Echo of Roses, page 18
“Were you ever going to tell me? Or did you think your secret was safe? How could anyone here know your true identity, aye?”
“Yes, but…I would have told you if things between us had grown more serious.”
Her words stung a little. “More serious than love?”
Her expression softened on him. “I didn’t realize it was love. I…” She paused and seemed to try to keep herself together. “I have never really been in love. Love seemed very fragile and I chose to stop believing in it.”
He was tempted to smile at her, but he didn’t give in. “It doesn’t matter what we feel.”
“Why not?”
He gave her a hard look that usually silenced his men but didn’t seem to affect her in the least. “We have been fighting this war for many years now. Our side has almost proven victorious. Am I to forget…” He thought of his family. “…everything, toss it all aside for a Lancaster woman?”
“No one is asking you to forget,” she said gently, making him miss being with her every day. “And is that all I am to you? A Lancaster woman?”
He wanted to go to her and tell her how much she meant to him, to sweep her up off her feet and kiss her senseless.
“Nicholas, I may not even be related to the Lancasters of today, there are so many descendants removed.”
“But you are a Lancaster. I grew up hating Lancasters. It has been the one constant in my life. But ’tis more than that. You did not trust me enough to tell me.”
“What would have changed if what you said before that is true? You hate for the sake of hating. Perhaps you are not the right man for me.” She headed for the door, but he blocked her path.
“Get out of my way, Nicholas.”
He didn’t move for a moment. “Do not go.”
“I must. It’s for the best.”
He did as she asked. What was there left to say?
He closed his eyes when she left the solar and slammed the door shut behind her.
He wouldn’t go after her.
So, that was it then? There was nothing more between them. He covered his face with his hands.
No. No. His heart refused to give her up, but his head forbade his legs to move. “Kestrel,” he lamented. He didn’t want to be without her. She made him smile again.
She came here from the future. She could go back at any time.
She was a Lancaster.
Was she here to make sure Richard died on the battlefield? Did Richard kill the princes or have them killed?
It was the same question he’d been asking himself for almost two years now.
There came a knock at the door.
Still standing in his place, he called out, “Come,” hoping, praying that it was Kestrel.
Elia entered the solar and stared at him soaking wet and miserable. Her golden-hued gaze took him in and then she shook her head. “What is going on in that head of yours, Nicky? You care for her. I know you do. Will you let her go because of her name?”
“How can I not? I will not betray the House of York.”
“Nicholas,” she said sternly. “The House of York is about to end. You know as well as I that Richard should not be king. There are no more descendants. York is over. Henry has promised to marry Elizabeth and combine the Houses. The white and red rose together. Step aside and let him do it.”
“If Richard hears you speaking like this, he could have you hanged for treason.”
She looked up at him. Hers was a face he knew and loved since he was a child. The only person he could trust—until Kestrel came along.
“Are you going to tell him?” she asked him.
“Never. Just do not trust anyone else. Not even Elizabeth. She spends much time with Richard.”
“I know, Nicky.”
“Mayhap Kestrel.”
“You are falling in love with her, that is why you are so angry.”
He didn’t deny it but turned away, not willing to let anyone see the pain in his eyes. He’d wanted something with her. He’d wanted to be her family and give her everything she needed. Scarborough Castle was his. He wanted to share it with her.
He closed his eyes and inhaled deeply.
“Out of all the women in the two different centuries, Elia. Two! The woman sent to me is a Lancaster!”
“Maybe it means something, Nicky,” she said, going to him and putting her hand on his arm. “Maybe the good Lord does not want all this hatred in your heart. The Yorks and the Lancasters are going to join in the new king and queen. Let them be joined in your household as well.”
Could he? Everything he’d fought for her? He could.
“Do not think too long, Nicky,” Elia warned. “Kes has been through much in the last pair of weeks. Do not add to her woes. And dry off,” she added before turning to leave the room.
He decided to take her advice and changed into dry clothes. He also didn’t want to add to Kestrel’s troubles. Mayhap he should try to speak with her again. Letting her leave couldn’t be the right thing to do.
But when he looked for her, he found her gone. No one in the castle had seen her or knew where she’d gone. Nicholas controlled the panic rising up in him, but he knew his control wouldn’t last long. It was foolish of her to leave the castle, especially on a stormy night. Where would she go?
He found the horse she’d ridden was gone from the stable. She wasn’t the best rider and she didn’t know which way to go, save to Old Walter’s.
He saddled his horse and took off toward Walter’s. It was the only place she knew. She had to have gone there. He didn’t know what he would say to her, he didn’t know what he would do about her being a Lancaster, but he wanted her to come back.
By the time he reached the old merchant’s house, he was drenched again, for the rain continued to fall.
The place appeared deserted, but Nicholas knew better. Besides, he saw her horse in the stable.
Kestrel was here. Finding her was the easy part he found out soon enough. Seeing her was another matter entirely. She refused.
“Tell her I’m not leaving until she sees me,” Nicholas told Walter, then watched him shuffle off into the corridor, leaving Nicholas at the door.
He returned a few minutes later shaking his head. “She says she doesn’t want to see or speak to you tonight. She will see how she feels tomorrow. My lord,” the merchant said gently. “She was very agitated when she came in. Perhaps giving her time is a good idea.”
Nicholas knew he had no choice. He wasn’t about to force his way upon her. He nodded. “Very well. I will see her tomorrow then.”
He breathed. He had to remember to do it. Walter smiled at him. He didn’t smile back.
“Good eve, my lord.”
Nicholas nodded again and then left. He returned to the castle but after an hour pacing in his room then another hour pacing in his solar, he rode back to Old Walter’s and slept in the stable with his horse. At least if she tried to leave Scarborough in the morning, he would hear her.
And then what? He went to sleep asking himself what would he do. Stop her? Watch her go? He hated himself for becoming so attached to Kestrel Lancaster.
He dreamed of riding through the forest.
“Pick up your hood, Nicky,” Elia said beside him on her horse. He was on one too. “Listen to your mother.”
His mother? He turned his head and his poor eyes beheld his mother. Tears fell over the rims of his eyes. “Mother.”
She rode beside…his father. “Papa?” he cried, pulling up his hood. His sister and two brothers rode in the cart behind his father.
A cold chill swept over him and seeped into his veins. No! This was the day!
He tried to turn back, but his horse kept moving forward.
And then, like a hoard of locusts, they came out of the trees. Elia immediately grabbed for him and pulled him onto her horse. They rode away, but Nicholas could imagine it all in his mind, his family’s screams painted the pictures. Mother! Papa!
He woke up about an hour before dawn, remembering it all. It was fresh in his mind, as if it had just happened. He sat up and leaned against a wall of the stable. He should have brought breakfast…and his good sense.
What was he doing here, making sure she didn’t run away? He had to make a damned decision and he was making it now. He could never live with a Lancaster. Any Lancaster.
He rose up, leaped into the saddle, and rode away.
*
The door to Walter’s house opened and Kes stepped out. She looked around. The sun was shining brightly, in contrast to yesterday’s dark skies “Walter,” she called softly into the house, “he’s not here.”
“Are you sure, I thought I saw him near the stable a moment ago.”
“Miss Locksley?”
She turned to the man’s voice. It was Mr. Simeon behind her. It must have been him who Walter saw near the stable.
“Mr. Simeon, what a nice surprise in the morning,” she greeted. “And please, call me Kes.”
He offered her a wide smile. “I wasn’t expecting to see you here, Kes. But I’m glad to have found you. Is Lord Scarborough with you?”
She shook her head.
His smile widened. His teeth were white and straight. “Let us go inside.”
She didn’t move. “Oh, is it more bad news?”
“No. No. Not at all,” he reassured gently. “I have a gift for you.”
“Will it help me get home?”
His smile vanished. “I’m afraid not.”
Hers vanished, too. A few days ago, she would have been able to deal better with the fact that she wasn’t going home and everyone she’d lost, because Nicholas was with her. She felt safe with him. And she needed to feel safe here.
Now, he wasn’t with her and she was still stuck here.
“Any word on a way to get home, Mr. Simeon?” she asked as Walter ushered them inside.
“No, my dear lady. I hate to disappoint you. There has been no word. I am still hanging about in realms I shouldn’t be in and keeping my ears open to any talk of you from the knights. So far,” he went on as they entered the solar and sat, “I’ve discovered that Sir Gawaine has been severely reprimanded by Morgan for not finding Arthur. The other knights blame the brooch. I would tend to agree after where you landed.”
“Yes,” Kes said. “I would agree, as well. And Sir Gawaine—how severely was he reprimanded?”
“I do not know the extent of it,” Simeon told her, then smiled again. “I brought you something from the chests of Queen Berengaria.”
Kes blinked and looked at the velvet sack he handed her. “King Richard’s wife, Queen Berengaria?”
“Do you know any others?”
She covered her mouth with her hand and looked at Walter to giggle. She took the satchel. It was soft and the velvet was thick and luxurious. “What’s in it?”
“Open it and see!”
She did, like a child on Christmas morning.
With a great sigh she pulled out a sapphire blue gown made of the finest, thinnest silk. It was an A line cut with a silver filigree belt and silver stitching on the cuff. Sewn into the shoulders was a gossamer cloak of blue tulle flowing down her back.
“Oh, Mr. Simeon, I couldn’t accept this. How did you…? Did you steal it?”
He waved her concern away. “She won’t miss it, dear Kes. You both look to be built the same. It should fit.”
“Oh, that you’ve seen her,” Kes stood up and held the gown up to her body. She couldn’t keep it. But to own something that Queen Berengaria had worn.
“Take it,” Mr. Simeon insisted. “The queen has more than she could wear in a lifetime.”
“No. It still doesn’t make it right.” She pushed the gown and its bag at him. “Thank you, but I can’t accept it.”
He exhaled a great breath. “Very well, I will leave her a gift in its place. Something she will actually enjoy, and I will pay for it myself. Deal?”
“What will you give her?” Kes asked, tempted.
“I’ll let you know what I decide.”
Jonathan, Walter’s servant served them tea and something that looked suspiciously like a famous little hot apple pie.
“Walter?” she asked, turning to him and holding the rectangular pie up to him. “What is this?”
Walter looked at it over his spectacles. “You know perfectly well what it is, Child. I suggest you eat it and stop holding it up to me or I can almost assure you that I will be the one who eats it.”
Kes cut Mr. Simeon a side glance. She knew it came from the future and he was the one who’d brought them here.
“What?” Walter asked, seeing her disapproving expression. “What are we changing by eating this delicious pie? ’Tis my favorite treat!”
“Of course.” Kes feigned a smile. “So the people who created this pie in my century don’t matter. If someone makes something similar now, you’ve changed those people’s future.”
Walter frowned at his pie and then at her. “Aw, very well then. Let this be the last time I ever eat one.” He bit into his pie and closed his eyes with delight.
Kes looked at hers, shrugged her shoulders, then took a bite. He was right. It was delicious.
Remaining here would be difficult. Knowing Mr. Simeon would make it a temptation to have possessions from every century, every dynasty. To everything, everywhere. But nothing would be as hard as trying to live without her knight in her life. Why did he have to be such a stubborn, gentle bear?
“Tell me,” Mr. Simeon said while they ate. “Where is the earl this morning?”
“He’s having a hard time with me being a Lancaster.”
“Pig-headed fool,” the time traveler muttered then sipped his tea.
“The Lancasters murdered his family,” Kes defended him. “We don’t understand what it’s like for him.”
“Aye. She’s correct,” Walter muttered and set down his cup. “This is a delicate matter and must be treated so. For now, let us leave matters of their hearts to them.”
Kes smiled at Walter for his thoughtfulness, and then laughed when Mr. Simeon suggested she try on the gown.
It didn’t mean she was keeping it. She was just trying it on.
It was no big deal.
Chapter Twenty
Someone knocked on Walter’s front door. Kes’ heart skipped its beats. It had to be Nicholas. He’d told Walter he would see her today. She’d admit, she hadn’t known him long, but he’d never lied to her—that she knew of. Yet.
Sure she was suspicious of him and his motives. She’d had ten years of experience with boys and men—well, they’d never grown up, so, just boys. They always had ulterior motives and they always lied.
“Miss Locksley,” Walter knocked and spoke through the door. “Lord Scarborough is here to see you.”
She felt a little faint and rushed to the door, blue silk and feathery tulle flowing behind her. She stopped when she reached the wooden barrier in front of her and the man she’d foolishly allowed herself to love.
She shivered in her spot, though the temperature in her room was a warm eighty degrees at least.
She didn’t want to seem overly eager to see him, though in fact, she was. She’d thought of him all night, hearing his deep voice at the door when he’d spoken to Walter about seeing her. She’d refused. She couldn’t accept that he suddenly hated her because of her name. He needed time. He was stubborn and he needed time—
She opened the door to her room and stepped into the corridor. He’d come. She knew he would. That had to earn him something, didn’t it? He was reliable.
She walked to the stairs, feeling herself in her beautiful gown. She lifted her hems and hurried down the stairs in her slippered feet.
When she reached the solar door, she took a deep breath and stepped inside.
He was sitting with Walter and Mr. Simeon. When he saw her, he stood up. She barely noticed anyone else so tall and handsome was he in his—armor. His armor. Was he leaving? Returning to the war?
“My lord?” she asked in a soft voice.
“My lady,” he said just as softly.
“Ehm, come then, Roldan,” Walter said and tossed his arm around Mr. Simeon, “Let us go walk outdoors.”
When they were alone, Kes opened her mouth to speak, to ask him if he was leaving.
He spoke first. “Kestrel, you look…” He stopped and swallowed and started again. “You look perfect. Where did you get the gown?”
“It was Queen Berengaria’s gown. She was—”
“I know who she was.” He looked tired and gaunt. When had he slept last? “So, is this how ’tis to be while I’m away?” he asked angrily.
Away. The bastard was leaving.
“How what is to be?”
“Simeon will be bringing you gifts?”
“He might!” she snapped at him. “What do you care? You’re leaving early!”
“I think it best.”
“Explain that to me, Nicholas. How is it best?” She wouldn’t shout or cry. She wouldn’t let him let know how much she cared.
“’Tis best for more than one reason.”
She nodded mockingly and folded her arms across her chest.
“You deceived me about something very close to my heart.”
“To save my ass. Sorry.” Her hands balled into fists under her boobs.
His jaw clenched and, for a moment, he couldn’t speak. Good. She liked him better this way. Finally, he said in a low tone, “Had I given you reason to believe I would not keep you from harm?”
“I didn’t know what you would do for—”
“Woman, I risked my life and killed every man around you, then rode you away from battle. Before I asked your name. You were the one who wanted nothing to do with me. And even after you reviled me, I came back for you. Telling me the truth would have angered me, but I would not have put you out with nothing. I haven’t done that now. You are the one who left the castle in the cover of darkness, which is dangerous in this century.”
