Samantha put on her gym gear. She felt more uncomfortable in them than she had only a week earlier. She dismissed the idea as purely psychological, that the idea of working out no longer suited her. She tied her hair back and decided to go for a run. She could only manage to run around the local park before she felt exhausted, however, the run had also re-charged her brain as well as her physical body. She even saw a couple of people around the park who said hello to her. It surprised her how much she had missed the interaction with other physical people rather than on a television screen. She made a note to do some research and studying when she returned home. For the first time since she left her job, she had made a plan for the day and already felt better for it, like she had regained a purpose.

  Samantha returned home after her run and had a shower. She immediately started to feel refreshed as if she was washing away all her concerns. She tilted her head back in the shower so the water ran down her face and dripped down her hair. She felt that bit more herself again, more confident and self-assured. While in the shower, her mind thought about Ryan. She felt the familiar lurch of her heart and felt her good mood instantly evaporate. When she thought of Ryan she immediately recalled the last time she saw him and his look of utter contempt as he walked out of the door. She wondered about him and what he was doing, but tried to push the thought out of her mind. Not only had her good mood evaporate, she suddenly felt that she didn’t deserve the opportunity. Her mind was tormenting her, telling her that they surely wouldn’t pick a lowlife like her and she was wasting her time. She shouted, “Stop it, stop it, stop it!” She put her hands over her ears to block out the imaginary torments and crouched in the shower with her naked body huddled in a ball letting the hot shower drift all over her. She sat like that for half an hour until her fingers became crinkly and the water ran cold.

  8.

  Over the next couple of days, Samantha had made a concerted effort to keep trying to test her mind. Initially, when she first started, she was quick to give up on the puzzles and put them to one side, but she made herself keep going back to them and eventually solved them. There were still moments when she wanted to throw them against the wall, but as that image caused flashbacks of ‘Glassgate’, she only thought about doing it and never actually did it. She was mid-way through a numbers puzzle which was perplexing. It was set up in the same way as a crossword but each answer was a number. In order to get the answer, you had to work out a maths problem. She was trying to figure out the square root of 144 multiplied by 60 when she felt her phone vibrate. Samantha’s heart leapt, she was filled with excitement and anticipation. She had never spoken to a TV executive before and wondered if they were as prim and proper as they were made out to be. She checked the caller ID and the number was withheld. She held her breath and answered, “Hello?”

  A female voice on the other end which sounded very official said, “Is that Samantha Harrington?”

  She replied nervously, “Yes?”

  “This is Emma Bamford at Mann & Cole LLP. You recently submitted an application to us.”

  Samantha froze, she had completely forgotten about that application. She had been so excited about the prospect of what Channel 3 may offer, she had forgotten about the application that would see a return to her normal life. She steadied her voice and tried to hide the disappointment in it, thinking that it was never a good first impression. “Yes hello, how are you?” She tried to sound as cheery as possible.

  “I’m good thank you. We would like to offer you an interview with us. Are you free next Tuesday?”

  Samantha briefly considered her full-time schedule of drinking and immediately replied, “Yes of course, thank you, that is great.”

  “Would 1pm be alright for you?”

  “Yes, that will be fine.”

  “Great, we will see you then. I’ll send you the particulars through email.”

  “Thank you. See you then.”

  Samantha heard Emma hang up the phone. She looked at the phone for a while in a clearly puzzled manner. She had got what she had initially wanted and yet did not feel fulfilled. The call wasn’t the one she had wanted, the one she had hoped for. She went across to the kitchen and wrote the date on her kitten calendar on the fridge. She looked at the picture of the kitten looking up at the camera with big beautiful blue eyes and smiled. Ryan had never let her have a cat due to his allergies, at least now she could. Samantha decided that even though the job didn’t fill her with excitement, it was still better to be prepared rather than humiliated. She returned to the living room and started doing some research on Mann & Cole LLP. As she was looking into the history and reading about how it had been set up by a Solicitor called Tracy Mann, her phone rang. Her heart leapt again. Samantha thought that it must now be Channel 3, surely.

  She checked the caller ID and it was withheld. She swiped to accept the call, her fingers slightly shaking. “Hello?”

  “Hello is that Samantha Harrington?” The female voice on the other end was very chirpy and sounded young. Samantha was initially confused, it wasn’t what she had expected.

  “Yes, it is. Who is this?” She answered cautiously, with a hint of a stern voice. The voice on the other end resembled a marketing executive rather than the head of a television company. The thought suddenly occurred to Samantha that she wouldn’t personally ring each candidate. She began to believe again.

  “This is Laura Kirkby at Channel 3. I understand you are interested in applying for a televised role in our new show?”

  Samantha felt like jumping up and down, her hands started shaking uncontrollably as she held the phone to her ear. “Yes, I did. I am very excited about the opportunity!”

  Laura gave out a polite laugh, a laugh that wasn’t a laugh but one that was meant to make you feel at ease. “Well, you’re in luck. I would like to invite you to our assessment day. It will be an all day event that will test your abilities both physically and mentally. It is this Sunday if you are able to make it? Unfortunately, due to the large scale of the event, there will be no other opportunity.”

  Samantha checked her schedule in her mind, amusing herself by wondering if could she really miss a day at home in her pyjamas. She paused to give the impression that she was not desperate and considered her answer. “Yes, that will be fine. Where is at?”

  Laura replied swiftly. “Great. Due to the possibility of this being leaked, I will tell you the details over the phone. Are you ready?”

  Samantha panicked, she had not used a pen and paper at home for a long time. She tried to stall for time. “Just a second!” She ran through to the kitchen, then frantically shuffled through a series of drawers searching for a pen, looking like an animal searching the undergrowth. Eventually, she found one in the bits and bobs drawer everyone had in their kitchen. She grabbed a piece of kitchen towel to write on. She didn’t even have time to test it worked before Laura, who had changed from polite to insistent in a matter of seconds, interrupted. “It’s at Kings Hill School, you should aim to be there for 9am sharp. You will need to dress appropriately for a day of physical and mental activity. Bring what you think you might need. You can bring a bag but this will be searched and items that are not permitted will be confiscated until the end of the day. Parking is on-site. Any questions?” Samantha had started to say the word “what” aiming to ask what kind of things she should bring and where the school was before she was cut off by Laura in her polite but curt voice. “Good. We shall see you then.” Laura hung up before any word came out of Samantha’s voice.

  Samantha looked at her phone in amazement, then looked at the kitchen roll that she had managed to scrawl the basic details on. In places, it was torn and the words “Kings Hill School bring clothes” written on it in black ink. Samantha had discovered that kitchen roll was not ideal writing material. Samantha felt the call had raised more questions than had been answered. She pondered how smart she should dress? What were they expecting her to bring? What kind of physical and mental challenges?

  Samantha tried to address the first question and Googled Kings Hill School. She stared at the search results in confusion. There are two Kings Hill Schools. One in Ilford and one in Watford. Samantha looked at her phone and at the kitchen roll wondering how there could there be two results, which one was it? Samantha’s self-doubt began to creep into her heart filled with optimism as she contemplated the possibility that in her rush to find a pen she had not taken down the details fully. How could she possibly gamble on which place to go to? Samantha opened up Google Maps on her phone and checked the distance. The schools were approximately twenty-seven miles apart and it would take at least an hour to get between them. She wouldn’t have time to gamble on the day. She searched on Google and rung the number of the first school which was in Ilford.

  “Hello, Kings Hill School.” A woman’s voice answered, she already sounded fed up. Samantha knew this wasn’t a promising start.

  Samantha put on her best professional voice with a posh clipped tone. “Hello, I’ve been told to attend an assessment day this Sunday at Kings Hill School and noticed that there are two in the area. I was just wondering…”

  Before Samantha had time to finish her sentence she was interrupted. “We have been told not to inform you. Thank you, goodbye.” Samantha had fully expected that response from the moment she heard the tone in the woman’s voice, also Samantha considered, it would have been too easy. If they were testing someone's ability to take down information quickly, it was a test Samantha felt she had already failed. She needs to come up with a plan on Sunday. In an ideal world, she would have stayed overnight in a hotel on Saturday but Samantha knew it was more than she could afford, particularly around London.

  She reluctantly came to the conclusion that she would have to gamble on the day and allow plenty of time to get to the other school if needed. Samantha started to plan her train journey and decided that it was simpler to get to Ilford first, then go across to Watford if needed. She decided that they would be more likely to have the assessment closer to the inner city than further away. She researched the school and planned to get into London for 6:30am. That would give her enough time to get to Ilford with two connecting trains. If that was wrong, she would have to then get a cab across to Watford. She booked her train which left Chesterfield station at 4am and started planning what she would pack. She looked at her calendar she had three days until the assessment day.

  Samantha next turned her attention to her rucksack bag. The same bag she’d used on her train travels for the past ten years. It now had pieces of cloth coming away at the seams. The zips were one forced action away from breaking. Samantha sighed and started to pack.

  She pondered what to take, looking around the room for inspiration. She wondered how she could possibly prepare for something that she had no idea what to prepare for. What kind of challenges would there be? She packed her purse in the bag and a book for reading on the train then stared at the half-empty bag which was folding over itself. Samantha contemplated that if they were at school they surely wouldn’t be doing any outdoor activities, but paused considering that there could be a cross country element to it. She packed a map in her bag just in case and some plasters. It was not exactly a bag to survive with but Samantha did not believe she had anything else of value to take. She was not an explorer and did not have anything like a compass or even a scientific calculator to take with her. She packed in her bag a bottle of water and then decided to go ahead with a pen knife too just in case as well. She wasn’t sure what she could possibly need a penknife for but people who did long walks seemed to take one so decided that she probably should. She hoped she didn’t get searched as she probably would get arrested. Samantha thought it would probably be a fitting end for her recent run of events.

  Samantha next considered what to wear. All they had advised was to prepare for both physical and mental challenges, She thought about wearing suit trousers, to give a good first impression but thought anything physical would be quite restrictive. She pulled out of her wardrobe a pair of running trousers that were purely black. She held them up and surveyed them. They could look as though they were smart but casual. She put them at the end on the floor next to her bag in a pile for consideration.

  9.

  It was Saturday, the day before the assessment. Samantha had spent her last couple of days trying to keep her mind focused. She had completed numerous puzzles and brain training exercises and had also made sure that she did some form of strenuous exercise at least once a day. Her anxiety had grown at the thought of being stuck in traffic and turning up at the wrong school. She had hunted through both websites but could find no reference to the school being hired out the following day. As she sat on the sofa in silence, her own thoughts filling her mind and swirling around like clothes in a washing machine. Her anxiety about the day ahead grew.

  To try and get the thoughts out of her mind, she turned to her phone and loaded up her FriendFinder page. As she was scrolling through the numerous meaningless feeds, she came across a post by someone she used to know at school that caught her eye:

  “Carly Bright says - Got an assessment to be on TV tomorrow, super excited!”

  Carly was a girl at her school who Samantha had never really mixed with. They were in the same tutor group at school but she was pretty and popular and held a certain authority amongst them. Samantha wondered how she had passed the questions to get this far, she never was particular academic at school. Samantha clicked on her page. She was a teacher now of Drama, Samantha smirked and said out loud “she always did like a bit of drama!” She was still as pretty and had grown into her own adult body that enhanced her younger features that Samantha used to be vaguely familiar with. Carly was married and had a picture of her with her husband in some exotic Caribbean location which Samantha could tell by the background was a place she could never afford to go. Samantha recalled their very few conversations which always involved a slight dig to try and put her down. Whether it was her hair, what she was wearing, or a dig at her studying. As a result, Samantha had avoided any kind of conversation with Carly Bright.

  Samantha turned her phone off and lay on the sofa looking up at the ceiling. By looking through FriendFinder, Samantha realised that all she had done to ease her mind was add another sock into the washing machine, another thought to spin around, another doubt to creep in.

  Samantha closed her eyes to try and block out her thoughts, but the only thing she could think about was that Carly was the person they were looking for. Someone who still had their youthful looks had made a success of their life and would cause a few entertaining arguments in the group. For the first time since Samantha had completed the application, she had begun to regret it. Not even when she had been fired, had she ever regretted completing the application. Whether it was her feeling of inadequacy or the anxiety about what lay in store, Samantha started to wonder if she was prepared for what she had let herself in for.

  10.

  Samantha awoke at around 12am in an initial panic, thinking she had missed her train because it had gotten dark outside. She was immediately relieved to note that she had plenty of time. She decided to take a shower. After her shower, she was towelling herself dry and looked at her bag. She was sure she was missing something to take that she might need. She yelled at the ceiling in frustration and started pacing around the room saying “what could I need? What might I need? Ahh! I don’t know.” She turned to her bedside cabinet and rustled through the drawers. She found a notebook and pen and decided to bring them along in case the train gave her some miraculous inspiration. Samantha returned to the kitchen and prepared her lunch and packed herself an energy drink. She sat eating her cardboard tasting breakfast at 1am and started watching a horror film. Samantha wondered why the group always split up, they always got picked off one by one.

  She brought up the maps on her phone to check the route again and continuously re-loaded the train website to check it was on time. She could not stand sitting around waiting, the energy was running through all of her body and as she couldn’t sit still with the excitement. After the film finished, she decided to leave early. She left home at 3:15am and walked to the train station.

  11.

  Samantha arrived at the train station half an hour early and sat on the cold metal seats on the station platform. She could feel the cold creeping up inside her body and occasionally physically shivered. She had not dressed for the early start, as she thought it may be cumbersome later. She sat shivering in the pitch black empty train station, wearing just her black jumper and a fluorescent running jacket which was very flimsy but waterproof. There was a couple of people on the platform opposite, Samantha thought they looked suspicious. She wondered if it was just the dark sky that made everyone look that way. Samantha saw the bright lights as the train approached.

  As soon as Samantha boarded and found her seat, she relaxed and fell asleep until she heard “ St Pancras station last stop” and felt the train coming to a halt. She gathered her bag and disembarked. She had arrived in London and looked at the large clock in the middle of the station, it read 6:30am meaning that she was on time. As she disembarked, she stared around at the vast station with its glass ceilings and was in awe of the vast bright space. She walked through the turnstiles and looked up at the board. She had seven minutes to run across to platform 12 to board the train to Stratford. She quickly ran across the station and managed to board the train with three minutes to spare. There were several people on her carriage. A few looked like they were going to work but a few were dressed more casually, some in jeans and trainers and some in jogging bottoms. She wondered if they were making the same journey as her.

 

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