The Present, page 9
Becky’s simple statement forced Lisa’s consciousness all the way back to Tim. Even after a lifetime had passed, the scar still burned. More than fifteen years ago she’d been the one who was cheated on. At the time, she couldn’t even acknowledge the possibility of him sleeping with someone else. She’d known from the tips of her toes to the depths of her soul that everything he told her had to be true. She had loved him that completely. More importantly, she thought they’d loved each other. In fact, her best friend had to physically drag her to see the truth with her own eyes before they were finally opened for the first time. Just the memory of watching him slide his cock inside that slut made her feel dirty and disgusted again. How many times had she been the dumb bitch who didn’t have a clue? How many times had he slept with someone else before he slipped into their bed? In the same day? In the same hour?
Seeing Tim fucking another woman was like finding out your parents were Santa Claus—it simply wasn’t possible. The myth of “making love” was broken in an instant. It became simply “fucking”. In one single instant, all the fairy-tale love stories she’d ever heard had been irrevocably shattered, leaving only pain to fill their void. He had broken her heart but what really hurt was the fact that she had believed his lies for so long. His frequent trips with “the guys” had just been excuses for him to sleep with other women. Each time he’d left, she had smiled, kissed him or even given him a goodbye quickie.
How could I have been so naïve?
“I also started getting stories from him that didn’t make any sense,” Becky continued. “Like, I would ask if he wanted me to bring him dinner at work. He would say no because he was too busy to eat or whatever. Every time the phone would ring on the weekend he’d insist on getting it. If it was his cell phone, he’d always go to another room even if we were home. No matter what we were doing and no matter what we were going to do, he always ‘had to go to the office’ after every call. You know. Simple shit like that over and over.” Becky turned her head slightly and looked out the window as she took another sip of her wine.
Lisa knew exactly what she was thinking. She knew it happened to millions of women every day and she felt all their pain. She’d felt the same way for a long time.
Lisa let Becky sit silently for a minute before she asked another question. It was killing her. “Was he still sleeping with you? The whole time?” Lisa didn’t even want to think about how many women Tim had slept with while they’d been going out. She didn’t know and she didn’t want to know. The memory alone made her feel like she needed a shower.
Becky laughed out loud as she turned to look at Lisa again. “Are you kidding? He treated me like a leper. No matter what I did to entice him, he always had an excuse. He had ‘work to do’ or ‘had a headache’ or didn’t ‘feel like it’.” She looked at the floor. “I thought it was just me. I assumed I’d done something to become so repulsive to him. Hell, until I found out about his infidelity, I thought we were in love.” Her eyes became watery as she looked up. “I suppose I should thank him. He taught me that story-book love was bullshit.” She winked with a tremulous smile as she raised her glass in a defeated toast.
Lisa felt bad for her. Fairy-tale love did exist. Davis had taught her that again. It was wonderful and better than any story. From the depths of shattered dreams he’d lifted her onto a pedestal and made her a princess again. His princess. Love was real. You just had to believe while you searched for it with both eyes open. A surreptitious smile almost slipped free. Her prince was going to fuck her into blissful unconsciousness in just a few short hours. Tender was for virginal weddings and, she mused, virgin brides really were creatures of myth.
“It wasn’t you,” Lisa said. “He sounds like a real asshole. No one should be able to make someone feel like that. I know what it feels like.” She would never forget.
“Davis?” Becky looked at her with dumfounded astonishment.
“Oh God no,” Lisa exclaimed. “He would never do that.”
“Well that’s what I used to think.” Melancholy regret oozed from Becky’s words.
Lisa looked at the floor with profound embarrassment. “I’m sorry, that was totally insensitive.”
“It is what it is.” Becky’s conciliatory attempt at a smile rose to the surface again.
Lisa allowed a thoughtful pause to pass. “I know this sounds terrible but there is a bright side. At least he wasn’t putting his dick into you after he came inside someone else.” The thought of Tim’s multiple partners still made her skin crawl.
Becky shrugged. “We always used condoms anyway.”
Lisa was shocked, “Even after you were married?”
“He always said it was so I didn’t get pregnant. Even when I started taking birth control pills he said we still needed ‘double coverage.’ I have no doubt it was to keep me from catching whatever nastiness he was exposed to.” She shrugged with a “there you have it” expression. “In retrospect, I guess I’m grateful. It’s hard to say, ‘Honey, I don’t know where you could have gotten chlamydia’ and get away with it. You know?”
They both laughed out loud.
Becky continued. “Hell, because of his whore and this fucked-up divorce, I haven’t had sex in over a year.”
“Oh my God! I would die!” Lisa roared with laughter. “But that’s what vibrators are for, right?” Lisa’s mirth was pulled up short as she watched Becky’s expression morph with incredulity. She was immediately embarrassed and wished she’d kept her mouth shut. Having never brought the subject up to anyone but her husband before, she hoped she wasn’t blushing.
Becky lowered her glass slowly, using both hands. Her eyes were the size of saucers as she stared at Lisa with astonishment. She whispered as if someone was there to hear, “You have one?”
Unsure of what to say, Lisa rapidly tried to cover her tracks. “Doesn’t every woman?” She grinned mischievously as if this was a common conversation for her. She tried to appear as confident as she sounded.
Becky sat back in her chair and covered her mouth with one hand. “No way!” her mirth broke free with a snort. “I don’t think I’ve ever known someone who owned one!”
The statement’s hilarity disintegrated Lisa’s embarrassment instantly. She choked as wine tried to shoot from her nose. As profound laughter enveloped her, Lisa almost fell out of her chair.
“What?” Becky’s question faded from her lips as Lisa’s infectious laughter pulled her into its inescapable torrent.
Lisa finally righted herself as her peals of laughter began to subside. She wiped tears from her eyes with the back of her hand and tried to breathe normally.
“Seriously.” Becky’s twitters began to relax in parallel with Lisa’s effort to widen the space between her own bursts of hysteria. “What’s so funny?”
“That,” Lisa guffawed, “is the funniest thing I’ve heard in a long time.” She wiped tears from her eyes again. “In fact, I’m willing to bet that vibrators are the most popular toys in America. They’re definitely the most popular toys in this house.” She exhaled forcefully, attempting to regain control of herself before she tried to drink again. “You know a lot of women who own vibrators. They just never told you about them.”
Lisa smiled from ear to ear as she continued to chuckle intermittently at Becky’s sweet naiveté. She craved the orgasms she could achieve with her toys. Not only were they unbelievably intense, they went on for as long as she had the will to continue. She couldn’t help laughing again as she tried to picture what the millions of vibrators setting women free at this moment would sound like if they all buzzed together in synchronized cacophony. She stood and walked into the kitchen, grinning so hard her face hurt. Lisa retrieved the open wine bottle from the kitchen and filled their glasses again before she sat down.
“Now I’m intrigued.” Becky hid her interest behind the rim of her wineglass.
Lisa tilted her head with a soft, questioning smile. “About what?”
“Okay. I can’t believe I’m asking this. How big?” Becky asked.
Lisa’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion as she lowered her wineglass. “What?” she asked quizzically.
“How big is your vibrator?” Becky spoke quickly before taking a huge gulp and burying her expression again.
Lisa wasn’t sure if she felt shy or liberated by their conversation. She’d never broached the subject with anyone before and now she was talking about her sex life with one of her children’s teachers. After a minute of reflection, she decided that she was old enough to pull upher big-girl panties and talk about the subject maturely. Technically, it was her favorite subject. She’d just never felt comfortable enough to talk about it with anyone other than Davis. She decided to go out on a limb. “Well, I have a couple of sizes.”
“Oh my God! You have more than one?” Becky stared incredulously at Lisa, hanging on to her every word.
“I have several.” She answered as if that was the most benign question she’d ever heard. “It depends what I’m in the mood for. Also, at least in this case,” she smiled wickedly, “size really doesn’t matter, only the strength of the vibrations.” She giggled. “D batteries are better than C and C are better than AA, etcetera. You know what I mean?” From Becky’s expression, Lisa could see that she didn’t but she seemed to be forming an idea. “But the small double As are always great if you want to carry one in your purse or your suitcase.”
“Why would you carry one in your purse?” Becky looked perplexed. She was leaning forward on the edge of the couch. Her eyes pleaded for details.
Lisa shrugged indifferently. “If you were going on a trip you could use one on yourself in the car or…your significant other could use it on you while you drive or when he drives.” She shrugged again. Lisa’s mouth twisted in mouth-watering depravity as her mind spun through infinite possibilities and the myriad ways she had already used her favorite double A toys. Realizing how she must be shocking her company, she cleared her throat and looked sideways. She suddenly felt bad for mentioning lovers. “I’m sorry for bringing up men again.”
“Don’t feel bad,” Becky answered. “I don’t.” She rapidly steered back to the subject she was obviously more interested in. “But doesn’t size matter when you put it…you know… Inside?” She pointed between her legs.
Lisa was astonished that people in this day and age could be so inhibited. She stared with false rebuke as she spoke. “You mean in your va-gi-na?” She enunciated each syllable. Seeing Becky fidget and look away she admonished her again. “Your pussy?”
“Stop it!” Becky only half protested. Her huge smile told the truth. “I can’t help it. I’m not used to talking about stuff like…that.”
“How are you ever going to be satisfied or maximize someone else’s pleasure if you can’t even tell them what you want? You can’t even say ‘pussy’?” Lisa was stunned.
Becky reached her hand up and nervously began to twirl her hair. “You say that stuff to Davis?”
Lisa answered quickly. “Hell yes! When I’m soaking wet and horny, I tell him to put his big cock in my pussy and fuck me hard.” She watched Becky’s mouth fall open in amazement, compelling her to continue. “Or I tell him to make love to me slowly. I’ll tell him to take long, slow strokes when that’s what I need. If I need to be ravaged, I tell him to take me any way he wants. The harder the better.”
Becky listened with rapt attention. “You actually tell him that?” she said, awestruck. “In those words?”
“Don’t be so astonished,” Lisa continued. “Davis tells me what he wants and I give it to him. I can’t read his mind, can I? Trust me, telling a man how hard you want to be fucked will make him hotter than any kinky fantasy ever could.”
Lisa let her words sink in and simmer. With every word they exchanged, she realized just how badly she wanted Davis to ask her for something tonight he’d never requested before. She would grant it without hesitation and then whisper her own desires to him. It was going to be spectacular.
No rules and no limits.
Becky recovered. “So….doesn’t size matter when you put it in your va-gi-na?” She smiled sheepishly ather own sarcasm, twirling her hair faster with every word.
Lisa decided she liked talking about this. Especially to someone who hadn’t pushed her own sexual limits. It felt like she was sharing taboo subjects with a particularly attentive student. Or—a devilish fantasy crossed into her conscious mind—like she was deflowering a virgin.
“A vibrator is really best for light touches on your clit.” Lisa watched Becky as she spoke, enjoying her fixation. “When you build enough and you can’t take another second, you move it down your lips slowly.” She motioned in the air with her hands, driving her point home. “When your clit is ready to take more, you move it back. Then, you repeat over and over until you come. It’s just like masturbation with your fingers but a million times more powerful.” Lisa felt herself getting wet. If she didn’t have a visitor, she would already be working her slit again. Screw the agreement.
“I don’t masturbate.” Becky replied as if it was the simplest fact in the world.
Lisa set her wineglass down as she answered. “Bullshit. Everyone masturbates.” Although she sounded harsh and disbelieving, she truly hoped no one was that unfortunate.
“Really,” Becky said. Her discomfort was palpable. “I was always embarrassed before I was married and then I felt guilty for thinking about it after. I was supposed to be giving myself to him. Right?” She couldn’t meet Lisa’s gaze as she spoke. “It’s not like I don’t think about it every once in a while. I just don’t, you know, do it.”
“That’s really sad. How’s that working out for you?” Lisa quipped first and then immediately regretted her insensitivity.
Becky looked up but Lisa couldn’t tell if she was angry or melancholy.
“Not very well. Obviously.” Becky paused before speaking again. “I could really use a man right now.” Another moment passed and then she sparkled. “For a few hours at least.”
Lisa tittered with her. “That’s not what I meant. I meant, how can you tell a man how to pleasure you if you don’t know how to pleasure yourself?” She looked at Becky with a concerned expression as she tried to gauge the consequences of her comment. Nothing was forthcoming. “You must have had a man who could light up all your buttons without help. You were lucky.”
“Not really,” Becky said shyly. She still couldn’t meet Lisa’s scrutiny. “I’m not even sure I’ve had an orgasm before.”
Lisa wasn’t sure how to reply. She was incredulous. “If I felt sorry for you before now…” She shook her head trying to understand and then resumed her statement without pause. “Listen, there’s no ‘wondering’. If you had an orgasm, you would know. That is the most depressing statement I have ever heard.” She tried to fathom the concept but she was utterly flabbergasted. “Nothing? No matter how long he was inside you? Nothing at all?”
“Usually, it was just ‘wham bam thank you ma’am’. With few exceptions, I wasn’t even wet. So, it usually hurt more than anything else.” Becky looked abashed and disappointed at the same time. She looked away and muttered as she stared out the windows. “I think I started to have one on my wedding night but that was a long time ago.”
Lisa hadn’t meant to upset her. “Listen to me.”Her voice softened. “That worthless piece of shit stole years of your life and now you’re free.” She smiled sympathetically before invigorating her tone with sarcasm. “If you get a nice vibrator and you start masturbating,” her voice increased in volume as she continued, enunciating each word, “Like You Should Have been Doing for Years! You can have fantastic orgasms whenever you want. Hell.” Lisa giggled. “With your history of deprivation, you’ll never leave your room again!”
“If you say so.” Becky’s reply was filled with doubt.
“I do say so.” Lisa smirked. “I’m telling you from experience.” Lisa didn’t think she’d said too much. Becky’s face said she was still dying to learn more, she just wasn’t ready to ask yet. Lisa liked being the teacher’s teacher. It was almost arousing. “What do I need to say to convince you?”
The room burst with silence before Becky piped up timidly, “Can I ask you something?”
Lisa couldn’t wait to hear the question. “Anything. Shoot.” She sipped her wine.
“I always thought you needed penetration to have an orgasm. You don’t need the vibrator inside you to have a… You know. A big one?”
“The short answer is, it depends. First off, you have to get your toy terminology right. You’re thinking of a dildo.” Lisa sounded like she had given this lecture a thousand times. “There are vibrating dildos but I’ve found that if you want vibration, you should buy a vibrator. That will be your go-to tool most of the time anyway. Then, buy a nice dildo for penetration. When you need it, there is no substitute. Don’t try to combine them in one toy. You end up with a mediocre vibrator and a wimpy latex pipe. Why sell yourself short, right?” Her hands opened skyward for emphasis.
Lisa couldn’t decide what she liked more, the subject itself or Becky’s rapt expression. “As for needing penetration, it’s simply not true. Just working your clit will take you over the edge every time.”
Becky finished her glass, staring through Lisa as if deep in thought before pouring another. “How big of a dildo should I get? I mean,” Becky hesitated before stammering again, “If I got one, how big should it be?”
Lisa laughed easily. This was the most fun she’d had with her clothes on in years. Becky’s questions, coupled with her curiosity, left no room for thoughts about her move let alone her ex-husband’s transgressions. She’d discovered a topic much more interesting than regret.
Lisa was eager to continue. The tone of her voice twinkled with excitement, matching her companion’s curiosity. “Well, if you were to get one, you could have any size you wanted. You have to be truthful with yourself. Do you like to be stretched really wide?” Lisa took another sip ofher wine. She was starting to feel a light, warm buzz and knew she’d have to slow down. She waited a token amount of time without an answer before she continued, “Do you want a cock that’s really long for deep penetration?” She pretended not to notice Becky nervously tapping her foot. “Or do you want deep penetration with exceptional stretch at the same time?”
