The Book of Heartbreak, page 31
I broke the curse.
Suspended in the air, I drift like a wisp of smoke, weightless. Perhaps I’ve become a particle. A piece of dust. A ghost.
“Do I get it? Yes.” Five sounds fed up. “But do I care? Not really.”
“Excuse me—” Another agitated speaker pipes up. “But this matter sounds like something Afterlife Admissions should handle. As a senior angel of the Fate Adjustment Bureau, I fail to see how this falls within the scope of my duties.”
“Let me explain, dear Nine.” Grey clears his throat. “The curse records were modified without necessary authorization from Sacred Systems.”
“I completely understand, but that would be of interest to the Celestial Compliance Office, not us.” Nine sighs. “Or Afterlife Admissions. Definitely not my department. Look, I’m rather busy.”
“I already summoned Chief Executive Celestial and Archangel Absolute Gabriel. He should be here in no time—” Grey pauses, and I hear the rustle of papers. “Listen, CID-1010834556 was first activated when you used to work under Prayer Fulfillment. You were the Curse Remediation Officer who dealt with it, weren’t you? You must understand this is a disastrous consequence of Five’s actions. He likes taking human form, and has seduced many mortal women, ruining their lives, spawning these curses and undoubtedly many more consequences besides.”
“Did he, now?” Nine bites out. “Amusing, how he always claims quite the opposite—that it is the mortals who seek him.”
“Shut up,” Five snarls.
“If I’m going down, then you’re coming with me,” Nine retorts.
“Fantastic,” Grey chuckles.
As my vision clears, I brace myself for the Inbetween, only to find myself in what appears to be an office. It stretches out like an airport hangar, seemingly endless, with towering shelves lining both sides, packed with folders upon folders. Papers protrude like tongues from many, while others are secured with locks.
It doesn’t smell of anything, and the light glows eerily.
“Now if you’ll let us get moving, I need to escort the mortal—”
My vision is still blurred, but I feel Five’s pull in my very being. I try to lift my hands, or lean down to see my body, but I have no control over myself. My mind is whirring as if a vacuum cleaner rolls through my head, then I see them.
Three figures, the source of the neon glow in the gloom.
Five is unmistakable in his angelic stance and there’s another like him—but with gray wings and a feminine form. The third looks like a child—fluffy white wings and a chubby body.
A cherub.
Grey in his true form.
Before I can say anything, a loud hum echoes through the air as another angel arrives. The newcomer is even taller than Five, with a crescent-shaped light glowing above his head. He shines so brightly that just looking at him stirs something within me—an almost fleeting sense of … serenity.
“Archangel Absolute!” Grey clasps his hands to his chest, quivering with either terror or joy, I can’t tell. “You read my email!”
“I hope you have a good reason to cc Mikhael and I at the same time.” The archangel frowns. “Now explain yourself, and prepare for a punishment if you’re wasting our divine time.”
“Of course!” Grey chirps, his eyes bright with ambition. “This is Sare Sıla Silverbirch. Please let’s take a moment to extend our deepest sympathies for her victory: she has just broken an almost thousand-year-old curse. We are the most delighted!”
“It’s not sympathy, you idiot.” Five rolls his eyes. “It’s congratulations. If you’re really that fond of mortals, at least be decent about it and learn their language.”
“Semantics.” Grey flaps his wings. “I’m sure the mortal doesn’t mind.”
I don’t mind, of course, but I can’t find the voice to communicate.
“Let me kick off with intros. Most Holy Archangel, and Sare Sıla Silverbirch, these are Five the Fifth and Nine the Ninth. We’ll return to them in a minute.” Grey gestures at the taller, sulking angels. “And I’m Grey the Compassionate, currently a Senior Cherub of the Temporal Intervention Agency. Here’s my card.” With a sweep, Grey offers a business card to Gabriel, then his small body folds into a bow, his wings poking forward.
Five snorts. “Are we bowing down to mortals now?”
“First and foremost, let’s focus on how Five refuses to respect mortals!” Grey turns to the archangel, who looks like he’s about to doze off. “As I previously explained in my email, Five isn’t a real angel—he is in fact made of fire, and not light. His true name is Azarel and he comes from the Infernal Dominion. And so is Nine, whose real name is Belzeren.”
“Ah, yes,” Gabriel begins nonchalantly. “Heavenly Governance used to run an infernal rehabilitation program back in the day. We sourced talent from the dominion, rebranded and reused them. There are hundreds in service, cherub.”
“B-but how can they tend to mortals?” Grey looks mortified. “It’s their demonic nature to divert people from the designated path of righteousness.”
“Do you know how much angels cost? Demons are a cheaper workforce. We assigned them unbiased numerical identifiers as names. Automatically, of course, since we don’t have time to bless each one with a new title. They’ve been fully trained, salvaged and now report to the relevant department heads.”
“Precisely,” Five cuts in. “This is blatant discrimination, warranting immediate disciplinary action. Now, may I please proceed with the mortal? I have a job to do!”
“Likewise,” Nine grumbles.
“Please, listen!” Grey leaps forward to the archangel’s feet. “I have proof that they have sinned!”
Five and Nine both look like they’re going to rip Grey apart when Gabriel commands, “Proceed.”
“Nothing Five does seems to follow our rules. For instance, this curse was broken just before this mortal died, but he still took her beyond the border—even though Death now has no claim on Sare Sıla Silverbirch.”
“You degenerate, pitiful imbecile,” Five snaps. “Sare is mine. Mine to take, mine to drag over whatever border I want.”
Something clenches in me, hearing my name from his lips.
Grey hastily jots something down on a notepad.
“And what exactly is your relationship with this mortal?” The archangel raises an eyebrow at Five, showing the first flicker of real interest since his arrival.
“Nothing.” Five holds his chin up, the flames on his round halo emblazoned.
“Is that so?” Gabriel hums.
“Ah, we’ll get to debunking that lie soon, but first I’d like to invite my witness to testify,” Grey asserts, and with the crackling sound I have heard thousands of times before, Munu appears.
“Munu.” My voice is faint, but she still glances at me, giving a nod, as if asking me to stay calm.
“Mortal ID 1274856567048112, Eudokia Doukas,” Grey rushes to explain. “Turned into an ethereal and renamed as Munu by Five.”
“Enough,” Five protests.
“I’m afraid it’s not up to your discretion, Five. Need I remind you I’m your superior?” Gabriel seems unfazed, but his eyes are ablaze. “I’d like to listen to what the ethereal has to say—the cherub has gone to a great deal of trouble, after all. Talk, please, but be brief. I don’t have much time.”
Munu looks down at the floor. “I met Five in Constantinople in 1052. He introduced himself as Lazarios, the son of a nobleman, and he swore his eternal love to me.”
“Lies,” Five grates out.
“Silence!” The archangel’s crescent halo glows brighter. “Continue.”
“I didn’t know he was courting my sister at the same time, I didn’t know he was charming us both, and I ended up cursing my family when I died. Then Lazarios arrived … and he—” Munu swallows a sob. “He revealed his true nature. He told me he was an angel, and he convinced me that Theodora and her seer tricked him to abandon me, and the fool I was, I believed we were finally united. But another angel landed with us before I could rejoice my false happiness. This one.” Munu points to Nine. “Nine the Ninth. She was angry with me for the curse I’d released. I had prayed for help for years,” Munu mutters, “and found none in her wrath.”
“Prayer fulfillment requires funding,” the archangel sighs. “Which the Fate Adjustment Bureau rarely has.”
“Pardon me, but I am the obvious victim here!” Nine cries. “This morbid minion of Five spawned the curse, and Five tricked me into modifying the record, as the department was too occupied to respond to the prayers or deliver any hope. And then he blackmailed me!”
“I object—” Five howls. “This is heresy.”
“Zip it, you two,” Gabriel commands. “Speak, Munu.”
“Lazarios protected me from Nine, or at least I thought he did. He shrank me in size, claiming it was necessary so I couldn’t drift between realms. At first, he kept me in a bell jar on his desk, but soon he grew bored. I wasn’t enough for him, so I became his employee, running errands for the office.”
“Et cetera et cetera,” Grey interjects. “Please, let’s fast forward to the present era.”
“I was always loyal to Lazarios,” Munu explains. “I never doubted him, even when he sent me on a mission across the globe, which I later discovered was nothing more than a ploy to keep me out of the way while he pursued another mortal. When I was tasked with protecting Sare upon her birth, I had no idea what he’d done … It was only after Sare found the artifact called The Book of Heartbreak that my suspicions arose. Lazarios never cared about mortals—why was he suddenly interested in this book?”
“Let’s also note that he used Munu to steal this rare relic,” Grey interjects.
“Yes.” Munu nods. “And when Sare revealed to me that her mother’s lover switched between names, that he called her ‘sweet muse of his cravings.’ Then I understood. H–he used to say the same to me. I never imagined—never thought—that Lazarios, who once pledged his undying love to me, could have seduced all of us. We were just victims of his cruel sense of entertainment.”
“Objection!” Five folds his arms. “My private affairs are not open for judgment. I am the most flawless.”
Gabriel rolls his eyes. “He’s quite high in rank and we need solid evidence to take him to the Divine Disciplinary Board.” His gaze darts between Munu and Grey. It’s almost as if everyone has forgotten that I’m here. “Do you have any physical proof?”
“We do,” I say at last, before anyone else can speak. My voice comes out loud and bold, echoing in the great hall we drift in. “I’m the proof. His daughter.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Your ancestors don’t have to be your legacy. Have the courage to honor their memory, but reserve greater courage to walk your own path. Only the brave accept themselves for who they truly are.
Excerpt from The Book of Betrayal, Müneccimbaşı Sufi Chelebi’s Journals of Mystical Phenomena
Everyone remains speechless after my confession. Grey is the first to break the silence.
“Let me get this straight,” he says, scratching his head. “You essentially had your ex babysit your own child? I have to hand it to you, Five—your cunning knows no bounds. Deception at its finest! I’ve never encountered such a masterpiece of malevolence. If there were wickedness awards in the Infernal Dominion, I’d gladly nominate you.”
“Piss off, cherub,” Five hisses, and then he turns to me. “Is this how you repay my mercy? You’d be long dead as the child you were with that cursed, pathetic heart. I kept you alive with those resurrections. I deserve your loyalty.”
“Never,” I mutter. “You’re nothing to me. You deserve nothing but punishment.”
“Do you understand the consequences of this, comrade?” Gabriel says, voice steely.
“I have a child from a mortal.” Five shrugs. “So what? Stop pretending as if I’ve summoned the apocalypse.”
“And you blackmailed me into changing the curse records!” Nine shrieks.
“Yet, instead of coming forward,” Grey sighs, “you did exactly what he asked.”
“I didn’t want to lose my job and end up back in Hell,” Nine defends herself. “It’s too hot there, and the pay’s shit. Archangel—” she drops to her knees—“have mercy! At least I only manipulated documents, not mortals!”
“You have a point,” the archangel says. “You still deserve punishment, though. I’ll reassign you to …” Gabriel pauses, thinking. “Department of Research and Divine Development. As a test subject. No powers. No pay or benefits. Not until they figure out what went wrong with that ill-fated rehabilitation initiative.”
“Archangel, mercy!” Nine roars, but with a dismissive flick of his hand, Gabriel banishes her without a second glance.
“You, however, will be dealt with by the Divine Disciplinary Board,” the archangel declares, turning to Five. Then he cracks his fingers, and the fiery halo on Five’s head diminishes.
“You cannot.” Five trembles as though he’s about to combust.
“I can, and I will.” Gabriel shrugs. “A tribunal will likely send you back to Hell. To the lowest rank. You’ll suffer for an eternity.”
“No.” A tremor runs through Five’s voice. “I am Five the Fifth! I slaved away for the Governance. I spent years on your woeful tasks—”
“Oh, spare me.” Gabriel snaps, and in an instant, Five begins to shrink, dwindling until he’s no larger than a pinkie finger. His outrage dissolves into a faint buzz.
“You can’t get rid of me like this!” he squeaks out.
Grey crouches down and scoops Five up in his palm. “What was that? Can’t hear you.”
Munu and I watch the scene with cold detachment. Five has finally grasped how much trouble he’s in, but his terror leaves me unmoved. I don’t hate him—not any more. Yet, even as pity stirs faintly within me, I know no punishment could ever suffice for the devastation he’s caused.
“Canim,” Munu calls to me. “You broke the curse. You did it.”
“Yes,” Grey says, handing Five, who is now no larger than a fly, to Gabriel. “And so, as I was saying, Sare must go back to the world to continue her … worldly things.”
“I guess she can.” Gabriel shrugs. “And after all this—” he eyes Five—“malarkey … I’d say the mortal deserves some compensation. A blessing. Perhaps she can choose if she wants to go back to her miserable life, or float to the Heavens for a perfect eternity with her ancestors, including you, Munu.”
“Eudokia,” she corrects. “I’m Eudokia Doukas, not Munu. Not any more.”
“Splendid,” Gabriel says flatly. “Sare, the choice is yours.”
I consider the offer. Mum is there in the Heavens, and Muzaffer. I didn’t even call him grandfather, not once. I didn’t even hug him.
“I-I—” I stammer. It would be so easy to let them have me, unite with my family. Meet Iris. I’m almost ready to give up, to forget life and its troubles, but then I remember Harika’s advice.
When the time comes to make a decision: choose love and not hate. Choose hope, not despair. Choose life, not death. Choose courage, Sare Silverbirch.
She must have warned me for today, I realize in astonishment.
Look ahead, Sare, Muzaffer’s voice lingers in my ears.
Behind me lies a ruin, a life I never had the courage to truly embrace.
“I want to return,” I declare. I won’t look back. I will live. A surge of longing for Leon fills my being. I can’t abandon him. I haven’t even told him how much I love him.
“Of course you do,” Gabriel says, casting me a downward glance. “These mortals!”
“Archangel, may I have a word?” Grey whizzes over. “I was thinking if we had stronger ties with mortals, things could be different? Say, we throw a few kiosks in some of their cities or open a social media account, that sort of cost-effective thing to promote our holy efforts. Why is our hard work always hidden?”
“I need you to sign an NDA.” Gabriel grimaces, ignoring Grey’s enthusiasm.
“Please forward it to my assistant, Deidre, and I’ll have a look.”
“They gave you an assistant, cherub?”
As they continue their banter, Eudokia and I gravitate toward each other.
“Farewell, canim,” she says.
“Is there no way I can still see you?” I feel devastated to lose her now. My only friend for all these years, her absence in Istanbul has troubled me more than I admitted to myself. Letting go of her is almost as hard as giving up my life.
Eudokia’s face radiates as if she is wrought from silver, a vision of strength. She carried the burden of cursing her own family, of being tormented by Five’s cruelty. But now, at long last, her imprisonment ends.
“It’s time to part ways,” she declares, her tone bitter-sweet. “You don’t need me any more. And I have waited a thousand years to ascend to the Heavens. I must find Theodora, my poor sister, and apologize to her for everything I’ve done. I can only hope she will forgive me. I didn’t know, Sare. I had no idea how wicked Lazarios was.”
“Theodora will forgive you,” I reassure her. “Just like I did.”
And then I do something I’ve always yearned to do, had she not forbidden it.
“I love you,” I announce. “I will miss you so much.”
She frowns at me, wide eyed, but then her face smooths into a proud and peaceful smile.
“I l-love you too,” she says. “You’re the bravest girl I’ve ever known. Take care of your heart, okay? Don’t let anyone break it.”
“I promise.” I laugh. “I’ll take care of my heart.”
“And don’t you dare forget me, Sare Sıla Silverbirch.”
“As if that would be possible,” I say. It’s strange to accept my emotions without fearing them. But, like Eudokia, I am unshackled, liberated at last.
“Until we meet again.” She stares at me, eyes like goggles. And then she pulls me into a hug.
“Until we meet again,” I repeat, wrapping myself around her. What will I do without her?
“Are you ready?” Gabriel looks at me wearily.
