Saving the Beast, page 12
“You like him, Blair. Just admit it!” he murmurs aggressively.
“I will admit nothing because there’s nothing to admit!” My words, laced with lies, fly out of my mouth as I spot Griffin sauntering over to us. “I swear to God I’ll kill you if you say anything. Now, act normal.”
My face is relaxed, and I have a playful smile. It is like our conversation didn’t revolve around the giant who’s approaching us in three, two, one.
“Hey, what’s up?” I ask while pinching Lumi’s side to remind him to behave.
“Oww,” he shouts, and Griffin laughs.
“What were you guys talking about?” Griffin asks, his eyes narrowing on me with the most intense stare.
I feel like every cell in my body is starting to vibrate.
“Lumi’s love life. We were trying to plan out what we should do to find him a guy worth dating.” The words continue to flow from my lips with ease.
“Maybe you and Blair could double date with me and whoever I find,” Lumi barges in, and I stare at him. “Then, I could get your opinion on him in the moment.”
Griffin bites down on his bottom lip, and I mirror his action involuntarily. “Umm … yeah, all right. Just let me know when.”
“I’m sure we will be all right. It wouldn’t be the first time I third-wheeled for Lumi,” I retort, hating the rabbit hole we are now wandering down.
“What about your place?” Lumi asks Griffin, and this time, I really do elbow him.
“Don’t mind him. He’s uncultured, and he doesn’t know how to stay inside of boundaries.” I emphasize the last word and glance at him.
“Yeah, I’m sorry. I don’t like having a lot of guests at my place,” Griffin responds.
My shoulders slump, and I sigh, not realizing that I was a bit excited at the possibility of him saying yes. It would have been fun to have Lumi’s dating chaos at the house.
“Yeah, of course. We can figure something out. No big deal,” I say, desperate to change the subject.
“Let me know what you come up with, and I’ll see if I’m free.” He inches closer to me, and the air between us draws taut.
“Will do,” I say confidently.
Someone calls Griffin’s name, and he breaks the tension as he turns and starts walking away toward Malik. “I’ll see you in class.”
Fight or flight has never so strongly invaded my senses as it is right now.
Lumi leans down and whispers, “I don’t know whether to laugh or cry about what just happened. You need to work on your game, babe.”
“Oh my God. That is the absolute furthest thing from the top of my priority list,” I assure him with false confidence and a racing heart.
He rubs his temple with his hand and sighs, “On the plus side, he seems like he’s down to tag along on a little double date.”
“It’s not a date. Just friends hanging out,” I murmur.
“Mmhmm.” He scoffs. “Well, it will definitely be a date for me.”
“And we will be there to support you, not on a date. Just two people at the same place at the same time together.”
“Right,” he bellows. “Totally normal. You’re ridiculous.”
We start heading to class, and I smile. “You love me.”
He shrugs. “I sure do.”
Chuckling, I lead us to our seats and unpack my backpack to prepare for the lecture.
“Excuse me.” A deep, familiar voice sends shivers up my spine.
I look up and find Griffin staring down at me with parted lips and a playful gaze.
“Is that seat taken?”
He glances at the empty one next to me, and Lumi answers his question before I get a chance.
“Nope. No one sits there!” he boasts.
Griffin smiles at his enthusiasm, “Good. Regardless if it was, I was going to take it. It’s only right that I get to sit next to my tutor.”
“Well, isn’t that rude if it’s someone else’s seat?” I sneer as I fight back the smile from tipping my lips up.
He walks past me and sits down, his size making the chair look small. He sets his bag down and gets his notebook and pen out before leaning over.
His whisper sends electrifying tingles from my ear down my neck, landing dead center in my core. “What are they going to do? Fight me?” A deep, suppressed laugh that vibrates against my ear makes me acutely aware of how close he is to me. “They can try.”
Is he doing this on purpose to get a rise out of me? Because it’s totally working, and I hate it.
“All right, class, I’ve got a surprise for you today.” Dr. Schrute speaks into the mic, and the class quiets down. “A pop quiz. I’ll hand them out, and once you’re finished, you’ll be free to go for the day.”
My stomach sinks to the floor. Oh my God, is Griffin ready for a pop quiz?
“Are you okay?” Griffin’s warm voice caresses my concerns, and I do my best to swallow my fear and not vocalize it.
“Yeah. I’m okay. Are you?” I ask nervously.
He winks at me. “Are you kidding? I’m going to kill this quiz.”
Smiling at him, I try to feign confidence. I am confident in him, but far less confident in myself as a tutor. Am I actually doing a good job, teaching him everything he needs to know?
At the end of this arrangement, he needs a good passing grade, and I need the money.
What if he ends up failing and fires me? What will I do then?
My anxiety terrorizes me the entire time as I answer each and every question on the quiz with ease and accuracy.
Please, dear God, let him pass this.
I finish first in the class. Rising to my feet, I grab my bag and whisper, “I’ll be outside.” Although I’m unsure if I was directing that at Lumi or Griffin.
Descending the stairs, I turn my paper in to Dr. Schrute, who smiles and thanks me, and I head to the hallway to wait.
As I sit down in one of the comfy study chairs outside of the room, my nerves are at an all-time high. Each second feels like a minute, and time drags on forever.
Malik walks into the hallway with a smile on his face and spots me immediately. “Hey, bookworm.”
“Malik,” I greet him indifferently because I have yet to decide whether I like him or not.
“Kind of a cold tone you’ve got there, but whatever,” he sighs. “How do you think you did?”
“Oh, I got every question right,” I state.
He grins, his lips dripping with arrogance. “Good for you. I did too.”
“Really?” I scoff, doubting him.
He shrugs. “Yes, really. Smart-ass.”
“Rude. But good for you,” I applaud him.
The door opens again, and my heart rate spikes as I anticipate who will walk through it. A few girls I don’t know saunter out and immediately look at Malik, smiling and waving at him. He grins at them and winks, sending them into a giggling fit as they walk away.
Dear God, he is unbearable to be around.
The door cracks and slowly opens. My palms start sweating, and my breathing quickens. The second I see it’s Griffin, I stand up, eager to hear how he did.
The door closes behind him, and he finds me immediately. A look of sadness stretches tightly across his face. Shit.
I walk cautiously up to him and ask, “How d-did it go?”
He strikes. His hands fly out and grab my waist, and he lifts me into the air and spins me around. I shriek as he swings me around like a doll, and I can’t help giggling as I fly through the air in circles.
He slows down and pulls me against him while lowering me to the ground. Our bodies slide together, and my heart is out of control as his arm circles around my back. He holds me in place for just a second, our faces inches apart. His hooded gaze darts to my lips and then back to my eyes.
Right as I think he’s about to lean in, he lowers me fully to the ground and steps back, putting distance between us.
He smiles shyly at me as I try to figure out what the hell just happened.
“I fucking aced that shit! All thanks to you!” he praises me, and somehow, I feel even warmer inside than before.
Pretending that moment between us didn’t just happen, I boast, “Well, of course you did. I’m amazing at my job.”
He smirks. “Most of it was stuff we covered in that study guide anyway, and I memorized that like the back of my hand. If that was a glimpse of the test, I will ace that shit too.” His eyes drift to where Malik is standing, and he does that weird, silent what’s up head-nod thing.
“Glad you did good, bro,” Malik praises him, and for the tiniest moment, I don’t dislike Malik for the support he gives Griffin. “Ready for weights?”
“Yeah, we’d better get going.” Griffin looks at me. “Let me know when you want to leave campus. I’ll give you a ride home.”
I nod and say, “Yeah, I’ll text you,” while doing my best to ignore the butterflies going insane in my chest.
He smiles before turning on his heel and walking away with Malik, and I watch them until they turn the corner and are out of sight.
I’ll wait for Lumi to come out of class so he can finish freaking out about Griffin. I know he will want to talk about the fact that he sat next to me, and he’s going to lose it when I tell him he spun me around in the hallway. But I can’t stop thinking about the fact that Griffin called his house my home. I know he means to his house, but I can’t lie and say it doesn’t feel strange to hear it aloud.
But the part that’s stirring inside of me that I can’t shake is that I don’t know where my home is right now. It will always be with my dad. It has been my whole life. But that doesn’t change the fact that I feel a bit lost. It doesn’t matter though, knowing that my dad is getting the best health care money can buy. He wasn’t necessarily excited about my new living arrangements. I told him it was a job opportunity and a way for us to afford everything we need. It’s a blessing. He saw it that way at least, and I’m glad he did.
A house is where you store your possessions and sleep. It’s a noun, and right now, my house is Griffin’s. But a home is the one place you have no doubt in your mind you belong. It’s your safe haven. It’s where you laugh, cry, and love. It’s where you can let your heart out of its cage to explore fearlessly.
I think it’s best not to consider Griffin’s house my home because I’m scared that once I let my heart out of its confines, it won’t ever be the same. It will wind up finding happiness once and for all in the arms of the guy I shouldn’t be developing feelings for, or it will end up shattered in pieces, and I’ll be left trying to put it back together.
It’s been three weeks since Blair moved in, and I’m losing my goddamn mind. When I ran into her on the stairs that night, it was like seeing the real her for the first time. She was relaxed and honest. It was nice talking with her, even if I avoided opening up to her. It’s not personal. There are parts of myself that I haven’t faced in a long time.
A flash of her hand on my chest burns into my vision. Something changed that night, and tension started humming beneath the surface in the air between us. I saw it in the flush of her body and the hunger in her eyes.
Then, I almost kissed her in the hallway after class, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it since.
I know we started working with each other because we understood the lines of our relationship and weren’t going to cross it. But I don’t know if I can keep up my end of that deal. Although Blair hasn’t made a direct move and, at times, seems to be fighting her gravitation toward me, I know she still feels whatever fire we ignited that night on the stairs.
She’s been all business since our almost kiss in the hallway, and she’s trying her hardest not to look at me while we spend hours studying. She’s also been putting more physical distance between us during study sessions. Maybe I should try harder not to flirt with her, but I can’t fucking help it when she smiles and giggles at a joke I make. It’s addictive.
She’s been practically locked in her room every day and night, only coming out to grab a plate of food, make some excuse about how busy she is, and then disappear again back upstairs. I know Mrs. Potts wants to spend more time with her. She can’t stop telling me how much she likes having another girl in the house. Mrs. Potts has also been baking up a storm, and I’m worried that if she doesn’t slow down, I’m going to gain a hundred pounds.
I’ll admit, it feels a bit ironic for initially wanting a tutor who didn’t want to get in my pants, and now, I can’t stop thinking about what it would be like to glide hers down over her hips and throw them onto the floor. Or how her lips would feel as we fought for air between desperate, messy kisses.
Fucking hell, I just need to jerk off before I break all the unspoken rules we set.
Maybe she doesn’t like me at all, and she’s just trying to get through our time together as fast as she can. I just know that whenever our deal ends and she leaves, I won’t be able to let her go completely. But for right now, I need to get it together. Because I still have a grade that threatens to end my career.
For the time being, I’ll stay professional. I’ll behave for the duration of our little agreement, and then when she moves out, all bets are off.
If you had asked me at the beginning of this semester if I would be developing a plan to win over my tutor, I would have laughed because I don’t have the time or energy, but she makes me want to find it.
She is a good tutor, and I’m so much better off with her helping me. I’ve gotten nearly perfect scores on our quizzes and assignments. The only thing I’m still struggling with is the writing assignments where we talk about ourselves. I hate talking about my feelings, especially regarding my past. It’s nobody’s business but mine, so I’ve been lying this whole time. But the more and more time I spend with Blair, the guiltier I feel about lying.
No one will know the difference if I sell my words as the truth. But I don’t want Blair to like a made-up version of myself.
It’s so much easier to write about a version of Griffin Hawthorne, who’s had the perfect life, filled with happy memories, than to dig up the truth. But maybe that’s how I’ve been getting by for so long—by pretending everything is peachy and perfect. I don’t know what’s happening to me. Before Blair, I was content with the lies I shared with Dr. Schrute and the rest of the world. Now, a pit the size of a black hole has settled into my stomach, making me queasy every time I bend the truth.
Dangling a puck with my stick, I slide gently it across the ice before catching it again and pushing it the other way.
“Hey, bro.” Asher rips me from my thoughts and skates over, passing a puck back and forth to himself.
Using my stick, I steal it from him before sliding it back his way. Drifting backward on my skates, I put a little distance between us, and he passes it back to me.
“There’s a party tonight at the baseball house. Do you want to go?” he asks, slapping the puck over to me.
In all honesty, I don’t feel like partying, but maybe getting out of the house and away from Blair could be a good move right now. “Sure, yeah. What time?”
Asher’s eyes light up, and I try not to laugh. I don’t go out a ton, so when I do, the guys get really excited about it.
“Fuck yeah!” Asher cheers.
Picking the puck up on his stick, he chucks it at Dean. “Hey, Griff’s in tonight.”
Spinning around, he’s grinning from ear to ear. “Sweet! Mal, you in?”
Malik skates up behind me. Throwing an arm over my shoulders, he stops at my side. “A party? Always in.”
By the time warm-ups are done, I think the party might be overrun tonight due to the number of hockey players going. Coach skates out to us, and we huddle around him, waiting for his instruction. He has us start with breakout stickhandling drills to warm our hands up and get ready.
We break out into four groups, each stationed at one of the red dots in the offensive and defensive zones. Three players are inside of the circle, stickhandling to themselves while constantly skating around, but never leaving the confines of the red-painted circle. Then, three other players are outside of the circle, trying to pass through the chaos of the circle to each other. It helps us be better at passing through groups of players in a tight area. After running this drill for about five minutes, the outer and inner groups switch, and we start again.
We run through a few more stickhandling drills before we start scrimmaging, and that’s what we spend the next hour doing—running our five-on-five lines against each other. We end practice with a shoot-out on each end of the ice.
After a quick change, I’m stuck debating whether to hang out around campus or go home.
Blair only has one class on Wednesdays, and it’s done around eleven a.m. She’s been stubbornly adamant about Lumi driving her everywhere—or perhaps adamant about not riding with me. She should be home by now unless she’s doing something else today. The idea of her meeting up with someone and hanging out makes my blood boil. I can’t imagine she has time to entertain anyone who isn’t Lumi or me, but I still can’t shake the skin-crawling invasive thought that another guy could be spending today with her. Shit, maybe I should just stay home and skip the party.
“Hey, sweet cheeks.” Malik smiles as he walks out of the locker room, finding me lost in my mind. “What’s happening in that big brain of yours? You look constipated.”
I snort. “Thanks, buddy. What time is that party tonight again?”
“Starts at seven, but we’ll probably head over at about eight thirty or nine. Why?” he asks hesitantly and sighs. “Don’t tell me you’re thinking about backing out.”
I assure him, “No, I’m not. I was just wondering. I’m going to run home, try to get some homework done quickly, and I’ll meet you guys there.”
He studies me curiously for a moment before slowly saying, “Okay. That sounds good. Pick me up?”
He’s such a fucking passenger princess, and he never wants to drive himself anywhere. At this point, it’s kind of our thing.
“Yeah, I’ve got you. I’ll let you know when I leave.”
