No. I wouldn’t give them the fucking satisfaction of breaking us apart. Eric is mine, and he always will be. I’ll make them pay in all the small ways I can. Make them choke on it.

  With one last cursory glance in the mirror to straighten my shoulders and smooth my hair, I emerge from the powder room with new intention. They won’t break me. No one will ever break me again. I head to the library with determined steps. Eric is my future and I am damn well going to make sure it stays that way.

  At the hand-carved mahogany French doors, I pause. I need to build a wall against the nostalgia, to infuse steel into my spine. Nothing inside this room will touch me, not the antique globe that enthralled me when I was a child as I spun it and let my fingers trace exotic locations, when I imagined all the places and people I’d see on my future travels with Eric. Devon’s face swims into view, the thought of being by his side as we explored continent after continent.

  No. Focus, Anna! No more thoughts of Devon, of how many places he’s seen, of what he could teach and show you.

  Instead, I concentrate on the walls of books, of the countless leather-bound treasures that Eric and I have read aloud to each other. How we started by reading about the far-flung places we wanted to see, researching our favorite animals, working on schoolwork side by side. How once we reached puberty, we began to look for those hidden sex scenes within their pages, no matter how vague or strange. We were stuck in that weird stage of being too old for childish games, but too young and scared to admit to the hormones which raged in our bodies. Until we were no longer afraid to admit them, and we’d shared our first kiss on the leather couch. We might have also experienced all the bases but home on that couch as well.

  A small smile hovers in the corners of my mouth, at the thought of fumbling hands, awkward laughter, moans of pleasure. And then my mouth sours when I think of the last time I was on that couch.

  Dad and Lloyd had sat me and Eric side by side on that couch. Dad’s handsome face was pinched, wrinkles I’d never noticed before standing out against his tanned skin. Lloyd looked like the cat who just ate the fucking mouse. The only thought in my mind was that someone had died. Or that they’d found out about the rager of a party we’d thrown a month ago while they were in Maldives.

  Eric’s fingers curved around mine, silencing the twitchiness in my fingers. It was a quiet, but effective, shut up and act stupid gesture.

  Instead...our fathers dropped a bomb neither of had expected.

  “We brought you in here today to discuss a very delicate matter,” Lloyd began. “And I’m afraid that this is going to be some hard news to hear.”

  My gaze flew to my father’s face. Was he sick? Was he dying? My heart felt as if it were going to explode. I’d already lost one parent. I wasn’t prepared to lose another.

  “What Lloyd’s trying to say is that we’re under investigation for insider trading.”

  Eric straitened and released my hand. “What do you mean? ”

  Lloyd cleared his throat. “We’re not saying that we’re guilty, just that we’ve made some pretty wise investments that have been extremely fruitful.”

  “Of course you’d never admit to any wrongdoing,” Eric accused, his face hardening against his father’s words.

  “Rest assured, they won’t be able to prove any of it,” Lloyd spat back to Eric.

  “And if that’s so, then why this discussion?” Eric asked, pulling his hand away from mine to cross his arms.

  I couldn’t tear my eyes from my father’s face. When he didn’t meet my gaze, I knew in the pit of my stomach that it was so much worse. “Dad?”

  Lloyd’s mouth snapped shut, his retort lost in the face of my quiet question.

  “Most of the money has been secured, hidden in some offshore companies, but there is some proof,” Dad answered me just as quietly.

  “Why? Why would you do this?” I ask. “Why would you jeopardize our family?”

  A look of consternation crossed Lloyd’s face, and I had all the answers I needed. “You did this, didn’t you?”

  Eric’s head swiveled between me and his dad. “Now, Anna, let’s not jump to conclusions.”

  But I couldn’t listen, I already knew. “You did this, and then you framed my father.”

  “Anna!” Dad’s head jerked up in surprise and anger. “This is not entirely Lloyd’s fault. I could have stopped it, but I didn’t. And you didn’t seem to care when you were spending it.”

  My mouth hung open in disbelief. How was any of this my fault?

  “So what’s going to happen?” Eric asked, levelheaded and calm as always.

  “If I confess, I’ll get a deal.” Dad answered, his hands clasped in front of him. “I’ll still serve time, but it will be considerably less and in minimum security.”

  “And what about Lloyd?” I demanded, finally finding my voice.

  “I’m taking the full blame.”

  “Are you fucking serious right now?”

  “Anna! You will calm yourself, and remember who you are talking to.”

  Rage fueled my system, and I wanted to punch Lloyd in his smug face, but there was no use trying to argue further.

  “Well I’d like to know how my father is escaping punishment for a crime he actually committed,” Eric said. In that moment, I loved Eric more than ever. I felt his loyalty to me over his own family, and it blew me away.

  Lloyd adjusted his tie and focused hard eyes on his son. “Are you serious about Anna? Do you mean to marry her someday?”

  I gasped and Eric’s arm encircled my shoulders. “Of course I am, and of course I do.”

  “Then you’ll understand the reasonings behind our decision. If I go to jail, our name will be ruined. You’ll be ruined, and you’ll have nothing to offer her,” Lloyd explained calmly, as if this fact could make everything better.

  “So we no longer care about my father’s name, or mine for that matter?”

  Dad caught my eye, a hint of pride hidden in his face. “It will be easier for everyone to forget, especially when you change your name. I’m doing this so you can have a future, Anna.”

  “I don’t want a future you can’t be part of,” I answered, my voice clogged with unshed tears.

  “It will only be for a short time, my darling.”

  I’ve hated Lloyd since that day. At times I struggled not to hate Eric by extension. But I need to forget those thoughts and feelings, to concentrate on the here and now. Eric’s waiting for me on the other side of this door. The future I’ve fought and clawed and lowered myself for. I take a deep breath, wishing I’d asked Arabella for a drink first, and open the door.

  Eric turns, his face alight and eyes appreciative as he drinks in the sight of me. He’s different in person than how I’ve remembered him from all of our latest Skype conversations—broader in the shoulders, a little softer in the belly, tiny creases beginning to form in the corners of his eye—but he’s still Eric. Mine. My best friend, confidant, my everything. And then my feet fly across the floor, and I practically jump into his arms.

  I lay my head against his shoulder, hoping for the usual feeling of coming home. But his arms feel too loose, his breastbone digs into my chin and makes my neck ache from the awkward angle. I try to cover a cough when his cologne assaults me with its unpleasant strength.

  When had we stopped fitting together perfectly?

  3

  “You haven’t changed at all,” Eric says, holding me at arm’s length.

  I’m glad you think so, even if it isn’t true. Guilt gnaws at my insides. He wouldn’t have thought so if he’d been there for my first nude shoot—at how the photographer had sent me off set to shave my pussy, no landing strips required. At my hundredth or my thousandth, where being naked became as natural as breathing, where touching myself while pouting for the camera was as routine as another day in the office. Over my numerous spreads, at the kink I endorsed, at the men who worshipped at Sierra’s feet. At how much that worship empowered and emboldened me.

  He definitely would not have those thoughts if he’d seen the way I reacted to Devon. Over how my pussy had throbbed and glistened at the growl of his voice commanding me. At the taste of his cum in my mouth, my scent on his lips, the hard length of him inside of me.

  My face flushes hot, my core clenching with want at the memory. Thankfully, Eric takes this as a sign that I’m pleased with his compliment. And I let him believe it as I purr, “I’ve missed you.”

  “And I’ve missed you.” Eric folds me back into his arms, his hard cock pressed against my thigh to back that statement.

  I twine my arms around his neck, even though I want nothing more than to back away from him and his wants. In return, he smiles—that same, familiar smile—and I can’t help but think about what a terrible person I am.

  Eric kisses me, parting my mouth and delving into its depths with his tongue. I never quite match his pace, but he doesn’t seem to notice. His mouth feels cooler than mine, foreign, invasive, and hard. Has kissing him always felt like this? Are we just out of practice? Because I can’t ever remember our kisses being anything like this wet lump of clay pushing my tongue around at will. His kisses used to fuel me, make me fight against my self-imposed virginity because I wanted, needed him, closer. I used to crave every morsel he was willing to feed me, and now I just want it to be over.

  What the actual hell is going on?

  This man has done everything in his power to secure our future. And now I can’t even return his affection. I’m judging him for not finding time to work out. For overdosing on cologne so that he could smell good for me? Not everyone’s job is to be perfect. God knows I’m not, but I was raised to pretend I am. And I’m going to fucking excel at being perfect. If we’ve fallen out of sync, well, I’ll figure out how to smooth the edges and rediscover the passion that’s laying dormant beneath my skin. After all, we’ve been apart for seven years, and I haven’t worked hard for seven years to just throw it away.

  Not even for me? Devon’s voice echoes in my mind. He’ll never make you come like I can.

  Shut the fuck up, you maddening jerk. You left me.

  But I also found you. The real you, Anna.

  No.

  I am certifiably insane.

  I’m kissing my future husband while having an imaginary argument with a one night stand. Flowers be damned.

  You know it was so much more. Devon’s voice taunts me.

  Breaking the kiss, I grab Eric’s hand and lead him to the couch. At his arched eyebrow, I place a finger on his lips before I sit on the edge. My fingers make quick work of his belt and zipper, freeing his cock from his pants. Has it always been this small? Ok not small, but smaller than... I refuse to finish that thought. Instead, I bump his soft tip against my bottom lip and watch as his eyes darken. “I like where this is headed, but give me a second.”

  Eric crosses the room and twists the key in the door. He strides back to me, his dick now erect and slightly crooked? Oh my God, stop it Anna! “Now where were we?”

  I smile shyly and grasp the firm length of him, teasing the tip of his dick with my tongue. His moan of pleasure urges me on, as I stroke the length of him with the flat of my tongue, following the motion with my hand. Eric’s thighs twitch, and he tilts forward so that I can take him fully into my mouth. “Oh baby, you are so good. Suck my cock like the good little girl you are.”

  Raising my gaze to meet his eyes, I’m slightly offended when instead of watching me suck his cock he has his eyes pinched closed. Do not criticize Eric for enjoying a blow job in any way he wants to. It doesn’t stop me from picturing Devon’s green eyes as they bored into me, enjoying the sight of his cock buried deep into my throat. Enjoying every thrust and moan as my body dripped for him.

  And now my panties are soaked.

  So I do the opposite of what a good girl would do. I close my eyes and pretend I’m the dirty girl Devon craves. That it’s the hard, thick length of his dick sliding between my soft lips. It’s him that I fuck with my mouth, giving into the carnal bliss of having him inside of me. My hands matching my thrusts with a reckless abandon.

  And then there is a moan, and a hot spurt of cum that brings me back to Eric. Eric who is now staring at me with a mixture of wonder and worship written across the planes of his face. “Baby, that was amazing.”

  He flops down onto the couch beside me, pants and boxers pooled at his feet, his dick half limp and his belly hanging low, and I’m momentarily confused. I blink away the ghost of Devon, and focus back on Eric. “I told you that I missed you.”

  “Am I allowed to return the favor?” Eric graces me with a boyish grin. “To show you how much I missed you too?”

  He lays me back against the couch, gently removes my shoes and places them on the floor. His hands glide up my thighs, pushing the dress up to my waist. “Holy fuck, you are so wet.”

  A demure smiles lights upon my lips, as he removes my panties. I try to keep my eyes open, but the sight of his head bending forward to taste me feels wrong. So I close them and return to Devon. Only Devon’s mouth and magic fingers never fumble. There is no switching it up the moment my body begins to purr. Devon knew every sound, every whimper, and he exploited them in the best of ways. Arching into Eric’s warm mouth, I thread my fingers into his hair as I try to encourage him to keep doing exactly that—only he doesn’t. It’s like he’s trying for the gold in the art of lizard tonguing. Or reciting the alphabet in Chinese.

  So I do what countless women have done before in this exact moment, I fake it.

  And from the grin on Eric’s face when he peeks his head up between my thighs, he has zero clue how bad he actually was.

  Fuck me. Seriously. I’ve just taught him that whatever the hell he thought he was doing was the right thing to be doing. When it was so far—Jupiter far—from what he needed to have been doing.

  Fuck this, I need a drink.

  “I guess we should go join your parents and Charlene for a drink.”

  “We should.” Eric’s eyes sparkle and he tucks my underwear into his jacket pocket. “But I’m keeping these as a souvenir. I like the thought of you not wearing panties.”

  If you only knew. With Eric’s help, I stand and smooth my skirt back down into place. He then retrieves my shoes, bending to one knee so I can use his shoulder for balance as he slips the booties onto my feet. My guilt flares again over his sweet gesture, and I automatically forgive him for the atrocity he just performed on my pussy. It’s been years, and he deserves a free pass.

  “Shall we go?” Eric offers me the crook of his arm, and I tuck my hand through to rest on his forearm—sliding myself uneasily back into the role of doting fiancée.

  “There’s the beautiful couple, we were just about to send the search hounds after you,” Lloyd says the moment we enter the room. And then with a gag-inducing wink, he adds, “I hope you had time to get...reacquainted?”

  “Lloyd,” Arabella chides. “Must you be so gauche? The children have barely seen each other in years, they deserve a moment or two to themselves.”

  Eric pulls me into his side, his hand secured possessively on my hip. “Thank you, Mother. It really is of no one’s concern what Anna and I were doing in the library.”

  Lloyd guffaws loudly, and throws back the remains of his scotch. “Come have a drink, my boy. It’s a relief to know the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree.”

  Arabella stares icily at us all, and turns to take a seat as Charlene makes her way to my side.

  If I had an ice pick in my hand, Lloyd would be crying a different story when he no longer in possession of a left eye. Instead my entire face heats and flushes, turning into consternation when Eric releases me to walk to his father’s side. And when Lloyd claps him on the back and Eric laughs, I have half a mind to knock them both upside the head.

  “Poise and grace, my dear,” Charlene whispers into my ear. “Don’t ever give Lloyd the upper-hand.”

  Her words work wonders, and I turn to whisper back. “I hate him.”

  Charlene pats my hand. “Don’t we all. Now, let’s get you a drink.”

  We head toward the bar cart and I’m taken back when I see Lloyd hand Eric a whiskey on the rocks. Eric, who never drank more than a beer. Eric, who--let’s be honest--would get drunk off of half a beer. I try not to imagine Eric of the future, to see the parallels of him and his father. I might be sick.

  Instead, I take Charlene’s advice. “Darling, I didn’t know you’d taken a liking to whiskey?”

  “I’m afraid it’s a habit I picked up in Japan.” Eric says, before lifting the tumbler to his mouth. “I couldn’t stomach the sake, so I had to find something strong enough to appease the masses. Now, I’m afraid, I’m quite dependent.”

  “My dear Anna, what would you like?” Lloyd asks, even as he picks up the martini shaker as if he already knows I’m going to conform to the other ladies of the room.

  “I’d actually love a mai tai,” I answer in my best sickeningly sweet voice.

  Arabella lets out an unladylike scoff, as Eric and Lloyd stare at me as if I’ve grown two heads. Charlene is barely hiding her amusement. Why on earth did I just say that? “It’s just that I’ve been missing the warm weather, and I grew quite fond of mai tai’s in my time away.”

  Eric lifts his glass. “Nothing wrong with adaptation.”

  Lloyd still looks perplexed, so I smile sweetly. “Do you need to know the ingredients?”

 

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