Twin Firs, page 8
Kip immediately replied, 'Finally got a date?'
'NO.'
Kelsey's text popped up, diverting his attention from Kip's inquiries. 'Eeth, 2 tkts, front. Is it love?'
“What the absolute fuck!” Ethan shouted to no one and everyone from his soundproof house. “I'm not talking about this bullshit anymore!”
He changed into a plain olive green t-shirt.
Before walking out the door he combed his hair.
Outside The Ovis Theater the marquis boldly displayed that night's show Mamma Mia! on a vinyl banner. The lobby cards were all changed to pictures of the cast wearing tonight's costumes, the concession stand offered Koulouri, Loukoumades, and other Greek snacks, the main theater door was draped with fishing nets and seashells. It was as if the previous night's Evita performance never happened. Ethan picked up his tickets from the box office and waited.
At first he didn't recognize the man who walked in wearing black dress shoes, slacks and a button down shirt unbuttoned three slits below his neck. He did a double take when he saw Leo's beatific smile radiating from his face.
He stammered, “You had all this in your backpack?”
“No, I went shopping this afternoon.”
“You're kidding.”
Leo looked at Ethan's t-shirt. “I'm not trying to make a big thing about tonight. I just felt like dressing up.”
Ethan was embarrassed to be underdressed, and hard as a rock as he admired his gorgeous date.
Chapter 9 – The Replacement Actor
Ethan and Leo stood in the front row waving their hands in the air, singing along to the encore of Mamma Mia! Behind them were 200 gay men, harmonizing. It was a Sensurround gay men's chorus.
Kelsey and the rest of the cast took their final bows, the house exploded with wild applause, and a joyous feeling of love and acceptance washed over the crowd. The older men had tears in their eyes. The house lights came up and the audience drifted toward the exits, laughing and singing musical phrases from their favorite ABBA songs.
“The drag queens playing Donna's girlfriends were hysterical!” Leo bubbled.
“Everybody loves them,” Ethan agreed.
“We've got to congratulate Kelsey!”
Ethan smirked, “Don't worry, she knows the show's a hit. That's why it runs Saturday nights when the resort is full.”
“Yeah, I wasn't able to get a room for the night.”
Ethan pretended he didn't hear Leo and pushed his way past the yammering fans to hold open the stage door for him.
Backstage the drag queens were the focus of attention. The same actors played roles as men in Evita and Moulin Rouge but were hardly noticed. When they put on wigs they became legendary.
“I don't see her,” Ethan commented as he scanned the crowded hallway. “She's probably in her dressing room.”
Leo watched the fawning fans with discomfort and didn't want to be another one. “I don't want to bother her.”
“Are you kidding? She craves attention,” Ethan said. “Wait here.”
Kelsey sat quietly in her dressing room listening to a mindfulness meditation recording. The stage manager knew Ethan was a friend and ushered him in.
She saw him in her mirror and pulled out the earphones. “Where's your date?”
“It's not a date. Leo didn't want to pester you...”
“He is too adorable.”
“... but he's dying to see you.”
“Why didn't he come in?” She feigned offense.
“Listen, Kelse, I need a favor. Leo needs a place to stay tonight.”
“What do you mean?”
“He couldn't book a room.”
She reached around to pinch Ethan's nipple through his t-shirt. “You lucky dog.”
“Ow, hey!” he batted away her hand. “I can't have him stay at my place. It would ruin everything. If he comes over he's gonna think we're gonna fuck and I don't know what to do.”
“How about fuck?”
“Nooo, you know I...” Ethan searched her face in vain for understanding. “You know all I heard for eight years was how bad I am in bed and how I don't measure up and we stopped even trying cause I couldn't and if Leo comes over tonight and…. I'll never see him again.”
Kelsey turned from the mirror to face Ethan. “Your ex was a Grade A Bitchy Queen. That's not Leo.”
“But still: What if I can't because I'm too nervous? Can he sleep on your couch?"
“I don't get home till one, and I'll probably be up all night.”
Ethan was determined. “Please?”
“Eeeth, darling, I love you. I'd do anything for you. Just not that.”
Kelsey's dressing room door flew open and the stage manager gruffly announced, “Someone's waiting to see you!” before pushing Leo inside. Ethan jumped aside.
“Sorry, uhhh, I don't want to interrupt...”
“You came back!” Kelsey rejoiced and then gave Ethan a side glance. “I thought you were going home.”
Leo bashfully admitted, “I missed the train.”
“Sure you did,” she sarcastically replied. “Did you like the show?”
“It was great! Better than the movie!”
“Real life is always better than the movie.” She pontificated, “It's more real.”
Ethan muttered, “Oh please....”
Kelsey plowed ahead. “Did I tell you Charlie didn't text me all day? He doesn't care if he breaks my heart. He wasn't that good a lover anyway. Anders told me they offered him a contract.”
Ethan got lost in the non sequitur. “Who's Anders?”
“The replacement!” she stated and then looked at Leo. “I know you were watching Anders closely last night. And tonight.”
“He was good,” Leo played it off.
Kelsey gave him a knowing look. “Well, we don't know how good yet.”
Ethan was frustrated. His best friend was joking around with the guy he desperately wanted yet he knew he wasn't good enough for him. His ex frequently told him he was damaged goods and after so many failed attempts to meet a true soulmate he believed it. What he really needed was for Kelsey to take him off his hands without offending him - or pushing him away. Ethan's annoyance crept into his voice, “I thought you weren't getting involved with another actor.”
“I'm not getting involved,” she scolded. Looking between Leo in his Ted Baker dark blue floral print and Ethan in his olive Fruit of the Loom, she poked Ethan's stomach. “I know what I'm getting you for your birthday.”
“Thirty minutes to curtain,” the stage manager's voice issued from a small speaker above the door.
“Thank you, thirty!” she hollered in reply. Several actors could be heard in the hall echoing the same response.
Anders burst through the door. “Thank you, thirty! We still on tonight, KiKi?” Leo and Ethan turned to look. “Oh, sorry, didn't know you had company.”
“Anders!” Kelsey declared, “This is my best friend in the whole world: Ethan. And his...” she waved her hand in the air unsure what to say “.... Leo.”
“Pleasure meeting you,” Anders formally stated in his British accent and shook Ethan's hand.
“Good to meet you,” Ethan replied.
Leo was distant. “Hi.”
Anders nodded but didn't shake his hand.
Kelsey draped herself on Ethan's shoulder. “Ethan was the first person I met when I got here. I was totally lost, got off at the wrong stop on the train, and he kindly showed me around.”
“Oh...” Anders searched for an appropriate response. “Lovely.” He ran his fingers through his dark curly hair.
“You were really good,” Leo offered cautiously.
Anders' dark brown eyes stared at Leo for a moment. Then said to no one, “Cheers, mate.”
Kelsey cried, “All right, everybody out. This show has a fast turnaround.”
“Right!” Anders agreed and disappeared through the door.
“Did he call you Kinky?” Ethan asked after Anders was out of earshot.
“No! Pervert.”
“Where did 'KiKi' come from?”
“It's a theater thing. Don't think about it. Now go, I have to meditate.”
Leo congratulated her again as he walked out the door. She avoided eye contact with Ethan and closed the door behind them.
The guys left the theater and drifted toward the train station. “What do you want to do now?” Leo asked.
Ethan stopped. “Why are you interested in me?”
Leo was thrown off guard. He wasn't ready for blunt honesty. “Well, the dog and the squirrels love you, which means you're a good person. Your sideburns and mustache are hot. And your mother seems to approve of me. Why shouldn't I be interested in you?”
“These relationships don't work out,” Ethan reasoned. “Hooking up with somebody on your vacation isn't real because when you go back to your regular life you realize you have nothing in common.”
“Maybe. There's only one way to find out.” Leo looked up expectantly in Ethan's eyes.
“You can't come back to my place. No tourists allowed.”
“Technically I was suppose to leave this morning. So anywhere I go now I'm not allowed.”
Ethan was torn. He wanted to wrap Leo in his arms but he was afraid he would perform in bed as badly as he did with his evil ex. He pulled Leo over to a bench and they sat beside each other. “I had a bad relationship. It kinda fucked things up. I moved here thinking I'd meet my future husband. After a while I realized maybe I'm not husband material.”
Leo considered this. “I don't know what husband material is. I've got stuff I'm working through. That's one of the reasons I came here for the week.”
As if on cue fireworks exploded overhead and the sound ricocheted off the storefront façades. Leo crashed into Ethan and knocked him to the ground, piling on top of him to protect him from danger. The explosions continued relentlessly and Leo's grip on Ethan tightened. His heart was racing.
Ethan had the wind knocked out of him. He felt Leo trembling above and his fingers digging into his biceps. “It's just fireworks. Hey, relax. It's okay. It's just fireworks.” He rolled over to push Leo off and rolled again to face him. Leo's face was a mask of panic and fear. “It's okay. It's okay.” He pulled Leo close as they laid together on the ground under the flashing sky. “You're safe. You're safe.”
They held each other in a tight embrace for fifteen minutes until the display was over. A few tipsy men walked past. One called out, “Get a room!” No one stopped to see if they were okay.
Ethan hugged Leo until his breathing steadied. As Leo regained control he pushed away, embarrassed. “I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.” Leo climbed onto the bench, completely exhausted, wiped out, spent.
“It's okay,” Ethan assured him. “Everything is okay.” Ethan brushed dirt off his pants and sat down. He took Leo's hand. “You can just be.”
Leo broke. “Everything is not okay. Nothing is okay. I don't know how to live in this world.” He turned into Ethan's shoulder and quietly sobbed. Ethan let go of his hand and wrapped him in his arms. He had no idea what Leo was thinking but he assumed the fireworks triggered a PTSD response. He had seen it before in military veterans. Ethan assumed that was most likely the case. He sat beside Leo and waited for him to stop trembling, to resume breathing normally, to regain control.
The wind shifted and smoke from forest fires burning to the south seeped into the resort valley. The night sky was still clear and the distant fire smelled like a campsite. Trains for North Mountain Lodge and Mountain Air arrived and departed. Vacationers teased and shouted with each other. The nearly full moon lit up shadows. Ethan and Leo held each other in silence in their own little world.
In time Ethan took a deep breath and thought of his responsibilities. “Tricos is in my backyard, locked out of the house. I need to go home.”
“I need to go home, too. Sorry about all this,” Leo whispered into Ethan's shoulder.
Ethan lowered his forehead to Leo's, their noses gently touched. Softly, tenderly, their mustaches merged and their lips met. It was a moment of the heart, with their eyes closed, as they opened to each other, exposing all their vulnerability and longing.
The tiny apartment Anders stayed in behind the tourist area for South Timber Valley was crowded with actors, stage technicians and friends celebrating Anders' one year employment contract. Kelsey was freely telling stories about Charlie's infidelities to anyone who would listen. The drag queens were out of makeup and blending with the other thespians. Anders was pouring at the bar. Shortly after one in the morning Amélie walked in Ander's front door, hung her house keys on a hook beside the front window and joined him at the bar.
“How was work?” he asked.
“The usual,” Amélie answered.
“I'll fix you a nightcap.” He swept her into his arms and they kissed the way confidant couples do. A few of the actors noticed their new thirty year old cast member sharing intimacy with the sixty-five year old restaurant manager.
“Let's wrap things up and go to bed, shall we?” he whispered in her ear. “It's been an eventful day.”
Kelsey didn't see any of this. She was too involved in her story about Charlie ripping his pants while getting blown in the woods.
Ethan returned home alone. Leo insisted on camping at Twin Firs, saying he needed solitude. Ethan laid in bed, playing The Kiffness song Sometimes I'm Alone on autorepeat. It was a cloying earworm that summed up his life. Eventually Tricos howled in harmony.
Ethan's eyes flooded, his brow tightened, his nose ran, he curled into a ball and wept. He was so completely alone. And so lonely. And so hurt from the bandaged-over wounds of his relationship with Ed who repeatedly told Ethan he was 'damaged goods.' He'd heard it so many times he believed it. Meeting Leo only reinforced how awkward he was at sharing his feelings and how much he felt he wasn't good enough to be anyone's partner, let alone someone as fun and beautiful as Leo. He wanted to crawl under a rock.
Tricos had never seen her best friend like this before. She knew he was hurting. She felt his pain. She knew how it felt to be neglected, to be left behind. She curled next to him, laying against his trembling arms. She wished she could make him feel better. She wished she understood why he was hurting. She wished he'd never leave her behind.
Ethan just wanted the pain to stop. It was a dangerous feeling. He'd experienced this before; he knew where his mind could go – wanting everything to end. He went there once before when he failed medical school. Running in front of a car in a desperate attempt to escape his emotional agony once and for all put him in the hospital, tied to a bed for months while his shattered body healed. The doctors treated the wounds, not the cause. He lied about how the 'accident' happened. No one, not even his mother, knew it was intentional. It wasn't until completing his courses as a veterinarian that he started to feel hopeful for a better future. Just when he started feeling more confident in himself and emerged from under a dark cloud of depression he met Ed who was a lot of fun to be around at first. After the first couple years Ed's true personality emerged and the barrage of attacks on Ethan's inadequacies were unrelenting. Ethan slowly spiraled back into depression. His only comfort was communing with the animals he treated. They saved him as much as he saved them. They gave him enough self-confidence to save himself and walk away from Ed when their relationship hit rock bottom.
He didn't know if he slept at all Saturday night though he must have because a phone call woke him at 6am.
“Scheduling. Is this Ethan?”
His brain was groggy. “Yes?” He put the call on speaker.
“We need you on short day to cover station master at 8am.”
He groaned. Answering the phone was such an automatic response. He regretted it deeply. By answering he obligated himself to work any shift they gave him. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday were his scheduled days off and he was guaranteed 40 hours pay each week. But since he only worked 34 hours (three 8 hours day at the station and 10 hours on the Saturday local) the dispatchers could mandatory him for another six hours. If he answered the phone.
Which he had. “Where am I covering?”
“Catch the 8am to Twin Firs. Lock up at 12:53 and return to Mountain Air.”
Tricos barked as if she understood the meaning of the phone call. “Okay, okay, stop barking,” Ethan mumbled. “Get your leash.”
Chapter 10 – The Contemplative Squirrel
Sylvia watched the man laying on his back on the Twin Firs station platform, his legs twitching intermittently. Deep down in her subconscious this human reminded Sylvia of Sylvester after he'd mounted her a couple weeks before and then promptly fell asleep, his legs periodically kicking the air. But this human was alone. She wondered what it meant.
Sylvia investigated the human's backpack. Yesterday it had food inside. She caught wisps of many smells as she crawled over it, nosing into open pockets and along zippers, and found only plastic wrappers that smelled like food even though they clearly weren't. The human was asleep so he couldn't unzip the bag for her.
She decided to wait.
It was early morning, the backpack and human were under the station eave, there was no danger from a hawk or eagle attacking overhead. A human with a burgundy chest and black legs would arrive on the noisy snake thing soon. She preferred the human with a lot of fur under his nose because he brought her food, but he only came three days in a row and then didn't return for a while. The human coming today that would open the door to her nest inside the station was selfish with his food. And she had to sneak by him to reach her nest in the bathroom because he made a lot of noise when he saw her inside.
Since Sylvester had galloped off earlier down the hill toward ripening blackberries she had the morning to herself to contemplate.
Her first thought was wondering why she called her mate 'Sylvester' when his name was Eeeeeeekikikik. The human with fur under his nose shouted 'Sylvester' every time he brought food. Such an odd name. She couldn't pronounce it any better than the name he called her: 'Sylvia.' Every day she told this human with fur under his nose that her name was Eeeeeetktktktkt but he ignored her. Or was too stupid to understand. At least the long-haired wolf that often came with him knew her name and had enough respect not to use it.
