Malice, page 27
A smile spreads across his face. “Except for Charlie. He chose me. He saw me for who I am, for who I could be. To him, I was more than just a son to brag about, like I was to Dad. More than a brain to solve his research snares, like Zeke believes.” His lips tighten. “I was even more than just some clueless guy who needs his sister to take care of him.”
“That’s not what I think!” I protest, even as my mind whirls. When did he meet Charlie? Is this why my brother’s been so preoccupied these last few months? Is Charlie’s cabin where he goes for his research trips?
I glance wildly around the basketball court, as though my answers might be hidden in the shadows, and my gaze collides with Bandit’s. He looks about how I feel, like someone just punched him in the gut.
Now what? I can’t tell Archie that Charlie was using him, too, in his own way. That will really send him over the edge. I have to appeal to him the only way I know how—as his sister.
My skin prickles, coming alive with the force of my emotions. I will him to listen. I will him to believe. “I love you. With all that I am, with everything I’ll ever be, I love you. That’s never going to change.”
Archie gazes back at Bandit, who’s no longer moving, and then returns his attention to me.
The breath gets pent up in my lungs. He wants to trust what I’m saying. I know this to the core of my being. Archie’s not interested in destroying the world. He doesn’t wish to decimate entire towns and regions and countries. All he wants is to feel a connection with someone, and that’s what Charlie gave him.
That’s what I could give him. If only he’ll let me.
The seconds tick by as we stand on the precipice of this decision point. The fork in this road could take us onto an entirely new time stream—or keep us on the same one.
“You’ve always been good at saying the right thing, Alice,” my brother says sadly. “But it’s no longer enough.”
He raises the gun so that it’s pointed directly at me for the first time. He might’ve been testing the waters before, when he swung the gun in my direction. To rattle my composure, to shock me into a confession.
To flirt with the idea of taking a life.
But this time?
This time, I can tell by the determination in his eyes, by the concrete in his voice, that he is committed and ready.
“It doesn’t matter how close you get to me, Bandit,” he rasps. “Alice will be just as dead if I pull the trigger. Put down your gun now, or I will kill my sister.”
Chapter 55
My brother’s words hang in the air, so tangible that they could be a physical object. A shiny red tricycle on the playground, a cutout face on a stick…or a knife straight through my heart.
Bandit shoots me a panicked glance. “All right, all right. No need to get testy.” He lies the gun down on the concrete, his movements slow and fumbling.
“Kick it across the court,” Archie demands.
Another pause. Another glance. And then Bandit obeys.
“You.” My brother gestures toward me. “Tie him up with the jump ropes, around the basketball pole.”
My heart pounds, the beats overlapping one another. If I follow his orders, if I render Bandit helpless, I’ll cut in half our minuscule chances of besting him. And yet, the weapon in his hands takes away every choice I have.
“Archie, please,” I say faintly, not certain what I’m asking.
“Wrists and ankles,” he says in a bored voice. “Make it tight, Malice, or I’ll have to do it myself.”
My mouth drops. “Why are you calling me that?”
“Isn’t that the name you’ve chosen for yourself in the future? That’s what I heard.”
I stare at this boy who looks and sounds so much like my brother. “In the future, you died before I took on that name. I watched you on a holo-screen inside a cave.”
His face hardens. “Or did I? You shouldn’t always believe what you’re told. What you think you see. You’re so naive, Malice. That’s why it was so easy for the future to trick you. You have to believe the best in everybody. No wonder your older self was so disgusted by you.” He shakes his head. “Now stop stalling and move!”
Quivering, I cross the lawn and scoop up the pile of jump ropes. Without my asking, Bandit positions himself in front of the pole and crosses his wrists around the length of metal. So thoughtful, this guy. Even now, every action he takes is to help me.
I wind the jump rope around his wrists, trying not to touch him. But my fingers graze his skin anyway, and my heart fractures with the touch.
“Hi,” I whisper.
He twists around so that he can look at me, his lips turning up at the corners. “Hi.”
Heat rushes behind my eyes. “Don’t do that. Don’t smile at me now, of all times. I can’t handle it.”
“These might be the last moments of my life,” he says. “Would you rather that I frown?”
I drop my head because I can’t bear to look into his finely chiseled face. My ponytail hangs by his now-bound wrists, and he flexes his fingers so that they brush against the tips of my hair. The fracture turns into a full-on break.
“You left me at Cristela’s,” I say around the lump in my throat. Crouching, I wrap another jump rope between his ankles and the basketball pole. Archie’s lowered the gun and is watching us intently. “What made you leave? Did a voice appear in your head? Or did you think…I would try to kill you again?”
“The first one,” he says. “My older self came to me. He asked me to help you.” He reaches out his fingers again, this time grazing the top of my head. It’s as though he’s taking each and every opportunity to touch me. The pressure on my scalp is almost imperceptible, and yet I know I’ll never forget the sensation as long as I live.
“Has he ever come to you before?” I whisper.
“Nah. This was the first time he’s appeared. I think he visits me in the future? I’m not really sure.” Bandit wiggles his jaw, as though he needs to shake the words loose. “He explained about the virus. The deaths. His and Malice’s failed missions.” He stops again. Swallows hard. “He asked me to ease your burden. To kill Archie…or myself. Obviously, I have a vested interest in staying alive. But my older self said either option would do.” He moves his shoulders. “Too bad Archie knew I was coming.”
I finish the knot and stand. My hands are chilled, but my heart is warm. So I was right. The only reason he’s here now is because the future Bandit loves me.
“More, Malice,” Archie calls. “Another jump rope each at his hands and feet.”
Picking up another plastic cord, I repeat the process of tying his wrists. I try to leave some slack while knotting the rope tightly enough to make Archie happy. But it’s hard to tell if I succeed.
“The future Bandit had already reached his quota of trips,” I murmur. Archie’s staring. He probably hears every word we say. I don’t care. If this is my last chance to have this conversation, I won’t back away because of a deluded desire for privacy. “If he time traveled any more, his mind would come apart.”
“Yes.” The word is as slow and reluctant as the sap dripping out of a Vermont sugar maple. “This was his last gift to you. His first and final request to me. At the end of our conversation, his consciousness…shattered. That’s the best way I can describe it. It broke in a million pieces, and the light I felt in my head disappeared. Not like it traveled back to the future but like it was…snuffed out.”
My breath catches. My heart stops. Time itself comes to a screeching halt. “He…died?”
Bandit turns his head so that he’s looking directly at me. His expression is calm, although his eyes are freaked. “Yes.”
I break down. Weeping for the man who loved me with every ounce of his heart. With every inch of his soul. For the person who took his last breath for me. The one who made his final sacrifice…for me. A stubborn girl whose insatiable curiosity ruined his plans. All because I will one day grow up to become the Malice of his heart.
“Alice?” Bandit sounds dazed. “He loved you very much.”
“He did,” I whisper, past the aching heart that sits in my chest, as useless as a broken toy. “He and Malice loved each other across timelines. No matter how they interfered with the past, they found each other every time. He said…” My voice falters, but I make myself try again. I need to make sure this boy, this Bandit, understands. “He said their love was an unshakable event in the universe.”
Bandit squares his shoulders and faces forward. “Then I’m okay being tied to this basketball pole. Whatever the results, if this was his last wish, it is my honor to fulfill it.”
My knees give out, and I fall. You’d think I’d feel lighter with this raw, open wound in my chest. But like a black hole, the emptiness sucks all the goodness from my life, all the happiness and joy, so that I’m pulled to the ground with a force stronger than gravity.
He was right. My future husband, when he was assessing how his younger self would react. Bandit doesn’t need to ask questions. He simply trusts—in his gut, in his instincts. It’s a sign of his steadiness, and it’s one of the reasons I love him. Him, the guy standing before me now, not the man he’ll become in the future.
I pick myself up just as Archie approaches to check the knots. Satisfied, my brother jabs me in the back with the gun, urging me forward. I lumber in the direction of his prods, my mind stunned and my heart numb.
“Tell you what,” Archie says, as if he’s come to a long and hard decision. “I think you’re being sincere. No matter what you feel for him, I think you do love me. I want you to be telling the truth, more than I’ve ever wanted anything, really. So I’m giving you the chance to prove it.”
He lifts the gun and offers it to me. I stare at the glinting metal of the barrel. “You’re…giving me your weapon?”
“If my older self is right, I’m not in any danger.” He licks his lips. “You weren’t able to kill me in order to save millions of people. In order to protect your own child. You’re not going to hurt me now.
“But that guy?” He jerks his head toward Bandit. “Kill him, right here, right now. And the action will bind us together. You’ll be a murderer, and I’ll be your accomplice. Me and you, Malice. Brother and sister, forever and always.”
My heart stutters. Bandit yanks desperately at the restraints, but it’s Archie’s expression that destroys me. Picks me up and smashes me against the blacktop. Hope. Even now, all my brother wants is to be loved.
“This is what Malice wanted. Even what his older self desired. So much that they tried to trick you into making this decision.” My brother’s eyes drill into me. Beg me. Plead with me. To choose him, for once. Just like Charlie did. Just like no one else ever did. “But you were too smart for them. You found out the truth. Doesn’t change the wisdom of their plan. Killing Bandit is still the right choice. It always was.”
He takes a shaky breath. “The only question is: Will you do the right thing? Will you kill this boy and save your brother? Save the entire world?”
I can’t breathe. I pant and pant, but it’s like all the oxygen has been sucked out of this time stream. How can I make this decision? How?
But I know that I have to. The entire week was leading up to this. Every thread on every timeline culminates here, in this moment. What I choose now will change everything.
I turn to Bandit. Our eyes meet for one searing moment. And then my heart rate slows. My breath becomes still. I look from him to my brother. Both so important to me in different ways. Both of whom I love, present and future.
I know what I have to do.
Chapter 56
Moving quickly, I cross the blacktop in a few large strides, putting distance between my brother and me. Between Bandit and me.
Then I press the gun against the underside of my chin.
When it is precisely lined with my brain, I look up. Both Archie and Bandit are gaping at me.
“Alice, what are you doing?” Panic whips into Bandit’s voice, and he strains against the bindings. But he’s too far away. Even if he could get free, he won’t be able to reach me in time.
The acid climbs my throat. My neck moves. So does the gun. The metal is ice against the fire of my skin. But it’s too late now. I stepped onto this path. I have to see it through.
“Holy crap, Malice.” My brother’s voice is a mix of awe and fear. Bandit can’t comprehend my actions, but Archie…does Archie understand? He knows me better than anyone else. Will he be able to accept what I’m about to do?
“Archie.” I lick my lips, trying to figure out where to begin. “In the future you will do awful things. So awful that the future saw no other way than to travel to the past and kill you while you were still innocent. Charlie used you. Is still using you. You’re just too desperate to see it.”
An expression I can’t read crosses my brother’s face. He starts forward, hands curled into fists. Bandit darts his eyes from me to him, and I pray that Archie lets me finish before he charges.
“Charlie would never use me. Those people deserve it—” my brother starts to say.
“I love you, Archie. I love you, I love you, I love you!” I repeat the words louder and louder until they penetrate his haze.
He halts, five feet from me. Five feet from the gun that’s pressed at the juncture between my neck and chin. Uncertainty wars across his face, and I know I’ve bought myself a couple of minutes.
“I tried to show you with every conversation we had, with every meal I accidentally burned, that I love you. But my actions weren’t enough.” I swallow, and my throat moves against the metal. “And that’s okay. That’s not your fault. You haven’t been treated well. You’ve been made to feel worthless. And so I don’t blame you for not wanting to live in this world. I don’t fault you for creating a new one of your own making. Even if you were manipulated into thinking that was the only way.”
Perspiration gathers at my neck, drips down my forehead. “The truth is, if the future is right, if killing you is the only way to save all those people, I would do it. No single life is enough to justify all that death. All that pain.”
I take a deep breath. “But I don’t agree with the future. I don’t think your death is the only solution. It’s not even an effective one. So long as Charlie’s research exists, the future will just find a way to pass it on to someone else.”
Both of them stare. Bandit stops struggling, and Archie’s hands hang limply by his sides.
“But he chose me,” my brother says haltingly.
“Yes,” I say. “Because you’re brilliant. The smartest person I know. But you’re still a pawn. If you don’t invent the virus, he will replace you.”
Archie’s eyes flash. He’s getting angry, which I don’t want. He just needs to understand the truth. To see what he’s been missing.
“My older self is jaded,” I hurry on. “She’s lost so much, she hurts so deeply, that she can’t see the only thing that might save our world. Hope.”
I close my eyes, remembering my future daughter. Remembering the black hole of despair that has replaced Malice’s heart. “Every time my older self came to the past, her one aim was to destroy. Erase the research, damage a relationship, eliminate a life. Her pain narrowed her vision, killed off her idealism. Her only strategy to combat violence was with more violence.” I open my eyes. Look straight at my brother. His shoulders are hunched, and he appears smaller than before. Younger. “Not once did she try to believe in you, to believe in humanity, a little more.”
I fill my lungs. “Her final mission was to trick me into killing Bandit. She thought this was our last chance to save the world, but she’s wrong. Because I have every moment for the rest of my life—however short—to believe in you. And I’m starting right now.”
With shaking hands and a steady heart, I tighten my grip on the gun. “I won’t choose you over Bandit. You are my brother. He will be my husband and the father of my child. Whether you like it or not, he matters, in every version of my future. You have to find a way to accept that.”
Bandit makes a gurgling sound in his throat, and his eyes bulge, probably from the news of our future marriage and child.
But my whole and undivided attention is on my brother’s face, so pale that his freckles stand out like stars.
“Your fight for the future can end right here, right now,” I say. “If I die, there will be no one to stop you from inventing the virus. No one to betray you because you think I’ve chosen someone else.”
Bandit pulls so hard that his wrists pop free of the jump rope. Off-balance, he falls forward to his knees. It’s a sweet gesture, but it’s too late.
I run my free hand along the barrel of the gun. So smooth, so cold. “I believe in you, Archie. I will always believe in you, no matter what the future tells me. I believe you don’t want millions of people to die. I believe you will remember what I do tonight, and it will remind you to be the brother I know. The one I love so much.”
A thin teenage boy no longer stands before me. Instead, all I see is eight-year-old Archie’s gleeful smile as we survey the platters of microwaved pizza rolls, the first meal we ever cooked. All I hear is his high voice as he chatters animatedly to our stuffed animals, preparing them for spaceflight. All I feel is his small hand gripping mine as we linger on our school’s front steps, our mother late yet again.
