tatiana still as Alexei enfolded her into an embrace. That was like him, that hug, love in every point of touch. He didn’t say the word. Tatiana couldn’t remember ever hearing him say it, to anyone. “I love you too, Alexei.”
Tatiana wanted say more, ask Alexei if he really could teach her contentment, even if he was only a figment in a vision, but she couldn’t speak, she couldn’t breathe. His grip tightened and Tatiana tried too late to struggle but she couldn’t move either. Too late.
***
“That’s it, breathe.” Sacramento’s voice. Sacramento’s arm, across the back of her neck, supporting her head. Tatiana opened her eyes and blinked until the far wall of the hotel room didn’t swim. Now all she had to do was recover faster than Sacramento expected her to. Lady. Easier said than done. Air still clotted on the way into her throat like it was heavier than it should have been.
She slid her arm over Sacramento’s back to cling there, fingers bunching the fabric of her shirt. She struggled to sit up, her arm slipped, and in the general confusion of Sacramento helping her, she got her fingertips on the bill clip in Sacramento’s pocket. She collapsed on the bed with the clip in her hand, a hard lump against her back. She tucked in under her waistband. Sacramento didn’t seem to have noticed anything, though Mikhail, who’d taught Tatiana basic pickpocketing skills, would have disowned her on the spot for awkwardness.
Tatiana pulled her hand free but otherwise lay flat and offered Sacramento a thin smile like she couldn’t manage anything more strenuous. “Can I get some water?” Her accent came out stronger because of the remnants of the dream, which probably helped her case.
“Just a sec.” Sacramento hurried into the bathroom. Tatiana waited until she was through the doorway before pushing up and grabbing the car keys from the cabinet and stumbling to yank open the front door. She paused to slam a fist down on the inside handle. With a screech of stressed metal, it snapped, and she pounded into the hall and pulled the door shut behind her. She dropped the handle to thunk on the hall carpet as she ran for the staircase. Hopefully that should slow Sacramento down a little. Kicking doors down took time, and attracted attention. Sacramento might well waste more time hesitating over bringing humans running than she would actually opening the door.
In the stairwell, Tatiana wanted to stop and pant, but the sudden concrete after the carpet echoed her steps and her harsh breaths back to her. She used the feeling of being surrounded by noise to push herself on. She tucked the bill clip more securely into her own pocket and ran. Down. Down and outside. Running down stairs was a little like controlled falling, wasn’t it?
