Acclimation (The Wild White Orchid Trilogy Book 2), page 10
No one says a word.
James slams his fist into the bloody podium. “I said, do we have an understanding?”
Everyone utters in unison. “Yes, Father.”
He wipes his hand on his suit jacket. “Good. You’re all dismissed. Get the fuck out.”
Chapter seventeen
James
As soon as I step from behind the podium, everyone starts to stand, and the murmuring resumes. Before I can get to my wife, my mother pulls her outside. Before I can follow them, I’m accosted by someone I am not in the mood to speak to right now. Ella.
She grabs my arm and opens her mouth, but I steal the space before she can lecture me. “Look, Ella. I respect you and you’re a great friend, but I will not stand by and be disrespected by anyone. Even your grandson.”
She smiles softly. “I wasn’t going to say anything, James.”
“Well, you looked like you were. And if you’re here to lecture me, don’t. I am really not in the mood.”
She puts her hand on my back. “I’m not here to lecture you. Please. Step outside with me for a second. I just want to talk.”
She’s definitely about to lecture me.
The last thing I want to do is be reprimanded for my actions right now, but I do respect Ella and don’t want to turn her away. My mother and Genevieve are also outside, so talking out there will give me a chance to supervise them and it will also get me out of the building so I don’t get physical with anyone else while my blood is still boiling.
I look down at her. “Fine. Let’s go talk.”
We walk together out of the side of the building. My mother sits with Genevieve at a table with her arms around my wife like she’s a doll. And she is.
I follow Ella to a table not far away and we sit.
She looks at me with fear in her eyes. “You’ve got to be careful, James.”
“Ella—”
She places her hand over mine. “I’m serious. Just hear me out.”
I stare and wait for her to go on.
“The way you acted in there, James, I’ve never seen you like that.”
I shut my eyes and take a breath. “I think you can understand why I was upset.”
She chuckles. “I can. Believe me, I can. But you can’t let them know they’ve got to you.”
She wraps her burgundy blanket scarf around her tighter. “You’ve got to remain calm. Even when you’re pissed off. You already know my son and grandsons hate you, but everyone else is still a mystery. I know you’ve got supporters for the vote, but it doesn’t matter who says they’ll support you. What matters is who shows their support when the time comes.”
I rub the back of my neck. “Are you saying I should expect people to turn on me during the vote? That I’m ultimately screwed?”
She shakes her head. “No, not at all. But you might have people turn on you during the vote. Just as you might have some suspected enemies support you. And you already have enough enemies as it is, so you don’t need to make more. Telling everyone to get the fuck out certainly won’t help you.”
I look into her brown eyes. “I’m sorry, Ella. This is all still very new to me. And as you can see, I’m having a hard time getting people to respect me and take me seriously. I tried the nice guy thing, and it doesn’t work. My only other option is to be a dick and get physical.”
She shakes her head harder. “No. Please, James. Don’t be like your father. Those are not your only two options. You have a third.”
“And what option is that?”
She smiles at me. “Being violent doesn’t make you a man. I remember when you and Genevieve walked into the room for your Vows of Submission Ceremony. God, I was worried for her. She was so sweet and innocent, and I thought you were going to be rough with her like everyone else was with their wives.” She frowns. “Like Hades was with me. But you were gentle with her. You showed me a side I didn’t know you had.”
She tucks her braids into a bun. “You proved you were a man that night because you had Genevieve’s trust. Every other wife who sat in that silver chair before her had fear in their eyes. Not Genevieve. She trusted you completely. Had no idea what you were going to do to her, but she knew she was safe with you. You completed the rite, but you did it with dignity. You didn’t follow what everyone else did. You did it your own way. That’s what makes you a leader.”
I shove my hands into the pockets of my black coat, trying to stay warm. “Do you really mean that?”
She squeezes my shoulder. “I do. And there’s something else you need to know about good leaders. They don’t act on impulse. They don’t give all of their moves away. Sometimes they’re violent, but only when absolutely necessary. And great leaders know how to build trust.”
I peer over her shoulder at Genevieve who is still being held. “And how do I build trust?”
Ella’s smile widens. “By being honorable.”
The moment Genevieve and I get home, I pull her into my arms.
She cries into my shoulder and I just hold her. She’s always been a little sensitive, but since getting pregnant, her emotions have been a little more volatile. I’d never tell her this because I like having my dick attached to my body.
I kiss her head and her tears slow. “I’m so sorry about today. I’m sorry Drake was an asshole. I’m sorry if I embarrassed you.”
She looks up at me with watery eyes. “Thank you. You didn’t embarrass me, but you’re scary when you’re angry.”
I wipe her tears away. “Do you really think I’m scary?”
She frowns. “A little.”
“Don’t be scared of me, Genevieve. You know I would never hurt you, right?”
Her bottom lip trembles. “I know. But sometimes you have this look in your eyes like—like you’re gone.”
Gone.
I hate that I know what she means, but I do. It’s like I have an alter ego. It’s one I don’t want, but it’s one I have. I first noticed it the day I moved away from home. It was the last day my father put his hands on me. It was the day that I let my darkness win.
The day I got my house started as a good day. I got up early and worked out. I started working out the day my father started beating me. The first day he punched me, I was weak, and I promised myself from that day forward that I would get strong. Strong enough so that no one could ever hurt me again.
After my workout, I met him in his office, and he gave me the keys to my new home. Things were peaceful. As peaceful as they could be between me and my father. But then I did something to piss him off. I don’t remember what it was. Probably just my existence. And he stood from his desk and approached me.
But when he lifted his fist that day, it didn’t connect with my face like it usually did. Before he could land his blow, I caught his wrist. His eyes went wide, and I snapped his arm backward, breaking it. He screamed and my cheeks hurt from smiling so hard. My father was just as strong as me, and I couldn’t believe I was able to torque his arm the way I did, but it fueled me. From that moment, I knew I liked violence. I liked inflicting pain. And after I left my childhood home that day, I killed a deer with my bare hands.
I didn’t go out seeking to kill a deer, but the poor thing was already half-dead when I found it, so I was doing it a favor.
But I liked it. I liked watching the life drain from its body. And when I got home that night, I nearly cried. I nearly cried because I felt so guilty. For liking what I did to that deer. For wanting to inflict more pain upon others.
So I buried those feelings. I told myself that I was sick and needed to not have those thoughts. And I was able to push those thoughts away for a long time. Until a year later.
I was nineteen when I lost my virginity. Just a few months shy of twenty. I met some girl who was working at a video store. She was twenty-six. I don’t remember her name. She sort of resembled Genevieve, but she had hazel eyes. But she didn’t look exactly like my Gen—no one can hold a candle to her.
Anyway, I went back to this girl’s place, and things started to heat up. But before things got going, she made a request. A few requests. She had all of these gadgets and accessories, and she wanted me to hurt her. She asked me to slap her. Spank her. Spit in her mouth. I did whatever she asked of me because I decided that I’d never be a disappointing lover. If a woman I was fucking asked for something, I was going to give it to her. Even if she was in pain after. And I enjoyed all of it.
And then I fucked endless amounts of women to cope with my life. Some women wanted it rough. Others liked it sweet. But I never did anything without anyone’s permission, and I always stopped when they wanted to stop. But in the midst of it, I really let myself go.
With the handful of subs I’ve had, I’ve always been rough. That’s how they’ve wanted it. And I let the rage that I felt toward my father power me. I took all my anger that I felt toward him out on women, and they never knew. It was freeing. It was therapeutic. But it was wrong.
And that’s why I can’t give my wife what she wants.
When I’m in that headspace, I’m not me. I’m a monster. And I refuse to be a monster with Genevieve. I can’t be that way with her because I love her, and I refuse to hurt her.
Sex has never moved me. Not before Genevieve. One night while I was making love to her, I almost started crying. It was that good. I’ve never felt that way with anyone before, and I don’t want to ruin what we have by tainting it with my wickedness.
She means too much to me, and I don’t want to lose her trust. I don’t know how to be that way in the bedroom without disassociating. Which is why I have to keep that part of myself buried away. Because I don’t need to be dominant with Genevieve to be satisfied. I think. The way we do things currently is enough for me, and I want it to be enough for her too. I need it to be enough for her.
I shove the memories down and squeeze her shoulders. “I’m sorry you had to see me that way. I don’t want you to see me like that. I will work on controlling my emotions. I will do better. I promise.”
She rubs my cheek and I melt into her. “You don’t need to do better, James. You’re already perfect. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. You can talk to me about anything. I’ve been through a lot myself. There’s not much that will freak me out. You won’t scare me away.”
Chapter eighteen
James
Iget out of bed at ten a.m. to get ready for the vote. The vote will take place at the same field where we have the Exit Ceremonies. I wish it was somewhere less sinister, but it has to take place in a private location outside, and the field is the best place for that.
The monthly community meeting was a few days ago, and I’ve been on edge since. The Caledonia Council hasn’t reached out since they sent their gift. I haven’t heard from Deacon and I don’t want to. And Jace has kept to himself lately. Things have been really quiet. Almost too quiet. And that concerns me.
There haven’t been a ton of scandals in my society, but it’s never a good thing when things are too quiet. When things are calm on the exterior, it’s usually because something terrible is brewing beneath the surface.
After getting dressed in one of my many black suits, I drape my black cloak over my shoulders. Genevieve is bundled up under the blankets naked, and I want nothing more right now than to get back in bed and spend all day doing what I did to her an hour ago.
I adjust my tie and look into her satisfied eyes. “Mom should be over shortly. She’ll stay with you until I get home. I don’t know how long this will take.”
She stretches her arms. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you? It’ll only take me a few minutes to get dressed.”
“Do not start this right now, Genevieve Barlow. You will not step foot out of this house until I return home. I will cuff you to this bed if I have to. Do you understand me?”
She bites her lip. “Yes. But I expect you to tell me what everyone says.”
I grab my sunglasses off the dresser. “And I expect you to have your legs spread for me when I get home.”
She rolls her eyes. “James, I’m being serious.”
“I am too.”
She scowls.
“Look, Genevieve. You know how the men in this society are. They’re assholes. Do you really want to know what horrible things they may say about the baby? They’re not going to be nice things. I’m just trying to protect you. Will you please let me do that?”
She lies back on her pillow and sighs. “Fine.”
I pat her leg under the blanket. “Good. Remember what I told you. If you behave today, you’ll be rewarded.”
“I’m going to hold you to that.” She pulls her hair into a bun. “Just so you know, Odette knows that we helped your cousin escape.”
Jesus Christ. “How?”
“I don’t know. But I’m going to try to get her to tell me when she comes over today.”
I tuck my wallet in my pocket. “Do whatever you have to do to get her to tell you. I’m tired of people keeping secrets from me. I’m the fucking Head Father of this damn society and I wish people would start acting like it.”
The corner of her mouth lifts. “It’s been three months, love. Give people time.”
“Three months is a standard probationary period, Genevieve. I’ve given them enough time.”
She shakes her head and smiles, and I give her a few kisses before heading to the door.
When I go to exit the room, her smile falls. “What if we don’t get enough votes today?”
“Gen, please stop worrying. We will get enough.”
Her eyes water. “But what if we don’t?”
“I swear on Zahara’s life, if we don’t get enough votes today, I will gut everyone on that field who says no.”
I’m covered in sweat by the time I get to the field. I can’t tell if it’s because I had the heat too damn high or if it’s because of my nerves, but either way, I feel disgusting, and I’m extremely irritated.
I can’t believe this is real. I can’t believe this is my life. I can’t believe I’m the leader of a fucking cult.
While I would love to run away, it’s not that simple. If I tried when my father was alive, he would have found me without a doubt and killed me himself. He may have not put his hands on me after the day I moved out, but his disdain for me remained, and he had connections and resources that would’ve allowed him to locate me wherever I tried to hide.
And although I helped Deacon run, it hasn’t been that long since we last spoke, and I’m unsure if his escape will be a success. I may be a horrible person for this, but I’m sort of using his escape as a trial run to see if it’s successful. I no longer have just myself to think about. I have a wife and a child to look after. And if my cousin ends up dead, it’ll prove just how risky running is. And to be completely honest, at this stage in my life, I’m not in the mood to run from danger. I plan to face it head-on.
Genevieve and I will be leaving this fucked up society, but if I can avoid it, I’d rather not run. I plan to buy our freedom. How? I don’t know yet. But if I poke the bear enough, maybe I can get it to come out and speak to me. And helping my cousin escape is a part of that plan.
After a few moments of stewing in my thoughts, I get out of my car. Everyone else has arrived and is either already forming a circle or getting out of their cars. I walk up to the circle that’s forming and take my place.
Hades comes up and stands in the circle to my right. He doesn’t look at me or speak, and I don’t speak either. A few minutes pass, and everyone has joined. I begin the meeting.
“Welcome, Wild White Orchids.”
Everyone looks toward me. “It’s time to bloom.”
“You all know why we’re here today. Today, we’re having a vote to amend tenet ten. This is the first tenet vote in the history of this society, and whatever happens today will have an impact on all of us.”
I pause to catch my breath. “Before we begin, you should all know something. One, my daughter’s name is Zahara. I just thought that should be in your heads while you make your decisions today. Also, Genevieve has wanted a baby for a very long time. Regardless of how you feel about me, I know she’s never done anything against any of you. The choice you make today will not just affect me. It will affect her too.”
Hades clears his throat. “Thank you, Father. I urge all of you men to think beyond yourselves when you vote today. I will keep track of the vote, and I will vote first. Then James and so on. Yes means you want the tenet amended. No means you want it to remain as is. Once the vote is complete, I will conclude with the closing statements.”
Hades grabs my shoulder hard. “I vote yes. All of our tenets could use some changes, and this one is just the beginning. I am excited for you and Genevieve, and I can’t wait to meet Zahara.”
My heart pounds as the men stare back at me. I run a hand through my messy hair. “I obviously vote yes.” I turn to my left and see Damion.
His crimson cloak blows in the breeze and he smiles. “Of course, I vote yes. Absolutely. Hell yes.”
Simon goes next. “Fuck yes. And if any of you vote no, fuck you.”
Drake scoffs.
Fucking bastard.
Four yeses. I try to slow my breathing.
Damion and Simon’s brother Dave goes next. “No.”
That doesn’t surprise me. I already suspected he hated me. But I don’t know why.
Paul grins from ear to ear at his turn and smoothes out his royal blue cloak. “You get a yes from me, Father. It’s absurd that we men are deciding on what Genevieve can do with her own body.”
My boy.
Jace grins as his tan skin glistens in the sun. He wears his burgundy hood over his head. “Absolutely not. Next.”
Cain stares at me and runs a hand through his blonde hair. His gold cloak matches his gold suit. “I’ve thought about this long and hard. My original stance was not what it is today. I’m not sure if you’re aware, James, but I don’t like you. And I couldn’t give a damn about your kid. But Meredith might have a cow if I vote no. So you have my vote. My answer is yes.”
