Driven by Ambition, page 9
“Goodbye, Mr Loharani-Jones. That’s enough excitement for Socrates today.” Dr Walton’s crisp tones filled the air before the call was ended.
“Bloody Socrates.” Jaxxon leaned forward, resting his face on his hands with his fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.
“Yeah. He’s a special type of rascal. I’m glad he hasn’t lost his sense of humour in all that.”
“I’m not going to fuck you.” The fire in Jaxxon’s stare made a lie of his words. Freddy’s body went hot, then cold, as if he were alight with need, then plunged into an icy pool of longing.
“I’d do a good job.”
“That’s what Socrates said.”
“My reputation is well earned.” He was surprised that Socrates had mentioned him in that way, but it was Socrates, so not really a surprise at all. They’d joked about it before, years ago when Chester had accompanied him to dinner with Socrates and Mike. Socrates was a nosy old gay who liked to shock people, and he’d asked Chester about Freddy’s capability in bed. Chester had called him a spectacular fuck, and the reputation was born. He closed his eyes, not wanting to think about how good things had been with Chester before it’d gone wrong, before Chester had proven himself to be a sneaky narcissist who’d only complimented Freddy whenever he wanted to get something from him.
“What’s the matter?”
“Nothing.”
“People don’t frown like that over nothing.”
He shrugged, trying to make it look casual. “An ex told Socrates that I was a spectacular fuck. That’s where the reputation comment comes from.”
“And are you?”
Damn. He needed a drink of water. The only upside to this was that Jaxxon hadn’t asked about Chester. “I couldn’t comment on my skills in bed.”
“Oh, how obvious of you to use a humble brag.”
“Excuse me?”
Jaxxon’s intense stare felt like lasers beaming right into him. “It’s one thing to relay information that someone else has said about you, and quite another to avoid the question when asked.”
“Is there a question in that?”
The twinkle in Jaxxon’s eyes made Freddy want to know everything. It was dangerous.
“I’m curious as to why you wouldn’t own such a reputation. Isn’t it good to be known as a—”
“Spectacular fuck? Yes.” He stopped himself from admitting that the phrase was tainted by who had said it. That was a whole discussion he wasn’t prepared to have today. Or ever.
“Why did I not know this?” Jaxxon drummed his fingers on the table.
“I don’t sleep with people in the paddock.”
“Okay.” It was almost a question. Jaxxon leaned back in his chair. The air crackled as he waited for Jaxxon to say something else. It intensified until Freddy was ready to crawl over the table and kiss Jaxxon and fuck his own rules.
“Why is that?” Jaxxon’s head was tilted slightly to the left.
“Why is what?”
“Why that rule? I’ll concede that not many people in S1 have sex with each other, mostly because the paddock is full of straight men. It seems like an unnecessary rule for you to hold yourself to.” Jaxxon grinned and those damned eyes of his sparkled.
Freddy wanted to kiss that smile right off Jaxxon’s face. He’d give him a reason to stop smiling, or maybe it was a reason to smile some more. “Most of the paddock except Gamble Racing. The gay team.”
“That is what some people say about us. I doubt that we have a much higher percentage than other teams. We are merely more open about accepting people.”
He smiled back at Jaxxon. “Which is why you’ll have more queer people, because they know they’ll be safe with you.”
“Socrates has always wanted Gamble Racing to represent the world as he sees it.”
“Gay with an abrupt nosy sense of a humour?”
Jaxxon threw his head back and laughed. “Fuck me. He’s such a rascal and we adore him.”
Freddy stood up. “It sounds like he’s in the best place for him. I’d better go and have a chat to Cliff.”
“You haven’t answered my question.”
“Which one?” He knew which one—about why he didn’t sleep with anyone in the paddock. Jaxxon simply raised his eyebrows and waited. It took him a moment to find a way to avoid the question; a ‘what would Socrates do’ moment.
“I assume you are insistent on this one because you want to discover if I am indeed a spectacular fuck?”
Jaxxon didn’t say no. He simply held Freddy’s gaze, and the heat between them simmered and crackled. He was going to give in, wasn’t he? The quiet buzz unsettled him.
“Do you think I should break my own rules for you? Are you so special?” He gave in.
“Do you have any other specific rules?” Jaxxon’s question avoided answering his own. Were they going to play a game where they just asked questions of each other in avoidance of answering one forever? How absurd ... and also, how interesting.
“Not really. Consent matters. Safety is sexy.” He was on PrEP, and he always used condoms. That was about it. He wasn’t quite sure why he was answering Jaxxon’s question, or in fact, why Jaxxon was asking them.
“Those are good rules.” Jaxxon’s voice lowered half a tone adding a little growl to his already deep voice.
“I think so.” Freddy’s biggest curse was that he loved talking. He knew it and he couldn’t stop himself, especially when someone growled at him with such a sexy note in his voice. “I wouldn’t dare boast about being good in bed, it’s not something I can decide, only whoever I am with. I do know that I rate other people on their ability to stick to those simple rules. It applies to a lot of life, really, not just sex. Consent and safety. They are two basic principles that create an ethical basis for life.”
“What about when things are blurred?”
“Consent is never blurry. I only want an enthusiastic yes. Coercion is revolting.” He knew that from the other side of the fence and would never do that to someone else.
“Is your rule about not getting involved with anyone in the S1 paddock related to your passionate use of the word coercion?”
Freddy couldn’t stop a grin stretching his cheeks. “Nice. Your very astute question is a good reminder not to get into a debate with someone so switched on.”
“You can’t get out of this with a compliment.”
“Why do you want to know? You are pushing quite hard. Anyone might think you want to coerce me into breaking my no paddock rule.”
Jaxxon frowned and blinked a couple of times. “No. I’m curious, that’s all.”
“Curious with a side goal of getting me to change my mind?”
“Fuck off. You aren’t that sexy.” Jaxxon spun in his chair and grabbed a pen from a shelf on the side of his office.
“I think you are protesting too hard.” He hadn’t been imagining the chemistry between them.
“Perhaps.” Jaxxon turned back to stare at him.
He didn’t expect that. A shot of heat blasted up his spine. “Perhaps?”
“It doesn’t matter if you have an unbreakable rule. Let’s park it in an irrelevant information box and move on. I have work to do.”
He’d been dismissed so he stood up. “I had a bad experience once, and it followed—” Stalked. “—me for a whole season.” He left quickly before Jaxxon could ask more questions. Getting involved with Jaxxon would be a terrible idea. Reckless. He knew how bad it could get, and they both had jobs to do that meant they’d have to interact with each other all year. He stood outside Jaxxon’s office and leaned his head against the metal wall of the truck. Everything inside him was pumping with energy, cranked up to high revs, past the limit of what he ought to be able to endure. And damn, if he didn’t want to ignore all the reasons why this was a bad idea and drown in the irrational, necessary, want for Jaxxon. It could only end up poorly. Shit.
“Freddy?” Maddock called out his name and reality came rushing back. He swallowed.
“Yeah?” It was time to get back to work, to focus on what he could have. Which absolutely wasn’t Jaxxon. Yeah. He let out a wobbly breath and followed Maddock to wherever he was needed now.
Chapter 9
Australia
Jaxxon hated the Australian race. Even in his jetlagged state he knew it wasn’t the race that he hated. He loved racing. He hated getting here—twenty-four hours on a plane—and the way he didn’t cope well with being in an opposite time zone. He stood in the hotel breakfast room staring at the barista, a smiling Asian man who was far too chirpy looking for Jaxxon.
“What would you like?”
“Coffee.”
The barista stared back. “Mate. You have to pick which type.”
Type. Couldn’t the barista just take some of that early morning energy and guess? He should be used to dealing with people in desperate need of caffeine. Jaxxon was being a dick; too tired to behave kindly towards the retail staff. He’d worked in his parent’s bakery as a teen. He knew what customers were like; being jetlagged and out of sorts was no excuse for treating staff like shit.
“We’ll both have a flat white each.” Freddy’s breath on the back of his neck didn’t help his blurry displacement. Jet lag. Lust. Both upset his usual balance and confidence. “Come on. Have a seat with me.”
Jaxxon followed Freddy automatically. He’d crashed in his hotel room last night after arriving in the evening. The theory for dealing with the jet lag of being on opposite time to England was to arrive after dinner and sleep. Then he’d wake up on daylight time, or something.
“Jet lag sucks. Sit here.” Freddy held out a chair as if he were a delicate princess, a notion that made him smile as he accepted the seat because it was lovely to be cared for.
“You don’t have to talk. Just sit there. I arrived here a couple of days ago. My nephew Archie is at university here in Melbourne, so I came directly from Jeddah to spend a few days with him.”
Jaxxon rubbed his temple. “You have a nephew old enough for university?”
“I already told you. I’m a second son. My brother, AA, is older than me and has five children.”
“Your brother is called AA?”
“Archibald Athol, Marquess of Swain, heir to the Duke of Horlenmont.”
“Your brother named his kid after himself?” It was the least offensive question he could ask, given the pretentiousness of being named Archibald Athol, let alone all the titles. He was far too exhausted to process any of that stuff. Using AA was probably the best option with a moniker like that.
“Family tradition.”
“Sounds confusing. Why are you Freddy? If you are second, shouldn’t your name start with B?”
Freddy grinned. “I might be second, but everyone in our family is named to be an alpha. My full name is Alfred Alexander, Lord Beautravers.”
“I can see why you picked Freddy.”
“Says the guy whose name is Jackson but spelled wrong.”
Their coffees arrived at the table before Jaxxon could growl at Freddy. After a couple of sips, his brain kicked in.
“My father’s name is Jack.” His parents had spelled it like that because they wanted him to stand out. It was a tribute to his father—one he carried with pride—and something uniquely his. He hadn’t met another one until a few years ago when a fan had asked Ondrej and himself to sign a shirt for his kid, Jaxxon.
“He named you after himself?”
“Isn’t that what your brother did with his son?”
Freddy smiled, an open delightful grin. “Touché. And now your name is trendy in certain parts of America.”
He sighed. “Yeah, it’s a problem. People look at me and assume I’m American.”
“Your accent must confuse them then.” Freddy’s smile widened. Just like the barista, he was far too awake and happy for this early in the morning. Jaxxon sipped his coffee and ignored Freddy’s nonsense.
“Want to come bouldering with me this morning?”
“What?” He’d intended to spend today catching up on emails, since he’d spent so much time travelling here.
“What is bouldering or what am I doing inviting you?”
“Yes.” Jaxxon shouldn’t be tempted. Their last conversation had been bloody wild. Fucking Socrates had to go and mention that Freddy—who already tempted him too much—had a reputation for being good in bed. And then Freddy had used the phrase, spectacular fuck, and it’d spun freely in his head during every spare moment. Thankfully, during the season, he didn’t have many spare moments. They’d had two great races with Ondrej finished fourth and third, and Paulo getting points in both races too. There was always room for improvement, especially now they knew the car was good enough to podium. His new mantra was that there was always more work to do.
“Bouldering is like rock climbing without the ropes.”
“Sounds like a bad idea.” Everything about spending time with Freddy was probably a bad idea. He just wanted to kiss the man, not think too hard about Freddy’s ‘no paddock’ rule, or worry that he might be coercing him into changing his mind.
“It’s not about height. It’s more technical.”
“Why are you inviting me to do a social thing with you? I thought you had a rule about that.”
Freddy blushed. “You are right. For some reason, I can’t resist you and I keep being tempted into doing things I shouldn’t.”
“We haven’t done anything yet.” Oops, that came out a lot more whingey than he intended. He drank more of his coffee. It must be stronger than anything he had at home in England because the fog in his head disappeared and became alive with energy.
“No. We haven’t.” There was something a little ... sad? ... in Freddy’s tone. Freddy glanced around the room. “I shouldn’t admit this.”
“Then don’t.” It was too early in the day and Jaxxon was too jetlagged for a heart-to-heart.
“You tempt me beyond reason, Jaxxon.” Freddy had leaned in closer, his voice barely able to be heard.
“Okay.”
Freddy sat up straight, as if he’d been slapped.
“Sorry.”
“It’s fine. I knew getting involved with someone in the paddock was a bad idea. This is a bad idea. I’m sorry for flirting with you. I’ll keep my distance now.”
Jaxxon peered at Freddy. “What? No. It’s not that. You must know that I—” He waved his hand awkwardly. “I am also tempted by this bad idea.”
“But you just said okay in a tone that was very dismissive.”
“I’m exhausted, jetlagged, and have a lot of work to do today.”
Freddy’s mouth moved in the flicker of a grin. “Are you saying it’s not about me at all?”
Jaxxon looked up from his coffee. “Yeah. Give me a day.”
“Awesome. Bouldering tomorrow?”
“Fine. Yes.” Only because it made Freddy look so adorably happy. “Text me.” He finished his coffee, and stood up, grabbing a couple of chocolate muffins on the way out of the dining room. He needed to tackle his emails and maybe have a nap. Nap first, then work.
Jaxxon was a lot less blurry eyed when he went to breakfast the next day, but he still startled when Freddy breathed on the back of his neck in the coffee line again.
“Jesus, Freddy.”
“Two flat whites, please.”
“Fine.” He followed Freddy to a table, noting that there were more people from the paddock here today. By tomorrow, Thursday, everyone would be here, getting ready for FP1 the next day. He nodded to Marcel who was sitting with a couple of his engineers, then sat down.
“Today we are going bouldering.”
“I thought we weren’t going to get involved with each other.”
Freddy held up his hands. “It’s sport, not a date.”
It felt like a date, sitting here having breakfast together with several Team Principals glancing sideways at them; a Team Principal having breakfast with the media. Rumours were going to fly around the paddock all day—not about the two of them—most likely about Socrates or engine upgrades.
“Will anyone else be joining us for this bouldering mission?”
Freddy’s faint blush was likely an admission. “No. Just us.”
“But not a date. We are simply two friends hanging out together doing sport? Or is this you being a member of the media trying to get a Team Principal out of his comfort zone so he’ll spill all the team secrets?”
“You are so fucking cynical.”
“And you are being incredibly confusing.”
“How so?” Freddy leaned back in his chair in what had to be a pretence of relaxation.
“You acknowledge the chemistry between us, but you don’t want to date someone who works in the S1 paddock for unspecified reasons. And yet you are inviting me on a not-date date today with some degree of enthusiasm.”
“You are making this much more complicated than it needs to be.”
Jaxxon chuckled. “I am? I’m not the one who is being unclear about motivations.”
“Maybe I don’t need a motivation. I love bouldering. I thought you might enjoy it, and if you don’t, I will enjoy seeing you land flat on your ass.”
The competitive streak in Jaxxon blossomed. He’d looked up bouldering on the internet yesterday and it looked quite fun; like rock climbing but on a short wall with very technical elements. “I’m not going to fall.”
“That’s a yes, then.”
“Yes. I will go on a non-date with you to climb a few walls. Yes.” His coffee arrived and he was glad to have something to do with his hands. Freddy’s grin and the excitement shining in his eyes sent flashes of heat across Jaxxon’s skin. Dating Freddy—for real, not this pretence—was starting to feel inevitable; they couldn’t seem to resist each other.
“It will be fun, you’ll see.” Freddy’s playfulness was such a joy. He might be a privileged son of a Lord, with a handsome face and life that had given him pretty much everything a person would want and almost none of the difficulties. His enjoyment of life still had to be a choice because Jaxxon had met too many people who had everything and weren’t content with it, always chasing more and more without ever being satisfied. What a miserable way to have deal with having plenty.
