The Complete Horse Mistress Collection, page 30
Andoc was silent for a beat before answering, “Well, I imagine you’ll continue to more or less live at the horse pens, and me, at the training yard and the meeting hall. No doubt we’ll both require extensive counseling from Senovo in the evenings, since we’re such a pair of bull-headed rogues.”
A puff of laughter escaped my lips. “Life really is that simple for you, huh?”
Andoc tightened his arms around me. “It’s been my experience that if you try to control and struggle against every little thing, you have no energy left for the important fights… the ones that really matter. I honestly don’t care about our living arrangements, caradi. If you want to move into my hut because it’s bigger, go ahead. If you want to keep yours so you’ll have a place to yourself, do that. Personally, I’m fond of the temple. I managed to squeeze into the tiny bed in Senovo’s sleeping cell on many a night over the past few years. I’m sure the High Priest’s rooms are spacious enough for three.”
“People will talk,” I said.
“People are already talking. If you’re going to let that bother you, I’m afraid you’ve got a difficult life ahead.”
I was quiet for a long time after that.
“Try to get some sleep,” Andoc said eventually. “Things’ll probably look worse in the morning… but they should start looking up again by the morning after that.”
I snorted in bleak amusement and let him rearrange us in the bed so he was lying down with me curled up against his side. I was still awake when Senovo came in some time later on silent feet, snuffed the candles, and slipped into the bed on Andoc’s other side. Indeed, I was still awake hours later, listening to the reassuring sound of their breathing as they slept.
Eventually, I sank into a world of tangled dreams that left me groggy and disoriented when Senovo woke me just before dawn, the backs of his fingers ghosting over my cheek.
“Go,” he told me. “Do your job; clear your mind. Eat something, bathe yourself in the river, and return to us here before the sun reaches the top of the old sentinel tree at the edge of the village green. We will be waiting for you.”
I nodded up at him and searched for the words I wanted to say.
“Senovo… I just want you to know. I’m glad it’s going to be you. Today, I mean. I don’t think I could do this, if it was someone else.”
The priest gave me a quick, faint smile that was gone almost as soon as it appeared. “I will help in any way I can, Carivel. Now, go on, and let me deal with this lump.” He indicated Andoc’s oblivious form in the light of the room’s single candle. “Judging by the level of snoring, I fear it will not be pretty. Pitchers and cold water may be involved.”
The fond smile that tugged at the corner of my lips was heartfelt. I rolled out of bed and pulled on my clothes in the flickering light, glancing at the high window to judge the time.
“I’ll leave you to it, then,” I said, and darted in for a brief kiss.
“There should be some bread left from last night in the refectory,” Senovo added as I turned to leave. “Help yourself, lest I be subjected to a lecture on the importance of making sure you get breakfast.”
“Gods forbid,” I agreed, still smiling a bit, and took my leave.
The butterflies were already stirring in my stomach as I ducked into the refectory and sheepishly greeted Reston, who was starting a pot of gruel to simmer. I left the temple, eating the coarse bread as I made my way to the horse pens. For once in recent days, I was the first person to arrive, so I excused the night guard and started organizing things for the day.
The apprentices trickled in as the sun came up. I watched Favian working with the white foal from a distance, pleased at his progress, and wondered again if there was anything I could do to salvage that particular relationship. When the early morning chores were complete, I caught Dalon’s attention and motioned him to one side.
“Which horse would you say is our fastest in a straight gallop?” I asked.
Dalon considered the question for a moment. “I’d say it’s that tall chestnut colt with two front socks and the knot on his shoulder.”
“Agreed,” I said. “Catch him and saddle him up before the lads take the rest of the herd out to graze. You and I are going out to the summer pastures for a little race later this morning.”
Dalon made an interested noise and headed into the large corral to get the colt. I puttered around, taking care of odds and ends until mid-morning, when things tended to naturally slow down. Nietre nickered to me as I approached, clearly pleased to see me. I saddled him and ran through an abbreviated series of yielding exercises while we waited for Dalon to show up with the chestnut colt.
The colt was tall and lanky for a Draebardi horse, but still more than a hand shorter than the black stallion. Nietre snorted a challenge, puffing himself up and arching his neck until I flashed my trusty flag-on-a-stick and backed him up several steps.
“That colt’s no threat to you, Fidget-Brain,” I chided. “He’s not going to be taking away any of the lovely mares I’ve got lined up for you.”
Nietre shook his head and blew out an explosive snort. I gathered up the reins and mounted, still not used to feeling so incredibly tall once I was seated in the saddle. Dalon and I headed out on the northern road, drawing a small crowd of onlookers as we trotted away. Nietre continued to try to fuss with the poor colt, which looked ready to flee if the older, larger stallion so much as breathed on him wrong.
Once we’d reached a flat stretch of land with no obstacles ahead, I pulled up and grinned across at Dalon. “What do you think?” I asked.
“I think I’m about to get my arse handed to me,” Dalon replied, but his grin was every bit as wide and predatory as mine. “You call it.”
We pointed our mounts toward the open road ahead. Both animals danced in place, champing at their bits.
“Three… two… one…” I counted. “Go!”
The chestnut colt was quicker off the mark than Nietre, his shorter legs and more powerful hindquarters giving him more thrust during the first few strides. Nietre half-reared and flung himself in pursuit, flattening out into a ground-eating gallop as I leaned into the wind and gave him his head. I could just make out Dalon whooping with excitement a couple lengths ahead of us, his shouts nearly swallowed up by the mad pace of the two running animals.
The rush of exhilaration at the speed and danger welled up in me as well, crowding out everything else as I crouched in the saddle and let Nietre hurtle us forward, gaining ground on the chestnut colt. I could barely breathe as the wind whipped past my face, but I would not have traded that feeling for anything in the world. At that moment, if Nietre had been capable of running forever, I’d probably have let him.
We were coming even with the colt’s haunches now, and the black stallion was so focused on the race that he didn’t even try to pin his ears back or snap at the horse next to him. I let out my own whoop as we drew even with Dalon’s saddle… then the colt’s shoulder… then his neck, until the two animals were running as if in tandem.
The chestnut was outclassed, though, and he knew it. The colt’s neck was already lathered and his nostrils wide open, blowing hard with every stride. Nietre put on a fresh burst of speed and the other horse fell back, back, back, until we were running clear. My heart pounded with excitement and joy as Nietre flattened his ears and swept forward toward the horizon, carrying me along as if I weighed nothing.
When I finally straightened my upper body and settled deeper in the saddle to slow the stallion to an easy canter, and from there to a walk, I looked back to see Dalon far behind us, reining in his own mount and giving me a cheery wave.
“Naloth’s balls,” he called when I had wandered back close enough for him to be heard. “That’s the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen! I thought he’d keep going all day!”
“Too bad he’d try to kill any other horse he was hitched with,” I answered. “I bet he could pull the axle right off a chariot.”
“We don’t have any horses big and fast enough to hitch him with, anyway,” Dalon pointed out. “Guess we’ll just have to breed our own.”
I grinned, thinking of the plans I had for Draebard’s herd. “Guess so.” I glanced skyward, and the position of the sun drained some of my good humor. “I suppose we should get back.”
“S’pose so. You’re getting hitched yourself this afternoon, aren’t you?” Dalon asked, ever tactful.
“So they tell me,” I replied, letting some of the sourness in my thoughts filter into my voice.
“Ah… you netted yourself a First Warrior, though, yeah? Can’t be as bad as all that,” Dalon said, utterly guileless.
“Yes—I guess I did, didn’t I?” I said, wishing that life could be as simple for me as it seemed to be for other people. “Come on. It wouldn’t do to keep him waiting.”
We headed back to the village at an easy trot, letting the horses slow to a walk at intervals to cool them out. By the time we’d gotten back and unsaddled our mounts, the sun was right overhead. I hurried back to my hut for clean clothes—not that I’d be wearing them for very long—and gave up on the idea of trying to put anything in my roiling stomach. Instead, I headed to a secluded spot upriver and stripped off my dusty work clothes before plunging into the chilly water and scrubbing away the day’s grime.
When I presented myself at the temple, dressed in fresh linen and shivering slightly since I’d forgotten to bring anything clean to use as a towel, the sun was just dipping toward the upper branches of the sentinel tree at the edge of the green. I bowed low at the wide-open entrance, trying not to wonder about what the gods might think of this charade. I was probably happier not knowing—I just hoped that any potential bad fortune would be confined to me… or maybe Volya, who certainly deserved it.
Scarcely had I straightened and stepped through the door when I was met by Eiridan, who dipped his upper body in acknowledgement before speaking. “Welcome, Horse Mistress Carivel. Your beloved awaits you at the altar. Please follow me.”
I nodded, and let him lead me deeper into the temple. It wasn’t surprising that Senovo had chosen Eiridan to assist him in the ceremony—of the two Mereni novices, he seemed the least likely to be shocked or offended by any potential… irregularities. And, though I hardly knew Eiridan at all, after witnessing his concern for Senovo following the funeral two nights ago, I already felt the beginnings of affection for him.
Eiridan brought me to a small room just off the large space that housed the altar and helped me remove my clothes. I couldn’t stop the faint blush that climbed up my chest to heat my face. Even though Eiridan showed no interest whatsoever in my nakedness, I had bared my body to so few people in my lifetime that I couldn’t help some embarrassment over the soft, coltish curves of my breasts and hips, where there should have been hard angles and muscles.
And yet, if I’d had the body of a man, I wouldn’t be joining publicly with Andoc. Of course, I also wouldn’t have to submit to being taken by him in a way I didn’t want to be. It was all so confusing. While it was possible that Andoc and Senovo would still have wanted me if I were fully male, at least now, our relationship would not have to be hidden. Well… not completely hidden, at any rate.
I wondered what the response from the village would be if it became common knowledge that we were both still involved with a eunuch despite being handfasted. Would it spawn outrage, or simply give people another thing to gossip about? And, more importantly, would it endanger Senovo’s position as High Priest?
There was so much to worry about that it was overwhelming. Sometimes I really did envy the apparent simplicity of Andoc’s worldview. This was definitely one of those times.
Now, though, I was using worry about the future as an excuse not to think about the present. Eiridan was peering at me closely, so I must have tarried too long, lost in thought.
“Sorry,” I said, “I guess I’m a little more nervous than I thought.”
The young priest’s expression softened. “It is a major step in one’s life,” he said kindly, “but you and the First Warrior appear to be admirably matched, and our High Priest is clearly very fond of both of you. All will be well, Horse Mistress.”
“Thanks,” I said, relaxing slightly almost in spite of myself. “If you don’t mind me saying so, I think you’ve got a great future ahead of you here. You’re really good at this.”
Eiridan smiled, looking genuinely pleased. “You are too kind. Now, however, let us not keep the others waiting.”
Chapter 11: A Handfasting of Convenience
THE NOVICE LED ME from the small changing room to the huge central space dotted by wooden support pillars and dominated by a low altar, where Andoc stood tall and proud in his nakedness. I flushed again, for a slightly different reason this time, before my eyes were drawn to Senovo, clad in white, standing behind the flat stone with his hands folded into the sleeves of his robes. As I got closer, I could see the ceremonial kohl lining his eyes, making them appear even deeper and more striking than usual.
My heart was racing by the time Eiridan delivered me into Andoc’s arms. I was somewhat surprised to discover that Andoc’s was beating nearly as fast, thrumming between us where our skin touched. Eiridan moved smoothly into an unobtrusive position behind the altar, which was draped with a soft suede deer hide to catch my virgin blood, if there was any. I shivered a bit at the thought.
Senovo met our eyes in turn and raised his hands, palm up.
“Mighty Naloth, He Who Seeds the Earth and Brings the Rain,” he said in a clear tone that echoed around the space but was still, somehow, quite intimate. “Bountiful Utarr, She Who Bears Fruit. Bless, tonight, this union between Andoc and Carivel, two of your children. They come before you as they came into this world, naked in the eyes of gods and men.
“Carivel. Andoc. Tonight you tie your destinies together under the gods’ watchful gaze. To symbolize this union, Novice Eiridan will bind your hands, teaching you to work together as one, relying on each other as you have previously relied only on yourselves. Do you both agree to this handfasting, freely and joyfully?”
“We do,” I lied smoothly, Andoc’s voice echoing mine a breath later.
Eiridan circled around the altar to face us, and I got my first glimpse of the thongs that would tie our hands together for a night and a day. Andoc held out his right hand and I grasped it with my left, feeling lightheaded as the novice wove the soft leather bindings around our fingers and palms in a complicated web that was both effective and beautiful to look upon. When he was satisfied that the tie would hold, Eiridan reached up and pressed his cool hand to my forehead in a blessing.
“May the gods smile upon your future together, Horse Mistress,” he said, and moved his hand to Andoc’s head. “Peace and prosperity be upon your union, First Warrior.”
Once the novice priest returned to his position in the background, Senovo lowered his hands to rest lightly on the altar. “You are now joined—one heart, one soul,” he said. “Celebrate your union before the gods. Find your joy within each other, that new life… may… grow from the fertile field of your love.”
The pause was tiny, but noticeable, and my stomach clenched. Actually, I thought to the unseen presences who were presumably hovering around us in the temple, if we could avoid that part for the time being, that would be great. Please?
Andoc’s kiss dragged my attention back to the here-and-now. I pulled him to me almost desperately, alarmed to find that I was about as far from aroused as I had ever been in my life.
“Easy,” he said between kisses. “Easy, now, caradi… I’ve got you… it will be all right…”
I tugged him back toward the altar, just wanting it to be over. When the backs of my knees hit the hard stone, Andoc steadied me using our bound hands, and I flinched at the reminder that I was trapped in this way as well.
“Senovo,” Andoc said under his breath, and suddenly Senovo was there as well, with a hand under the elbow of my free arm. The two of them eased me down to sit on the edge of the stone slab and I concentrated on breathing for a bit. When I came back to myself, Andoc was running the fingers of his left hand through my short hair and Senovo was crouched in front of me at eye level.
“Carivel,” he said, speaking very slowly and clearly, “talk to us. Do you still wish to complete the handfasting?”
“Yes!” I gasped, even more panicked than I was before at the thought of all this having been for nothing.
“Very well,” Senovo soothed, while Andoc continued his slow caresses, never breaking the rhythm.
Through an effort of will, I swallowed down all the worry and fear inside me until I could meet his eyes and speak more calmly. “I’m sorry. Don’t mind me, it’s only nerves. It’s fine.”
Senovo looked like he was fighting his own demons, but his voice was level as he replied. “I understand completely. We both do.” His eyes flicked up to Andoc, who looked unusually pale as he nodded. I wondered idly what Eiridan was making of all this, but I was afraid to look and find out.
“Carivel,” Andoc said, drawing my attention back to him, “do you want to be on top for this? Would that be easier?”
I thought about it for a moment, or tried to—my mind still shied away from speculating about the act directly. I didn’t want to think about Andoc’s prick shooting seed into my womb. About falling pregnant. About being a mother. Having a child I didn’t want... just like my mother hadn’t wanted me.
“I don’t want to have to move or do anything… you know—during,” I managed eventually.
After a moment, Senovo said, “Hands and knees at the edge of the altar, then, while you take her from behind, standing up, I think. Andoc?”
“Whatever you think would be best,” Andoc said, still watching me closely. “Carivel… caradi? Did you hear that?”
I nodded, not caring about the details, just that it would be over soon. To that end, I twisted around so that our bound hands wouldn’t get tangled and knelt on the edge of the stone, the thick hide covering it barely sufficient to protect my knees. I balanced my upper body over my right forearm, my left arm stretched awkwardly across the small of my back, to join with Andoc’s right as he stood behind me.
