Tipping Point, page 24
She wasn’t surprised when she didn’t hear from him again. She couldn’t help him, so he had nothing to say.
Mac felt a little lighter, albeit sad, knowing Mitch was a non-issue now. She wanted to talk to Neil, but she didn’t know if he could talk hands-free in Annette’s car. She wasn’t risking an accident for something that could wait thirty minutes.
It seemed to take forever for everyone to get through the gate tonight. It was just shy of ten, which was early for her, and she’d only been awake eleven hours, but she felt so bloody miserable she just wanted to go to bed. Of course, that only brought up another concern. Between the two houses and the tent, they didn’t really have enough places for people to sleep.
There was the other mattress in the upper storage area, but no privacy even if they brought it down. She’d have to think of something, unless Neil beat her to it. Annette would want to feel safe, but she might also want solitude after such a stressful day.
Mac pulled up behind the other two cars, and saw her daughter framed in the spill of light from the doorway. She had to pull her misgivings back in. Cameron was still young enough to need her mother’s strength. This was not the time to show weakness.
She got out and headed over to give her daughter a one-armed hug, which was all Cam tolerated these days, if that.
“Hey. Did you guys get the feeding, milking and egg-picking stuff done, in addition to that stuff I wrote down?”
“Yeah. Each goat only had a little bit of milk, and ewww, that was disgusting by the way.” Mackenzie laughed at her daughter’s expression.
“You’ll get used to it.”
“Because that’s what I dreamed of being when I grew up. A goat farmer.”
“Well, you might yet have a chance to grow up if you have stuff to keep you alive, so stop complaining. I need you to get those ferrets into the area I asked you to fence off inside the house. Wipe them all down first, and then they’ll all need a full bath probably. They were stuck in those carriers for about six hours. Between the four of you, the work should go quickly.
“I need to eat and sleep, in that order. Find out from Kelly which ferrets have trouble getting along with the others so they can be separated. You guys will have to camp out in the living area, while Kelly and Annette take your room.”
She was in the middle of explaining about Beanie when Neil walked up to them, irritation showing on his face in the light from the house.
“You done being boss-lady yet?” Mac gave him a confused look.
“What’s wrong?”
“You. That’s what’s wrong. This has already been handled. You, on the other hand, have not. You’ve got a sandwich waiting. It’s not a hot dinner, but it’s quick. And then you can go relax.”
“What the hell? What do you mean this has already been handled? Who handled it, and how? And what do you mean about me being handled?” Neil turned her toward the house and got her walking while he explained.
“I called Billy from the car. All you were doing was keeping your daughter from getting on with things.”
“Were you driving while talking on the phone? Do you know how dangerous that is?” Mac could almost feel her eyes light up in righteous fury.
“I had my Bluetooth, Mac. Jesus.” Mac shrunk down to her normal size again, and the fire and brimstone disappeared.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, oh. You’re not the only grown-up on the planet.” Cameron disappeared as soon as Mac and Neil got to the kitchen area. Obviously she was staying away from this one. Mac was wishing she could do the same at this point. She decided to try a sheepish smile. Neil snorted in response.
“That’s not gonna work on me tonight. Eat your sandwich, drink your juice, and then haul ass to the bedroom. Spend some time with your boys and I’ll be there a few minutes after you.” Mac couldn’t help herself. She had a stubborn streak that chose the worst times to put itself on glorious display.
“I’m not going to bed until you do. I’m as capable of doing shit around here as you are.” Neil’s eyes narrowed dangerously. Mac was seriously regretting her display of temper now.
“I told you I’d be in a couple minutes after you, Mac, and I will be, because you and I have something to talk about that is in need of immediate attention. That’s why I made the arrangements to have things taken care of before we got home. However, after we have that discussion I can see that you’re in desperate need of a good night’s sleep. Either that or a fistfight, and I’m not hitting my wife.” Mac could tell that it had just slipped out, but it still made her close her eyes as the warmth of the words stole over her. She smiled. A genuine one this time.
“You mean to tell me I can’t even have a little fistfight with my husband after we’re married? That really blows. Could be fun,” she teased. The corner of his mouth quirked up as she went on.
“We’ve still got time before the wedding, you know. We could have one now.”
“Not a chance, honey. As far as I’m concerned you might as well be my wife now. You do look more stressed out than you were in Brampton, though. Did something happen on the way home?”
“Sad more than stressed. Had to say goodbye to a friend today, that’s all. Mitch sent a text. I texted him back, wished him good luck and told him I couldn’t do anything else to help him. That’s all. It was right before we got home. I wanted to call you, just to hear your voice, but I didn’t think you’d have hands-free. As you might have guessed I have rather strong feelings about driving while talking on a cell.” Neil raised his eyebrow at her.
“Yes, despite the subtlety of your towering anger, I did catch the mild flavour of your opinion beneath all the layers obscuring it.” Mac started laughing.
“You’ve got a hell of a way with words, cowboy. You’re mother teach you to talk like that?” He smiled.
“She did, as a matter of fact. Damn good thing, because I’d never be able to keep up with your sharp tongue otherwise.”
“I thought you liked my tongue, but I guess not. My mistake. I’ll keep it to myself then.” He growled in her ear.
“I don’t think so, honey. I like your tongue just fine. I just have to keep my own flexible enough to deal with it.”
“I’ve never voiced any complaints about your tongue. I’m pretty sure any vocalizations I might have made in that respect were more in the vein of complimentary noises.” Neil was nuzzling her neck now, and he flicked his tongue out for just a quick taste behind her earlobe. She murmured in response.
“Well, that might have been a noise, and perhaps not a complaint, but you’ve definitely been more complimentary than that. Guess I’ll have to try again.” Mac suddenly let herself drop, sliding beneath his arm to wiggle away from him.
“Nuh-uh. Save that for later, cowboy. Now let me eat this dried-out old sandwich here, would ya?” Mac plopped onto the chair and took a very large bite. She didn’t care if it was dry at this point. She was starving. Her stomach felt like it had been scraped out with a grapefruit spoon.
Since Neil was being quiet, she decided to be obnoxious and started chewing with her mouth wide open, making loud smacking sounds there was no way he could miss.
“What on earth are you doing, oh sexy one?” Mac almost choked on the food she’d been chomping at so grotesquely. It took her a minute before she could swallow, and then she had to take a drink of her juice to get it all down.
“I decided to hit you with all my dangerous feminine anti-wiles.”
“I’m pretty sure you hit me with partially-masticated food a couple of times, too.” Mac snorted and swallowed more juice.
“All part of my charm.” She crossed her eyes, gave a sinister open-mouthed grin, wrinkled her nose and touched the tip of her tongue to the end of it.
“Wow. I’m completely swept away. Had I known such beauty awaited me, I’d have demanded you show me the real you right away. I can’t stand it for another second. I must have you. Right now.” His completely deadpan expression killed her. She was trying so hard not to laugh out loud, that it came out as a wheezing sound. Neil was soon chuckling with her.
“You’re absolutely crazy. You know that? Now finish your partially-masticated, dried-out old sandwich so we can go to bed. Then we can have that discussion I’m so keen on right now.”
“Well, you’re lucky I’m in a receptive mood, and you refrained from using those four words.”
“I have a pretty good memory when it comes to psychotic banshees, but then it wasn’t that long ago that you warned me. I think I can remember something for a day or two. Don’t worry, it’s not that kind of talk. I’m settling rather nicely into the idea of being married to you, honey. The anticipation might actually kill me.”
As soon as the dishes were in the dishwasher, they trotted off to her bedroom. Apparently he’d decided that his supervision wasn’t necessary, or whatever it was he’d planned to do before following her. Mac sat beside Neil on the edge of the bed. She realized it had become their bedroom now, not just hers, since they’d be married soon. He showed no signs of wanting to spend the night elsewhere in the meantime. That gave her an idea.
“So, where do you plan to spend tomorrow night, the night before our wedding?” She could have fun with this one, she realized.
“Um, howling at the moon outside your non-existent bedroom window? I don’t know. Was there somewhere I needed to be? Is there a ritual involving bootlaces, pine cones, and a dirty jock strap, where you invoke the demons of syllabub and tell me I have to lick the back of your knee six times in order to ensure lifelong happiness? Because we really don’t have to go to all that trouble. I’m sure we can be at least half as happy without those elaborate preparations.”
“Well, that’ll never do. It’s mint leaves, not pine cones, and you have to lick the back of my knee until I achieve orgasm six times.”
“My apologies. I must have misplaced my copy of the ritual. I’ve got it here somewhere I’m sure.”
“Alright, I give up. You can stay here that night, too.”
“Can I? Well then. I’ll have to lick the back of your knee tonight instead. Can’t be too careful.” Mackenzie was giggling helplessly by this point.
“Alright already! What was it you wanted to talk to me about? You can always lick my knee after we talk.”
“Oh, good. I was afraid I was going to miss out. Anyway, at the clinic you said the birth control was for the younger crowd, and I wanted to know why.”
“Ah, yes. I forgot I was going to talk to you about that. I saw your face when I said it, and realized you’d be concerned.”
“Concerned? Hardly. Curious.”
“Oh. Well, as far as I know I can’t have any more kids. Plus I’m forty. Tried for a long time, and could never get pregnant. Or if I did it didn’t take. It happened with both husbands, so I was the issue. I stopped trying.”
“Yet you were able to have Cameron.”
“I was seventeen, and that’s about as fertile as it gets for a female. I just figured I got really lucky with her.”
“You never went to a specialist?”
“I did, but they didn’t know what was wrong. I didn’t have any cysts or uterine abnormalities. Both times it got to the point where they were ordering deeper tests, which happened to coincide with the breakdowns of both my marriages, so those tests never got done.”
“You had no other signs of illness or anything?” Mac shook her head.
“There are some causes of infertility that have no symptoms that I know of, but I’m no expert. Back when I would have wanted to do serious research on the topic, the internet wasn’t really a thing. Anyway, my point is it’s very unlikely there’s even a snowball’s chance in hell of me getting knocked up, so you’re off the hook.”
“You think I’d want to be?” Mac could see this was getting into some dangerous territory, and for no real reason.
“Maybe not, but the question is moot. As far as I’m aware I can’t have children. Not anymore at any rate. I’m sorry. If you wanted more children, I’m really sorry, because you’re a damn good father. You shouldn’t have had to miss out on more kids if you wanted them.
“We probably should have talked about this way before we talked about getting married. Having kids can be a deal-breaker for some people. If it’s like that for you, please tell me now. I’ll understand. Really.”
When Neil just looked at her, Mac wished she could swallow the words she’d spoken. The problem was, she wasn’t sure if it was because she thought she’d hurt him by saying that, or because she was afraid he might back out now. If he did, she knew she would be devastated.
“You’ll understand? Really? How could you possibly think I’d walk away from you over something you have no control over. I want to marry you because I love you, and because I want a wife not a brood mare. If it ever happened that you miraculously got pregnant, and you were willing to have the baby, I’d be happy as all hell. That doesn’t change the fact that I’m already happy as all hell just being with you.” Mac felt like a shit, and the only thing she could think to do was lighten the mood.
“Have you ever noticed how irritated we make each other over how much we love each other?” When he smiled she continued.
“Neil, I based what I was saying on how devastated I was that I couldn’t conceive again, because I do know how badly a person can want a child. A couple of times I thought maybe I was pregnant. It was a feeling I couldn’t explain. Then the feeling would pass, and there was another box of tampons to go through. Crude way of putting it, I guess, but I would look at that box at the start of a period and just start crying, knowing that I needed to use them yet again.
“Still, I had Cameron so I finally put away my hopes for more kids and moved on with my life. I got past it, but I’m not sure I ever got over it. Strangely, I never wanted either of my husbands, even then, to be real fathers to a child of mine.
“I still dreamed of having a child with someone I did want one with, and doing it right the second time. You know, where everything was a joy, and something to be shared, not an excuse for someone to tell me what to do. Or another living person for a guy to use in order to manipulate me.
“I used to have this fantasy of being pregnant, with the man I love holding me from behind. He would have his hands on my giant belly and he would be so in love with me. So happy about the child we’d made together. I wanted that family. The one where I was absolutely vital to someone. Someone who couldn’t wait to make a child with me.” Mac was startled when a tear slid down her cheek. She wanted to laugh it off, but she couldn’t.
“Mac, honey, you are absolutely vital to me. No mere hope for a child that doesn’t even exist could compete with that. Having a kid with someone is never a sure thing, even when there’s nothing physically wrong with either person. It happens or it doesn’t. You don’t throw away the best thing that’s ever happened to you over a maybe. And that’s what you are to me. I’ve never found anyone to compare to you.
“Of course, we could try really, really hard. Over and over, like six times a night. I’m sure I could keep up my part of the bargain.” Mackenzie gave him a watery smile.
“Oh, you can definitely keep it up, cowboy. In fact, I was wondering if your flag ever stopped flying. How do you walk around with the thing just waving around like that all the time? Doesn’t it put your back out or something?” Then Mac found herself on her back once more.
“Why don’t we keep trying until we put both our backs out?”
“Ride ‘em, cowboy!”
23
BEYOND FULL CAPACITY
Mac was feeling a whole lot less stressed when she woke around noon. Neil had kept her up for a number of hours, in addition to waking her throughout the night for a few more bouts, but by dawn they had both completely crashed.
Thoughtful as always, Neil had made sure to include morning care for the animals in his instructions to Billy the night before, and Billy had also hiked over to the cabin to do his usual chores there. Mac couldn’t get over how responsibly Neil’s son behaved.
Not that Mac had any complaints with Cam. Far from it. As much as her daughter might be disgusted with some of the new experiences in her life, she still did whatever was necessary. She had worked hard her whole life. She’d had a part-time job in high school, and worked full time as an adult until they’d made the final trip up north that week. Mac knew some of that had been her own influence, but the traits were already there.
Neil wasn’t in bed beside her, but the message light was flashing on her phone. She saw the text from him, saying that he’d gone out to make their new residents more comfortable. It occurred to her that she should get her ass out there and walk everyone around the place, explaining the set-up.
Mac wasn’t sure she like the idea of bringing anyone else to their property, whatever Neil had said. She didn’t feel they needed more help. She had a good handle on everything, and the more people they had, the more likely it was their location would get out. That was not something she was willing to risk.
She wanted a peaceful existence. Whether or not the end of the world was nigh, she liked spending time by herself, doing solitary activities. That hadn’t been the case for the last several days, and she found herself pining for solitude. If they took on more residents, solitude would be a fond, fond memory.
Neil was a lot more extroverted than she was, that was for sure. Not that it was a bad thing. They could complement one another that way. There were things she’d be better with than he was, and vice versa. Any activity that required a solitary bent would likely be her province. Anything that required outgoing socialization would be left to him.
As much as she didn’t feel like traipsing a few feet from her bedroom for a shower, Mac really wasn’t ready to face the world without one. If she hadn’t shot someone the day before, and spent the night having sex more times than she could count, she’d have just gotten dressed.
Neil was at the table with Kelly when she poked her head out of the bedroom wearing her bathrobe. He raised his head, but she shook hers. She didn’t want to talk to anyone. The memory of shooting that guy had brought some unpleasant emotions to the surface. Emotions she’d been able to forget during the night, but at some point she’d have to sort through them and deal. This was as good a time as any. Neil seemed to understand, and stayed where he was.
