Merindah Park, page 22
‘Gossip? Don’t tell me Toshiko has been deported?’ Serena’s gentler tone cut through John’s tension and his shoulders slumped. He ground his teeth. His other sister didn’t know either. If only the problem was as easy as Toshiko not being allowed into Australia. He could move for her, he would have moved for her. Before …
‘No.’
‘Are you going to tell us?’ Shannon lifted his eyebrows, and John held his stare for a long uncomfortable moment. Shannon’s patience won in the end.
‘Fine. No, Toshiko hasn’t been deported. The opposite.’
‘She’s free.’ Serena’s smile lit up her face. ‘That’s brilliant. Oh wow … But hold on—’
‘—where is she?’ Shannon finished the big question. Why are you so upset? went unsaid. John’s jaw ached from clenching his teeth so hard. Several responses ran through his head and in the end, he went with the most straightforward.
‘I don’t know. We broke up.’
His siblings exploded into noise, pelting him with questions until he held up his hands in front of his chest.
‘It’s complicated. She’s free now to make her own choices.’
‘And you are coping so well,’ Shannon said, filling the air with sarcasm.
Serena grimaced. ‘That pile of wood speaks volumes. John Henry Bassett is obviously at peace with the world.’
‘Completely in control of his emotional state.’
‘Would you two be quiet?’ John exploded. Serena’s use of his full name reminded him of Mama when she was annoyed with him.
Serena’s grin grew into a sly smirk. ‘Oh, Toshiko does matter to you?’
‘She broke up with you, didn’t she? Couldn’t cope with your unpredictable penchant for violent woodchopping?’ Shannon’s eyes danced. John shook his head.
‘Damn it. Can you two be serious for a moment?’
Serena’s nose wrinkled. ‘No, I don’t think we can.’
‘What if she had broken up with me, and I was upset? Is this any way to treat a beloved sibling?’
Shannon winked. ‘That’s the spirit.’
‘Rachel told us what happened,’ Serena said.
‘Fuck, John, we wouldn’t tease you like this if we thought she’d dumped you.’
John cursed under his breath. They’d known throughout this whole infuriating conversation. ‘Hurts just the same.’
‘Maybe you shouldn’t have been an idiot then. I can’t believe you dumped her.’
‘Yeah. She’s awesome, and... it makes no sense,’ Serena said, her hands on her hips.
John flicked his gaze between them. ‘What happened to family first? I thought we were supposed to stick together?’
‘It’s my duty as your brother to tell you when you’ve done something wrong. If I don’t tell you, who will?’ Shannon teased.
‘Rachel has already expressed her disgust,’ John muttered.
Shannon waved his hands in the air. ‘See, family. We stick together, and we tell each other the truth.’
‘The truth is, John, you’ve seriously fucked up.’
His heart, thudding like a racehorse in full gallop, agreed, but his brain couldn’t let go of the long-term risks.
‘It’s for the good of everyone.’ God, he sounded like a pious shithead, even to himself. His siblings obviously agreed as they bent over cackling, their laughter bouncing around him, raucous like a bunch of cockatoos in chorus.
‘It is.’
Serena stood up straight and gulped for air. ‘What on earth did Toshiko do to make you throw away a beautiful partnership for our good?’
John sneered. ‘Didn’t Rachel tell you? Toshiko lied to us all.’ He spat out the comment, hurt tainting his tone.
‘No.’ His siblings spoke in unison, shock and anticipation in their widened eyes.
‘Toshiko is a professional punter. Or at least that’s what she believes.’
‘Oh.’ No one moved. Even the winter wind stopped, and the rustle of gum leaves disappeared.
‘She doesn’t seem like the type to exaggerate that. And she did have the money to buy your expensive ugly horse,’ Serena said, her words slow and cautious.
Shannon leaped to the defence of his horse. ‘Hey, Tsuyoi isn’t ugly. I mean, he has a blocky head and small ears, but damn, he can move.’
‘Settle down, Shannon. I know you’ve fallen in love with the plain bay, but surely you can see it.’
Shannon waggled his head. ‘He doesn’t have a traditional pin-up face, that’s for sure.’
Serena laughed, and John felt the edge of his mouth twitch. He pinched his lips together. These two needed to stop being distracted by horse talk.
‘Stick to the point. Toshiko gambles. And we know how well that worked out for Dad.’
John’s siblings shared a glance.
‘What?’
‘Okay, I might be talking out of line here, but I’ve never seen Toshiko do anything resembling Dad’s enthusiasm for a punt. For fuck’s sake, that man would bet on a pair of ants walking down a stick.’
Serena nodded at Shannon’s comment. ‘It’s true. If she’s such a big gambler, where is the evidence? She never watched the races in the week she lived here, unless I had them on, and she didn’t lean in like Dad used to. She cared for the horses, and the farm, and never once did she say “Wanna bet?”’
John glowered at them. ‘You are missing the point. She’s claimed she gambles. That’s enough for me.’
‘She isn’t Dad. I’d bet on it.’ Shannon’s mouth quirked upwards in a sly grin and Serena elbowed him.
John pressed his fingers to his forehead. ‘I’m not worried about that. I know she isn’t Dad. I’m worried about me.’
‘What? You?’ Shannon’s lip curled up and Serena frowned.
John sighed. ‘I can’t spend my life with someone whose life revolves around the next big thing, the next hot tip, the next thrill.’
‘Oh. I see the problem.’ Serena tilted her head and clicked her tongue. ‘You are a coward.’
A scream lodged in John’s throat and his fists bunched taut at his sides. His breath raced like his heart, thumping so hard in his chest he hoped his ribs were strong enough to contain it. He couldn’t look at Serena or Shannon, so he spun around and marched away. He was no coward, damn it. Except every step, with his boots thudding on the dry ground, hard like his toughened heart, took him closer to the truth. He was a goddamned fucking coward. His siblings had all grown up with Dad’s foibles, and if all of them thought he was an idiot to let Toshiko go over this issue, then there was a good chance they were right. And if they were right, then he’d messed up his life with a poor decision. He’d behaved like his Dad and lashed out, not thinking, just reacting to the situation with no concern for the future. None of this was Toshiko’s fault, she couldn’t do anything if he couldn’t control himself.
‘John.’ Mama called out from the front porch and he whipped around to stare at her. ‘I think it’s time I showed you something.’
‘Not now.’
‘Yes. Now. There is something you need to understand.’ Mama waved towards the house, beckoning him inside. He ground his teeth together but complied with her request. She wasn’t usually so insistent, and something in her voice poked through the rage inside him. Whatever she wanted, it was important. He kicked off his boots and stalked inside.
‘In here,’ Mama said. He followed her voice to the lounge, where she was fiddling with the electronics.
‘What is so important, Mama?’
‘Have a seat. You need to see this.’ She pressed play and a slightly grainy video started playing. He leaned forward on the edge of the couch.
‘Is that the front lawn? And Dad?’
John’s Mama smiled. ‘This is your seventh birthday party, and Dad has a surprise for you.’
John gasped. ‘Dusty.’ In the video, the little grey pony trotted onto the lawn, and some excited toddler squeals rang out in the background.
‘That’s the twins, they were crawling around the porch at my feet as I videoed you with the camcorder.’
John’s father’s voice rang out of the speaker system. ‘Is it recording?’
‘Yes.’ Mama’s voice came from behind the camera. Dad nodded, and a warm rush started to fill John’s body. He laid his palm over his chest at the sudden ache. For five years he’d worked his butt off to restore the family farm, and the stress had made him forget. He’d become so caught up in the negative reasons why Dad had failed them all, that he’d forgotten who his father truly was. The camera zoomed in on his face, and John smiled as Dad’s smile filled the screen. His dark brown eyes danced.
‘John Henry Bassett, my oldest son, and my proudest achievement. It’s time to take the next big step in your life and have your own pony. Come on, lad, come and meet Dusty.’
John blinked away the pressure behind his eyes as the camera panned across towards Dusty, and he saw his seven-year-old self race towards the little grey pony. He threw his arms around the pony’s neck and Dad bent down to give him a leg up onto the tiny steed. The camera zoomed in on his face, capturing his wide smile and the joy of the moment before it zoomed out again to follow Dusty as he walked around the front lawn.
‘Look at this will you, Lucille. Our boy can ride.’ Dad tugged on the lead rope, and Dusty threw his head in the air before reluctantly beginning to trot. John closed his eyes. He didn’t need to see what came next. He’d slowly slid off the side of his pony and fallen in a heap on the lawn.
‘Look.’ Mama whispered, and he forced himself to stare at the telly.
His Dad knelt before him, helped him to his feet, and wiped his tear-smudged face.
‘It’s okay, John. Just a little fall and you are fine. Up you get.’
John watched himself, a skinny seven-year-old boy, tell his Dad, ‘I want to, but I can’t.’
‘Yes, you can. I believe you will be a wonderful rider one day. You only need to believe it yourself.’
‘Are you sure?’
‘Confidence lost, everything lost. If you get back on now, you will keep your confidence and become a good rider. Up you get.’
John saw himself nod slowly on the video and his fingers started to twitch at Dad’s catchphrase. Since Dad’s death, he’d associated it with the stupid risks Dad had taken with their money. Money lost, nothing lost. Watching himself being led around the lawn on Dusty, he realised the first half of the saying summed up all of Dad’s life more than the second ever could. Confidence lost, everything lost. He’d forgotten Dad’s confidence in himself, and how he put the family before everyone.
‘Mama, can I ask a question?’
‘Anything.’
‘He truly cared for us, didn’t he?’
Mama smiled. ‘More than the world. Everything he did, he did for you kids.’
‘But how could he have left the farm in such peril? He must have known.’ John twisted his hands together.
‘You know what he was like. He could sell a lame horse to a vet. The debts didn’t worry him, he knew the next crop of yearlings would cover it. He always found a way, and he believed in himself.’
John rubbed his eyes, pressing his fingertips hard into his temples.
‘How could you live with him?’ he asked. The unpredictable nature of Dad, and the way he chased the next success, and his wild ideas, were all the reasons John had found being with his Dad stressful. Not knowing what he’d do next, except that it would be thrilling in the moment, and John had spent much of his childhood feeling like he’d been dragged along by Dad’s personality with no control over his destiny.
She smiled. ‘I loved him.’ The certainty in Mama’s voice floored John, because he realised he loved his Dad too. For all of Dad’s faults, he’d cared for everyone and all his ideas had come from the heart, from a need to provide. His methods, chasing the next big thing, wasn’t the way John did business, but he felt the same deep-seated need to provide for his family, and the farm’s staff. No wonder he worried he’d be just like him.
‘It’s funny you asked that question.’
John frowned. ‘Why? It’s the obvious question. How could you live with the uncertainty?’
‘That’s what my father said. He was an old-school Italian, came here in the ’50s to work on the Snowy Mountains scheme, and he saved every cent he earned. He couldn’t understand your father, or the way he lived his life. You are just like him.’
‘Dad?’ John’s heart stopped as Mama confirmed his worst fear.
‘Hell no. Like my father. The only thing you have in common with your father is his height, and the way you care so deeply for your family. It’s a shame you never met your grandfather, my father, as an adult. You would have understood each other.’
‘What do you mean?’
His Mama rubbed his shoulder, an oddly comforting touch. ‘Rachel is the most like your Dad. She’s fearless, with far too much confidence in her abilities. She’s outspoken, and charming, and gets away with saying the things everyone else wishes they could say. She’s the one who scared me the most when you were kids.’
John chuckled at the memories of Rachel rushing headlong into life, always riding the ponies no one else would touch, jumping the highest jumps, and taking on impossible challenges.
‘And me?’
‘I can always rely on you, John. You are like my father. Pragmatic, practical, and cautious. The farm is safe in your hands because you think carefully about every decision.’ Mama sniffed and patted him on the knee. ‘Your father loved you, John, and he wanted you to be happy. He just didn’t understand how to make you happy.’
‘Thank you, Mama.’ John choked out his response as he leaped to his feet and raced to his bedroom. This changed everything. He rolled onto the bed and stared at the ceiling. A faint jasmine scent tickled his nose. Oh, hell. He’d fucked up everything and he had an apology to make.
Chapter 23
Toshiko sat on the rooftop bar, sipping her cocktail as she stared out at the sunset over the land. The sun glinted off the tall city buildings and shimmered light orange across the sky. Without clouds, the sunset lacked depth, a soft reminder of how Toshiko’s life lacked purpose. The cocktail tasted fruity and fresh on her tongue, the sharpness of the pineapple decoration helping draw her into the moment. Rachel had dropped her at the hotel without too many more questions, thankfully. She’d struggled to hold herself together until she’d stepped into her silent clean room. She must have spent more than an hour in the shower. It’d taken that long, with steamy hot water spraying over her to wash away the grittiness on her skin, and to release all the pent-up emotions. She’d washed her hair twice, using all the little bottles of hair product the hotel provided, taking her time to make herself clean. Eventually, the clingy sense of grime was gone, and she’d sunk down to sit on the shower floor, tears spilling out into hearty sobs as the hot water rinsed over her. John hated her, and she was a disappointment to her mother. She couldn’t return to Japan, she wouldn’t let herself be a burden to her family anymore. She had money, she had enough smarts to look after herself. Now was her time to shine. She sipped the drink again and rolled her head side to side to ease the tension in her neck. If only she believed her own bravado, then she’d be able to push aside the crack in her heart and move on from John. As Papa would have said, she needed to wake from death and return to life, to find success out of a bad situation. Toshiko pulled her phone out of her purse and rang her best friend. If there was any time in her life when she needed her friend, this was it. Kellye answered in a couple of rings and her happy greeting made Toshiko smile, a little bit.
‘Kellye. Is this a good time to talk?’
‘Of course. I’ve always got time for you, Toshiko. How have you been?’
‘Up and down,’ Toshiko said. It summed up the whole adventure since she’d met John, starting from the gentle beginnings, the happiness when they were together on the farm, and now the lows of uncertainty. Except she was sure about what she’d done to end up here—feeling down.
‘Oh, darling, what has happened? Did you hook up with your hot Aussie?’ Kellye’s laugh washed over her, and Toshiko sighed.
‘Not for long.’
‘Oh, was he bad in bed?’ Kellye’s comment stole a laugh out of Toshiko’s lungs and she spluttered.
‘That’s not the problem.’
‘But there is a problem. I’m here for you.’
Toshiko blinked. ‘Remember that time we stayed up late and watched the Melbourne Cup?’
‘The Japanese invaders quinellaed the Cup. You were so excited for your country. What has that got to do with your Aussie?’
‘Stick with me. What else do you remember?’
‘Nothing. No, hold on. Didn’t you win a big bet on it?’
‘Yes. The trifecta paid over a grand.’ Toshiko bit her lip, holding back a grin at the memory.
‘That’s right. And I said we should go out and spend it, and you told me you had other plans for the money.’ Kellye paused, and Toshiko waited, a smile slowly growing. ‘Don’t tell me you’ve been waiting this long to unveil your plans? And why has this made you upset?’
‘I’ll get to that bit soon.’
Kellye scoffed, and Toshiko continued. ‘I promise. It’s not so much a plan to unveil, but a secret I’ve kept since then.’
‘What?’
‘I’ve been using that money ever since to bet. That Cup was my first big win, and it set up my bank, so I could test my theories. Since then I’ve amassed a fortune, enough to buy several properties in Tokyo.’ Toshiko had to fight the urge to whisper.
‘Wow. You never mentioned it to anyone.’
‘No.’
Kellye paused, then Toshiko heard a sharp intake of breath in her ear. ‘If that’s how much you’ve won, how much have you lost?’
‘Less than I’ve won, obviously. What do you mean?’
‘Not many gamblers win, and even the winners don’t win in the long run. Plus, you’ve kept this a secret, which means—’
‘What does it mean?’ Toshiko spoke over her friend in a sharp voice, annoyed at the assumption she was just another mug punter. Her success wasn’t a fluke, it came from hard work and clever mathematics.
