A Place Called Home, page 9
So she moved to the other side of the car, where Krish couldn’t see her unless he adjusted the mirror.
Manasi, oblivious to what was happening, was busy looking at the scenery outside. She was chatting about what a fun time they’d had but how she was also glad to be getting back to the city, and how it was ‘too much wilderness’ for her.
Alka nodded but she was barely listening. Her face displayed no emotion but she felt uneasy. Whatever her feelings were towards Krish, she simply had to keep them in check.
A few seconds later, Krish adjusted the mirror so he could see her again. Though she told herself that she shouldn’t look into the mirror and meet his eyes, she couldn’t help it. For the rest of the journey, they kept stealing glances at each other in the rear-view mirror.
Alka couldn’t look away, and neither could Krish.
12
1994–95
White Blossoms
ONCE THEY WERE BACK AT CAMPUS, IT BECAME increasingly harder for Krish to suppress what he had begun feeling towards Alka. The fact that she had visited the coffee estate, met his brother, conversed excitedly with his mother about the local food, all of it further endeared her to him.
While he’d always had relationships, he hadn’t been this powerfully drawn to anyone before. Also, while he was in a relationship with one woman, he’d never been attracted to another. So he couldn’t understand this. But feelings were something that happened to you—it wasn’t something you controlled. All he knew was that he was strangely excited, and adrenaline squished his insides into jelly each time Alka was around. And she was around often. They had become a trio and Manasi asked her along on almost all their outings and plans.
‘Listen, you used up all your alone time when you locked yourself up in the room for weeks. Enough now, don’t sit and brood, come along,’ she would insist.
Sometimes, Alka had genuine excuses—an assignment to be submitted, a paper to be turned in, a test, a project. But Manasi knew exactly how much work each one required and she called her out on the excuses that she felt were clearly not valid. So, Alka went along, thankful that she had a real friend who was looking out for her.
But she was also aware of the explosive chemistry growing between her and Krish, and began avoiding looking at Krish when the three were together. She would address Manasi, and pretend Krish wasn’t there till he asked her something directly. Then she would be forced to reply, and as soon as she answered, she would look away, her heart beating loudly. But her face revealed nothing. Alka was used to keeping secrets. All her life she’d done that. She was an expert at concealing what she truly felt deep down.
The placements were approaching and Krish threw himself into work. He was glad to have something to distract him. He worked extremely hard, and Manasi and Alka hardly saw him.
Eventually, the senior batch, including Krish, graduated and everyone in the batch got good placements. Krish felt rather proud about it, as he had spearheaded the placement committee. His efforts had paid off. The director of the institute commended them on a job well done and Krish was proud. He himself landed a job at a multinational FMCG where he would join as a management trainee. He would move to Bombay soon for six months of probation and training. After this, Krish would be posted in a city of his choice, if an opening was available there.
Alka was glad when this happened, not just because he had landed his dream job, but also because it meant she did not have to be on guard and fight her feelings when he was around. Six months was plenty of time, Alka thought, and by then she would be completing her last semester, which was an internship at a corporate organization, after which they would graduate.
It had been months since Alka left, but Subbu couldn’t stop thinking of her. He had a spring in his step as he went about his daily routine at the estate. He wanted to see her again. The dry season was over and the first showers of the rainy season had just started. The coffee estate would soon bloom. It was the most magical time to be at the estate—the entire place burst into splatters of white, as though an artist had carelessly toppled a can of silken white paint over it. As far as the eye could see, the estate would be filled with the most beautiful jasmine-like flowers that formed garlands over the coffee plantation. The air would be perfumed with a heady aroma. The burgeoning bushes would sway gently in the misty cool breeze, as though waving to you. Framed by the Nilgiri mountains, the bumblebees buzzing around and the honeybees thronging to the bushes, each bush would be laden with thousands of white flowers, like a thick blanket of snow. The sight transported even the most cynical to a magical fairyland, where anything was possible. This would last for just three or four days after which the delicate white petals would drop off, making way for the cheery red berries.
Subbu wanted Alka to witness this incredible, ethereal sight. He knew how much she would appreciate it. He called up Krish at the men’s residential building and left a message with the student who picked up, asking him to tell Krishna to call him back. Calling Krish was something he rarely did, mainly because it was difficult to get him on the line. He was always busy. Krish called him back as soon as he got the message, worried that there was something amiss.
‘Is everything okay, Anna? Why did you call?’ Krish asked.
‘Yes, yes. Amma wanted to know if you will bring your friends over to see the coffee blooms. It will bloom in ten days,’ Subbu said, not wanting to tell Krish that he wanted Alka to see the blooms.
‘Ummm, I am not sure, I will check with Manasi. She isn’t exactly a nature person,’ Krish replied.
‘But Alka would love it. It has to be seen to be believed,’ Subbu said a bit too quickly.
‘Yes, it is. And you know how much I love being at the estate during this time too. Okay, I will ask them and let you know,’ Krish said. He’d enjoyed the last trip immensely, and the idea of going back appealed to him.
Krish waited till he, Alka and Manasi were together to broach the topic of another visit to Sakleshspur, knowing that he had a higher chance of success with Alka around. He described the coffee blossoms and how it would be a magnificent sight. Alka hesitated. While what Krish described sounded magnificent, it would mean more time with him, which she didn’t want. But then, I might not get this chance again later, she thought.
‘I would love to visit again; I really liked it the last time. I also want to learn the recipes of those delicious stuff that Aunty makes,’ Alka said.
This time it was Manasi who was reluctant.
‘But Alka, our classes? Krish’s placements are over, but we still have our classes.’
‘Show me your schedule?’ Krish said.
Alka fished out the schedule from her bag and gave it to him. He looked at the course calendar.
‘Look, if you miss one lecture on Thursday, you practically get four whole days. I can see that your submission isn’t due until the following week,’ Krish pointed out.
‘Ummm—that’s true. We haven’t missed too many classes this term,’ Manasi said. ‘I guess we can make it.’
‘I think it will be a perfect way to celebrate my placement,’ Krish said. ‘Also imagine the photos you would be able to take of the white coffee blossoms. I bet no one in your photography club would have seen such stunning pictures,’ he added and that was enough to convince Manasi.
Alka’s second visit to Saklehspur was even better than the last one. She felt as though she was in an enchanted forest. She couldn’t believe her eyes when she saw the coffee blossoms.
‘Oh my goodness, this is heaven!’ she exclaimed as Krish took the steep turn that swerved into the estate and drove up the winding path that lead to the colonial bungalow.
This time Subbu was waiting right at the bottom of the steps, dressed impeccably in a pristine white shirt tucked into a smart pair of light blue jeans, with brown suede leather boots. Anandi hugged Alka like she was a long-lost friend as she welcomed them. Never had Alka felt or experienced this kind of warmth, except from her mother.
After a scrumptious meal, Subbu took them deeper into the estate, his jeep expertly winding its way through the tall towering trees, passing the perky green peppers and Alka stared at the expansive shaded Arabica plants laden with the white flowers. When they stopped, Manasi got busy clicking photos, capturing the magic of the white flowers.
‘These blossoms don’t last long. So I am glad you could make it,’ Subbu said. He was looking at Alka.
‘Me too,’ Alka said softly as though afraid that if she spoke any louder, it would break the spell.
Subbu held a flower in his hand without snapping it from the bush and explained the difference between an Arabica flower and a Robusta flower.
‘Look—this is an Arabica flower. The corolla will divide itself into five. If it is a Robusta, it will divide itself into seven short-stalked petals. Robusta flowers are also slightly bigger.’
When they went ahead to another side of the plantation, he pointed out the Robusta flowers.
To Alka and to Manasi, they all looked the same.
They heard a loud noise in the distance then.
‘What’s that?’ Alka asked.
‘Elephants—we have electric fences to ward them off, but every now and then, they uproot trees and put them on the fences and then cross over. They are extremely smart animals,’ Subbu said.
‘Oh wow! I never knew estates can have elephants.’
‘Oh, we have elephants, bisons, chitals or deers, foxes—all sorts of animals. It’s a proper forest area,’ Krish said.
‘Last year we lost two of our workers in elephant attacks. These animals are extremely agile and dangerous,’ Subbu added.
When they returned to the house, they found Anandi stretched out on the easy chair on the verandah. A young girl who looked like she was in her teens was applying oil to her legs and massaging them.
‘Ah, there you are—do any of you girls want a foot massage? Selvi is so good at it. This is a special oil that wards off arthritis,’ Anandi said.
‘No. No … I don’t want it,’ Alka was quick to reply. She had to look away as she couldn’t bear to watch Selvi massaging Anandi’s feet. She’d noticed a bookshelf in the hall and she went over and looked at the books with great interest.
Krish, Manasi and Subbu sat on the verandah and chatted with Anandi about various things at the estate, the city life, their course work. It was only when Selvi finished and went inside that Alka joined them.
‘I can’t thank you enough for hosting us, aunty,’ Alka later told Anandi.
‘Ah, I am happy you all made the time to witness this,’ Anandi said.
‘We’re lucky we got the chance. And aunty, this time I am determined to learn all the recipes. See, I brought a notebook along and I will write it all down as I watch you cook,’ Alka said as she showed Anandi a notebook she had brought along.
‘Oh, I don’t cook myself. I supervise the staff. But you have to be very careful about the exact quantities and proportions, and also about when to add the spices, how much time to roast for and a lot of other things. You can write all that down in your notebook.’
The next few days went by in the blink of an eye. Whenever Anandi was in the kitchen, Alka was there too, carefully making notes. Anandi told her that Gowramma and her husband Manikantan were excellent cooks and they had migrated to the estate from near the Tamil Nadu border many years ago. Their daughter Selvi was born and raised on the estate. They spoke Kannada. Since Alka had grown up hearing the language, it felt strangely like home. Years of watching and carefully listening to Tanvi and Mrs Shetty meant that Alka could easily understand it though the dialect was different from the one she had grown up hearing.
Alka, being good with languages, observed keenly the way they spoke, the way they pronounced words and the way in which Anandi communicated with them. Anandi was astonished when Alka began picking up the phrases and repeating them with perfect pronunciation within two days.
‘Oh, you have picked up Kannada so well! Anyone would think you are a native. North Indians generally don’t get our language so easily,’ Anandi remarked.
Alka loved every moment of her time at the planation. Any time she wasn’t in the kitchen with Anandi, she went for long treks with Subbu and Krish. Manasi came along sometimes, and at other times she found fascinating subjects within the bungalow itself to photograph.
At the end of their holiday, when it was time for them to leave, Anandi packed a jar of pickle for Alka.
‘It’s grown in our estates; eat it with rice or chapati,’ she said.
‘Aunty, I can’t tell you how much all of this has meant to me. I am so grateful,’ Alka blinked back her tears. She missed her mother so much, and she felt as though she saw her mother in Anandi’s kindness.
Anandi sensed this too. Overcome with emotion, she hugged Alka and asked her to come again.
‘I will, aunty, I will,’ Alka said.
Krish watching this whole scene knew that Alka had found a way not only into his mother’s heart but also into his own. He was definitely falling in love with her. She had stirred inside him feelings he never knew existed.
Once they were back at the campus, he tried hard to ignore how he felt. He was acutely aware of how ridiculous this whole situation was, considering he was dating Manasi. He wondered if he could he even call it ‘love’.
How could he be in love with her when he and Manasi were in a relationship? What did he feel for Manasi? Of late his feelings towards her were more like what one felt for a dear friend. As far as Manasi was concerned she considered them to be a couple. But Krish was increasingly feeling stifled with Manasi. She never did anything to offend him. On the contrary, she was thoughtful and considerate. She was such a nice person. He could not pinpoint what it was that was lacking in their relationship. But he knew—like he did with all the other girls before her—the relationship had lost its fizz. With any other woman, this would have been the time he would have ended it, told them it was over and he would have parted ways. Yet he hesitated to break things off with Manasi. He knew how close Manasi was with Alka, and what if Alka decided never to speak to him if he ended it with Manasi?
Trying to ignore his feelings for Alka only made things worse. They rose inside him like a storm that threatened to spill out and he couldn’t keep them within him anymore. The more he tried to pretend that there was nothing between them, the more his attraction to her grew, digging its claws deep into his heart.
He was glad that Manasi wasn’t a jealous person. Other guys had told him about their girlfriends and how they kept their boyfriends on a tight leash. Manasi, on the other hand, trusted both him and Alka completely. This only made him feel worse.
He felt like a complete jerk for being so wildly drawn towards Alka. The intensity of his feelings puzzled him. He had always presumed that when it came to women, he was in control. He understood them, knew what to say and mostly took charge. But Alka unravelled all of that.
If Alka was aware of the effect she was having on him, she never once showed it. Surely, she must feel something. How could she be this oblivious, he wondered. Alka’s indifference only strengthened Krish’s feelings for her. He was used to women pursuing him for attention, but Alka did none of that.
One morning, when Manasi was attending a seminar organized by the photography club and Alka was in the library, Krish saw a window of opportunity and decided to grab it. He simply had to speak to Alka before he exploded.
‘Hey,’ he said, drawing up a chair and sitting down next to her without asking.
‘Hi,’ said Alka, without taking her eyes off the book she was making notes from. She’d seen him coming in and glancing around. She felt as though her world was about to spin out of control. She wanted to hide, but since there was nowhere to go, she sat very still, pretending to be engrossed in her work.
‘Kotler, eh?’ Krish asked.
Alka nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
‘Porter’s Competitive Strategy is good too. I can lend it to you if you like,’ Krish said.
Krish knew that he hadn’t come here to talk of Kotler or Porter, and yet that was what he was doing, unable to say what he really wanted to.
‘Thanks. You can give it to Manasi, and she will pass it to me,’ Alka replied, her face unreadable.
‘Why? Will it hurt you if you take the book from me?’ Krish’s pride was bruised at this slight brush-off.
‘No, but it might hurt Manasi,’ Alka replied, meeting his eyes at last.
‘Err ... what do you mean?’
‘You know what I mean, Krish. You don’t strike me as a dumb guy.’
Krish wasn’t expecting this and he was stumped.
‘I actually came to talk about your internship,’ he improvised.
‘What about it? And why are you seeking me out privately? Why not speak to me along with others?’ Alka had a small smile now and her eyes sparkled with mischief.
‘Alka, don’t make this so difficult please … I ... you know—’
‘I know, and that is why we should nip this in the bud. It’s not fair on Manasi,’ she cut in before he could finish.
‘Yes. I agree. I am considering telling her how I feel about you.’
‘What? No! Are you crazy? There’s nothing that has happened between us. If you tell her, what do you think will happen?’ Alka’s outrage was evident in her voice.
‘I don’t know,’ Krish shrugged.
‘Look Krish—there’s nothing to be done. These things—they happen. Whatever we pay attention to, grows. So let’s just pretend nothing exists between us, and nothing will. It will die on its own once you move to Bombay for your job. I suggest we do nothing about it. Telling Manasi will mean that I lose the only friend I have on this campus.’
