A Little Too Close, page 25
For those three minutes, I stared at the sunset pictures of the Serengeti and the midair jump of lemurs in Madagascar and let myself soak it in. I had won an internship. In another life, my eyes would be prickling with joy as I scurried to pack my life into a rucksack.
But this was the life I’d chosen.
Sutton hadn’t, and she was what mattered.
My phone rang, and I swiped to answer it. “Hello?”
“Ms. Thorne?” a feminine voice said through the line.
“This is she.” My heart clenched. Was I really about to turn down the chance of a lifetime?
“Hi! I’m Maggie Brettwell from World Geographic, and I’m so excited to chat about your internship!”
My eyes slid shut as my throat tied itself into a knot. “Maggie, before we get too far into this, I’m so sorry, but I’m going to have to decline.” Somehow, I got the words out.
“Oh?” She sounded as stunned to hear it as I felt having to say it.
“I—” What the hell could I say? That my boyfriend conspired to enter me behind my back? “I have an eleven-year-old daughter. And as much as I have dreamed about being chosen for one of your incredible internships, I just can’t leave her. Not for a year.” The idea of it was unbearable.
“Oh!” She laughed. “You had me worried there for a moment. That’s not a problem, Calliope. Our business model changed a few years ago, and we’re very kid-friendly. Just bring her with you!”
My jaw hit the floor. “I’m sorry?” Did she just say what I thought she did?
“You’re more than welcome to bring your daughter with you.”
“I am?” My mind spun and I backed up a few steps to lean against the couch for balance.
“Absolutely.” She sounded like this was a normal occurrence. Maybe it was. Maybe I’d been wrong about this all along.
The front door opened and Weston stepped in, accompanied by a gust of cold air. He had on his favorite baseball cap despite the temperature and shot me an inquisitive look from under the brim.
World Geographic, I mouthed, pointing to the phone.
He nodded and proceeded to take off his winter gear, storing it in the closet.
“Let me get this right,” I said into the phone, my pulse skyrocketing at the possibility of actually holding my dream. “You’re okay with me bringing my eleven-year-old daughter for a year-long internship around the world?”
Weston’s head snapped up and his wide eyes met mine.
“That’s exactly what I’m saying. You’ll be with a full staff of our photojournalists and a few others travel with their kids too. Of course we already have next year’s publications mapped out, so we know exactly where you’d be, and in my opinion, the itinerary is one of our best yet.”
“But school…” My brow puckered.
“You would have to homeschool,” Maggie said. “But there are some great online programs the other photographers can tell you about, and we make sure to have Wi-Fi at our base locations, so the kids don’t fall behind. Oh, but there’s one thing.”
“I figured there had to be a catch,” I replied with a slightly panicked laugh.
“While the company pays for all your expenses—and it’s a paid internship, of course—we don’t cover family members, which can eat into your check.”
I blinked. “So that’s it? The catch is I wouldn’t get paid as much?”
Maggie chuckled. “Well, it can take up a lot of your check, especially for those who travel with two kids, but of course our staffers get paid a bit more than our interns.”
World Geographic photojournalists made bank.
“But if you’re okay with less pay and homeschooling for a year—or longer, if you choose to stay on as freelance or maybe even staff, depending on how the year goes—then your daughter is more than welcome. From what I hear, the kids love the travel.”
Sutton could go with me. Holy crap. I had enough money in my savings account, even if the insurance didn’t cover her helicopter ambulance. We’d have to save up again for a house, and we’d be gone for a year, but the things she would see? The opportunities we’d have?
I’d never once imagined it was possible, and now that it was—
“Callie?” Maggie prompted.
“Sorry.” I shook my head to clear my thoughts. “I’m just a little shocked. How soon would we need to leave?”
The sound of a mouse clicking came through the phone. “We could have you meet the team in as little as a couple of days, or give you a month or so to get everything straight if you need to. Most of our interns need a couple weeks. You’re in Colorado, right?”
“Yes.” A couple of days?
“The team is in Paraguay right now, and they’re not set to move to the next location for another few weeks, so it’s really up to you.”
Paraguay. We could be in freaking Paraguay.
I locked eyes with Weston and my stomach twisted. He was as unreadable as always. “How long do I have to decide?”
“The article is going live tonight,” she said quietly. “And if you know you aren’t interested, we’d offer the internship to the second-place finisher. But you’d still be our winner, of course. How long do you think you need to make a decision?”
“I don’t…” How long did I need?
“How about I give you a call tomorrow just to see where you’re at? I can put you in touch with one of the other staff that travels with their kids so you can make a more informed decision about homeschooling and what it costs for her travel.”
“That sounds great.”
We hung up and I slid my phone into my pocket, my eyes never leaving Weston’s as he came toward me. “I can take Sutton. On the internship. For World Geographic. I can take her.”
“That’s what I gathered.” He smiled, but it wasn’t a real one. “When do you leave?”
“It would probably be a couple of weeks…but I don’t know if I can do it,” I whispered, my heart at war with my mind.
“Sure you can.” He cupped my face and caressed my cheek with his thumb. “And you should.”
I shook my head. “It would probably eat my savings. I’d have to pay for Sutton’s travel, and I won’t know until tomorrow how much that will be.”
“Do it anyway.” He brushed his mouth over mine and heat rushed through me, just like it always did. It was soft, lingering, and even when I rose on my tiptoes, he didn’t deepen the kiss. He lifted his head, and there was a resolve in his eyes that made my thoughts trip.
“We can’t go. Sutton has a broken arm—”
“And I’m sure they have doctors wherever you’re going.” His gaze moved over my features like he needed to memorize them.
“But I’m just starting to get my feet under me with the heli-skiing photography and I really love it.” Every excuse not to go flooded my brain, but I refused to acknowledge the biggest one.
“It will be here when you get back. If you choose to come back.” His hand slid away from my face, and he stepped away, turning his back on me and heading for the kitchen.
“I’d have to homeschool her.” I followed him, dread growing, filling my chest.
“She’d do just fine in online school.” He took a glass from the cabinet and then moved to the refrigerator.
“You really think I should go, don’t you?” It came out like an accusation.
“I do.” He grabbed the orange juice from the fridge and poured it into the glass, his hands and words steady.
“I would be gone for a year, Weston!”
He put the juice back and closed the refrigerator. “Those have always been the terms, right?”
“You don’t care that I’d be gone for a year?”
He leaned back against the counter and sipped the juice before answering. “This is your dream, Callie. I don’t factor in.” He shrugged.
He fucking shrugged.
“You don’t…” I shook my head, fumbling for words.
“You were pissed because, by entering you, I’d forced you to choose between your dream and Sutton.” He lifted his brows. “Now you don’t have to choose.”
“But I’d be leaving you.” My heart ached in protest at the thought. I needed him. Didn’t he need me too? Wasn’t there some part of him that cared?
“That would be the logical conclusion, yes.” He took another drink and set the glass on the counter.
A fissure opened under my ribs. “Is that all you have to say?”
“I think you’re a fool if you let this chance pass you by, because you won’t get another one. Not like this. It’s all you’ve ever wanted.” His features were flat. His walls were up. I got the sinking feeling he’d shut me out for good.
“I don’t want to leave you,” I whispered.
“You sure about that?” He arched a brow. “Because yesterday, it sure seemed like you did.”
My cheeks heated. “I was really angry about Sutton getting hurt, and I lashed out. I know it wasn’t your fault—”
“Sure it was. I’m the one who taught her. I’m the one who put her up there.” He looked away, his jaw tensing. “You can’t make a decision like this based on what you think we have between us.”
I stared at his stoic, gorgeous face and forced my lungs to inhale. “Of course I have to think about us, Weston. I love you!”
He flinched, his gaze pinned on the island ahead of him. “And yesterday, you told me that love had blinded you. That love had gotten Sutton hurt, right? You said your trust in me had been misplaced, so why would you care about my opinion today?”
Because I thought we were forever.
“It was never going to work between us, anyways,” he continued. “You want the things I can’t give you.”
Like his love.
“The things you won’t give me,” I snapped.
“Same thing.” He shrugged again. “I’m not capable of it.”
Seeing him like this sent ice trickling down my spine. This was how he talked to Reed. How he used to talk to Reed, at least.
“You have every reason to go, Callie.” He finally lifted his gaze to mine, and I thought there was a flash of pain there for a second, but it was gone in a heartbeat. “And I can’t give you a reason to stay.”
“You care about me,” I argued, putting myself in front of him. “I know you care about me!”
He sidestepped. “Look, it’s been fun, and you’re a great woman—”
“Fuck that!” My heart screamed, agony pumping through me with every beat. “I love you, Weston. I am in love with you! That’s worth fighting for!”
His gaze met mine. “But I never said I was in love with you, did I?”
I inhaled sharply. There was no lie in those cool brown eyes. “No,” I whispered, the word like acid on my tongue. “You never said that.” Could I really have been so blind? Was I so deeply in love with this man that I’d made more of his touch, his mannerisms, his consideration than I should have? “You made it clear to Reed that you are never going to love me. And I’ve been so stupid, so foolish, to think that I could change your mind, that I could win your heart. But that’s the thing about you. You have no problem risking your life on the regular, but you draw the line at your heart.”
He nodded once. “Right. I’m going to pack a bag and head out for a few days. I really, truly hope you’re not here when I get back.” He didn’t so much as wait for a response before walking away.
“And what if I’m still here? What if I don’t go?” I knew how to get him to stay. All I had to tell him was that I needed him, and he’d never go. But if he didn’t need me, what the hell was the point of all of this?
“Then I’ll find somewhere else to stay,” he said over his shoulder.
“But there is nowhere else,” I snapped. “Remember? That’s why we’re both here in the first place.”
“I still have a room with Reed and Ava.” He trudged up the stairs.
Holy shit. The man would rather go live in a house he hated than be with me? How had things gone so wrong in twenty-four hours?
You blamed him for Sutton’s accident.
No. That wasn’t it. Weston wasn’t a quitter. If he wanted to stay, to fight for us, he would.
Fifteen minutes later, he was gone.
“You’re sure you have everything you need?” Ava asked, her voice practically dripping with sympathy through the phone.
“Yep,” I answered, yanking a Pop-Tart from the box and ripping open the wrapper. Who needed healthy breakfasts when you had brown sugar and cinnamon? “I bought some rucksacks from the outdoor store downtown, and everything personal is almost boxed up for storage.”
The rest I’d left for Weston, who’d been true to his word and hadn’t been home in three days.
“How do you feel? At least a little excited?”
Heartbroken. Angry. Betrayed. Confused. Right back to heartbroken. I seemed to be following a pattern every few hours. Heartbroken was winning.
“I honestly don’t know.” My shoulders sagged, and I dropped the Pop-Tart onto its wrapper on the counter. Sutton and I had a week before we were set to leave, and yet I knew Weston wouldn’t want to say goodbye. When he was done, he was done, and it was more than clear he was finished with me.
“You sure you don’t want me to come over? I can be there in a few minutes. There’s something I need to tell you.”
“No. You’re way too busy.” I shook my head. “Just tell me now.”
“I think Weston’s…gone. Reed told him he could leave,” Ava whispered.
“What?” I stood up straight.
“I shouldn’t say anything, but I overheard Reed on the phone this morning. He told Weston that he’s glad he got away from the mountain, that he’ll find someone else to run the heli-skiing operation if that was what he wanted. That he wasn’t going to force him to stay again.”
“Weston’s gone? Reed gave him an out?” My heart thundered in my ears. Guess I’d been right about the goodbyes. Weston had only been here because Reed had said he’d needed him, and if that need was gone…
“Yeah. He said that Weston got them off the ground, and he shouldn’t feel like he’s chained to his hangar.”
“And he’s already gone?” I asked.
“I…” She took a deep breath. “I saw the new hire forms for another guide for the heli-skiing department. He started today. But I haven’t had a chance to ask Reed about it yet. He’s been in meetings all day, so I don’t know for certain.”
I stared at the contract Weston had left on the fridge. If Reed had given him the all-clear, then he was finally free.
My stomach sank. Weston hated it here. Hated how much it reminded him of his mom and the grief he still struggled with. Hated that he’d been obligated, yet again, to save his family. Hated that his dad was prying his way back into his life…and hated that he might actually have to let some of his anger go when it came to his father. He hated all of it.
“Maybe you should call down to the hangar. If it were Reed, I’d want to know for certain.”
“Reed loves you.” My eyes burned. “And we both know that Weston doesn’t love me. God, what is wrong with me, Ava? The first guy I fall for has the biggest heart but his body can’t survive, and the second guy has a body that won’t quit and a heart that refuses to actually live.”
“Mom! I can’t get this box taped!” Sutton shouted from upstairs. She’d been a buzz of energy for the last few days since I’d told her we were going.
“I’ll be there in a second!” I said up the stairs. “I have to help Sutton,” I told Ava. “We’ll chat later?”
“You bet,” she promised.
We hung up and I stared at my phone. There was no way he was really gone, right? I punched the number for the hangar.
It rang twice.
“Mountain Madigan Heli-skiing, this is Simon. Can I help you?” a guy answered.
The new hire.
“Hi. I was just looking for Weston.” My voice shook.
“Oh, he’s gone, but if you’re looking for a ski trip, I’m happy to book you.”
I swallowed. “No. But thank you.” I ended the call.
He was gone.
I headed upstairs to help Sutton finish the last of her boxes, her bright orange cast standing out in the strangely colorless room. We’d packed up her pretty curtains and taken down her artwork, boxing up the last eleven years of our lives and choosing only the most essential items for our packs.
We’d be nomads for the next year.
“You sure you want to do this, sugar?” I asked her. “We can still choose to stay.”
She wrapped her arms around me and squeezed tight. “No way. We’re going. And don’t be sad, Mom. It’s just a year. Everything will be here when we get back.”
Everything but Weston.
“What do you think about leaving a little early?” I asked, resting my chin on the top of her head.
“Really?” She smiled up at me.
“Really.”
I made a call.
19
Weston
* * *
I walked into the hangar at two p.m. on Monday and found a twenty-year-old kid with his feet on my desk. “Who the hell are you?”
“Simon Matthews,” the kid sneered. “Who the fuck are you?”
“Weston-fucking-Madigan.” I cocked an eyebrow.
The kid’s eyes blew wide.
“Now get your feet off my damn desk.”
He moved so fast the chair came out from underneath him and he tumbled to the floor.
This was the expert backcountry guide Reed had hired to fill in while I’d been at the Army Aviation Association of America conference for the last four days. When they’d called, asking me to fill in for a speaker last minute, I’d almost said no, but the topic had been on transitioning from military to civilian aviation careers, and honestly, I’d just needed out of Penny Ridge for a couple of days.
Anything to keep me from throwing myself at Callie’s door and begging her to forgive me for lying, for not telling her exactly how much I cared about her, for letting her think I didn’t want her. It had been a little over a week since Sutton had been injured, since I’d told her to take the internship, and I was in hell.
