Watching Ames (XO Surveillance Book 1), page 21
“I should’ve listened to you about Peter. Not just because of what happened with him, but because of how I was acting. You were right, I was letting him walk all over me.”
“I can’t believe you’re trying to apologize to me right now. I’m the one who fucked up. I shouldn’t have left, and I shouldn’t have blocked your number. It was stupid of me. I didn’t expect - it doesn’t matter that I didn’t see it coming. I still should’ve been there when that happened.” She held up her hand when I opened my mouth. “Don’t try to argue, just say you forgive me.”
“I forgive you.”
“Good. I’ll buy you a coffee tomorrow.”
It seemed quick, but all was forgiven. Despite the heartache Bex caused me, she was still my sister. We were all the other had, which was why her leaving had been so hard. And she was right; had it been any other week, she could’ve unblocked my number and texted me with little to no repercussions, just a long, drawn-out fight between sisters. It wasn’t her fault that everything went to shit as soon as she left.
“So what do we think about this Alex guy? What’s your relationship with him?” She finally asked, glancing over my shoulder as she lowered her voice, as if worried Alex was spying.
“It’s complicated. We were friends but then I found out he was my admirer and things kind of went off the rails for a bit. He’s intense, for sure, but I trust him. He’s been there for me every time I’ve needed him, and that counts for something.”
Bex winced at the implication that Alex had been there for me when she hadn’t, but quickly switched gears. “This guy’s skills are impressive, Ames. Like less-than-legal impressive.”
I barked out a laugh at her warning, reminding her, “Did you not just hear the same story I did, Bex? Where he broke into a police station and stole evidence and then hired us a lawyer whose hourly pay is hundreds of dollars?”
“I’m not knocking his skills, Ames. I’m just impressed, is all. I’m not so much a hypocrite that I would warn you off a guy who probably does the same shit I’ve done, except he’s obviously found a way to make more money and not get caught.”
Bex’s annoyed-yet-impressed grumbling had me doubled over in laughter, tears streaming out of my eyes, and her laughter followed close behind. We were still laughing when the rest of the group emerged from the kitchen, plates of uncooked burgers and sausages in hand.
“You’re welcome to stay, Bex,” Alex called out as our laughter petered out and Bex stood up. Her eyes had taken on that cornered-animal look, telling me she planned to bolt. I reached out a hand to reassure her, and Bex took it, allowing me to lead her over by the grill to mingle.
Now that Bex and I had made up, Alex, Dev, and Wren were back to their antics, tossing jokes and insults around without pause. Bex followed along silently, looking out of place among the friendly camaraderie. I wondered what she thought of my new friends, two criminals and a sweet florist who looked so different standing around the grill.
Alex, in his dark jeans and forest green polo, looked casual but impeccable, not a strand of hair out of place, which I’d come to realize was standard for him, even during casual get-togethers. Dev had on a similar outfit to last night, a pair of joggers that hugged his legs and a t-shirt, looking like he just rolled out of the gym. His friendly smile was belied by the assessing looks he kept throwing at Bex, as if weighing if she was a threat. Wren, on the other side of Dev, wore a blue sundress paired with white sandals, a red ribbon tying her hair up in a bow. She looked patriotic and adorable, much too sweet to be hanging out with a couple of punks and criminals. But even if Wren didn’t look like it, she fit with them, the guys constantly joking with her and giving her casual, friendly touches that Bex continually frowned at.
Bex didn’t have a great track record with stable relationships, jumping from one unreliable partner to another in her love life, and keeping only surface-level friendships. Ours was the only stable relationship she had, and the only relationship where she let down her guard. So it didn’t surprise me that this intensely tight-knit circle unnerved her, got her walls up, but I also didn’t want to let her escape too early, without giving them a chance, because I knew she’d fit in with them as easily as I had.
Slowly, Bex’s death-grip loosened on my fingers as she relaxed next to me, chatting with Alex about some kind of hacking technique or program that went straight over my head, and even bonding with Dev over the mixed martial arts she was into.
What surprised me the most was how coolly she treated Wren, shutting down Wren’s attempts at friendly communication with single word answers or blank looks. It was unnerving, seeing how anyone could respond negatively to Wren’s sunny personality, and I wondered what Wren could have possibly done in such a short time to earn Bex’s indifference.
As the sun set and the food finished cooking on the grill, our little party moved to the patio furniture, which we hadn’t been able to appreciate during Bex’s interrogation earlier. Dev and Wren sprawled across a loveseat with their food, Wren wiggling deep into the cushion on an exaggerated sigh.
“My butt appreciates the break from sitting on the patio, so thanks for that, Ames,” she told me, lifting her beer toward me in thanks.
Dev mimicked her movements, cheering, “Hear, hear,” as he reclined as much as his long body could on a loveseat made for sitting rather than slouching.
“Next, a pool!”
“I think we should probably get the house decorated before moving onto any large-scale renovations, Wren.” Right as the words left my mouth, that rational part of my brain screamed at the implications in my words, and I quickly corrected myself. “Alex’s house is almost entirely empty. He doesn’t have a drying rack or nightstands or a mirror.”
But my words fell on deaf ears, Dev and Wren bickering over who was taking up more space on the loveseat, Wren’s much shorter legs trying to stretch across the space to fight for more room against Dev’s larger body. A deep voice in my ear drew my attention away from them, causing goosebumps to break out over my skin.
“Could use a shower curtain for the guest bathroom too, unless you want me to continue sneaking in to shower while you’re sleeping.”
I was grateful for the setting sun that hid my blush at the images his words painted in my mind. I pulled up my phone to start making a list for Alex, letting my hair fall in a short curtain around my face to further hide my reddening cheeks. But that didn’t work for long, Alex’s fingers reaching out to tuck my hair behind my ear as his head emerged over my shoulder, chin resting on my shoulder as my thumbs typed out the list. He named a few more items for me to add, quiet murmurs that culminated in a list of a couple dozen items that could easily be picked up between a couple of department stores.
“I have meetings most of the day tomorrow,” Alex told me, apology already in his voice as he asked, “Would you mind going without me?”
“Alex, I can’t pick out things for your house without your input,” I protested, though it was half-hearted since I knew what he would say before his mouth opened.
“Your input is the only input I care about. So you can go without me or you can wait until we can go together, but the results will be the same.”
I sighed at his words but didn’t bother complaining, the evidence of his sincerity surrounding us, the silver of the patio cushions shining dimly in the firelight. Alex was saved from further argument as the sky lit up with the first burst of fireworks, the display from a park a few miles away from the house.
After the fireworks and two bags of marshmallows, Dev and Wren were yawning enough to put the night to an end, the two of them heading home close to midnight. Bex had escaped a couple hours before, after promising to keep in touch and unblock my number, the last reminder enough to make her subtly wince.
Alex shooed me away while he cleaned up the kitchen and put out the fire, ignoring my protests when I yawned mid-way through my argument to help him. I took my time washing my face and changing into pajamas, then settled into bed, the slightest smell of smoke from the fire clinging to my skin as I closed my eyes.
Sleep caught me almost instantly. But instead of the dreams I was used to being haunted by - Alex’s voice torturing me with promises of what he’d do to me - another familiar voice drifted through my mind, sending a cold sweat over my skin as I jerked awake.
This is what you want, isn’t it? You’re telling me this shit turns you on? You’re disgusting. Put my girlfriend on the phone.
Peter’s words played in picture-perfect clarity, running through my mind with reminders of why I was in Alex’s home, spending time with his friends. It wasn’t a vacation or a party; it was a refuge, allowing me to keep my distance from Peter. And even when I was starting to adjust, making friends with Wren and Dev and becoming more comfortable in Alex’s space, Peter found a way to dig his claws back into my brain, the phone call that morning throwing me off more than I wanted to admit.
Every hum of the air conditioner sounded like my phone vibrating, the pop of fireworks like the door slamming as I ran away from Peter, and the whisper of the sheets as I tossed and turned sounded more and more like Peter’s voice in my ear as the minutes passed. Eventually I gave in, crawling out of bed and tiptoeing across the hall to the already-open door, catching sight of Alex’s long body sprawled across the sheets. It was the look of him, soft and handsome in his sleep, lips curving in a half-smile even in his dreams, that spurred me on, forcing my feet across the threshold.
I reached out a hand, lightly touching his shoulder as I whispered his name.
Alex’s eyes opened immediately at my touch, muscles tense as if perceiving a threat, but they quickly softened when he saw me standing there, reading my face and what I wanted in an instant. He tugged my arm as he rolled, catching me as I fell onto the bed and turning my body until I was tucked against his chest, head nestled just under his chin. His arm wrapped around my waist in a vice, and instead of hating the tight quarters, having Alex’s body wrapped around mine made me feel safer, knowing he wouldn’t let Peter or anyone else get to me.
I fell asleep within minutes, nightmares replaced by the steady sound of Alex’s heartbeat in my ear.
I woke up to an empty bed, but the slight pang in my chest didn’t get the chance to settle when I heard the clatter of pans on the stove and smelled brewing coffee through the open doorway. I showered and dressed casually, knowing most of my day would be spent shopping.
Our morning routine was quickly becoming familiar, a cup of coffee already sitting in my spot as Alex pulled bagels out of the toaster and passed one in my direction with some cream cheese. He took the seat next to me and watched as I waited for the bagel to cool before smearing on cream cheese, and I was sure the next time we had bagels, mine would already be prepared. As I took a few bites of my breakfast, I watched as he prepared his own, determined to make an effort to remember as many of his habits as he did mine.
“Are you still planning on going shopping today?”
“Yeah, I’ll probably hit up a department store and then maybe a couple of home decor-type places, see what I can find.”
“Great, let me grab you a couple of things.” Alex polished off his bagel as he headed toward the foyer, returning with a set of keys and his wallet. He pulled out his credit card and coupled it with a set of car keys, holding both in my direction to take.
“What’re the keys to?”
“The SUV. It’ll be easier to fit everything you need into it. Plus, you don’t have your car here.”
I took the keys with a nod at his reasoning, opening my wallet - one of the necessities that had come with the suitcases of my clothes - to place his credit card alongside mine. Alex narrowed his eyes on my face, almost reading my mind as he threatened, “If you buy anything with your money, I will deposit ten thousand dollars into your bank account.”
“Alex, that’s unfair.”
“What’s unfair about it?”
“You’re letting me stay here for free. You’ve made me food and coffee and bought me my favorite soap and shampoo, and I haven’t contributed anything.”
He shook his head, eyes warm on my face as he performed my favorite ritual, tucking my hair and tugging on my ear in turn as he told me, “I like taking care of you. Financially, emotionally, whatever you need. And you’re wrong, you contribute plenty just by being here.”
His words caught me off guard enough that he plucked my credit card out of my wallet before I could catch his wrist, smiling slightly at my exasperated expression. “Just so you’re not tempted. Besides, you keep calling this my house, so I should be paying for the decor, right?”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help the smile that stretched my lips at the warm words he gave me moments before. They weren’t a surprise; Alex had been trying to take care of me since the moment we met. Finding my phone, insisting on paying for every coffee and lunch, blocking Peter’s number yesterday. It was nice, being able to let someone else take over the responsibilities I’d been shouldering alone for the past five years. I also didn’t doubt that he would follow through with his threat, so I tucked his credit card into the empty spot in my wallet.
The motion earned me a half-smile, Alex brushing a fleeting kiss across my forehead as he picked up our plates and put them in the sink.
“I’ve got to head out now to make my meeting. Are you sticking around or leaving soon?”
“I’ll walk out with you. Probably a good idea to get started shopping early since I’m sure the stores will get busy on a holiday weekend.”
The cars were next to each other in the garage, but instead of heading toward his car door, Alex followed me to the SUV I’d be driving, opening the door and waiting until I buckled myself in to close it. I stifled a laugh at the domestic gesture, especially when I considered that he was likely heading into a meeting with a shady figure to perform some illegal activity.
Alex left the garage behind me, his car trailing mine down the driveway and the first few miles down the road until he needed to make a turn. I waved behind me at his car, catching the shape of his almost-smile before his car disappeared out of view.
My destination wasn’t far, the short drive relaxing me as I made my way down winding roads through the trees and drove a short stint on the highway until I reached the same area we’d been in yesterday to buy patio furniture. The various department stores pressed together made it easy to find everything I needed. I worked my way through the list quickly, enjoying decorating a home from the ground up, trying to find minimalist, modern items that fit what I considered Alex’s style while still maintaining the darker, earthier designs I enjoyed. I didn’t even consider choosing things in Alex’s taste, knowing he’d return them all in favor of what I’d prefer, so a compromise was the small rebellion I chose as I shopped.
Before I knew it, the sun was more than halfway across the sky and beating down on the asphalt as I headed out of my fourth store of the day with my bags in tow.
I turned toward where I parked a few rows over, passing by half a dozen storefronts situated along the strip, signs advertising sales and upcoming deals. A small movement behind the windows of a store caught my eye as I saw a couple dark figures, but I turned my back abruptly and moved toward my car, opening the trunk and placing the rest of my bags inside. There was still plenty of room, even with the furniture I’d picked up, and I was grateful for Alex’s compact SUV when I considered that I wouldn’t have been able to complete half my list if I had brought my small sedan.
I barely had the driver’s side door open before I felt those eyes again, the sensation prickling the back of my neck until I shut the door, turning around and heading back toward the eyes that I felt tracking my movements.
I was surprised to find Alex’s car in the driveway when I got home, carrying in my latest purchases first since I knew it would take me a few trips from the car to unload everything.
“Hello?”
“Living room,” Alex called, and I found him sitting on the couch with his computer, dressed in suit pants and a button-up shirt, the sleeves rolled to expose his forearms. The corded muscles flexed as he typed, and watching the movement distracted me for a few moments, so much so that when I finally dragged my eyes away, Alex was looking at me with an amused half-smile as he watched me ogle him. “What do you have there?” He raised a brow at the box in my hand, and I blurted out the answer, ripping off the bandaid.
“I adopted a cat,” I told him, gesturing toward the carrier in my hand and the bags hanging limply at my side filled with all the necessities I could think of for a small animal. “So I hope you meant all that stuff about this being my home to use as I see fit.”
Alex eyed the carrier with interest before his dark gaze flickered up to mine, searching deeply with the same intensity that always left me breathless. As his eyes continued to bore into mine, it crossed my mind for the first time in a while that I should be scared. Here I was, living in the home of a man who had stalked me for months, relying on him for food and shelter after my boyfriend of two years tried to assault me in my own home.
There was nothing keeping Alex from attempting the same, or something worse, and yet all I felt was excitement over the box at my side. I felt my lips tipping up at the corners, Alex tracking the movement before he nodded, eyes relaxing as his piercing gaze turned to the friendly one that had become so familiar to me over the past few weeks.
“Of course,” he reached out to grab the bags from my hand as I settled the cardboard carrier on the couch in the living room. “I want whatever makes you happy. And if a cat would make this place feel like home, then I’m all in.”
I ignored the warning bells that started to ring at the idea of Alex calling this my home rather than a short-term layover until I could ensure my locks were changed. But he agreed to the cat, so I tried not to push my luck as I opened the carrier and revealed my second surprise.
