Something like Hate, page 19
part #1 of Chicago Grizzlies Series
I sit and drink my water, watching the television. As if I need to be reminded, another talk show is discussing the article written by Shelly Breckles.
“So, did you do it with the girl?” the man closest to me asks.
I scowl at him. “No.”
“Yeah, we didn’t think so. Now Damon—” the second guy in says, and they all nod.
“Damon what?” Damon asks as he walks in through the back door.
“Would’ve slept with that girl while you were with Bryce,” I inform him because I’d love the fire to be at someone else’s feet.
“Bullshit. When I decide I want to, I’ll be in a relationship, and I’ll be faithful.” He smacks me on the shoulder. “I just heard that she’s in Idaho.”
I straighten in my seat. “What?”
“She’s with her mom and dad. She told Ellery that she needed to get away, Coop said.”
“From me.” My shoulders sag and I gulp more water.
“Action. Action. Action,” Ruby repeats.
“What is she going on about?” Damon asks, nodding in her direction.
“She’s talking about me taking action.”
Damon looks at her. “What kind of action is he supposed to take? He tried to go to her house. She ran out of town.”
The word ran plays on repeat in my head. Two years ago, she ran from me too. There wasn’t anything I could do then, I had no idea why she was running, but this time around, it’s different.
I look at Damon, and he squints, clearly trying to understand my look. Then his eyes widen as I stand from the chair. He holds me back with both hands. “No. No fucking way.”
“It’s the only way. She deserves her job.”
“You’re delusional. She’s just one girl. One of how many possibilities?”
I turn around and laugh. “I really hope one day you understand, because I’d hate for you to never know this feeling.”
“What feeling? Heartbroken? Handcuffed?”
Ruby walks around the bar and smacks him on the back of the head. “The love of a woman is a very special thing.”
“Yes, Ruby, I know. That’s why there’s a woman in my bed most nights.”
She smacks him again.
“Hey, that’s just mean,” Damon says.
“You want to see mean, I’ll give you mean.” She glares at him.
I leave them to it, but as I’m waiting for my Uber, Damon comes out and stands next to me.
“What are you doing?” I ask.
“Going with you.”
“Um… no. I don’t need you trying to convince me to not do it.” The Uber arrives and I slide into the back seat.
Damon gets in right beside me. “I won’t. I just want to see what this is like.”
The Uber pulls away from the curb. Twenty minutes later, we’re outside the stadium. I stand outside and soak it in. I sure am going to miss it here.
“I’m just gonna ask this one more time, are you sure?” He clamps me on the shoulder as I stare at the full-body picture of me on a giant flag outside the stadium, next to flags featuring Cooper and Damon.
I was really making things happen here. But Bryce comes to my mind again. The feeling I get around her is way more powerful and important than when I get a pick-six. Football won’t be here forever, but hopefully she will.
“Yeah, I’m sure.”
We go up to the front office, and I knock on Ronnie Michaels’s open door.
He has his feet up on the corner of his desk as he eats an apple. “Cavanaugh, come in.”
I sit in the chair across from him. He opens his mouth to speak, but I quickly interrupt him. “Can I say my piece first?”
He nods and motions for me to continue.
The fact that he hasn’t called me into his office at all since the article went out tells me Bryce is going to fall on the sword for this, and that’s unfair.
“I know you have an in with Mr. Osterman over at Sportsverse. I want Bryce to keep her job, and if she can’t, I’m going to make your life a living hell.”
Chapter 28
Bryce
I’m sitting on my mom’s patio, sipping a beer while my dad grills kabobs. They insisted on feeding me after I told them I’d lost my job.
My mom walks past, her hand running through my hair. “We’ll fill our bellies. Everything looks better after you eat.”
I smile because she’s so optimistic. Even during her treatments, while tears welled in my eyes as the doctor told us what we were dealing with, she would squeeze my hand and say, “It’s all good. We’re good.” I felt so weak compared to her.
She set a plate next to my dad at the grill and he wraps his arm around her, kissing the top of her head. She turns around to head back into the kitchen and I see guilt on her face. Because she doesn’t want to make this harder on me.
“I’m not gonna stop touching my fiancée just because you’re here,” my dad says, turning the kabobs over, never looking at me.
“I didn’t say anything.”
“I’m just sayin’. You need to stop trying to make your mother feel guilty, too.”
“Jeez, Dad. I’m so happy I’m home.”
He shuts the grill and turns to look at me, tongs in his hand. “I’m glad you’re home. There’re a lot of things we need to clear up, and I’m sorry about you losing your job. I could’ve told you at that dinner you were about to fall for that boy.”
“Someone’s been on the internet.” I sip my beer and strip my eyes away from him.
“It’s hard to miss.” He raises his eyebrows. “You’ve always done things big, never mediocre.”
“You’re just full of compliments tonight.” I press my hands on the sides of the lounge chair to get up.
“Sit back down.” He points at me with the tongs.
My dad rarely ever disciplined me. He never wanted me not to want to go with him, so he might have sternly said something, but this tone isn’t one that was ever directed to me. Regardless, I sit.
“It wasn’t an insult. You’re where you are because you believe in yourself and don’t let anyone tell you who you can be. That’s an admirable trait. But when things don’t go how you want, you like to bury your head in the sand.”
I turn away and look at the backyard. Thankfully, they live in southern Idaho, so it’s still warmer here even if there’s a bit of chill in the air. It’s a nice change from the already cold weather in Chicago.
“Your mom accepting me back into her life never had anything to do with you. Sure, she was gentle with you, and didn't want to hurt you, but she doesn’t need your permission to marry me.”
“I know,” I say sullenly.
“But you’re acting like a toddler, putting her fingers in her ears and refusing to acknowledge or accept that it’s going to happen regardless of whether you’re onboard or not. Your mom wanted to delay the wedding, give you longer to accept it, but I told her hell no. I’ve waited long enough. Now imagine if I did to you what you’re doing to me.”
I rear my head back. He lifts the hood of the grill, and I’m happy to have his eyes off me for a second. “What does that mean?”
“If I told you I wasn’t going to talk to you if you dated Miles. That I sure as hell wouldn’t attend your wedding and told you the mistake you were making by marrying him.”
“I never said those things.” I move to stand.
“Your silence did. Your unwillingness to answer the phone did. Your inability to even discuss the wedding did.”
“I’m sorry, okay? Jeez, I’m here now.”
He turns around, crossing his arms.
“You want to know why I came here, Dad? To make peace with the fact that you were a womanizing asshole who left me in hotel rooms so he could search for some fresh pussy.”
“Bryce!” My mom comes out of the kitchen, and my face heats.
My dad’s gaze falls to the ground. “I made mistakes… a lot, I know that and I’m sorry for how they affected you. It’s what you do when you realize you made the mistake that matters. I can’t change the past, hell, I probably can’t even make up for it. All I can do is move forward and be a better man.” He puts the kabobs on the plate and turns off the grill. “Excuse me.” He slides by my mom and me, going into the house.
My mom blows out a breath and picks up the plate, following him into the house and leaving me outside alone. I finish my beer, throw it in the recyclable trash can they leave outside, and go in to face the music.
“Mom,” I say, entering the kitchen.
Her back is to me, and she raises her hand for me to stop. She turns around, and I’m not prepared to see her red-rimmed eyes and blotchy cheeks.
Guilt and pain well up inside me. “I—”
“No, Bryce. Sit down.”
I sit at the kitchen table that’s been set for dinner.
“I have chosen your dad,” she says. “I know that is hard for you to hear, and neither one of us are proud of the things that transpired during the divorce. Parents have regrets because guess what? We’ve never done this before. Which you’ll figure out for yourself as you continue to move through life, and hopefully have a husband and a family one day. It’s all new, and mistakes will be made. He feels tremendous guilt for the person he was then. He thinks that he’s responsible for your lack of trust in men, in love and relationships.”
“Well… I mean…”
“Bryce…”
“I don’t know what to do, Mom.” My arms flail out to my sides. “I don’t want to be like this. I don’t. Do you think I don’t want to open my arms to Miles and trust him completely? Of course I do. I hurt him so badly when I accused him of messing around on me. He’s never going to forgive me.” Tears burst from my eyes and my head falls into my hands.
“This is the real reason you came home. Not the job. The boy.” She runs her hand over my back and hugs me into her side. “Oh, sweetie. Just let your wall down a little bit. He’ll burst through it, or jump over it, or whatever it will take to have you.”
“You’ve never met him. If you’d seen his face…” I hiccup through the tears.
“Your dad told me how he looks at you. He came home and said he thought we’d have a son-in-law joining the family soon.”
I shake my head. “Talk about zero to sixty.”
“Sometimes it’s okay to go fast. Not everyone needs almost thirty years and a serious illness to make you realize your biggest regret.”
I peek up, and she nods.
“I forgave your father, and I don’t expect you to, but you will respect the relationship I have with him.” She stares at me with those mom eyes. The ones where she’s waiting for me to answer.
I nod.
“Good. Now I’m going to finish getting all this food out before it gets cold and you’re going to go talk to your father. He’s out the front on the swing.”
“Mom…” I’m not even sure what I want to say.
She pats my knee. “The boy isn’t gone. I promise you. But you need to deal with your dad before you go back to Miles. Your gut told you to come home because you know that’s what you need to do.” She puts her fingers over my heart. “It’s the most powerful organ in your body. Listen to it.” She stands and goes back over to the counter.
I wipe the tears from my face and let loose a shaky exhale.
After walking across my parents’ expansive ranch bungalow, I open the front door and step outside. My dad is on the swing on the front porch, looking out at the neighborhood. I sluggishly walk over, and he slows the swing for me to get on, then rocks it back and forth again.
“I’m sorry,” I say.
“No, you’re not. And I’m okay with that.” He glances at me. “If I could take it back, sweetie, I would’ve never divorced your mom. I would’ve been a better husband, a better father. But I was young and stupid and didn’t want to take responsibility for my life.” He shakes his head. “I didn’t want to grow up. That’s it. Plain and simple. But when I heard your mom got sick, my heart just fell to pieces.” He cries, and I don’t know what to do. I’ve never seen my dad so emotional. He struggles to catch his breath. “All the years I lost with her. It was like someone just cast a spell and I couldn’t get here fast enough to help her through it. And your mom didn’t take me back easily.” He laughs. “You should know that. She made me work for it.”
“I figured she would.”
He laughs again and wipes his tears. “When she told me she was giving me a second chance, I just… it was such a gift. I promise you, I’ll never hurt her again. Ever.”
I nod, my own tears spilling free. I haven’t cried this much in years.
“But you… I wish I wasn’t the one who made you so cynical of men. I was the first man in your life, and I failed you. I didn’t set the example you needed growing up or show you how you should be treated. I could never be sorrier for anything in my life than that.”
I lean my head on my dad’s shoulder and we swing for a few minutes in silence. I’m not sure what to say. His admitting his mistakes doesn’t make all the painful memories go away, but it does help, and I can see that this is the first step in healing.
Then I think of Miles. “I think I love him,” I say, more tears cascading down my cheeks.
He places his hand over mine and squeezes. “So, go to him. Allow him to prove you wrong. Allow him to show you how a man should treat his woman.”
We sit for a few more quiet seconds.
“Dad?”
“Yeah.”
“I love you.”
“Oh, sweetie, I love you so much.” He wraps his arm around my shoulders, kissing the top of my head. “Thank you for coming home.”
“Thank you for coming home. She’s happy. Really happy.”
“I hope so. Every day until I die is devoted to her.”
He squeezes me tighter, and I hear the front door open.
“Okay, you bunch of crybabies. Dinner’s ready.” My mom comes over and my dad slows the swing so she can get on.
And we swing together, as a family, for the first time ever.
That wound that was so raw finally feels as though it’s scabbing over.
Chapter 29
Miles
“I can’t get her job back, Miles,” Ronnie says with a sigh, tossing his apple in the trash can.
“You’re buddies with Osterman. You can.”
He blows out a breath. “We already have our people on the whole story this girl is spinning. You need to let it go. I feel bad for Bryce. I liked her, I did, but she knew the rules.”
“So did I.” I point at myself. “What’s going to happen to me?”
He shrugs. Clearly he’s never even thought about punishing me.
“A missed game?”
His eyebrows raise. “We’re not going to bench our best player.”
“But you’ll switch his position?” He sighs, and I wave it off. I need to stop being a baby about that. “I cannot be the reason she loses her job. I cannot be the reason she isn’t as far ahead in her career as she wants to be. It’s everything to her.”
“Why is this so important to you? It’s just one woman.”
I didn’t want to go here and I sure as hell didn’t want Ronnie Michaels to be the first to know, but if it helps Bryce, then that’s what matters. “I love her.”
His eyes widen, and he leans back in his chair. “Are you sure?”
I nod.
He studies me as though he thinks I’m lying.
“If you can’t get her job back, I’m not going to be the player I am today. I’m going to be a nightmare of a PR problem, not to mention my hands might not be what they used to be. I might start missing those balls and find myself unable to track what direction my opponent’s going in.”
He smirks and clicks his tongue off the roof of his mouth. “Are you suggesting you’re going to play like shit if I can’t get her job back?”
“I’m just sayin’. Things happen. People change when the woman they love walks out on them.”
He laughs, cackles really. “You give too much of a shit what fans think. You think I don’t know you, Miles? You thrive off the attention you’re getting now. You’ve always been the underdog, and this is finally your year. Fans can’t get enough of you. You have more jersey sales than Cooper. You’re trying to make me believe you’d give all that up for some girl you’ve been banging?”
“Absolutely. Football isn’t who I am. It doesn’t define me. She’s my future. One day football will just be what I did. And on my tombstone, all I want it to say is MVP of my family.”
He stares at me as though he’s bored.
“I love her, Ronnie, and I’m going to do anything for her. If that means becoming the worst player in the league or the biggest head case, that’s what I’ll do. You can’t change my mind.”
He blows out a breath and stares out his window that overlooks the field. He stands and walks over, putting his hands in his pockets. “I’m not sure I understand players like you, Cavanaugh. Damon, I understand. This should be the time of your life.” He turns to face me. “Women falling at your feet, sliding their numbers in your pockets. But you only want one woman and she’s so important to you that you’d probably retire on the spot right now if you weren’t contracted to the team for another year.”
Absolutely, but I don’t tell him that.
He shakes his head. “You have years in the future to be in a serious relationship. Why now, when you’re a fucking icon?”
“I love her,” I say again. “And I’m just not that guy. I’m a football player, not a player.”
He walks back to his desk. “Let me see what I can do. She won’t be able to write a word about you if I get her back here.” He holds the receiver of his office phone but doesn’t dial.
“Fine. I don’t need that.”
He continues to shake his head while he dials. I don’t need him to understand what I’m doing; he just needs to do it.
When he’s done dialing, he sits back in his seat. “Billy Boy. So, I’ve changed my mind. I’d like Bryce Burns back on the Grizzlies. She won’t report a word about Cavanaugh though.” He puts it on speakerphone and hangs up the receiver.
