Anyone But You, page 6
Anyway, I was getting side-tracked. I needed to focus on the task.
‘So, come on then.’ I faced Jake. ‘Tell me your favourite romance films.’
‘Don’t have any.’ He reached in his short pockets, pulled out his sunglasses then put them on.
‘Don’t believe you.’ I raised a suspicious eyebrow. ‘A lot of your songs are romantic, so that had to come from somewhere.’
As soon as that sentence flew from my lips, my internal organs shrivelled up like dried raisins. I shouldn’t have said that. Now he’d know that I listened to his music and as I’d already realised, the guy had a giant ego. He didn’t need me to stroke it.
‘A lot of my songs, huh?’ He cocked his head and a smile tugged at his lips. ‘To know that they’re romantic, you would’ve had to have listened to them. I knew you liked my music!’ he gloated.
I walked right into that one.
‘I don’t have to like them to be aware of them. When all the radio stations are playing them, it’s hard to escape. They get stuck in your head like those annoying earworms.’
‘Hmm-mm.’ He looked at me with suspicion. I was a rubbish liar so I shouldn’t be surprised that he didn’t believe me.
The truth was I did like his music, but I wasn’t going to tell him that.
‘Anyway, you probably didn’t write those songs, so it’d make sense that you’re a cynic when it comes to romance.’
‘I wrote all of my songs,’ he corrected. ‘The solo releases anyway. When I was in the band, we had to do whatever we were told.’
‘Oh,’ I said, thinking that sounded awful. I wanted to know more, but seeing as this match was temporary, I didn’t have the right to ask him personal questions.
‘Yeah…’ His voice trailed off. ‘I used to watch those kinds of films, but then…’ He paused again. ‘Sammie said they had popular films on the list, so we should choose a classic.’
‘We could go for Bridget Jones,’ I suggested. ‘Like when Colin Firth’s character says he loves Bridget just the way she is.’
‘Maybe.’
‘Or the line in Jerry Maguire.’
‘Where Cuba Gooding Jr. says “show me the money!”?’ Jake laughed.
‘No! When Tom Cruise says “you complete me” and Renee Zellweger’s character says “you had me at hello”.’
‘I hear you, but is Jerry Maguire really a romance or a sports comedy drama movie with some romance? It’d be better to choose something that’s more of a traditional romcom. Like a Hugh Grant film.’
‘Like Love Actually? Or Notting Hill?’
‘Yeah.’
‘See! I knew you liked romcoms!’ I stifled a smile as I repeated what he’d said before about me liking his music. Jake didn’t reply. ‘Okay. What quotes should we use? Anything come to mind?’
Seeing as he’d suggested a Hugh Grant romcom, I wanted to see how much he really knew about them.
‘We could use the quote from the bookstore scene where Julia Roberts talked about being a woman standing in front of a man, wanting him to love her.’ He shrugged like it was no big deal.
My jaw dropped.
Most guys I’d dated wouldn’t even be able to name a single romcom, but Jake not only seemed familiar with them, he was able to quote from them too. And the line he’d picked was exactly the one that I would’ve chosen.
Yeah, he hadn’t got it word for word. I think it was a girl standing in front of a boy and she was asking him rather than wanting him to love her, but it was close enough.
I was borderline impressed.
‘What?’ He pulled off his sunglasses and frowned. Then I realised that my jaw must still be on the floor. ‘Didn’t expect me to quote from one of the most famous scenes in romantic cinematic history?’
‘Honestly?’ I said. ‘No. But like you said, it is pretty iconic. Let’s run with it.’
I picked up a sheet of paper and wrote the quote down, then folded it up. I’d take it over to Sammie in a minute.
‘Cool. Now it’s time for the best part of this activity.’
‘What? Is it time for me to leave you already?’ I grinned, thinking that’d definitely be something to smile about.
‘Ouch.’ He clutched his stomach and I tried to ignore how the fabric of his T-shirt clung to his abs. ‘Harsh.’
‘I was joking.’ Sort of. Actually, I was deadly serious. Just because Jake knew about romcoms, it didn’t change anything. He still was not my perfect match.
Far from it.
‘Wow.’ Jake gasped dramatically. ‘She jokes? I thought your personality permanently operated on one setting: glaring.’
‘Haha, very funny.’
‘It’s true! All you’ve done since dinner is glare at me.’
‘Whatever happened to calling me Smiley?’
‘Touché. But seriously though, why do you hate me so much? Did I refuse to give you an autograph after you camped out overnight to come to one of my shows?’
‘Not everything’s about you!’ I rolled my eyes.
‘No?’ His jaw dropped with mock surprise. ‘All these years everyone lied to me!’ He laughed. ‘So what is it then?’
‘Doesn’t matter.’ I waved my hand dismissively. ‘What’s your favourite part of the task?’
‘Sammie said we have to introduce each other to the group and tell them three things about each other. I’ve already got yours locked down: one, she hates me, two, she hates smiling and three, she’s from New York. Nailed it, right?’
‘The smiling part is incorrect. I smile a lot. But only when I’m around people that make me happy.’
‘Damn, girl. You’re firing so many shots at me I’m gonna need stitches to patch up all these holes! So what have you learnt about me?’
‘That’s easy: one, you love yourself, two, you’re a musician and three, you’re a closet romcom lover.’
‘Wrong on all counts. Once upon a time those observations might’ve been true, but not any more.’ His gaze dropped to the ground. ‘Except the romcom one. When I liked them, there was nothing closeted about it. I had no problem telling people I enjoyed watching them. I owned that shit. I’m gonna take this to Sammie.’
As he plucked the piece of paper off the table then strode over to Sammie, shock rolled through me.
When I’d said those things about Jake, I’d expected him to deny them.
Obviously, he wasn’t going to admit that he loved himself. But hearing him say that it might’ve been true ‘once upon a time’ suggested that he didn’t love himself any more. Especially as I noticed there was a sadness in his eyes when he said it, which was swiftly followed by him avoiding my gaze.
And surely he didn’t mean that he wasn’t still a musician? Yeah, it’d been a long time since he’d released any new songs, but you didn’t just stop being a musician when you took some time out. Surely it was in your blood forever?
I knew I shouldn’t care, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t intrigued. I wanted to know why he didn’t make music any more.
He’d said that he used to love romcoms too, but I got the impression that he wasn’t into romance any more. And if that was the case, then I wondered not for the first time what the hell he was doing here, at the Love Hotel.
9
JAKE
As I got off the daybed and walked towards Sammie to give her the piece of paper with our movie quote, I wondered what the fuck was wrong with me.
Halle made a stupid statement about me then all of a sudden, my chest tightened. It was like something she said triggered me.
It wasn’t the romcom stuff. Like I’d said, I used to like them. I found them calming. It was reassuring to know there’d always be a happy ending.
And it wasn’t hard for me to remember the scene in Notting Hill because I instantly related to Julia Roberts’s character. I’d lost count of the number of times I just wanted someone to accept me for being me.
Not Jake the rockstar. The celebrity. The Hollywood bad boy. Just the guy from a small town in Kansas who enjoyed having a good time with his friends, like most people.
It sounded corny, but watching that film made me feel seen. Like I wasn’t alone. That one day I’d find my person. But when reality hit and my heart got crushed, there was no way I could keep watching them.
That was one of the reasons I’d stopped writing songs too. What was the point of writing about love when you realised happy endings didn’t really exist?
A lot of writers channelled heartbreak into their music. But for me, even though getting the words onto the page was cathartic, when I tried to sing them, the pain was too much.
And so I stopped. Then when… when something fucking awful happened, I knew there was no way I could. Soon a few months turned into years. I couldn’t blame my label for dropping me.
Which is why Halle’s comment about me being a musician was wrong. She’d used the wrong tense.
I wasn’t a musician. I used to be one. All I was now was a washed-up has-been. And that was exactly why her third observation was also incorrect. I sure as shit didn’t love myself right now. Most days I could barely stomach looking at my own reflection.
My cell vibrated in my pocket.
I didn’t even need to look to know that it was Wilma, chasing again for more photos and content.
Yep. My life sucked.
‘Here you go.’ I handed Sammie our quote.
‘Thanks!’ she said as she unfolded the paper. ‘Oooh, nice one! Pick a quote from the hat before I put your one in.’
‘What did we get?’ Halle appeared next to me as I rummaged around the hat then plucked out a piece of folded paper.
‘Here.’ I handed it to Halle. ‘You do the honours.’
She unravelled the paper excitedly, but when she opened it, her face fell.
‘No way.’ She grimaced. ‘Can I choose another one?’
‘Sorry!’ Sammie replied. ‘Only one pick per person and most of the others have already been allocated.’
‘But it’s not even romantic!’ Halle protested.
‘Why? What is it?’ Sammie said.
‘It can’t be that bad.’ I tried to steal a look.
‘No, it’s worse than bad. It’s that scene from When Harry Met Sally…’
10
HALLE
‘I don’t see the problem?’ Jake said as we returned to our sun loungers.
‘Of course you don’t,’ I grumbled. ‘Because you’re not the one that has to do the main part.’
‘The main part?’ He frowned.
‘You know exactly what part I mean,’ I scowled.
‘I think you’ll need to refresh my memory,’ he smirked.
‘The part where Meg Ryan’s character, Sally, is at the diner with Harry and she fakes having an orgasm at the table to show him how easy it is.’
‘Ohhh…’ he chuckled, even though I knew full well that he was familiar with that scene. ‘Still don’t see why that’s an issue. Unless of course you’re telling me that you’ve never had to do that.’
‘Ha!’ I laughed. ‘I can’t remember a time that I haven’t had to fake it.’
‘You’re joking, right?’ His brows knitted together.
‘I wish I was,’ I mumbled.
‘That’s pretty sad.’
‘What?’ My head shot up. ‘You’re blaming me?’
‘No! I don’t mean that you’re sad. I’m saying it’s sad that the guys you’ve been with didn’t take care of business. There’s no way I’d let a woman leave a bed or wherever we’d fucked without knowing that I rocked her world.’
‘Yeah, right.’ I rolled my eyes. ‘You’re so self-centred that just like Billy Crystal’s character, Harry, you wouldn’t know that she was faking it. That’s why that scene is so iconic.’
‘I would know. And I also know for a fact that no woman that’s ever been with me has ever had to pretend. They’ve always got off. Zero exceptions.’
As I looked at Jake, I swallowed hard. I barely knew him and although he still definitely wasn’t my favourite person, somehow I believed him.
Then again, given the number of women he’d slept with, he’d clearly had a lot of practice.
And when he’d said ‘or wherever we fucked’ I couldn’t help being curious about where he’d done it before. Probably down an alleyway, in the toilets or backstage. Someone like him probably had a queue of groupies lining up to jump his community cock.
Gross.
Anyway, I had no business thinking about what Jake was like in bed or up against a toilet wall. Men like him should come with a health warning. You never knew what you could catch from them.
I swallowed the lump in my throat and pushed away the painful memories that flashed into my head.
‘Whatever,’ I said. ‘If you want to continue your delusions, it’s no skin off my nose.’
‘You know what they say, Smiley: the proof of the pudding is in the eating, so if you really want to be sure that I’m telling the truth, there’s only one way to find out. But seeing as you seem to hate me, I guess you’ll never know…’
‘Suits me just fine.’ I wrinkled my nose.
Now that I thought about it, I’d overreacted about the scene we’d been given. Clearly I was no Meg Ryan but if I tried, I reckoned I could ace it. God knows I’d had to do it enough times. The men I’d been with couldn’t find my clit if I gave them a map, compass and sat nav.
‘We’d better rehearse,’ Jake said. ‘If I have to try to convince a bunch of strangers that I don’t know how to make a woman come, it’s gonna take a lot of work!’ A mischievous grin spread across his face.
‘Jesus.’ I shook my head like a disappointed parent. The ego on this guy. ‘I reckon you’ll be a natural. And I’m sure there’s thousands of dissatisfied women you’ve slept with all around the world who’d back me up on that.’
‘Dream on, Smiley. Let’s get to work.’
‘No need,’ I said, thinking if he wanted to play confident, that I could too. ‘Thanks to my lacklustre experiences with big-headed guys like you, I don’t even need to rehearse how to fake an orgasm. I’ve got this.’
11
JAKE
‘Oh, God, right there, yes, yes, yesssss!’ Halle cried out as she raked her fingers through her hair, before tipping her head back and groaning loudly just like Meg Ryan’s character did in When Harry Met Sally.
As I sat opposite her and watched the Oscar-worthy performance, even I had to admit that she was scarily convincing.
Especially when she started banging her hands on the table for dramatic effect.
‘I’ll have what she’s having!’ Sammie laughed, quoting the line from the same scene. The rest of the group erupted into fits of giggles. ‘That was excellent! Well done, you two!’
‘I just have to add that Halle is clearly an excellent actress and her performance in no way reflects my bedroom skills, because no woman has ever had to fake it with me,’ I grinned.
‘Damn straight!’ another guy called out from the audience.
‘Yeah, yeah! Keep telling yourself that, guys, if it makes you feel better,’ countered the redhead.
‘Now, now,’ Sammie smiled. ‘I’m sure that everyone in this group is fully committed to delivering mutual satisfaction. And if you have the chance to get intimate with your match in the future, may you all enjoy a thoroughly, completely, earth-shatteringly satisfying happy ending!’
‘Hear, hear!’ two women chorused.
‘So Halle and Jake, now you’ve done your performances, I need you to tell the rest of the group a bit about your match. Sorry, I should’ve got you to introduce yourselves first. Can you tell that I’m new here?’ Sammie joked.
‘You’re doing great,’ Halle said reassuringly. ‘Well, I’m sure most of you know this guy already, but just in case you don’t, this is Jake. So, three things about him: he’s a successful musician and as well as being a hopeless romantic, he likes taking photos,’ she said into the mic before moving it away from her mouth and muttering ‘and he loves himself’ at a volume that only I could hear.
I looked at her and flashed a fake smile. Halle handed me the mic.
‘Thank you,’ I said. Her intro was surprisingly complimentary, even if it was still inaccurate. ‘Hey there, everyone. So this is Halle and as well as being a big fan of romcoms, she makes a mean green juice and she loves to smile – especially whenever she sees me.’ I grinned and right on cue, Halle shot me an unimpressed look.
‘Oooh! That’s what we like to hear,’ Sammie said, her eyes flicking to Halle as if she wasn’t completely convinced that what I’d said was true. ‘Wonderful performance and intros, guys, thank you. Dwayne and Miley, you’re up next.’
Halle stormed back to her seat and I followed. I could tell she was pissed off.
Once the other couples performed various scenes including Sleepless in Seattle, You’ve Got Mail and The Holiday, Sammie said she needed a moment to decide on a winner so said we could take a break for half an hour.
Halle immediately pulled out her cell, which reminded me that I needed to take more photos.
This morning, I’d gone to breakfast expecting to see Halle there, but when Sammie told me she hadn’t arrived yet, I thought I’d make the most of my time and take some photos before Wilma started busting my balls again.
I felt like a fucking idiot, posing on my own in front of the pool, then the beach taking selfies, then making the corny video Wilma had insisted I shoot telling the world that I’d met the woman of my dreams and to ‘stay tuned’ for more details and to follow our ‘love story’. Just hearing myself repeat those words made me want to barf.
Seemed like Halle had no interest in chatting, so I pulled out my cell too.
Unsurprisingly, there were messages from Wilma.
Wilma
Great job with the video post. You’ve already got a couple hundred likes. But now that you’ve teased them, you’re gonna need some content with your match.
