The Gemini Effect, page 15
“We are more than just helpers. We are His.
“We are everywhere.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
They were everywhere.
People, other kids from her school. Watching, staring. She’d just had to get out of there. Felt like everyone knew – but how could they? – that everyone was judging her. Some because she hadn’t given in, because they were jealous, some because she’d let it get this far.
Shouldn’t have got this far, but she’d listened to her friends. Listened to her heart, or had it been her hormones? It was hard to tell one from the other these days. She didn’t know what she was doing from one minute to the next, to tell the truth. Angry one moment, so full of love she felt like she’d burst the next. The latter had been how she’d ended up in this situation: the love stuff.
And it was – had been – love. Hadn’t it? Izzy thought so, at least. Love. In love with Adam Ryan, the boy she’d had a crush on for, like, forever. Since they’d been little kids, since she’d moved here with her mum and her nan. Far away from everything she’d known, and not for the first time. They’d moved a lot before Norchester, her mother always moving around with her job, the career coming first. Not that she’d minded, not really. Izzy had always found it hard to make friends at whatever school she’d ended up in. Didn’t really bother honestly, because what was the point? You’d just end up saying goodbye after six months, a year.
She’d had a couple of mates in Norchester, but nothing to write home about. Wherever home was. Then what had happened, happened, and suddenly they were all off to the coast. Mum was no longer a detective, she was a writer suddenly, and they were heading to Armitage Bay – to stay this time, Deborah Harrison had promised. Definitely to stay.
Because there was another little surprise, she finally revealed to Izzy. Her mum was pregnant with twins – twin boys – and she’d need to quit the force to look after them properly. Find another job that meant she could spend more time with them, to put it another way. More time with all of them. Be a proper family for once.
Apart from Dad, that was. For the longest time she’d wanted to meet him, get to know him. Her biological father, her real father. She’d built him up in her mind, making excuses for why he wasn’t in her life and – if she was being frank – blaming her mum massively for that. Hating her for it sometimes, for denying her the chance of a dad. For dodging the subject and keeping them apart so long.
She’d tried to warn Izzy, sugar coating it to start with; telling her that he was just unreliable, selfish. She hadn’t listened. Then, when she was old enough to hear the truth, her mum had told her about the addiction, the abuse. It still hadn’t put Izzy off. If anything she figured her mum was exaggerating (she was a writer after all), that there were two sides to every argument. Until she’d seen it for herself, when her dad had got back in touch.
Her mum had said it was Izzy’s decision to see him if she wanted to, that she wouldn’t get in the way of that this time. And he’d been all sweetness and light to begin with, taking her out for day trips, making up for lost time, she thought. Fuelling the notion that it was Deborah who’d been the unreasonable one, that she’d been the problem in their marriage and when it came to him and Izzy.
Then it had all dried up again. He’d taken on some work that would see him travelling a lot, he said. But not to worry, he’d still be back as often as he could to spend time with her. He sent a present and card the first birthday, the first Christmas. Then just a card, then… nothing. She’d tried calling him, messaging him, texting. More often than not he wouldn’t pick up or reply; if he did it was short, clipped. One time he even told her to stop hassling him, that he was busy. And Izzy had had to come to terms with the fact he’d abandoned her. Again. She made excuses for him a second time, but the more time passed and the more he didn’t give a shit, the sadder and angrier she became. It wasn’t something she could talk about with her mum, or her nan, because they’d warned her, hadn’t they. So, because she was there, because she’d always been there, her mother bore the brunt of her frustration.
She hadn’t deserved such treatment, the rational part of Izzy’s mind understood that. But this wasn’t about being rational, was it. This was about lashing out, venting. It was just the start of the problems between Izzy and her mum.
And in spite of what she’d said before the woman left for Norchester – to ‘consult’ with the police over something, apparently – she loved her brothers. Always had done. Especially when they first moved, and it was explained to her that they’d need their big sister to look out for them. It made her feel important. Made Izzy feel special, wanted. The way they looked up to her, in some ways more than they did with their mum. Izzy was always teaching them stuff, spending time with them.
When did that become a nuisance? A chore? When had it become a drain on her life, something that was interfering with her life – in particular her social life? (Stop hassling me, I’m busy!) Only over the last couple of years, but it was there, and the feelings about it were growing stronger by the day. Should have stuck with her first instincts, about how everything would change when they came along. About how… how her mother might love them more than her. She’d never given Izzy any cause to think that, not in all these years, but it still niggled. The thought festering.
If anything, they had something in common. Both she and the boys had lost their fathers, but theirs hadn’t had a choice in the matter. He’d died. Had been killed, though her mother had never really gone into detail about that; something to do with her last case as a copper. Whereas Izzy’s dad totally chose to leave her behind and move on. Twice. It wasn’t their fault, but she couldn’t help hating the boys a little for that too.
Not to mention the bloody way her mother talked about their dad, like she was still in love with him! Fuck’s sake! Like they’d had this big love that nobody else could understand, when they’d only been together for a very short time. How? How could they have loved each other that much? She didn’t understand. And, quite frankly, Izzy was jealous of it.
She’d loved people. Probably as much as her mum had loved Jack. But getting them to love her, that was something else entirely.
She loved Adam. Loved him so much. The way his fringe fell across his eyes sometimes and he’d brush it back. The way he smiled, the corners of his mouth rising just the right amount: no more, no less. And when he played football at lunchtime with the lads, she’d pray for Adam to be on the skins team for just a glimpse of him without his top on. It would send tingles through her she couldn’t control or explain.
Izzy had loved him for a long time, as a friend first, then something more. She was starting to get somewhere, as well, felt like they might end up officially as boyfriend and girlfriend at long last – especially now that he’d seen the error of his ways and dumped that cow Dani Wyatt. Whatever he’d been doing messing about with her was anyone’s guess, she was as thick as pig-shit with a laugh like a hyena. Pretty enough, Izzy supposed, in an obvious sort of way. But she was out of the picture in any event.
Which left the way clear for Izzy, and Charlotte was going out with his mate Kevin so she asked him to ask Adam if he fancied her. Which he said he did. And it had all gone from there really. They’d spent time in the arcades, double dating, hanging out on the seafront. There wasn’t that much more to do here, one of the things that always drove her mad. They’d hung out at Charlotte’s, at Kevin’s, though always with the parents around. And the other week, when she’d said she was on the sleepover, they’d gone down to the pier – under the pier to be precise – and got drunk on cheap cider Kevin had brought from his dad’s garage.
That is, they’d got drunk. Izzy had been taking sips, until she felt a bit dizzy and then stopped. The others had looked at her funny, but she’d said she didn’t feel all that well and got out of it. In all honesty she’d been scared. Scared that Adam had wanted to go further than the kisses they usually stole when they were on their own. Charlotte and Kevin had ‘done it’, so they said, as had quite a few of her classmates. Izzy knew she couldn’t put it off forever – and didn’t want to, really, not where Adam was concerned – but also didn’t want her first time (and it would be, absolutely, her first time) to be under the pier when they were pissed out of their heads.
“Never mind, the party’s coming up,” Adam had said, and she’d nodded. The party at Kevin’s while his dad was away, and his big brother was in charge who didn’t give a flying fuck.
It was one of the reasons she was so adamant about going, because she didn’t want to let Adam down. The main reason she’d got into the fight with her mum about it all, and said those horrible things she didn’t know how to back down from. Didn’t know how to apologise for afterwards, either; her pride not letting her. Then her mum had been gone and she couldn’t, though not before they’d found her rolling around on the floor after downing that wine.
Izzy’s first thought had been that the woman was so upset because of their row, she’d necked the alcohol and passed out. She couldn’t really talk about Dad, had lost the high ground completely about drink. But she’d felt guilty, as guilty as she’d felt when her mum had left the dinner outside her door after the fight. Then immediately mad again when she remembered the woman had vetoed the party, that it might mean the end of her and Adam. The end of her world! Sod her, Izzy thought, leaving without saying goodbye that morning. Then not getting the chance later because her mum was already AWOL.
“Had to rush off back to the city,” Nan had explained – without really explaining, and Izzy got the impression not even she knew why. “So you’ll all be staying with us for a little while.”
Izzy couldn’t help grinning at that. Here was her opportunity. If her mum was away, she wouldn’t be breathing down her neck about the party – which she still fully intended to be at – watching her like a hawk. Her first thought was that she’d tell her nan she was going to Charlotte’s for a sleepover again, because she was always doing that. Her mum let her do that. But then again that might get back when they were talking and her mother might twig what was going on. She was far from stupid.
Which left Izzy with only one alternative. There was a lock on her door at her nan’s place, so she’d say she was going to bed early because she had a bad headache, a migraine even, get ready and just head out through the back window. It was easy enough to climb down, what with that extension sticking out under her room there. Izzy was just praying the boys didn’t have another nightmare or something, or want to come in with her. Even if her nan knocked, she’d either assume the girl was asleep or listening to something on her headphones as she did that a lot. Her nan often joked, “Those things are so big, you’ll be as deaf as Derek soon!”
She felt bad just sneaking out like that, but what option did she have? Izzy had been told in no uncertain terms that she couldn’t go, and as much of a soft touch as her nan was (with her at any rate, even after all this time) she wouldn’t go against her own daughter’s wishes where her child was concerned.
This was too important to miss, Izzy knew that. So she’d clambered out and made her way to Kevin’s place while it was still relatively light, yet arriving fashionably late. A boy she didn’t really know that well called Tony answered the door, releasing the boom-boom of the music inside, and she could tell by his reaction, his jaw dropping, that she looked good. Izzy had certainly made the effort, spending time on her hair and make-up, wearing the new dress and jacket she’d saved up for and bought a couple of weeks ago in anticipation of this one, special night. Even if his reaction hadn’t told her, Tony’s “Chuffing hell!” had been confirmation enough. “Izzy, you look… Chuff me!”
She’d smiled, politely thanked him. Then asked if Charlotte, Kevin or – especially – Adam were around. “Yeah, yeah. Come in, come in,” he said, hanging up the jacket she’d given him; eyes all over her. “They’re in the kitchen somewhere.”
Kevin’s dad’s place – he was a single parent, as well – was an old converted farmhouse, quite big with lots of different rooms. As she made her way through she saw familiar faces, all nodding to the beat of the music – if she didn’t have a headache before she might get one here – and all nodding hello to her. Some couples were in corners, already in serious lip-locks with partners.
She spotted the trio she was looking for even before she got to the kitchen doorway, all with plastic cups in their hands. There were bottles of all sorts on the kitchen counter, Izzy noted, including vodka and gin. Not far away, she also saw Dani – in a skanky mini-skirt and vest-top – leering across at Adam, watching him as if waiting for her moment to swoop in. Izzy wasn’t about to give her the chance.
“Hi!” called out Charlotte when she saw her, bouncing around with excitement. “You made it!”
“’Course,” Izzy shouted back in reply. “Why wouldn’t I?” She caught Adam looking her up and down approvingly too, grinning. Izzy threw him a smile back.
“Come on, let’s dance!” Charlotte said, grabbing her hand and leading her off to another room, the dining room, where people were jumping up and down to the drums. Izzy was looking over her shoulder the whole time, looking for the boys. She needn’t have worried – they trotted along after them soon enough, bringing more drinks.
After dancing for a while, the room getting warmer and warmer, Charlotte and Kevin peeled off, then vanished. Which left Adam with Izzy. He put his arms around her, rocking to the music, whispering in her ear and kissing her neck. “W-Where have they gone?” she asked.
Another smirk. “Where do you think?”
It wasn’t long before Adam was gesturing for her to come with him, which she did. Izzy thought they were going outside for some air, passing through another room where people were playing Twister, but he was actually leading her to the foot of the stairs. Izzy hesitated. “What’s the matter?”
She gave a half-shrug.
“Come on.” He smiled again, and it was the kind of smile that had been melting her heart for some time. “Come on, it’s okay.”
Izzy went with him up the stairs. It was okay, she kept telling herself. She’d known Adam a lot longer than her mum had known Jack, regardless of all that stuff about having only spent a night together but loved each other a lifetime – she’d got it from some cheesy SF movie, Izzy felt sure. This was different. They were boyfriend and girlfriend. Would spend the rest of their lives together, if she had anything to do with it.
She looked up and the height of those stairs was making her woozy, making her head spin. Izzy had only been sipping the drinks again, putting them down half-full when nobody was looking, on tables or sideboards, so it wasn’t that. This was some other intoxication, her stomach doing somersaults at the same time.
Then they were at the top, moving past the queue for the toilets, moving towards the rooms at the end of the corridor. Adam checked a couple, found they were occupied. “Sorry,” he said each time.
Before finding one that was empty. A spare room for guests, by the looks of it. Adam pulled her across towards the bed.
This was different, she kept saying to herself, over and over. Different from her mum and Jack. Because this was happening to her and not her mother. More real. But that only made it scarier, didn’t it?
And all she could hear inside her head were her mum’s words:
Don’t let a boy rush you, if he’s serious he’ll wait. If he’s worth it.
Don’t let a boy ruin your chances for a good future, a good job… (for that career in the sciences she was starting to lean towards; not the acting, that had never been a serious thing).
You’re still very young, there’s time enough for all that when you’re ready.
And as different as all this was from her mum and Jack, she might still end up with a surprise at the end of it if she wasn’t careful. A surprise like the twins were.
“What’s the matter?” Adam was asking her again, his words slurring more than they were downstairs. “It’s okay, come on.”
He was pulling her down onto the bed, hands suddenly everywhere at once.
When you’re ready… When you’re ready…
Kissing her, sucking, biting her neck like some kind of vampire.
When you’re—
“I’m… Adam, I’m not sure I…”
He wasn’t listening, wasn’t stopping either.
“Adam, no.”
No means no. Another one of her mother’s pieces of advice, back when she’d been willing to listen.
When you’re—
No. No way was she ready, she realised. Not in a million years. “Adam, stop.”
He wasn’t stopping.
Izzy shoved him off, rolled him away from her, panting. “What? What are you talking about?” snapped Adam. “You’ve changed your mind?”
“I-I didn’t… I never said—”
“Fucking leading me on!”
If he’s worth it.
“I wasn’t, I’m just not… Please. Please don’t be like that.”
“Be like what? Fuck!” he shouted. “Silly cow!”
Tears were welling in Izzy’s eyes, she couldn’t believe what he was saying. Couldn’t believe how contorted that pretty face of his had become. “Adam…”
“I’ll go and find Dani,” he barked. “She’s always up for it.”
Izzy was crying freely now, shaking her head. Someone burst into the room, she didn’t know who it was, didn’t care. She got up off the bed and raced towards the door just as they were apologising. Raced past them, ignoring the calls from Adam behind. Ignoring the stares from people on the landing, people everywhere.
She’d almost tripped heading down the stairs, cast a look sideways for Charlotte, but couldn’t see her. Wasn’t sure she wanted to see her, to be fair. Certainly didn’t want to talk about all this. Izzy pushed past the people in her way, swimming through them, not caring if she elbowed someone to get them out of the way. Was aware she must look like a mess, her make-up smudged, mascara running.
