15 Summers Later, page 29
As the truth soaked through him like that rain outside soaking into the ground, he knew that he had been in love with her for a long time but hadn’t wanted to see it.
Maybe he hadn’t been ready before now to admit it to himself that the affection and friendship he had for her since that day fifteen summers ago had gradually begun to shift and grow into something else. Something more.
Madi was strong and courageous and amazing. She was the only one who couldn’t seem to see that in herself.
He squeezed her fingers now and she gave him a small, uncertain smile.
How did she feel about him? He wasn’t completely sure. She kissed him with a tenderness and passion that took his breath away. But her pattern was dating a different guy every few months. Maybe he was only the flavor of the summer for her.
No. He was suddenly sure this thing between them was bigger than that.
He wanted to tell her how important she had become to him, but he knew this wasn’t the time. Right now, her focus had to be on her sister and Ava’s heartbreaking loss.
Still, he didn’t release her hand and was grateful that she seemed to find comfort and support from his touch.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, her voice low. “I found out s-some shocking information tonight.”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “Ava is the angel donor for the animal rescue.”
“I suspected as much.”
Much to his regret, she pulled her hand away, and he could feel her gaze boring into him as he turned onto the dirt road that would eventually lead up to the dinosaur camp.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her tone accusatory.
He sighed. “I said I suspected. I didn’t know for certain. I figured if she was behind the gift, she had her reasons for donating anonymously. I had to respect those.”
“I wish you had said something. Maybe if I had even considered it a possibility, I wouldn’t have acted like such a jerk to her.”
“What could I have said? I didn’t know anything for sure. I might have been wrong.”
She sighed, bouncing as the truck went over a rut on the dirt road. “She said she finally agreed to the publishing contract mainly for the animal rescue, because the amount they were offering her for a contract would allow her to help make it a reality.”
“Wow. That’s great.”
She nodded. “She also agreed to the contract so she and Cullen would have enough for a down payment on a house in order to start their family. Poor Ava.”
Her voice broke on her sister’s name and Luke reached for her hand again.
She sniffled. “I hate remembering how awful I’ve been to her this summer. All my snide comments about the book. Blaming her for invading my privacy. Telling her she ruined my life. I don’t believe she even wanted to publish the book. She mostly did it for me, so I could have the start-up funds we needed.”
“She loves you. The two of you have an unbreakable bond, forged through all you have survived together.”
She swiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. “I keep saying I want to forget the past, to focus on my life now and what’s ahead. But it’s always there.”
“Read Ava’s book, Madi. I think you’ll find it moving. Transformative, even.”
He wasn’t sure she believed him but she at least seemed to be considering the suggestion this time, where before she would have rolled her eyes.
They couldn’t take his truck all the way, because for much of the distance, the trail was too narrow for more than a small off-road vehicle. He drove as far as he could, until he had no choice but to pull off into a small clearing and park the pickup.
The rain wasn’t heavy but it was steady, with a chill wind that knuckled under his slicker. He didn’t like the idea of Madi out in that cold. He gestured back to the pickup. “Why don’t you stay here in the truck and wait where it’s dry and warm? You’ll freeze on the side-by-side. I can go up the rest of the way by myself.”
Madi shook her head. “No. I feel like I need to tell him. I’m his sister-in-law. I told Nicki the same thing.”
He set his jaw at her stubbornness. “You can still be the one to give him the sad news. I won’t say anything. I’ll tell him there’s an emergency with Ava and you will explain what’s going on back here at the truck.”
She reached for his hand, her teeth already chattering. “I’m grateful for your concern for my safety and comfort, Luke. Believe me, I am. But I need to do this.”
He sighed, expecting nothing less. “Fine. Let’s hurry, then.”
She climbed into the passenger seat wearing a coat and a rain slicker, with a blanket that she tucked over her legs.
His side-by-side had a roof and front windshield, which cut the worst of the mud and rain from coming in and soaking them. It did not have side windows, though, and the wet wind still managed to blow through as they made their way up farther into the backcountry.
It took all his concentration to drive on the narrow, slick trail. He drove slowly, about half as fast as he would have liked, with his headlights illuminating only about twenty feet ahead of them in the inky darkness.
At least he had a heater, which he turned on high for Madi.
Finally, they reached the toughest part of the trail, the steep climb up to the dinosaur camp. He revved it, the tires spitting muck and gravel, and then he saw the lights and wall tents of Cullen’s camp.
A dog barked at them menacingly and approached, followed by a man holding a lantern.
“What the hell are you doing, coming up here in these conditions?” he yelled. “This is a private research camp. You could be arrested for trespassing!”
In that instant, as he drew nearer, Luke recognized the man as her brother-in-law. The man spotted Madi at the same moment.
“Madi? What’s going on? What’s wrong? Is it Ava?”
Madi looked tortured as she fumbled to open the door of the side-by-side. She hurried toward him with a sob and wrapped her arms around her brother-in-law.
“Yes. It’s Ava. She needs you, Cullen. She’s losing the baby. I’m so, so sorry.”
Cullen sagged against the vehicle, mud and all, looking suddenly shattered in the light of his lantern.
“What? When?”
“Now. Tonight. She’s been having cramps since last night, I guess, but they hit her hard this evening and she started bleeding, too. My roommate, Nicki, is an ER nurse and she confirmed that’s what’s going on. But I think Ava already knew. She’s so sad, Cullen.”
Luke hadn’t felt this helpless since Johanna had first been hospitalized with COVID and he hadn’t even been allowed to be with her at the end.
“We can take you back down to her,” he said, his voice low. “Madi felt like it was important for you to know as soon as possible.”
“Is she...is she okay?” His voice sounded rough, thick.
Madi shook her head. “Not really. She’s devastated. She already loved the baby so much.”
Cullen released a breath that sounded like a sob. “Oh man. Poor Ava. My poor Ava. Give me ten minutes to grab a few things and tell my research partner what’s going on.”
“Of course,” Luke said. “We’ll wait. Do what you need to do.”
Cullen nodded and reached a hand blindly for the dog, who came at once, nudging the man’s hand with his head as if urging him to hurry.
34
Every breath is a struggle, each inhale laden with the musty scent of fear and uncertainty. The silence is broken only by the distant howl of the wind, a haunting reminder of the vast wilderness that surrounds this hidden enclave of madness.
—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks
Madison
They drove down the mountain mostly in silence, with only the occasional comment about the slick conditions.
Madi sat in the back seat of the side-by-side while Cullen was in front with Luke. Whenever the moon would emerge from the clouds, she could see his features in profile. They looked carved out of stone, as forbidding as the peaks around them, but every so often, she would see the utter devastation in his eyes and her heart would break all over again.
Finally, after what felt like forever, they reached the pickup truck. Luke started the truck for her and Madi again slid into the back seat of his crew cab as he and Cullen loaded the side-by-side onto the trailer. The atmosphere was warmer here inside the truck but no less fraught with emotion.
When they reached the farmhouse, three interminable hours after they set off, she unlocked the front door. Nicki must have gone to bed as the living room was dark.
“Ava is in my bedroom,” she told Cullen, pointing to the door.
He stood outside the room, his hand on the knob, then seemed to square his shoulders before he opened it and slipped through.
Luke had walked them up to the house, she suspected because he didn’t feel right about simply dropping them off and driving away.
Now he waited on the porch, petting Mo, who had walked out when Madi opened the door.
She walked back outside to the quiet night. After the rain, the air smelled fresh and lovely.
He straightened up when she came outside.
“Thank you for everything. I probably could have made it up to the camp by myself but I’m so grateful I didn’t have to.”
She didn’t think through the wisdom of it, she only acted on impulse, moving toward him and wrapping her arms around his waist.
He exhaled as if he had been waiting for exactly this and pulled her close. They stood that way for a long time while crickets chirped and an owl hooted somewhere in the nearby trees.
Her heart seemed to overflow with love for this man, who had been willing to drop everything and come running when she needed help.
When he lowered his head and kissed her, it seemed inevitable. The kiss was slow and gentle, less about passion, after their difficult evening, and more about tenderness.
His gentle touch just about shattered her emotions.
She loved him. It seemed absurd that she hadn’t realized it a long time ago. The words almost spilled out but she held them back, afraid of ruining everything.
He was the first to step away and a shiver rippled through her at the loss of his heat, though the evening wasn’t particularly cold now that the rain had stopped.
“You need to get some rest.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep,” she admitted. “My mind is whirling a hundred miles an hour.”
He smiled. “I know a good book you could read.”
She couldn’t help her rough laugh. “Enough already. What are you, Ava’s publicist or something?”
“No. I don’t think she needs me to hand sell her book. It seems to be doing fine on its own. It really is a beautiful book. It might give you a different perspective about Ava. And maybe about yourself.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said, which she considered a huge concession. “You’d better get home to Sierra.”
“You’re right.” He kissed her forehead again. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Good night.”
“Good night, Luke. And thank you again.”
He kissed her one more time, with that same aching tenderness, then turned and hurried down the steps.
After a moment, Madi went inside the house, Mo on her heels. Mabel was nowhere in sight and she assumed she was either with Nicki or had stayed to comfort Ava.
It occurred to Madi for the first time that she couldn’t sleep in her own bed since Ava and Cullen were there. She found clean pajamas in the laundry room and changed into them after she quickly showered off the mud and grime from the ride, then headed for their tiny guest room.
On the way, she spied Nicki’s copy of Ghost Lake on the side table in the living room. Impulsively, she picked it up and carried it to the narrow bed in the guest room. She would read for a while, she decided, which was probably all she could manage before she fell asleep.
Hours later, right before sunrise, she closed the book, mentally and physically exhausted.
Tears dripped down her cheeks for her brilliant, beautiful, brave sister, who had somehow managed to condense all of the fear and trauma into a story that, far from feeling exploitative or sad, resonated with humor, with compassion and with hope.
35
As we stand on the precipice of a new beginning, the mountains behind us hold the echoes of our struggle, and the horizon ahead beckons with the promise of a life unshackled from the dark chapters of our past.
—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks
Ava
She dreamed she was lost in the mountains again—cold, wet, hungry, afraid. Hiding from anyone they saw because they had no idea whom they could trust, if they indeed could rely on anyone.
It was a familiar dream she had entirely too often, when she relived the crushing fear of being responsible for her younger sister. The odds of them both surviving were slim at best. Ava hated those odds and she was determined that Madi, at least, would make it safely to their grandmother, no matter what she had to do to make it happen.
This time felt different somehow. Madi wasn’t there. Instead, Ava carried a small bundle in her arms.
Her baby. She had to keep her baby safe from the cold, from the rushing waters, from the mountain lions and the dogs and the horrible, ruthless men with guns.
She couldn’t let anything happen to her baby. She stumbled, fell, got up again, running through thistles and scrub oak and sagebrush that snagged at her clothes and ripped at her skin.
And then she was falling again, arms spiraling at a cliff’s edge as she went down and the bundle in her arms soared away, beyond her reach.
She cried out and the sound woke her. For a moment, she lay in a bed that felt unfamiliar, her heart pounding wildly. Her face felt wet with tears, and as consciousness gradually returned, she remembered.
It hadn’t all been a dream. She had lost the baby. She sobbed out and in her hazy half-asleep state, she thought she felt arms around her.
“Easy, darling. Easy. I’ve got you.”
And somehow her husband was there, holding her, calming her.
She knew it was impossible. Cullen was in the mountains. But in her dreams, the man in the bed beside her smelled like Cullen and the arms around her felt like his.
With Cullen, she was safe. No matter what happened, he would keep the darkness away. He always did.
She closed her eyes and sagged into him, letting sleep claim her again.
When she awoke hours later, Ava lay in her sister’s bed, watching the pale dawn light come through the blinds. The heavy ache in her chest reminded her with clarity of the stark, unavoidable truth.
Her baby was gone.
Her eyes felt gritty and sore, as if she had been crying all night long. She didn’t want to get up. She wanted to stay here, pull the blankets over her head and pretend none of it had happened.
Would Cullen come down from the mountain that day? She didn’t want to tell him, to say the words that would extinguish that bright light that had flared in his expression the past few times she had seen him, when he would return to town to spend time with her and they would talk about the baby.
She closed her eyes again. Only then, as consciousness fully returned, did she realize she wasn’t alone in the bed. She knew Madi’s little schnauzer mix had cuddled with her before she fell asleep but this presence felt much bigger.
She felt an instant’s fear before the familiar, beloved smell of soap scented with sandalwood, black pepper and leather pushed through.
She opened her eyes, shifted her gaze and found her husband lying beside her, his arms cradling her and his eyes open.
“Ava. My darling Ava,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re...you’re here. How are you here?” She couldn’t seem to make the puzzle pieces fit in her head and wondered if she was still dreaming. What else could explain her husband in bed beside her, bearded now and sun-weathered from long hours spent at the dig, but so dearly familiar.
“Madi and your friend Luke Gentry drove up in the middle of the night in a rainstorm to get me.”
“Oh.” The exclamation escaped on a sigh and then she turned to face him. Cullen pulled her into his embrace and she pressed her face into the curve of his neck.
Cullen was her safe space. From the day they met, she had found strength and comfort and peace in his arms. He loved her. Why had she ever believed that his love couldn’t be strong enough to endure if he truly knew all the pieces of her?
“I’m so sorry about the baby. Are you okay?”
She shook her head, unable to meet his gaze. “It hurts,” she admitted on a whisper. “I’m not sure I can bear it.”
She didn’t mean physically. The cramping had stopped sometime in the night. Now she only felt...empty inside.
“I wish I could take this pain for you.”
She didn’t know how to tell him that his presence was easing it, going a long way to helping her not feel so alone.
She couldn’t lose this. Them. She needed him too much. Yes, being completely vulnerable with him, sharing the complete truth about everything, was terrifying. The idea of spending even another night without him was far, far worse.
“I’m sorry about everything,” she said softly. “So sorry. I’m sorry about our baby. I’m sorry for keeping so much from you all this time. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you, that I let fear rule my choices.”
“Oh, Ava. It was never about you not being strong enough. I wondered what I had done or said to make you feel you couldn’t trust me with the truth about all that you went through.”
She had hurt him. That was the core of everything, why he had needed to put distance between them. He had hurt, learning there were parts of her she had never shared with him.
Maybe he hadn’t been ready before now to admit it to himself that the affection and friendship he had for her since that day fifteen summers ago had gradually begun to shift and grow into something else. Something more.
Madi was strong and courageous and amazing. She was the only one who couldn’t seem to see that in herself.
He squeezed her fingers now and she gave him a small, uncertain smile.
How did she feel about him? He wasn’t completely sure. She kissed him with a tenderness and passion that took his breath away. But her pattern was dating a different guy every few months. Maybe he was only the flavor of the summer for her.
No. He was suddenly sure this thing between them was bigger than that.
He wanted to tell her how important she had become to him, but he knew this wasn’t the time. Right now, her focus had to be on her sister and Ava’s heartbreaking loss.
Still, he didn’t release her hand and was grateful that she seemed to find comfort and support from his touch.
“I have to tell you something,” she said, her voice low. “I found out s-some shocking information tonight.”
“Oh?”
She nodded. “Ava is the angel donor for the animal rescue.”
“I suspected as much.”
Much to his regret, she pulled her hand away, and he could feel her gaze boring into him as he turned onto the dirt road that would eventually lead up to the dinosaur camp.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” she asked, her tone accusatory.
He sighed. “I said I suspected. I didn’t know for certain. I figured if she was behind the gift, she had her reasons for donating anonymously. I had to respect those.”
“I wish you had said something. Maybe if I had even considered it a possibility, I wouldn’t have acted like such a jerk to her.”
“What could I have said? I didn’t know anything for sure. I might have been wrong.”
She sighed, bouncing as the truck went over a rut on the dirt road. “She said she finally agreed to the publishing contract mainly for the animal rescue, because the amount they were offering her for a contract would allow her to help make it a reality.”
“Wow. That’s great.”
She nodded. “She also agreed to the contract so she and Cullen would have enough for a down payment on a house in order to start their family. Poor Ava.”
Her voice broke on her sister’s name and Luke reached for her hand again.
She sniffled. “I hate remembering how awful I’ve been to her this summer. All my snide comments about the book. Blaming her for invading my privacy. Telling her she ruined my life. I don’t believe she even wanted to publish the book. She mostly did it for me, so I could have the start-up funds we needed.”
“She loves you. The two of you have an unbreakable bond, forged through all you have survived together.”
She swiped at her eyes with the sleeve of her hoodie. “I keep saying I want to forget the past, to focus on my life now and what’s ahead. But it’s always there.”
“Read Ava’s book, Madi. I think you’ll find it moving. Transformative, even.”
He wasn’t sure she believed him but she at least seemed to be considering the suggestion this time, where before she would have rolled her eyes.
They couldn’t take his truck all the way, because for much of the distance, the trail was too narrow for more than a small off-road vehicle. He drove as far as he could, until he had no choice but to pull off into a small clearing and park the pickup.
The rain wasn’t heavy but it was steady, with a chill wind that knuckled under his slicker. He didn’t like the idea of Madi out in that cold. He gestured back to the pickup. “Why don’t you stay here in the truck and wait where it’s dry and warm? You’ll freeze on the side-by-side. I can go up the rest of the way by myself.”
Madi shook her head. “No. I feel like I need to tell him. I’m his sister-in-law. I told Nicki the same thing.”
He set his jaw at her stubbornness. “You can still be the one to give him the sad news. I won’t say anything. I’ll tell him there’s an emergency with Ava and you will explain what’s going on back here at the truck.”
She reached for his hand, her teeth already chattering. “I’m grateful for your concern for my safety and comfort, Luke. Believe me, I am. But I need to do this.”
He sighed, expecting nothing less. “Fine. Let’s hurry, then.”
She climbed into the passenger seat wearing a coat and a rain slicker, with a blanket that she tucked over her legs.
His side-by-side had a roof and front windshield, which cut the worst of the mud and rain from coming in and soaking them. It did not have side windows, though, and the wet wind still managed to blow through as they made their way up farther into the backcountry.
It took all his concentration to drive on the narrow, slick trail. He drove slowly, about half as fast as he would have liked, with his headlights illuminating only about twenty feet ahead of them in the inky darkness.
At least he had a heater, which he turned on high for Madi.
Finally, they reached the toughest part of the trail, the steep climb up to the dinosaur camp. He revved it, the tires spitting muck and gravel, and then he saw the lights and wall tents of Cullen’s camp.
A dog barked at them menacingly and approached, followed by a man holding a lantern.
“What the hell are you doing, coming up here in these conditions?” he yelled. “This is a private research camp. You could be arrested for trespassing!”
In that instant, as he drew nearer, Luke recognized the man as her brother-in-law. The man spotted Madi at the same moment.
“Madi? What’s going on? What’s wrong? Is it Ava?”
Madi looked tortured as she fumbled to open the door of the side-by-side. She hurried toward him with a sob and wrapped her arms around her brother-in-law.
“Yes. It’s Ava. She needs you, Cullen. She’s losing the baby. I’m so, so sorry.”
Cullen sagged against the vehicle, mud and all, looking suddenly shattered in the light of his lantern.
“What? When?”
“Now. Tonight. She’s been having cramps since last night, I guess, but they hit her hard this evening and she started bleeding, too. My roommate, Nicki, is an ER nurse and she confirmed that’s what’s going on. But I think Ava already knew. She’s so sad, Cullen.”
Luke hadn’t felt this helpless since Johanna had first been hospitalized with COVID and he hadn’t even been allowed to be with her at the end.
“We can take you back down to her,” he said, his voice low. “Madi felt like it was important for you to know as soon as possible.”
“Is she...is she okay?” His voice sounded rough, thick.
Madi shook her head. “Not really. She’s devastated. She already loved the baby so much.”
Cullen released a breath that sounded like a sob. “Oh man. Poor Ava. My poor Ava. Give me ten minutes to grab a few things and tell my research partner what’s going on.”
“Of course,” Luke said. “We’ll wait. Do what you need to do.”
Cullen nodded and reached a hand blindly for the dog, who came at once, nudging the man’s hand with his head as if urging him to hurry.
34
Every breath is a struggle, each inhale laden with the musty scent of fear and uncertainty. The silence is broken only by the distant howl of the wind, a haunting reminder of the vast wilderness that surrounds this hidden enclave of madness.
—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks
Madison
They drove down the mountain mostly in silence, with only the occasional comment about the slick conditions.
Madi sat in the back seat of the side-by-side while Cullen was in front with Luke. Whenever the moon would emerge from the clouds, she could see his features in profile. They looked carved out of stone, as forbidding as the peaks around them, but every so often, she would see the utter devastation in his eyes and her heart would break all over again.
Finally, after what felt like forever, they reached the pickup truck. Luke started the truck for her and Madi again slid into the back seat of his crew cab as he and Cullen loaded the side-by-side onto the trailer. The atmosphere was warmer here inside the truck but no less fraught with emotion.
When they reached the farmhouse, three interminable hours after they set off, she unlocked the front door. Nicki must have gone to bed as the living room was dark.
“Ava is in my bedroom,” she told Cullen, pointing to the door.
He stood outside the room, his hand on the knob, then seemed to square his shoulders before he opened it and slipped through.
Luke had walked them up to the house, she suspected because he didn’t feel right about simply dropping them off and driving away.
Now he waited on the porch, petting Mo, who had walked out when Madi opened the door.
She walked back outside to the quiet night. After the rain, the air smelled fresh and lovely.
He straightened up when she came outside.
“Thank you for everything. I probably could have made it up to the camp by myself but I’m so grateful I didn’t have to.”
She didn’t think through the wisdom of it, she only acted on impulse, moving toward him and wrapping her arms around his waist.
He exhaled as if he had been waiting for exactly this and pulled her close. They stood that way for a long time while crickets chirped and an owl hooted somewhere in the nearby trees.
Her heart seemed to overflow with love for this man, who had been willing to drop everything and come running when she needed help.
When he lowered his head and kissed her, it seemed inevitable. The kiss was slow and gentle, less about passion, after their difficult evening, and more about tenderness.
His gentle touch just about shattered her emotions.
She loved him. It seemed absurd that she hadn’t realized it a long time ago. The words almost spilled out but she held them back, afraid of ruining everything.
He was the first to step away and a shiver rippled through her at the loss of his heat, though the evening wasn’t particularly cold now that the rain had stopped.
“You need to get some rest.”
“I’m not sure I’ll be able to sleep,” she admitted. “My mind is whirling a hundred miles an hour.”
He smiled. “I know a good book you could read.”
She couldn’t help her rough laugh. “Enough already. What are you, Ava’s publicist or something?”
“No. I don’t think she needs me to hand sell her book. It seems to be doing fine on its own. It really is a beautiful book. It might give you a different perspective about Ava. And maybe about yourself.”
“I’ll think about it,” she said, which she considered a huge concession. “You’d better get home to Sierra.”
“You’re right.” He kissed her forehead again. “I’ll check in with you tomorrow. Good night.”
“Good night, Luke. And thank you again.”
He kissed her one more time, with that same aching tenderness, then turned and hurried down the steps.
After a moment, Madi went inside the house, Mo on her heels. Mabel was nowhere in sight and she assumed she was either with Nicki or had stayed to comfort Ava.
It occurred to Madi for the first time that she couldn’t sleep in her own bed since Ava and Cullen were there. She found clean pajamas in the laundry room and changed into them after she quickly showered off the mud and grime from the ride, then headed for their tiny guest room.
On the way, she spied Nicki’s copy of Ghost Lake on the side table in the living room. Impulsively, she picked it up and carried it to the narrow bed in the guest room. She would read for a while, she decided, which was probably all she could manage before she fell asleep.
Hours later, right before sunrise, she closed the book, mentally and physically exhausted.
Tears dripped down her cheeks for her brilliant, beautiful, brave sister, who had somehow managed to condense all of the fear and trauma into a story that, far from feeling exploitative or sad, resonated with humor, with compassion and with hope.
35
As we stand on the precipice of a new beginning, the mountains behind us hold the echoes of our struggle, and the horizon ahead beckons with the promise of a life unshackled from the dark chapters of our past.
—Ghost Lake by Ava Howell Brooks
Ava
She dreamed she was lost in the mountains again—cold, wet, hungry, afraid. Hiding from anyone they saw because they had no idea whom they could trust, if they indeed could rely on anyone.
It was a familiar dream she had entirely too often, when she relived the crushing fear of being responsible for her younger sister. The odds of them both surviving were slim at best. Ava hated those odds and she was determined that Madi, at least, would make it safely to their grandmother, no matter what she had to do to make it happen.
This time felt different somehow. Madi wasn’t there. Instead, Ava carried a small bundle in her arms.
Her baby. She had to keep her baby safe from the cold, from the rushing waters, from the mountain lions and the dogs and the horrible, ruthless men with guns.
She couldn’t let anything happen to her baby. She stumbled, fell, got up again, running through thistles and scrub oak and sagebrush that snagged at her clothes and ripped at her skin.
And then she was falling again, arms spiraling at a cliff’s edge as she went down and the bundle in her arms soared away, beyond her reach.
She cried out and the sound woke her. For a moment, she lay in a bed that felt unfamiliar, her heart pounding wildly. Her face felt wet with tears, and as consciousness gradually returned, she remembered.
It hadn’t all been a dream. She had lost the baby. She sobbed out and in her hazy half-asleep state, she thought she felt arms around her.
“Easy, darling. Easy. I’ve got you.”
And somehow her husband was there, holding her, calming her.
She knew it was impossible. Cullen was in the mountains. But in her dreams, the man in the bed beside her smelled like Cullen and the arms around her felt like his.
With Cullen, she was safe. No matter what happened, he would keep the darkness away. He always did.
She closed her eyes and sagged into him, letting sleep claim her again.
When she awoke hours later, Ava lay in her sister’s bed, watching the pale dawn light come through the blinds. The heavy ache in her chest reminded her with clarity of the stark, unavoidable truth.
Her baby was gone.
Her eyes felt gritty and sore, as if she had been crying all night long. She didn’t want to get up. She wanted to stay here, pull the blankets over her head and pretend none of it had happened.
Would Cullen come down from the mountain that day? She didn’t want to tell him, to say the words that would extinguish that bright light that had flared in his expression the past few times she had seen him, when he would return to town to spend time with her and they would talk about the baby.
She closed her eyes again. Only then, as consciousness fully returned, did she realize she wasn’t alone in the bed. She knew Madi’s little schnauzer mix had cuddled with her before she fell asleep but this presence felt much bigger.
She felt an instant’s fear before the familiar, beloved smell of soap scented with sandalwood, black pepper and leather pushed through.
She opened her eyes, shifted her gaze and found her husband lying beside her, his arms cradling her and his eyes open.
“Ava. My darling Ava,” he murmured, his voice hoarse. “I’m so sorry.”
“You’re...you’re here. How are you here?” She couldn’t seem to make the puzzle pieces fit in her head and wondered if she was still dreaming. What else could explain her husband in bed beside her, bearded now and sun-weathered from long hours spent at the dig, but so dearly familiar.
“Madi and your friend Luke Gentry drove up in the middle of the night in a rainstorm to get me.”
“Oh.” The exclamation escaped on a sigh and then she turned to face him. Cullen pulled her into his embrace and she pressed her face into the curve of his neck.
Cullen was her safe space. From the day they met, she had found strength and comfort and peace in his arms. He loved her. Why had she ever believed that his love couldn’t be strong enough to endure if he truly knew all the pieces of her?
“I’m so sorry about the baby. Are you okay?”
She shook her head, unable to meet his gaze. “It hurts,” she admitted on a whisper. “I’m not sure I can bear it.”
She didn’t mean physically. The cramping had stopped sometime in the night. Now she only felt...empty inside.
“I wish I could take this pain for you.”
She didn’t know how to tell him that his presence was easing it, going a long way to helping her not feel so alone.
She couldn’t lose this. Them. She needed him too much. Yes, being completely vulnerable with him, sharing the complete truth about everything, was terrifying. The idea of spending even another night without him was far, far worse.
“I’m sorry about everything,” she said softly. “So sorry. I’m sorry about our baby. I’m sorry for keeping so much from you all this time. I’m sorry I wasn’t strong enough to tell you, that I let fear rule my choices.”
“Oh, Ava. It was never about you not being strong enough. I wondered what I had done or said to make you feel you couldn’t trust me with the truth about all that you went through.”
She had hurt him. That was the core of everything, why he had needed to put distance between them. He had hurt, learning there were parts of her she had never shared with him.
