Ruining Hattie, page 26
Hattie steps to my side and wraps her arms around my bicep, squeezing, and Robert’s gaze clocks the gesture.
“Yes, well, I’m sorry to drag you away from Seattle, but we wanted to have this conversation in person,” he says. “You two made good time.”
“We weren’t in Seattle. We were at my home on Avalon Pointe, so we took a ferry to Milwaukee and drove in from there,” I answer.
Robert’s head rocks back. He’s clearly heard of the island and understands the meaning of me having a home there—I’m rich. I’m not a nobody.
“Well, let me go get your mother. She’s just lying down. Sweet pea, why don’t you offer your friend here a drink?” He heads down the hall, leaving us alone.
Robert’s slight dig—referring to me as Hattie’s friend and not her boyfriend—doesn’t get missed. It might take some time to win Robert over. More importantly, the time I’ve dreamed and dreaded for more than two decades is about to come. My body is about to go into fight-or-flight mode, so I anchor myself to Hattie.
Her face is lined with tension, so I grab her hand, tugging her toward me and wrapping my other hand around her waist. She melts into my embrace.
“How are you?” I ask.
She shakes her head in the crook of my neck. “I just want to know what they have to tell me.”
I nod, understanding. She and I both. I’m about to come face-to-face with the woman I’ve despised my entire life.
“Let’s go out on the patio. It’s a nice evening.”
I follow her through the small kitchen with cluttered countertops and out a set of sliding doors, much like the ones I used to break into her apartment not far from here. The backyard is well kept, with flowerbeds lining the fencing, and an above-ground pool sits in the center of the yard.
Hattie and I make mundane conversation while we wait for her parents to appear. The reality of seeing Carla feels like an oppressive weight on my shoulders that’s getting heavier with every second that passes.
The screen door opens behind me. Hattie stands, so I follow suit, turning and seeing my mother face-to-face for the first time in more than twenty-five years.
My breathing becomes shallow, and all I hear is my heart thudding. The noise of their voices greeting each other sounds as if they’re underwater and I can’t make out what they’re saying. A cold sweat breaks out across my neck, and my knees weaken as if they’re about to give out. All the memories from my childhood rush to the surface. All the shitty things I intentionally blocked out. Things I never want to remember again.
Bile rushes up my throat, and nausea swirls in my stomach.
All three of them turn in my direction. My eyes go to Hattie first, to calm me, or at least, I hope. She’s smiling at me. That sweet, sweet smile centers me slightly. I’m not sure what was said, but I assume it was an introduction, so I step forward on shaky legs, hand extended.
“Good to meet you.”
Carla slides her hand in mine, smiling. I meet her gaze, and when her eyes don’t waver, I tip my head down. How stupid am I? We share the same eye color, a detail I’d forgotten over the years.
Panic flares inside me that it’s over. She recognizes me. “Good to meet you, Bastion. I’m glad you’re here.”
She squeezes my hand, and I glance down at our joined hands. Hers are the same ones that held me as a baby and changed my diapers. They’re also the same hands that held the needle she’d put in her arm or the bottle of booze she’d bring to her lips.
I drop her hand and give her a tight smile.
“Why don’t we all go take a seat?” She gestures to the table behind us.
I turn to sit down and catch Hattie giving me a questioning glance. I’m sucking at hiding my reaction. I’m not sure how I thought I could. I should have had Hattie come alone, but at some point, if she’s my future, we’d be here.
We all sit, and I use the moment to study Carla. Her gray bob swings as she sits, Robert helping her. She’s got bags under her eyes, and the walk over to the table seems to have winded her. Something in my gut says whatever they have to tell Hattie, it has to do with Carla.
“I’m sorry we had to call you home like this, Hattie.” Her mom gives her a weak smile.
Hattie takes her mom’s hand between both of hers. “Mom, what’s going on?”
Carla draws in a big breath and gives her a sad smile. Her eyes veer to Robert, and he scooches forward in the chair as if he’ll take the responsibility to tell Hattie whatever it is, but Carla shakes her head and stares into Hattie’s eyes. “I have kidney disease.”
Hattie’s face drains of all color. “What?” The pain in her voice makes me want to wrap her in a hug. I hate it when she hurts.
Carla looks at Robert again, who has a brave face, then back at Hattie. “We only just found out this week. It’s been a bit of a whirlwind.”
Tears gather in Hattie’s eyes, but she sucks them back. “What does this mean?”
My chest squeezes as I watch her trying to be strong.
“We don’t know yet. I have a doctor’s appointment in a few days, and we’ll get more information then and get the results of some more testing they’ve done. The doctors said I most certainly will have to start dialysis.”
Despite my disdain for her, I feel a tug of sympathy.
Hattie bursts into tears and bolts off the chair. Carla wraps her arms around Hattie and rubs her back. When Hattie pulls back, Carla places her palm on her cheek and runs it down.
My hands wrap around the armrests, white knuckles emerging immediately. I have to look away, sucking in a big breath. When I return my attention to the table, I find Robert watching me.
“Are you going to be okay?” Hattie asks in a small voice that reminds me of a child. That’s when I remember that if Carla doesn’t make it, this will be the second mother she’ll bury.
“I don’t know, sweetie, it depends on what the good Lord’s plan is. But we’re going to do everything in our power to make sure I am. I’m praying, your dad and I both, every night. As soon as we know more, we’ll put me on the church prayer list. The Lord has a plan. We just have to see what it is.” Carla’s voice is soft and gentle, consoling as though she’s not the one with the shit end of the stick.
If I had grown up with this version of Carla, I wonder what kind of man I’d be. Definitely not the one I am today.
“I’ll pray for you too,” Hattie says, and the three of them take comfort in their faith.
I can’t imagine what it’s like to believe that some being greater than you is up there looking out for you. Sure as shit, there was no higher power looking out for me when I was homeless, dirty, and starving.
We sit around the table, and I don’t say much for fear that I may burst and tell Carla who I am and how she ruined my life.
Eventually, Carla says she’s tired, so Hattie and I make our exit, promising to come by the house tomorrow. Hattie doesn’t say anything on the drive over to her apartment while I feign ignorance and ask for directions.
It’s not until we’re through the door of her apartment and I lock it behind us that she bursts into tears.
I pull her in and wrap my arms around her, squeezing her tightly. “I’ve got you. Let it all out.”
And she does. For ten minutes, we hold each other while every tear, every emotion, and every fear pours out.
When she pulls away, she wipes her cheeks, now red and raw. “I can’t go back to Seattle until I know what’s going on with my mom. And even then…”
I smooth the hair on the top of her head and kiss her forehead. “We’ll figure it out. Don’t worry about your job right now, that’s not what’s important.”
No part of me wants her back in Seattle right now anyway. With everything going on, I haven’t had time to reach out to my brother-in-law to get the contacts I need for the Vitale crime family so I can take care of Sean. I’ll worry about it once I know she’ll be back in his vicinity.
“I know you have a business to run, but will you stay in Wisconsin for a bit? At least until my mom has her appointment and we know better what her prognosis is?”
I tuck a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. “I’ll call Steph in the morning and tell her she needs to handle things in my absence.”
“Thank you, Bast. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
I’m not a religious man, but God willing, she’ll never have to find out.
I pull her in and wrap my arms around her, squeezing her tightly.
44
BASTION
Out of respect for Hattie, when her father inquired where I was staying while I was in town, I lied and told him the same hotel I had stayed in all the other times I visited. I knew without Hattie having to tell me that he wouldn’t approve of me staying with her. He doesn’t even know that she lives with me in Seattle.
Robert and Carla know I’m her boss, but they don’t know the nature of the business I’m in. Hattie looked remorseful when she asked me to lie about it, insisting that while she has no problem with it, her parents just wouldn’t understand.
As I suspected, Hattie spends all our time over at her parents’ house. Robert is at work during the day, but because Carla isn’t well, she’s no longer working at the salon. Which has made for a long couple of days.
It’s given me time to see Carla and Hattie’s dynamic. Seeing how close they are isn’t easy, but I cannot reconcile the woman in front of me with the one I used to try to wake as a child, worried that she was dead. Seeing her well and the mother she is to Hattie only spurs my anger because now I see what I missed out on, the kind of mother Carla could have been to me.
Hattie says my name, and I blink, coming back to the present. I turn my attention her way, and she’s frowning.
“Sorry, my mind drifted off. What did you say?”
She glances over my shoulder at the sliding glass door that leads inside. Carla went in a few minutes ago to get ready for her doctor’s appointment. Robert should be here any minute to pick her up. Hattie and I are going to wait here until they return to let us know how it went.
“Are you okay?” Her head tilts.
“Of course, my mind just wandered to work. My apologies.” I reach across the table and take her hand, stroking her knuckles with my thumb.
“I know you probably need to get home, but I really appreciate you staying to support me.”
“You are my number one priority, Hattie. I’m sorry I drifted off.”
“And that’s all it is?” She’s worried. All the shit is showing on my face now, and it’s transparent to her.
I once thought this woman was naïve, but now that she knows me, she’s too perceptive. “That’s all.”
“Because you seem really tense whenever my mother is around. It’s almost like you’re uncomfortable or something.”
Shit. I need to do a better job than I’m doing.
Thankfully, before I have to come up with an answer, the slider opens, and Robert and Carla walk out.
“Well, we’re off.” Carla’s voice shakes, revealing she’s nervous about the appointment.
Hattie rushes over and gives her a hug, then moves over to her dad to give him one.
Carla’s eyes veer toward me. “Why don’t you kids go swimming or something? Don’t just be waiting around here on pins and needles. We don’t want Bastion to think this place isn’t any fun. He’ll never want to come back here.”
Hattie pulls away from her dad and nods. “We brought our swimsuits today like you said.”
“Good.” Carla gives Hattie a kiss on her forehead. “I don’t want you sitting around stressing the whole time.”
She gives her mom a wan smile, and they leave. I walk over to Hattie and pull her into an embrace, wishing I could do something more, anything to make this better for her.
We separate, and she heaves a big sigh. “Okay, my mom is right. Let’s try to enjoy our afternoon. What do you want to do? I want to say a quick prayer, then I’m all yours.”
“In that case, you’re gonna get on your knees, but you won’t be praying, babe.”
She laughs and smacks my arm playfully. It’s good to see her smile, a laugh on her lips. It’s been days since they’ve made an appearance.
“Should I get changed into my swim trunks while you do that, or do you feel like doing something other than hanging by the pool?”
“I brought a book with me, and some relaxation sounds good. It’s hot out, so taking a dip might be good in a bit.”
“Okay, I’ll go change and meet you back out here.”
I give her credit—in my experience, religious people are intent on converting everyone to their cause, but not once has Hattie tried to push her religion on me. Never tried to get me to church, never asked me to pray with her, none of it. The thought that maybe that’s a bad thing, that perhaps she doesn’t see me as a permanent fixture in her life, crosses my mind, but I push away the insecurity.
I join Hattie back outside and see that she’s already changed into her swimsuit. It’s a noticeably different style than the one she wore at my house in Avalon Pointe. This is a one-piece, and though she looks fabulous in anything, it certainly isn’t close to as sexy as the bikini. I’m assuming this one feels more parent-approved to her.
Another side of Hattie has emerged since we’ve been around her parents, and I wonder if that will ever change.
She’s seated on one of the loungers around the pool, her book and bottle of water on the table beside her. When she sees me approach, she holds up a bottle of sunscreen. “Can you put some on me?”
My dick twitches. I haven’t been inside her since we left the island. I understand why, and I’m not going to be an asshole and pressure her to sleep with me when she’s dealing with so much, but I still miss her, miss her body, miss our connection during sex. I only ever thought of the act of sex as physical, but with Hattie, it has a way of centering me, making me feel so much closer and loved.
“You know how much I love to do that.” I grin, trying to keep the mood light. I take the bottle from her and sit at the end of the lounger. “Sit up and give me your back.”
She does as I say, and I enjoy every second of rubbing my hands over her body. It’s the most action I’m getting for a while.
I’m concerned about how Hattie will react if Carla doesn’t get good news today. I continue to lie to myself that all I’m concerned with is Hattie’s feelings, not the welfare of the mother who abandoned me.
We relax in the sun, and Hattie reads her book while I catch up on some work stuff on my phone. Eventually I lean my head back and enjoy the feel of the sun’s heat.
“Do you want to go for a dip?”
I turn my head in Hattie’s direction. She’s shielding her eyes from the sun, looking at me. Her sunglasses lay discarded on the table beside her.
“Sure.” I bolt off the chair and take a couple large steps toward the pool, then jump in cannonball style.
When I resurface, Hattie is at the edge of the pool, giggling.
Mission accomplished. I know she’s stressed and worried right now. I just want to do what I can to lift her spirits.
“Let’s see what you got, babe.”
“Okay, prepare to be amazed. You might want to hold on to the side of the pool so you don’t drown from this crazy wave I’m going to make.”
I chuckle. “Let’s see it.”
She steps back, then runs toward the pool, leaping and dropping into the water in a cannonball that makes about half the waves my jump did.
Her head pops out of the water, and she’s grinning. “Well?”
“Sorry, babe, I’ve got you beat.” I tug her to me by the waist. It’s not the easiest while you’re treading water, but I manage to kiss her quickly.
The sun’s rays reflecting off the water bring out the gold flecks in her eyes, and for the first time all day, there’s something other than fear in them. I want to keep it like that for as long as I can.
“You want to play Marco Polo?” I ask.
“Sure! You try to find me first.” She wiggles out of my arms and swims away.
“All right, I’ll count to ten. Better hurry.” I close my eyes and start the countdown out loud.
I’m not sure how long it takes me to catch her, maybe five minutes, then our roles reverse.
She comes after me with no luck. A few minutes in, I decide to play a trick on her. I swim to the pool’s edge and oh so slowly pull myself out of the water. My sister and I used to do this to each other the few times our dad took us to the public pool growing up. I always found it hilarious to see Ari frustrated and searching around in the water, knowing she was never going to find me.
“Marco,” Hattie calls.
“Polo,” I say right before I completely pull myself from the water.
She swims in the direction of my voice, feeling around with her hands. When she comes up empty, she calls out Marco again.
I quietly slip to the end of the pool and say, “Polo,” leaning over and dipping my hand in the water to make a splashing sound for good measure.
She swims that way with her eyes closed, and I move to the other side of the pool so I’m facing away from the house. Hattie lets out a growl of frustration when she makes it to the area I was just standing beside, and it’s all I can do to not laugh.
“Marco,” she shouts into the warm summer air, louder than the previous times and clearly annoyed.
This time I can’t stifle my chuckle, but before I can give up the game I’m playing, something crashes behind me, and the sound of shattering glass rings through the warm air. Hattie’s eyes pop open, and I whip around.
Robert and Carla are on the deck, the remnants of a serving tray, a jug, and several glasses spread on the concrete.
“Carla, are you okay?” Robert rubs her back.
Carla doesn’t respond, her eyes on me with a mix of horror and disbelief. “Tyler?”
