What the Dead Can Do, page 18
“Finish packing, Ethan,” Miss Gracey said. “Time to join the others.”
The older children were already in line, ready to follow Miss Gracey or Miss Natalie to the front door of the brownstone. He had sat down this time, hoping to prove that he could be first in line any time he wanted—really—but he and the two three-year-olds were the only kids still squatting on the room’s rug. No time to be sad about it. He stood to race the real babies and not be last in line again. Running was a no-no, but he wanted to beat them a lot. Two steps into it, his Tougherware fell to the floor. His backpack’s zipper wasn’t zipped. He always forgot to do the zipping part, and the three-year-olds laughed at him as they beat him to the back of the line.
Miss Natalie got on her knees next to him. Ethan thought she must be an adult to be a teacher, but in a lot of ways, Miss Natalie didn’t look a lot older than Em. Her nails were fun, just like his sister’s nails, each one had its own color, and the colors that she used were different almost every week. Miss Natalie’s hair was brown like Em’s and in a ponytail, too, just like hers, but Miss Natalie’s horse must have been smaller than the one his sister got her tail from.
Miss Natalie smiled as she tucked his Tougherware back into his bag, and it was the way she smiled that reminded Ethan of his sister the most. Em always seemed happy, even when his new mommy and daddy fought or seemed to be in the kind of trouble that he believed adults got into. Miss Natalie’s smile was all he needed to not care about being last for a billion times.
“You’re all set,” she said as she handed him his backpack, which she’d zipped like an expert. “When I was little, I always wanted to leave school last, too, even if I didn’t know it.”
“I don’t like being last,” Ethan said. “I’m going to be first tomorrow.” He was unsure if that was the truth or if it just felt like the right answer.
“Sometimes being last is when the really good stuff happens, though,” she said.
From the back of the line-up, he turned around to see if anything good was happening. “Like what?” he asked.
Miss Natalie’s hand disappeared into her pocket and dug around behind the flowers on her dress. It reappeared with a lollipop. She squatted again and held it out for him to grab.
“Don’t tell Miss Gracey,” Miss Natalie said without letting go of the lollipop. She looked at the front of the line-up, which had already made it to the door. Miss Gracey was busy handing over Mark to his mommy or maybe his grammy, the woman on the stoop who took Mark’s hand looked old like Ethan’s grammy did. “Candy at school is a big no-no. Miss Gracey hates candy.” She winked at him and finally released the lollipop. “So, keep it on the down low, OK, Ethan?”
Ethan didn’t think he’d be in any real trouble if Miss Gracey saw that he had a lollipop. After all, Liam had a whole phone and hadn’t gotten into trouble. He decided to be very careful with it anyway and to try to hide it while they waited for Emily to come and pick him up.
“I will,” he said. “Ooh, strawberry.” He stretched his arm to hold it as low and as close to the floor as he could, hoping the sucker was “down low” enough to impress his teacher.
“Your favorite,” Miss Natalie said.
“Thank you, Miss Natalie. Strawberry is my favorite.”
“You don’t say,” she said in a manner he thought was meant to poke fun at the fact that he probably said strawberry was his favorite all the time. “You’re welcome, Ethan. But wait to eat it on your walk home with your sister, OK?”
He couldn’t promise that he would, but he nodded anyway.
A horrible belching noise came from the middle of the line. Miss Gracey ran from the open front door to the middle of the lineup. She reached for a student. It was the boy maybe named Liam, and there was a big puddle of vomit at his feet. His face was scrunched tight, and he looked like he might throw up some more.
His friends who hadn’t left yet were screaming, gagging and coughing and squirming like the mess was the biggest case of cooties ever. It was funny, but Ethan also felt sad for the tall boy. Throwing up wasn’t fun, and he wondered if what he and his friends were doing was mean. He considered asking his friends to be nicer, but before he could, Miss Gracey shushed them.
His classmates all backed up and away from the throw-up, forming a big circle around it as Miss Gracey pulled the boy away from the group. They passed him and Miss Natalie on the way to the tiny kitchen that was at the back of the school. Ethan could smell the boy’s lunch as they whooshed by, eaten bits of it were clinging to the front of his Mandalorian T-shirt. Maybe he’s the baby, after all, Ethan thought. That felt mean, too.
“Natalie, take the children up front, away from the mess,” Miss Gracey said. Before she and Liam disappeared into the kitchen, she also said, “I’ll be back with something to soak it up.”
His teacher sounded kind, even in an emergency. Ethan wondered if the boy was going to be alright and was glad he had a nice teacher to help him get better.
Miss Natalie was already moving his friends forward, walking them away from the cheesy puddle of throw-up, one by one, and to the front door, which was still wide open.
His classmates weren’t being very cooperative. Each tried to make a bigger deal about Liam’s accident than the last. Watching his teacher struggle to keep his friends still as they all went on with their pretend squirming made Ethan sad. The scene and feeling reminded him of a bucket of caught fish that he saw one day while walking by the river with his sister.
He decided he would help Miss Natalie. None of his friends were, and she looked like she could use a hand, though he wasn’t sure what it was he could do while not getting in her way.
There was a roll of paper towels on a small table next to the front door, but to grab them, he would have to push his way through his friends, which wouldn’t be polite. It seemed like cutting in line, and like the lollipop, cutting in line was a big no-no at the school. Bigger.
Sometimes you’ve got to break the rules.
Who had said that? New Dad? Grammy? Probably Em. This had to be one of those times.
He tucked his lollipop into his pants pocket. Then, he pushed his way past the other kids. Miss Natalie was busy putting the backpacks that had dropped to the floor back onto the three-year-olds, and she didn’t even notice that he had walked from last in line to very first by the door.
The paper towels were a great idea. Ethan couldn’t believe that none of his friends had thought to grab them. He felt warm, and his heart was beating faster. This must be pride, he thought. It was a word they’d discussed at school often, but until then, he wasn’t sure he’d ever had the feeling for real. If he was going to get in trouble for shoving past his friends to help Miss Natalie, this new feeling was worth it. Standing as tall as he could, he handed Miss Natalie the towels.
“Here,” he said. “I want to help.”
She took the roll without looking at him or saying thank you. She stood still and stared way over his head. Her eyes looked mean, and Ethan felt in trouble. This wasn’t how he pictured the thank you he imagined she was going to give him for finding the paper towels. He thought he should ask if he was in trouble for leaving his place in line, but a man in the doorway spoke first.
“Looks like you could use a hand.”
The voice was familiar. Nice-sounding, but also upsetting, like a broken toy almost.
“Please stay outside, Mister … uh, I’m sorry, I don’t recognize you,” Miss Natalie said.
She looked toward the kitchen where Miss Gracey had gone. Ethan could hear Liam still barfing. It looked like Miss Natalie wanted to call out to Miss Gracey, but instead, she turned back around to talk to the man. Ethan turned with her to see the man, too.
“Are you a parent?” she asked.
The first thing Ethan saw was a very large hand on the door knob. He started there and moved his eyes up the length of an arm until his head tilted so far back that he felt like it might roll backward off his neck. Once his eyes adjusted to the sunlight behind the stranger, he saw that it was the man from the store Mommy had taken him to for candy. The man who wanted to know what lollipop was his favorite. The man who knew grape used to be his favorite flavor.
“No, not a parent,” he told Miss Natalie. “I’m a friend of Ethan’s family.”
Miss Natalie looked away from the man and down at Ethan. He hadn’t seen her make this face before. Was this what his teacher looked like when she was confused? “Do you know this man, Ethan?”
He didn’t know the man, not really, but they had met, and he wasn’t sure what to say.
“Kind of,” he said. That was the truth. And so long as what he said was the truth, his new mommy told him he could never be in real trouble. “But I don’t know his name.”
The man shrugged, then smiled at Miss Natalie.
Ethan didn’t like his smile. It felt fake. Like the kind he made when he wanted a new toy.
“Kids,” the man said. “It’s all in one ear and out the other, isn’t it?” The man’s hand moved to pat Ethan’s head, shaking like a bird with a broken wing.
“Sir! Please, do not touch that child.”
Miss Natalie’s order was loud. She’d never scared Ethan before. Maybe her shout had scared the man he kind of knew, too, because his eyes went squinty like a snake. He dropped his arm suddenly, it hung weird-looking at his side. It seemed like he wanted to raise his arm again, but couldn’t. It was the same as at the store, pretending to be a robot. But it wasn’t a fun robot.
“Gracey,” Miss Natalie called out. “Can you come out here, please? Miss Gracey?”
His teacher did not answer.
“Mr. Williams, I’d like for you to come out here, too. Right away, please.”
Ethan hadn’t met a Mr. Williams at school. Hadn’t heard of him either. He and a few of his friends looked around as if they expected a brand-new teacher to magically appear from thin air. None came. Not the New Mr. Williams and not Miss Gracey, either.
In the back, the sink was running, and Liam was dry-heaving. The rest of the classroom was quiet. Eerie was the word Em used once to describe that kind of quiet.
Ethan looked through the space between the strange man’s legs. Other parents were bunched up behind him, further back on the stoop. He didn’t see Emily, but she was always late. That was part of the reason he didn’t mind being last in the line-up every day. He was about to smile about that, but Miss Natalie’s new tone made smiling right then seem like something you’d get in trouble for.
“Children, I want you to form a brand-new line behind me,” she said. “Ready. Set. Go!”
His friends ran the short distance it took to stand behind her, but for some reason, Ethan stayed put. He wasn’t sure why. The man smelled like a type of soup he thought he would never ever try—even if his new daddy asked him nicely to have a tiny taste. But it was a soup smell. The icky kind that came from cans, but he couldn’t take his eyes off the man he kind of knew.
“Don’t be a silly boy,” the man said to him. “Get in line with your friends. We’ve got to listen to our teachers. What would it be like here or anywhere else if we didn’t follow the rules?”
The parents behind the man seemed grumpy. Muttering about the “hold-up” and asking where their kids were. Ethan’s face flushed though he’d done nothing to anger them. He joined his classmates in the new line, mostly to get away from the mean-sounding voices outside and not so much because both the man and Miss Natalie had asked. From his spot in the line, she looked so much bigger than before. Like she had somehow inflated herself to hide him and his friends from the man at the door. Did adults have growth spurts like he did? He didn’t think so.
The family friend turned around to look at the other adults on the stoop, whose questions were louder now and all in mad-voices—they were almost yelling. “Sorry, everyone—I’m new at this pick-up thing. I appreciate your patience,” he said. Being polite was important, Ethan thought, and the man had been. Even so, he heard a parent ask, “Miss Natalie, do you know this man?” from outside. She and all the parents still sounded very grumpy. Ethan was glad they weren’t cross with him. He didn’t think being angry could cause a person to fall over, but the stranger grabbed the doorknob again to keep himself standing, it looked like he might tip over.
When the man was steady again, he turned back to Miss Natalie. He raised his hand to rub his face, maybe, but his hand missed his whole head by a lot. His fingers were rubbing the air to the left of his face, it looked weird, and when the man realized it, his arm dropped back to his side again so quickly that Ethan was surprised it didn’t yank itself right off the man’s body.
“How about this, young lady: I’ll head back to the end of the line to let you get your other kids sorted. Unlike the parents bent out of shape behind me, I’ve got no place to be. When you’ve finished, we can phone Matthew or Nicole and square this away. Does that sound good?”
Miss Natalie didn’t answer the man right away. Maybe she was distracted by the loud noises still coming from the kitchen. Ethan sure was. Poor Liam. Poor Miss Gracey. Still no Mr. Williams, either. The man cleared his throat, which was only a tiny bit louder than the heaving happening in the back. Miss Natalie turned to the man, and though she was quiet and sounded different than Ethan remembered, her answer lifted the man’s eyebrows.
“That’s a better plan, sure, Mister …”
“Schaeffer. Mr. Schaeffer. I’m a family friend.” Then he winked at Ethan in a way that felt familiar. Miss Natalie didn’t look happy about it. “I’ll be back, silly boy. Don’t you worry. Got your favorite flavor lollipop, too.” And he did. It was a bright red one, twice the size of the one Miss Natalie had given him. “Strawberry!” He waved it in the air as he turned to leave.
Miss Natalie’s face looked older now. This only ever happened when she tried to tell Ethan and his classmates the things Miss Gracey told her to tell them. Serious stuff. Quiet-time stuff. No talking while I’m reading a story stuff. But this time, that change in her skin stayed.
As the man and his lollipop disappeared behind the crowd of parents on the stoop, Ethan’s classmates whined about wanting candy from Mr. Schaeffer, too. It was very rude. This time, Ethan hushed them before Miss Natalie could, but not in a loud way. He didn’t want his friends to hate him later. Miss Natalie didn’t notice his help. Her face was confused-looking. It reminded him a bit of when Pepper didn’t know who to run to if the whole family called for him to come at once. The parents at the door still sounded angry, but why at Miss Natalie? And the kid maybe named Liam’s crying in the back was even louder. It was a lot to hear at once.
Miss Natalie grabbed for his hand and it scared him. “Ethan, come up next to me,” she said. He did as he was told. “Do you know that man?” she asked. Her grip was tight, but her voice was shaky. Was Miss Natalie afraid, too?
Ethan wondered if he said yes, did that mean she would let him run after the man? The man who had a second lollipop and was a family friend he had not met but had kind of met at the store. The man who knew his favorite flavor used to be grape. If he said yes, would Miss Natalie release him? He didn’t think that he would run to the man even if she did. Did she want him to?
Never, ever leave with anyone who isn’t me, Matthew, or Nicole—or maybe Lucinda.
That was what Emily had told him. Many times.
There was a woman at the door and in the way of leaving anyway. Ethan was pretty sure it was Gwendolyn’s mommy. Her face went funny. Probably the smell of the throw-up that Miss Natalie hadn’t cleaned up with the paper towels he’d given her yet. It looked like Gwendolyn’s mommy smelled the bad smell, but then her face looked like it might explode from being too red.
“Ms. Natalie, what in heaven’s name is going on here? Where’s Ms. Gracey?”
Miss Natalie held up a hand. The woman liked that less than the vomit smell.
“It seems like Mr. Schaeffer knows you and your mommy and daddy,” Miss Natalie said as she squatted next to Ethan again. “Do you know him?”
He’d never heard her sound so tired, but being a teacher must be tiring, he thought. He usually napped after school. Teaching might be as hard as learning.
Did he know the man, or was he a stranger? He wasn’t sure what answer Miss Natalie wanted to hear him say but he wanted to get it right. He liked getting answers right, especially when it was Miss Natalie asking.
But before Ethan could answer Miss Natalie, his sister Emily shouted from behind all the waiting parents. “Jesus Christ, people! What in the hell is taking so long?”
17
NICOLE
The front door opened before Nicole put her key into the lock. Matthew grabbed her hand, pulled her inside their apartment, and shut the door in a hurry.
It was early evening, still a couple of hours from night, but dark enough to notice Matthew had all the lights off. The curtain in the kitchen window had been drawn, too.
As her eyes adjusted, Pepper greeted her with two gentle licks on the hand. The dog was calm, even as Matthew anxiously locked the deadbolts and slid the other hardware into place—like they once did, back when all possible interlopers threatened to walk up, knock, and insist the family had an obligation to speak with the press about Ethan and the crash.
Nicole hadn’t missed those days. Life had been so crazy back then, but past troubles, which had been a useful reference for fashioning a better present, had been easier to forget than most people would have believed. Hiding in your home on the regular, specifically.
The dog followed her into the kitchen. There was no “Mommy’s home!” from Ethan. Maybe he was upstairs, but there were no thumps or thuds bounding her way. She pulled the closed curtain over the sink aside a bit, just enough to see the basin was suspiciously empty. She opened the dishwasher, Em and Ethan’s lunch Tupperware wasn’t neatly tucked between its rungs. Their backpacks were missing as well, and those commercial eyesores rarely made it past the countertop without her reminding the kids to stash them in their room.
