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After the leader spoke, there was silence in the room again.
He said, “So, how do we vote, yay or nay? How many people say yes, it’s worth the risk?”
Not even Joe raised his hand. He wanted to see who else agreed with him in the room first. And outside of Davis, who came up with the idea, no one else raised their hands, so Joe joined Davis with his right hand up.
“All right, how many people say no, it’s not worth the risk?” Sampson asked.
When the rest of the hands went up, Joe exhaled, nodded, and accepted the group’s answer.
These guys don’t give a fuck about helping outside communities, he mused. It’s all an ego stroke. Because if they really cared, they wouldn’t have a problem with listening to how the people want to be helped.
This fund is not about us. It’s about them! he concluded.
At that point, Joe was ready to leave the room and not finish their meeting. But he couldn’t. He knew there would be more important battles for him to have in the near future, battles that he wasn’t too confident about.
Cunningham leaned into Joe at their chairs and mumbled, “You can’t be so emotional about these things, Drake. We’ve done things the same way for a long time for a reason. And everyone can’t understand those reasons, but at the end of the day, this is what we’re agreeing to do, and we don’t have to agree to do anything. So, they have to take what we offer them.”
Joe continued to listen and nod, while settling back into his chair. And he understood. Rich White men were still in power, and they still wanted to control all of their efforts . . . even when they agree to help people.
DESTINY FLOWERS
Reflection 16
I WAS ON MY WAY BACK HOME ON INTERSTATE 20 WEST AFTER ANOTHER late night at work when Destiny Flowers called me on my cell phone. Her name popped right up on the dashboard screen of my car with the phone connected to the stereo system.
“Hello,” I answered, confused. I don’t know how she got my cell phone number. I surely don’t remember giving it to her. Why would I do that?
“How are you doing, Dr. Benning? You real busy now, huh?”
“Ahhh . . . how did you get my cell phone number?” I asked her.
“You called me from it after the last time we talked, and I just saved it on my phone. Why? You don’t want me to have it?”
“I just don’t remember giving it to you,” I responded. “So, I called you from my cell phone?”
“Okay, so, you’re that busy where you don’t remember calling me?” she questioned.
I really didn’t remember. When would I have the time and what would be the reason to call her?
“What did I call you about?” I asked.
“You were just following up with me after missing my call to you, because we’re always missing each other.”
“Missing each other? Did you sign up for a session yet?”
This woman had me so confused, I didn’t know if she was making shit up or what. But she got my number somehow.
“Yeah, that’s what we talked about last time, setting up a session. You didn’t put me in your schedule book?”
“I don’t have a schedule book, I just have a calendar on my computer.”
“Well, you need to check that for both of us then,” she told me.
“I’m not doing that right now. I’m driving.”
“On I-Twenty West?”
How come this girl is always trying to guess what I’m doing?
“Does it matter?” I asked her curtly. She sounded like a possessive old boyfriend or something.
She said, “Why it seem like you always catch attitudes with me? Is that professional?”
It wasn’t, but nor was calling me on my cell phone after work hours. So, I let her ass know.
“You know what? I have my personal time and my business time. And right now it’s personal. So, excuse me for being quick-tempered, but I’m off the clock right now.”
“Well, is this how you act when you’re off the clock? Maybe you need to set up a session to talk about you.”
“You got jokes?” I snapped at her.
“No, I got facts,” she responded. “You’re the one out here trippin’ on me. I finally set up a session to get myself some help and this is how you treat me.”
I swear, this girl could bring out the worst in me. So, I had to take a deep breath to gather myself before I responded the wrong way, which I definitely was about to do.
Instead, I said, “Okay, I’m almost home now. So, what I’m gonna do is check my appointment schedule to see about your session, then I’ll email you to confirm it or send you a new link to fill it in.”
“See that? Was that so hard to do? That was easy, right? That’s all you had to tell me.”
I stared out at the road in silence and shook my head. What else could I say to this woman?
“Okay. I got you. As soon as I get home.”
“You’re not gonna forget again, are you?”
“No. I will not forget,” I told her. “Now let me go,” before I curse your ass out in here! I snapped to myself. She was that irritating.
“How’s everything else going for you? Do you have a hubby? You don’t mind me asking, do you?”
“Okay, it’s time for me to go. I told you already, my personal life is not part of the conversations.”
She said, “Look, I’m just being friendly with you, ’cause it sound like you need a man. Is that who you’re driving home to?”
“Excuse me?”
“I didn’t stutter. I said, ‘It sounds like you need a man.’ ”
I pressed my end call button and hung up on her. That was the end of that. Then she called me right back, and I ignored her. But when she called three more times, I had to set this girl straight. She was asking for a Camden, New Jersey, ass kicking. For real !
I accepted her fifth call and said, “Look, you are really bothering me. Okay? Now, at this point, I don’t care if I help you or not, because obviously, something is very wrong with you.”
“Well, duhhh. That’s why I’m trying to get help.”
“Well, you’re gonna have to find someone else to help your crazy ass!” I barked at her.
“That’s not very professional for you to call me crazy.”
“And I’m not on my professional time right now, either.”
“That don’t mean you can’t be professional. Your reputation is your reputation no matter what time you’re on. It’s still you.”
She had a valid point, which upset me even more. Before I realized it, I had drifted into the right lane as I drove.
BBBLLLAAARRRNNN!!!
“SHIT!” I hollered.
I whipped my steering wheel back to the left as a big-ass truck blew the horn at me.
“Watch yourself on that road!” Destiny warned me too late. It was her fault that I was drifting in the first place.
“Yeah, like you care,” I commented.
“I do care,” she told me. “We didn’t even have our first session yet. So, don’t you die on me.”
I shook my head again. This girl was liable to say anything. I called her a woman and a girl interchangeably because I realized that she was grown, but she still had a lot of immaturity about her, like preadolescent immaturity. I couldn’t even call it high school. She had middle-school issues going on.
I told her, “Trust me, I’m not planning on dying anytime soon.”
“Are you sure?”
What kind of a question was that?
“Am I sure? What the hell’s wrong with you?” I asked her. “Are you planning on dying?”
“Eventually, we’re all gonna die. You don’t know that? You’re not a goddess.”
“And neither are you,” I argued. “You’re not a goddess, either.”
Honestly, I didn’t even know what she looked like. Based on her immaturity, I figured she was attractive and used to getting her way with other immature people. But I could have been wrong. Maybe she just thought she was attractive. And we had a whole lot of that in the world.
I had no idea how she would respond to me, but I was curious, so I waited. And then . . . she started laughing.
“Yeah, you wish. Nerd. I know who you are. You’re that smart girl in school, who was scared of all the boys, ’cause you thought they were try’na get your oochie coochie. Now you all grown-up and try’na help somebody. Girl, sit down.”
I paused. I hadn’t heard that tone from her before and it startled me. That tone wasn’t immature at all. It was deep, grown-folks’ shit. And it reminded me of my mother. But how could she know that? Was it just a coincidence?
“Are you still there?” she asked me.
“Who am I speaking to?” I questioned. I was curious again.
“Who you been speaking to?”
“I was speaking to Destiny Flowers,” I answered. “But it sounds like someone else jumped on the phone. So, I just wanted to make sure.” Maybe this girl had multiple personalities in her bag of issues.
“You speaking to the right person. I just got different moods, like every other woman,” she answered. “But I’ma let you go now, so you can drive home safely. And I’ma talk to you another time.”
Instead of lingering on the phone and waiting for me to respond, she immediately hung up and left me confounded. I didn’t know what to think. This woman was more complicated than I first thought.
“Okay,” I told myself with a nod at the wheel. “I need to meet this woman to figure out what’s really going on with her.” So, I planned to check my calendar as soon as I got home to see if Destiny had actually booked a session like she told me she had.
DARK & MOODY
Reflection 17
IT’S AMAZING HOW PEOPLE CAN MAKE RANDOM COMMENTS AND LOCK something in your head that you weren’t even trying to deal with. I wasn’t thinking about men or relationships at all. I’ve been more focused on my job and my goals. Then you wake up and realize that you keep adding things to your plate that take the place of a man. Did I do that on purpose or was it all happenstance?
At any rate, I started thinking about Tyrell Hodge, of all people. He had a live-in girlfriend who he was having intimacy issues with. I wondered how things were making out with that. So, I continued to feel sorry for him. But one thing was for sure, he needed to calm down with all of his frustrations. That only made situations toxic with everyone else he dealt with. No one else cared about what he had been through or was still involved in. They all had their own problems to deal with and Tyrell needed to realize that.
By accident, I pressed on another one of Dark & Moody’s tracks in my car that had very mellow music behind it. This track featured a harp and strings that actually fit the mood of melancholy that I was in.
You know those times when you feel a touch of sadness, while remembering the places, people, and things that are no longer in your life? I was having one of those moments, all because of Destiny Flowers and her different moods.
As I continued to listen to this music, I began to wonder about Tasha Samuels as well. Was she still thinking about sacrificing people for her success? Did she have a man, a woman, or someone to confide in outside of me? I’m sure she did. She had to have someone. But I didn’t know and I hadn’t asked her.
What I did know was that she had a real gift with picking instruments that colored her music perfectly, while getting an emotional rise out of you. And I wondered how she would work out with Mrs. Melody, who seemed to have an opinion about everything.
I shook my head and smiled, while turning into my exit. I could just imagine Mrs. Melody’s mouth.
“She’s gonna be real picky,” I said to myself of the young rapper and her taste of music.
But I wonder what they’ll come up with.
* * *
Sure enough, Mrs. Melody met up with Dark & Moody for the two of them to work on something new inside Tasha’s bedroom studio. They were trying to find something they both liked. And Mrs. Melody was right on DM’s case.
“Wait a minute. Why do you have to like it if I’m the one recording to it?” she complained, after Dark & Moody skipped over another beat that she liked.
“That beat’s too simple,” Tasha answered. “I wanna make sure this song hits more than just one emotion.”
“Well, you made the beat. What were you thinking about when you made it?”
They were both dressed down for a change in sweats, but the sweat clothes that girls wore nowadays showed all of their curves. It was as if spandex had turned into the new silk, and women were wearing ass-and hip-hugging tights everywhere!
Tasha eyed Melody in her small bedroom studio and was bluntly honest with her. “An artist who has more lyrical range can take a song in different directions without the music changing. But with you . . . I wanna make sure you do that by changing up the beat.”
Mrs. Melody stared at her. “And what if I don’t like how you’re trying to change it?”
DM stared back. “You know, you don’t have to have your way with everything. Let the beat do what it do and just follow behind it.”
Melody took a peek at her cell phone and returned a text message before she responded. “How ’bout you let me do what I do on the beat and you just follow behind me.”
DM shook her head and froze with a novel idea. “How ’bout we do two songs with a beat you like and a beat that I like?”
Melody responded to another text before she answered. “And I can use that same simple track that I already like?”
DM exhaled slowly. “Yeah, but you gotta keep your lyrics on topic, and it ain’t all about just sex.”
Mrs. Melody grimaced. “So . . . what’s the topic?”
“Anything but sex. I mean, be creative, for God’s sake,” Tasha complained. “I gotta come up with something for you to say, too? I mean, I can do that, but I thought you wanted control over your writing and what you plan to say on it.”
Another call came through on Melody’s cell phone, the eighth call in less than an hour that they were together. Tasha took note of it.
“I guess you’re real popular with the guys, I see,” she commented.
Melody smiled. “When you got ’em, you got ’em.” Then she stopped and thought about it.
“That’s a song idea right there. I got ’em locked on it.”
DM frowned. “That’s the same old stuff you been doing.”
“Yeah, but it’s catchy. And girls can relate to it.” She immediately started chanting the hook, “When you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / when you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / when you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / when you . . . got ’em, you got ’em . . .”
Melody stopped again and nodded to it, grinning. “Now, that’s a hot record.”
Dark & Moody shook her head in disappointment but she didn’t fight the process. It was a hot record. She could hear it easily. The words jumped off Mrs. Melody’s tongue. And if the words jumped off her tongue that effortlessly, they would jump off everyone else’s tongues as well.
Nevertheless, DM had her comments. “I hate them easy-ass hooks like that.”
“Whatever. Pull that beat back up.”
Dark & Moody found the simple beat in her music files and played it loud through her speakers, while Mrs. Melody jumped on it in sync with the rhythm.
“When you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / when you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / when you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / when you . . . got ’em, you got ’em . . .”
Tasha nodded to Melody’s vocal cadence and sat down in front of her keyboard. “Keep doing it, I hear something.”
As Mrs. Melody continued to have fun with the hook, Dark & Moody played notes on her keyboard, adding attention-getting strings and a new bass line that fit right in with the groove.
Melody listened to it and smiled, broadly. “There you go! I knew you could do it!”
Tasha smiled back at her. “Yeah, but you gotta add more to that hook,” she insisted.
Melody grimaced again. “Add more for what? You gotta learn how to leave stuff alone when it’s already hot. Too many producers do that and end up overproducing a song.”
DM ignored her and started chanting the hook herself. “When you . . . got ’em, you got ’em / my eyes . . . got ’em, you got ’em / my thighs . . . got ’em, you got ’em / they rise . . . got ’em, you got ’em / these guys . . . got ’em, you got ’em / like flies . . .
“Come up with stuff like that. And what I’ll do is stack the first part of the hook on the edges, and place whatever you add to it down the middle,” Tasha explained to her.
Mrs. Melody thought about it and nodded, while running the idea through her head, right as her cell phone went off again.
“God, would these guys leave you the fuck alone for a minute? We try’na work over here,” Dark & Moody snapped. “Put that shit on silence already!”
Melody laughed it off. “They can’t help themselves,” she bragged. “But let me call him back, ’cause he hit me up four times now.”
Dark & Moody shook her head and barked, “Pressed!”
“And that’s exactly how you gotta have ’em too,” Melody responded.
“Whatever.”
Mrs. Melody answered her phone as she walked out into the hallway to hear. “Hey, love.”
“Yo, where you at?” a gruff, masculine voice asked her.
“I’m in the studio working on something right now.”
“What studio?”
“A girlfriend of mine has her own setup.”
Dark & Moody listened and watched from inside her studio room as Mrs. Melody started gyrating in sex moves. Then she bent over to touch her toes with her left hand, while holding her cell phone in her right. With the sheer material of the spandex, her ass looked like she was practically naked with multicolored skin. And DM took in every curve of her.
This sexy-ass bitch is getting to me, and she don’t even know it yet! Tasha expressed to herself as she continued to watch and grin.
Melody was putting on a private freak show while on her phone in the hallway.
