And Sometimes They Kill You, page 27
accidents, 12
accountability, 22, 29–30, 38, 154–7, 167, 176–8
An Act to Amend the Criminal Code (Controlling or Coercive Conduct), 47–8
An Act to Amend the Divorce Act, 179
actions, 181–4
active listening, 59
activist communities, 65–7
advocacy, 87, 91
all-of-society approach, 149–51, 176
Aloni, Erez, 118
alternative dispute resolution (ADR), 122–3, 175, 205n17
alternative sentencing plans, 168
anonymity, xvii, xviii
assault with a weapon, 109
Australian National Action Plan, 153
autonomy, 45
bail, 104–5
Banfield, Lisa, 7, 33, 76–7, 202n15. See also Mass Casualty Commission
Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic, 158, 160, 170–1
barriers to ending violence: overview, 57–8; men’s rights groups, 81–5, 179, 203n29, 203n32; myths, 69–78; news and popular culture, 78–80; in VAW movement, 86–96. See also biases and stereotypes
Bax, Ernest Belfort, 81
Bechdel, Alison, 80
best interests of the child (BIC) test, 115
biases and stereotypes: overview, 58–63; in activist communities, 65–7; child protection, 63–4; of Cross, 59–61; identifying bias, 67–8; judges, 124; news and popular culture, 78–80; police systems, 64–5
Bill 102, 164
Bill 173, 197n21
Bill C-78, 179
Bill C-233, 163–4
Bill C-332, 47–8
Bill S-12, 204n5
Bird, Florence, 35
Black and Blue (Quindlen), 138
Black people, 10, 26. See also marginalized women; racialized women
blame, 74, 75
boards of directors, 88
book overview, xiii, xvi–xviii
Bryant, Michael, 132
bullies, 129–30. See also Kathryn and Mark
Calls to Action of the Truth and Reconciliation Commission, 144
Calls to Justice of the National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women, 144
Cameron, David, 12
Campbell, Pearl, 31–2
Canada’s Strategy to Prevent and Address Gender-Based Violence, 153
Canadian Advisory Council on the Status of Women, 36, 52
Canadian Association for Equality (CAFÉ), 203n29
Canadian Femicide Observatory for Justice and Accountability, 47
Canadian Human Rights Act, 116
Canadian Panel on Violence Against Women, 152
Candir, Aysegul, 71
Carson, Margaret, 32
Castleton, Ontario, 31–2
The Castleton Massacre (Cook and Carson), 32
sentencing circles, 168
changes: overview, 178–9, 181–4; broader views, 180–1; framework for change, 159; ideas in Renfrew County, 16–17; and inquests (general), 23–4; and oversight, 25. See also recommendations
charges, 61, 99, 102, 108, 204n5. See also mandatory charging
charmers. See Kathryn and Mark
Charter of Rights and Freedoms, 36, 116
Chief Firearms Officer (Ontario), 28
child protection agencies, 54, 63–4, 162–3
child support, 82, 83, 133
children: and abusers, 46, 60, 69, 134–5, 160–3; adult children, 136; BIC test, 115; and coercive control, 69, 72–3, 74; day care, x; disappearing with, 137–40; and finances, 133; Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abductions, 202n12; homicide of, 9–10, 31–2, 46, 161, 163, 195n1; of Kathryn and Mark, 112–15; and love of father, 134; and reporting, 99; and survivors leaving, 74; violence as normalized, 58. See also family law
circles of care, 168
civil disobedience, x–xi
CKW Inquest: overview, 3, 15–17; formation of, 12–13; interventions, 165, 208n31; IPV as epidemic, 151; and mandatory charging, 109; media, 20–1; programs for abusers, 196n12; recommendations, 21–2, 48, 155, 158; responses, 27–30; and space for survivors, 25; trauma-informed approach, 17–18; verdict, 21–2; witnesses and evidence, 18–20
Clare’s Law, 16
class, 56, 147
coercive control: overview, 44–8, 174–5; and charges, 102; and children, 69, 72–3, 74; and criminal law, 48, 101–4, 174–5; defining, 103; and family law, 112–15, 123, 133–5; and homicide, 102; Kathryn and Mark’s story, 112–15; RJ/TJ, 175
Coercive Control (Stark), 44
Coke, Edward, 39
collaborative work, 90, 182–4
Collier, Richard, 84
colonialism, 147
commissioners, 5, 8
common-law relationships, 116–19
community consultations, 15
community justice forums, 168
community responsibility, 16–17
competing experiences, 93
controlling abuse, 49
Cook, Sharon Ann, 32
Cools, Ann, 82–3
coroners, 3, 12. See also CKW Inquest
Coroners Act, 3
court culture, 119–21
COVID-19 pandemic, 7, 38, 54–5, 89
credibility, 106–7, 121, 122
Crenshaw, Kimberlé, 50
crime, 60, 64
Criminal Code, 47
criminal justice system, 61–2, 64–5
criminal law: overview, 98–101; bail, 104–5; certificate numbers, 206n24; and coercive control, 48, 101–4, 174–5; vs. family law, 110–12; guilt, 100–1; as ineffective, 102–3; innocence, 100; mandatory charging, 108–10, 184–5; RJ/TJ, 166–70, 171–2, 175–7; survivors role, 99–100, 105–6, 171; in TV and movies, 110
criminalization, 169
Cross, Pamela: as activist, 148–9; as author, 187; at Barbra Schlifer Commemorative Clinic, 170–1; biases of, 59–61; as changed, 187–8; and gender-based violence, xiv; in Guatemala, 179–81; home life, xiv; and hope, 25–6; interest in law, ix–x; as lawyer, xi–xii, 187–8, 189, 191; and media allies, 21; and men’s rights groups, 83–4; private life, 188–91; and privilege, xiii–xiv, xv, 147–8; and Renfrew County homicides, 14–16, 17, 21–2; support vs. liking women, 67–8; as survivor, xiv, 172–4; and Susana, ix, xi, 127–8, 187; threats to, 83, 85, 148–9; trauma-informed approach, xi–xii; university and children, x; and women/children hiding, 140–1
Crown attorneys, 105–6
Culleton, Carol, 2, 12–13, 27. See also CKW Inquest
cultures, 62–4
curated fictions, 55–6
Curriculum Modules in Ontario Law Schools, 124
cycle of abuse, 48–50
Dale, Amanda, 155
Dawson, Myrna, 47
Declarations of Truth (WomenatthecentrE), 176
degendering, 40, 41
denial, 48–50, 75, 91
depoliticization, 90
Desmond Fatality Inquiry, 10, 26–7, 165
Diamond, Bonny, 83
disabled women, 54
diversity, 183–4
divorce, 31, 81–2. See also separation/post-separation
Divorce Act, 43–4, 82–3, 115–16, 179
domestic violence. See intimate partner violence (IPV)
domestic violence, as term, 40
Domestic Violence Death Review Committee (DVDRC), 4–5, 10–12, 22, 24, 53, 163
Donaldson, Gordon, 34–5
Dupont, Lori, 69–70, 195n1
Dupont-Daniel Inquest, 70
École Polytechnique, 37, 52
economic dependency: and apparent wealth, 60; Banfield, 7, 76; and COVID pandemic, 54–5; and fear of leaving, 74–5; and staying in relationship, 38
education, 161, 163–4
emotions, 64
End Violence Against Women (EVA), 13, 15, 17, 24
Enough (film), 137–8
equality, 38–9
evolution of separation, 78
evolving language, 39–43
executive directors, 88
Family Court Support Worker Program, 160
family law: overview, 110–12; abusers, 128–9; ADR, 122–3; after court, 134–5; biases and stereotypes, 124; certificate numbers, 206n24; and children in Divorce Act, 115–16; and coercive control, 112–15, 123, 133–5; and court culture, 119–21; vs. criminal law, 110–12; disappearances, 137–41; and education, 163–4; failing, 137–41; friendly litigation, 121, 122; IPV as pattern, 47; Kathryn and Mark’s story, 112–15; and law students, 124–5; legal aid funding, 130–3, 206n24; Luke’s Place story, 160–1; older women, 136–7; outside the courtroom, 133–4; and property, 116–19; RJ/TJ, 175; settlement conferences, 127–8; and trauma impacts, 125–7; in TV and movies, 110–11; without children, 135–6
Family Law Act (BC), 117–18
family violence, as term, 40
Fatality Investigations Act, 10
Fathers Are Capable Too (FACT), 82, 203n29, 203n32
fathers’ rights movements. See men’s rights groups
fear, 45, 74
femicide. See homicide; various inquiries/inquests
finances: as abuse trigger, 58; and children, 133; and common-law, 117–19; and court costs, 115, 121–2; Kathryn and Mark’s story, 112–13; and living situations, 201n5. See also economic dependency
firearms, 1, 27, 28
Fitch, Leanne J., 8
fixing IPV: overview, 143–4; abuser inclusion, 145, 164–6; accountability, 22, 29–30, 154–7, 167, 176–8; actions, 178–85; all-of-society approach, 149–51, 176; building good programs/organizations, 159–61, 163–4; first step, 151–2; framework for change, 159; Indigenous Peoples, 144–5; LGBTQ+ people, 145; national action plan, 152–4; restorative justice (see restorative justice); roots of violence, 145–9; thinking across systems, 157–8; transformative justice (see transformative justice); transparency, 154–7
Focus on Family Violence in Canada (report), 55
framework for change, 159
Fric, Elana, 55
friendly litigation, 121
friendly parenting, 123
funding advocacy, 87
funding frameworks, 86–7, 89–90
funding supports, 33
Gardener, Richard, 84
Garrison Petawawa, 1
Gas Light (play), 198
gaslighting, 45, 198
Geena Davis Institute on Gender in Media, 80
gender, 40–1, 91–2. See also men as abusers
gender-based violence (GBV): and CKW inquest, 13; competing experiences, 93; and Cross, xiv; defining, 43, 145–6, 149; and funding, 87; and gender/sexuality, 91–2; language, 146–7; as not discussed, xiv; Quebec, 208n17; responsibility, 150–1; at school, xiv; as term, 40; Virani’s statement, 151–2; as war, 149–50. See also intimate partner violence; violence against women (VAW) movement
Ghomeshi, Jian, 171
Goodhand, Margo, 197n5
Goodmark, Leigh, 103–4, 139, 140, 168–9
Government of Canada, 28
Government of Nova Scotia, 27
Government of Ontario, 28
grants, 86–7
Guatemala, 179–81
guilt, 100–1
guns, 1, 27, 28
Guysborough County, NS, 9–10. See also Desmond Fatality Inquiry
Hadley, Gillian, 4, 203n32
Hadley Inquests, 4–5
Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abductions, 202n12
healing, 19
Herman, Judith, 126
hiding, 137–41
homicide: overview, xviii; of children, 9–10, 31–2, 46, 161, 163, 195n1; and coercive control, 102; and history of abuse, 53; and Indigenous women, 54; numbers in Ontario 2022–2023, 27; and older women, 136; rates of, 53. See also specific incidents/people
homophobia, 91–2, 146, 148–9. See also 2SLGBTQI+ people
honeymoon phase, 48–50
honour, 62–3
hospitals, 35–6
housing, 38
humility, 179
Indigenous Peoples: overview, 144–5; calls to action, 38; and child protection services, 63–4, 75; and colonialism, 147; and Cross, xv; and National Action Plan roadmap, 157; vs. privileged women, 147–8; RJ/TJ, 167; statistics of women’s abuse, 54; support for women, 38–9; Wolf’s address, 177–8. See also marginalized women
infighting, 92–3
Information and Privacy Commissioner, 28
innocence, 100
inquests: overview, 3–4, 9, 18; accountability, 29–30; vs. DVDRC, 10–11; and FACT, 203n32; as learning opportunities, 20; rules and protocols, 17; scan of prior recommendations, 150; super inquests, 4, 23; value of, 23–5. See also CKW Inquest
inquiries, 5–6, 9. See also Desmond Fatality Inquiry; Mass Casualty Commission; National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls
Inquiries Act, 5
Insurgent Love (Whynacht), 65
internet, 33. See also technology
intersectionality, 50–2, 147, 149
Interval House, 35
intimacy discount, 47
intimate partner violence (IPV) (general): in 1960s, 31; as “conflict,” 62; costs of, 54; and cultural awareness, 124; defining, 43–5; disbelieving women (see credibility); and DVDRC, 11–12; as epidemic, 21–2, 27, 28, 151–2, 197n21, 207n11; expecting, 60; and family law, 121–2; and gender, 40–1, 91–2 (see also men as abusers); and inquests (see inquests; various inquests); inquests as learning opportunities, 20; and inquiries (see inquiries); and judges/lawyers education, 124–5; and language, 39–43; leniency in law, 47; as normalized, 58; numbers in Ontario 2022–2023, 27; as pervasive, 58; proof, 100 (see also credibility); and Royal Commission on the Status of Women, 35; seriousness of, 39; and sexual violence, 87; speaking of, 32–3; statistics of, 52, 53–4; and technology, 33, 45, 72–3, 139–40; as threat to abusers, 61; and trauma, 125–7. See also Domestic Violence Death Review Committee; fixing IPV; gender-based violence; inquests; inquiries; violence against women (VAW) movement
intimidation, 45, 74
invisibility, 55–7, 79
isolation, 7, 45, 75, 80
Jaffe, Peter, 53, 196n12
Johnson, Holly, 98
Johnston, Janet, 120
judges, 124–5, 163–4. See also criminal law; family law
juries, 19–20, 21–2
justice, xv. See also restorative justice; transformative justice
Kagan, Jennifer, 161–4
Kathryn and Mark, 112–15
Keira’s Law, 163–4
Kelly, Joan, 120
Killins family, 31–2
Kingston, Anne, 56
Kramer vs. Kramer (film), 110–11
Kuzyk, Anastasia, 2, 12–13, 27. See also CKW Inquest
language, 39–43, 146–7
language note, xvii
law students, 124–5
laws, xv, 97–8. See also criminal law; family law; men’s rights groups
lawyers: criminal vs. family law, 206n24; Crown attorneys, 105; education for, 124–5; as intimidating, 97; survivors without, 130–3, 206n22; and women/children hiding, 140–1. See also Cross, Pamela
leadership, 94–6, 144
learning, 93
leaving abusers, 73–6, 77–8, 136. See also separation/post-separation
legal aid, 130–3, 206n24
legal status, 75
The Legal Subjection of Men (Bax), 81
leniency, 47
lesbian relationships, 91
LGBTQ+ people, 38, 91–2, 145, 146, 148, 198n10
love, 75–6
Luke’s Place Support and Resource Centre for Women and Children, 29, 87, 160
MacDonald, J. Michael, 8
MacLeod, Linda, 36
“male honour,” 34
mandatory charging, 108–10, 184–5
Maranger, Robert, 14
Mare, Paula, 70
marginalized women: overview, 166, 169–70; biases against, 63–4; charges against, 108; equality, 36; intersectionality, 50–2; and power imbalance, 205n17; voices included, 90–1. See also Indigenous Peoples; racialized women
Mass Casualty Commission: overview, 8–9; on family violence, 164–5; implementation of recommendations, 27, 156–7; IPV as epidemic, 151, 207n11; language in, 40; mandatory charging recommendations, 109–10; scan of prior recommendations, 150; systemic recommendations, 158
May, Arlene, 4
May-Iles Inquest, 4–5, 23
McNaughton, Tony, 70
media, 20–1
men as abusers, 39, 40, 53, 58
men’s helpline, 26
men’s rights groups, 81–5, 179, 203n29, 203n32
mental health, 9, 18, 26. See also post-traumatic stress disorder
Mercer, Kirsten, 17, 24
military, 9–10
misogyny, 79, 81, 146
Mitchell, Margaret, 36
Montreal Massacre, 37, 52
monuments, 27
mothers targeted, 63
Muhammad, Rona Omar, 62–3
myths of IPV, 69–78
National Action Plan to End Gender-Based Violence, 150–1, 152–3. See also Roadmap for the National Action Plan on Violence Against Women and Gender-Based Violence
national action plans, 152–4
National Day of Remembrance and Action on Violence Against Women, 14, 37
National Inquiry into Missing and Murdered Indigenous Women and Girls, 6, 38, 144, 157, 198n10
newcomers, 74–5
news media, 78–9
No Visible Bruises (Snyder), 77
normalization, 58
note on language, xvii
Nova Scotia Mass Casualty Commission, 20–1
Office of the Chief Coroner, 28
Oland, Linda Lee, 27, 156–7
older women, 91, 135–7
organizations of violence against women. See violence against women (VAW) movement
Ottawa homicides, 22
oversight, 22, 25
parental alienation syndrome (PAS), 84–5
Parker, Robin, 171
Partner Assault Response sessions, 2
