Charon's Chaos, page 6
He laughed and pushed down on her hips to encourage her to sit.
The minute her core touched his groin, she froze into stillness, unsure what to do. Part of her wanted to grind herself against that gorgeous erection she knew would send her soaring to heaven, but the scared part deep inside wanted to run.
“Hey.” Carefully, he lifted her from his lap and set her on the bench next to him, then held her in a loose embrace. “My dick is not your problem, Val. I’m a grown man with self-control and a conscience, and I will never ask you to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. Okay?”
“I know.” She blinked back a few tears and sniffed. Knowing Ian wouldn’t purposely hurt her was one of the very few things she understood deep in her heart.
Unfortunately, her fight or flight instincts hadn’t gotten the memo. “The really stupid thing is that I want you so fucking badly. I want that amazing cock inside me. I want to go down on you until you come down my throat. It’s definitely not you. It’s me being a whacked-out assault survivor too afraid of her own shadow to reach for what she wants.”
“I wouldn’t mind going down on you either,” he murmured, enfolding her in his long arms until she rested her head on his chest. “The thing is… You’re already so fucking brave, honey. You got yourself into treatment without help, and then you drove an unfamiliar vehicle loaded with a horse you’ve already admitted scares you. For eight whole days.”
“That’s different.”
“How?”
“I don’t know.” He laughed, making her scowl. “When you say it like that, I sound like an idiot.”
“You’re not an idiot.” He cupped her cheek, then bent close to kiss her. “You came home with a cranky horse and a plan to take your life back, and from where I’m sitting, that’s fucking brave as shit.”
“Dr. Franz said I need to do at least one scary thing a day.”
“Did he? Hmm.” Ian leaned against the side of the tub, letting her nestle closer. “Well, you rode Sugar, that’s one. You also wore that sexy as hell green bikini, so there’s two. And…you didn’t run screaming when you felt my erection. I’d say you can have a few days off from scary things.”
“Wouldn’t that be nice,” she muttered under her breath. “The problem is everything scares me.”
“Were you less scared of Sugar today?”
“Maybe?” She frowned, then eased herself deeper into the water. “I guess so.”
“And tomorrow, you’ll be even less scared of him. What do you think will happen then?”
“Linda will probably increase the height of the fences she wants me to jump.”
Laughing, he stood and helped her from the hot tub. “Maybe, but you’ll be ready when she does.” His laughter faded as he wrapped a towel around her shivering body. “You just have to be patient. Now, let’s get dried off and eat. You slept through lunch, so I bet you’re starving.”
Keeping his arm around her, he hurried her inside, then up the stairs. After grabbing sweats and a clean T-shirt from his drawer, he said, “I’ll change in the guest room. Meet me in the kitchen?”
“Um…” She drew in a deep breath, then smiled. “We’ve seen each other naked before, Ian.”
“Your point?”
Damn the enormous bastard, he was going to make her ask for it.
Meeting his gaze, she dropped the towel, then stripped off her bathing suit before dressing in fleece leggings and a battered college sweatshirt, keeping her movements slow and deliberate as he watched.
When she finished, he shook his head and silently did the same, letting her see his gorgeous body in all its glory. The man had muscles on his muscles, and she’d never get tired of looking at him. “And that’s four scary things in one day. Brava, Dr. Lopez.”
“I…thanks.”
Great. Now I have a praise kink.
“My pleasure.” A faint smile teased his lips as he sauntered to her and tipped up her chin. “By the way, when you’re ready to go down on me, you don’t even have to ask, but you’re going to beg before I reciprocate.”
Her stomach clenched with need, and she nearly moaned as a trickle of wetness dripped from her core. In just a few words, he’d made it clear he had no intention of touching her until she was ready but made it the sexiest thing she’d ever heard.
Still smiling, he opened the door and gestured for her to precede him. “Shall we head down for supper?”
Val straightened her shoulders and walked from the room. Assuming she could keep her shit together, maybe…just maybe…she might possibly have the nerve for five scary things.
Ian
Val closed her eyes and moaned as she chewed the first bite of her meal. “So, so good. I didn’t know how much I missed Abuela’s cooking.”
He ate a belated bite of his own stew, too busy watching her take pleasure in her food to concentrate on eating. “She’s an amazing cook.”
She nodded, her mouth too full of crisp plantain chips to answer. To his surprise, she finished the first bowl and went back for seconds. Then again, considering she hadn’t had anything to eat since breakfast, maybe it shouldn’t have startled him.
“What else is in my freezer?” She leaned back in her chair and sipped the wine they hadn’t finished earlier but shook her head when he offered her a refill.
“I honestly have no idea,” he admitted. “She comes in about every two weeks, checks what’s in there, and delivers more food a few days later. After the first few times, I gave her a credit card, so she wasn’t spending her own money feeding me, and then she chased me out of the kitchen with a broom.”
Val choked on the last of her wine and burst out laughing. “Oh, my God. I wish I could have seen that.” Sobering, she added, “Maybe that can be my scary thing for tomorrow. I really need to visit her.”
“We can give it a few days. I’m sure she’ll understand. You could also text her and set up a visit for later in the week.”
“True.” She touched the screen on her phone then shook her head and put it away. “I’ll do it tomorrow.”
“Good girl.” He stood and took his dishes to the sink. “Do you want more stew?”
“No, thanks. I’m full.” Before he could clear the rest of the table, she carried the last of the tableware to the sink and loaded the dishwasher while he stored their leftovers. “What should we do now? It’s a little early for bed.”
“Anything you want.”
Although they’d never done it before, being domestic with her was odd, but surprisingly comfortable. Aside from breakfast, they’d never shared a meal at a kitchen table, or talked about what they’d do for an evening at home.
“Netflix, maybe? Or we could play some games.” She went to the door leading outside and grimaced. “Actually, I forgot to cover the hot tub. Give me a sec.”
Before she could head outside, he held up a hand to stop her. “I’ll get it. You’re not dressed for outside, and it’s gotten cold.”
“Neither are you.” She glanced pointedly at his T-shirt and bare feet. “At least I’m wearing a sweatshirt.”
“Shoo.” He turned her to face the living room and gently swatted her butt. “Find us something to watch.”
She rolled her eyes and huffed irritably but strode into the living room while he raced out to slide the cover in place. Shivering, he hurried inside before locking the door and flipping off the lights.
“Goddamned stupid toxic masculinity,” he muttered under his breath. Aside from growing up in Flagstaff, she’d spent the last two months in Vermont and knew perfectly well how cold it could get in the desert after dark. He’d been raised to be a gentleman though, and it was second nature to do the uncomfortable shit, so she didn’t have to.
Still rubbing goosebumps from his arms, he joined her in the living room, then sat next to her on the couch. Smirking, she draped a cashmere throw over both of them and snuggled under his arm, then clicked a remote to turn on the gas log in her fireplace.
“Told ya so.”
“It’s like you want me to spank you.” He stiffened and felt the blood drain from his face. “Val, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean that.”
Instead of freaking out, she laughed and tickled his ribs. “God, your face.”
Before he could reply, she straightened to meet his eyes. “It’s okay. Really. You’re not him. I can hear about sexy spankings without losing it.”
“Him?”
“You’re the antithesis of Jonas Jamison, Ian. He was short and skinny with a bad comb-over. You’re ginormous and have great hair. He was cruel and vicious, and those are words I’d never use to describe you. He…”
She cut herself off and pursed her lips in thought. “Huh. That’s interesting.”
“What is?”
“It just occurred to me that if he hadn’t had help when he abducted me, I could have taken his worthless ass down by myself. I also just remembered the first guy who grabbed me probably won’t ever father children again.”
Ian made a note to learn the names of the people who had hurt her. Presumably, one of them had been Josiah, Jonas’s stepbrother, who was already dead. That left one loose end to tie up.
“I don’t think your competence was ever in question,” he murmured. “You’re badass.”
“Not badass enough to get away from three grown men, obviously.” She sighed and pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes.
“I bet you could have taken two.”
“Maybe.” She curled up against his side and turned on the television. “I’m thinking I might get a dog. Like, a really big one with gnashing teeth and shit.”
“Or I could give you a great equalizer.”
In fact, he had one in his possession that would be perfect for her.
“What’s that?”
“A handgun. I can teach you to shoot, and Jake McBride would be happy to do your concealed carry training. After everything that happened at Club Apocalypse in the last year, he’s been after Olivia and Carrie to get theirs too.”
“I’m really not much for guns,” she confessed. “And what about Gabby and Kendra?”
“They both have carry certification already.”
“Kendra doesn’t surprise me, but Gabby does. She’s so sweet, and I don’t know. I just have a hard time picturing her on a gun range.”
If only she knew who and what Gabrielle Knox really was. Ian had learned only a small portion of it, but given Sean’s clipped responses about security clearances, he decided he didn’t need to hear the rest.
“Look at it this way. You don’t have to walk a firearm or clean up after them.” He kissed the top of her head, then added, “Besides, aren’t you allergic to dogs?”
“Good point.” Laughing softly, she started a movie he doubted either of them cared about. “Maybe that can be my scary thing for next week.”
8
Valentina
She lost track of the movie’s plot less than fifteen minutes in. Maybe having a gun or a large dog would have saved her from being taken. Or maybe not being stupid enough to walk outside by herself after dark would have done it too.
Instead of dwelling on what she couldn’t change, she inhaled Ian’s scent and let herself relax in his warm embrace. She’d felt safe at Dr. Franz’s clinic but being in her own home with Ian was a different level of safe.
It also reminded her how much she loved her house. After growing up in a tiny three-bedroom ranch in a working-class neighborhood, it was her refuge. She had space and didn’t have to share a bedroom with two sisters and her cousin Effie.
She smiled to herself, remembering the bunk beds, the single bathroom with a printed schedule on the door, and the constant arguments about borrowed clothes that weren’t returned or missing lip gloss. Val also missed the laughter and whispered conversations at night when they should have been sleeping.
With ten people squeezed into fifteen hundred square feet, it had been chaotic and maddening, but there was no denying how close they’d been. Through it all, Abuela had been the backbone behind the huge, extended family—especially after the deaths of Val’s parents in a car accident.
Abuela simply cleared out the two spare rooms and had Abuelo build bunk beds for seven grieving children between the ages of four and thirteen. Effie had come later when her parents kicked her out of the house for being a lesbian. Abuela refused to invite them to family events, which was fine because nobody wanted them there anyway.
Val hadn’t seen her family in months, nor the dozens of nieces and nephews she used to dote on and spoil like crazy. She’d missed Effie’s marriage to her girlfriend Diana too, which made her feel awful, since she was supposed to have been one of the bridesmaids. At least she’d managed to pull herself together long enough to send a gift.
“Hey, Ian?”
“Yes, Val?”
She pressed her ear to his chest, loving how his deep voice rumbled. “I know what my scary thing for next weekend will be.”
“Oh? Do tell.”
“I’m throwing a party.”
“Um…what?”
“A party. With food and Abuela’s guava punch, and I’m going to invite my family.”
“That sounds fun. I like the idea of a small family get-together, and I bet they’ll be delighted to welcome you home.”
Val snickered under her breath and decided to let the actual size of her family be a surprise. With six brothers and sisters, their children, aunts, uncles, and about a hundred cousins, the Lopez clan didn’t do small. Not everyone would be able to come on such short notice, so she could do it at home instead of renting space in a hotel or convention center.
It wasn’t too scary to invite her family over. The scary part would be when she introduced Ian as her date. Abuela probably already suspected, but the rest of them…
She swallowed hard and shivered.
“Cold?”
“A little,” she lied.
“Mmm.” He took the remote from her chilled fingers and turned off the movie neither of them had been watching, along with the gas log in the fireplace. “It’s getting late anyway. Ready for bed?”
The question led her right back to her last scary thing for the day. After sitting up, she folded the blanket and laid it over the back of the couch, then stood and offered Ian her hand. “Ready whenever you are.”
Keeping his eyes on her, he wrapped his fingers around hers and rose to his feet. She flushed and looked down, unable to meet his knowing gaze.
“Then let’s go to bed.” Ian checked the locks and made sure the alarm was set, then turned off the lights before following her up the stairs. “Do you want me to sleep with you again?”
Knowing he was sensitive enough to ask before assuming she’d allow them to share a bed brought a lump to her throat, making her swallow hard before she spoke. “Yes, please, if you don’t mind.”
“Not at all. Do you want the bathroom first? We could both use a shower after being in the hot tub.”
“I…um…”
Before she could come up with something reasonably intelligent to say, he added, “Or I can use the one down the hall. Either is good.”
“No.” She closed the distance between them and laid a hand on his arm. “I want us to share.”
“Share the shower, you mean?” He sighed and shook his head. “Val, I don’t think that’s a good idea. You’re still—”
“It’ll be my last scary thing for today.” She ran her hand up his arm, loving the feel of his smooth skin over hard muscle. “Except I’m not scared.”
She wasn’t either. It was something she wanted just for her—something that would prove to herself that she wouldn’t be broken forever.
“Baby, you don’t have to do everything all at once. Give yourself time.”
“I’m not saying I’m ready to go into the dungeon, but I am ready to shower with you. I’m ready for you to touch me like you used to, and I want to touch you too.”
He studied her for several seconds. “Okay, if you’re sure, but I want you to promise me something.”
“Anything.”
“First, don’t say that until you know what I’m going to ask.” He smiled and took her hands, then brought them to his mouth to kiss her knuckles. “If you feel uncomfortable at any time. I want you to get out. Don’t worry about me and get yourself to a place where you feel safe again. Got it?”
“Yes. I understand.” She stepped around him to go into the bathroom, her nipples pebbling at the thought of him touching her, but he held up a hand.
“One more thing.” He leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “We’re not making love tonight.”
“I…okay.”
Damn the colossal bastard. Why did hearing him tell her no make her want it that much more?
Ian
He tried to tell himself Val would be fine. She knew her own mind and was in the best headspace he’d seen from her in months. She’d barely touched her wine, so he was absolutely certain she wasn’t under the influence. In fact, it took over an hour for her to finish the one glass.
There was nothing he wanted more than to wash her gorgeous body. He wanted her to cry out in pleasure when he touched her and forget—even for a moment—what had happened to her.
Why, then, did it feel like such a shit idea?
Maybe the shit idea was telling her they wouldn’t be making love. If she wanted to and felt truly ready, he wasn’t sure he’d be able to turn her down.
He just didn’t want to be one of her regrets.
After taking a deep breath, he followed her into the bathroom. She’d already laid out fresh towels but hadn’t undressed.
“Hey.” Her fingers trembled slightly as she lifted the hem of her sweatshirt to her waist, and her cheeks turned pink. She looked down and licked her lips, then peered at him from under her lashes.
“Hold up a minute.” He sat on the edge of the tub and let his arms dangle. “I want you to undress me first.”
If she couldn’t, everything would stop. As much as he wanted to take her into his arms and make love to her until they collapsed, he had to let her take the lead and decide for herself where the boundaries were.
