Baby For My Grumpy Chef, page 21
Now, I just have to wait.
29
AMELIA
My baby.
The words run through my mind over and over again.
It’s a weird feeling, waking up from anesthesia. I’ve never been under anesthesia before, not even my wisdom teeth. And even when I’ve considered a c-section these past few months, I always expected that it would be done with me awake, Sebastian standing next to me wrapped up in medical clothes.
I did not expect to wake up with a machine beeping softly next to me, taking stock of my body’s aches and pains as I crack my eyes open. It feels like I got run over with a truck.
The smell of hospital disinfectant is what gets it all to flood back to me, the chicken strips, the tickets, the pain, the blood, and finally-
“She’s awake!”
I blink with confusion as a familiar face leans into view, Chloe? I open my mouth, try to say her name, but my tongue is dry as paper.
“She needs water.” A deep voice rumbles from my other side, and I process a big hand lifting a cup with a straw, pressing the plastic edge to my lips. “Here. Drink and try again.”
Sebastian. Realizing that he’s here is even more soothing than the water, although I gulp that down just as desperately as I clutch at his wrist, not wanting him to leave. “My baby?” I gasp as soon as I’m able, my throat better but still rough.
“He’s doing fantastic, Amelia.” Chloe takes the water from Sebastian, allowing him to hold my hand while she gives me another few sips. “They want him in the NICU for awhile, but you can go see him as soon as you’re able to get out of bed.”
I nod silently, my mind buzzing. NICU. He. My baby, my poor baby boy, is alone-
“Wheelchair.” I croak. Chloe frowns, looking worried, but stands up and unfolds one that’s leaned up against the wall. I try to move and gasp, just attempting to sit up sends a sharp pain tearing through my abdomen, and it’s then that I remember the implications of being wheeled into an OR.
I had a c-section. I’ve lost count of how many women I’ve helped out of bed that first time.
Turns out, it hurts a whole lot more when I’m the one doing it. Five minutes later, I’ve managed to sit up and move to the edge of the bed. Just touching my feet to the floor feels like a victory, but I can barely breathe from how badly it hurts.
“Should she be up this soon?” Sebastian frets. He seems unwilling to get close enough to touch me.
“She’s not made of glass.” Chloe sighs, smiling at me encouragingly. “And she’s getting ready to stand. Come on Amelia, one more big push.”
“I wish I could have-” I pant, locking my arms with Chloe’s as she reaches out to support me, “Heard that when I was having my baby, not now!”
With tremendous effort and Chloe pulling from my arms, I force myself up onto my feet, vision swaying and teeth gritting. It’s a good thing I’m not the type to vomit, because I’m close to emptying my hollow stomach onto the ground, but the pain eases the longer I’m on my feet. “I did it.” I breathe, and Chloe laughs.
“Yeah, you did! Now, mama, let’s go see that baby boy of yours.”
As it turns out, I don’t even need the wheelchair, although Chloe still gives it to Sebastian to follow behind us with. His eyes don’t leave me for an instant, but there’s only one thing on my mind right now, and it’s in a dimly lit room, surrounded by the quiet beeping of monitors.
Every step is slow and painful, but it’s not a tenth as bad as when I had to get out of bed that first time. I barely feel the pain as I approach that little incubator, a tiny figure bundled inside. My fingers touch the glass.
And the world rewrites itself yet again.
I don’t see the tubes and heart monitors attached to him. I don’t see the lines taped to his stomach.
I see his face, his beautiful, scrunched face, and the little hand at his side, opening and closing as if he knows I’m here, that his mom is close enough to touch. “I need to hold him.” I whisper, tears burning in my eyes.
“You will.” A warm, light weight rests on my shoulder, Sebastian’s hand. He’s standing next to me, I realize, watching our son with me. “But you have to sit down, first.”
Sitting in the wheelchair is almost as awful a process as standing, but it’s much faster. Chloe gets a nurse to help us. As much as she finds it ridiculous, since she and I know just as much as they do, while I watch that little chest rise and fall, my skin crawling with desperation.
“I haven’t…” Sebastian falters, and then he continues, “I haven’t seen him yet.”
I’ve never heard him like this, like he’s seeing all the stars and how they formed, right before his eyes. Like he’s feeling exactly what I am. “You didn’t?”
He shakes his head. “Chloe did. I didn’t…” He clears his throat. “Didn’t want the poor kid to be alone. But it didn’t feel right to see him before…”
“Before I could.” I finish, emotion swelling in my chest.
Sebastian looks down at me, then nods, sighing softly. “We’ve done everything together up until now. I wanted to do this together, too.” He murmurs, that hand resting on my shoulder again. His touches are all feather-light, like he’s worried I’ll shatter.
“I’m not going to break, you know.” I tell him, a soft, disbelieving laugh escaping me, one that I immediately regret as my stomach throbs.
Sebastian sounds like he’s smiling, although I can’t see his face clearly. “Better safe than sorry. I’m a big guy.”
“If you’re scared of her, what are you going to do about him?” Chloe suddenly asks, reappearing on Sebastian’s other side.
Neither of us answer her, because the nurse is here. She smiles and chats and makes her comforting platitudes, but I don’t hear a word except mom.
Mom, I think giddily. What was I so scared for? Sure, it’s a lifelong responsibility to have a baby, to pour my heart and soul and years of my life into a child, but somehow that doesn’t seem even a little bit concerning right now. Because he’s mine.
I can feel a tear drip down my cheek as she turns around, holding him. He’s so small, so delicate, that I don’t move an inch as she tucks the little bundle of warmth against my chest, cradled in my arms.
I look down into the face of my son.
“He’s perfect.” I breathe, slowly, achingly lifting a hand. His hand is still opening and closing, even though his eyes are closed, a little squeaky breath escaping him. I press my fingertip into the palm of his hand, and his fingers close around it, grabbing on tight.
Sebastian leans down, every muscle in his body tensed. “Our…Our son.” He manages to say, his voice tight. With as close to humor as he can muster, he adds, “And his mother.”
I can barely tear my eyes away from my baby long enough to look up at Sebastian, but when I do, I’m just as easily caught.
Those blue eyes are twinkling with awe, shifting to meet mine as I look at him. “And his father.” I reply softly, a tired smile tugging at my lips.
“His godmother?” Chloe suggests, casually checking her nails. I’d think she wasn’t taking this seriously if her eyes weren’t swollen and red like mine.
I laugh, only to wince, gasping. “You, ah! Ah, gosh, don’t make me laugh right now.” I complain, tracing my thumb over the baby’s cheek. “I think you’d be a perfect godmother, Chloe.”
“I’ve got a guy for the godfather, if that spot’s open.” Sebastian adds, his rumbling voice so familiar and soothing that I could cry if it wouldn’t hurt.
“Of course.” I look around, unsure. “The only other thing is the name. I know we hadn’t decided-”
“Your dad’s name.” Sebastian interrupts.
I stare at him. “What?”
He clears his throat, shifting uncomfortably. “I’ve…I did some thinking while you were in surgery. If it weren’t for those two, you wouldn’t…wouldn’t be the person you are, Peppermint. I owe them for that. So…I figured that if the kid was a boy, we could name him after your dad. If it was a girl, after your mom.”
Sebastian isn’t making it any easier not to love him, I think wryly. But I’m too overwhelmed with emotion to do anything except nod, wiggling the finger that’s still caught in my baby’s tiny fist.
“How does that sound?” I murmur, my voice crackling. “Do you want to be a Jacob?”
Jacob squeaks again, and we all grin, Sebastian chuckling. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He leans down again, reaching out to brush a lock of pale blond hair back from Jacob’s forehead. “Hey, kiddo.” He murmurs.
It can’t last forever, I know. I’ll have to put him back soon, let them take me back to my own room until we’re well enough to go home.
But right now, soaking in this moment, I can’t help feeling that everything is perfect.
30
SEBASTIAN
“Relax, dude. She’ll love it.”
I make a noncommittal noise, looking around the house. Today is Amelia’s first day back at work since Jacob was born two months ago, and part of me wonders if I should have just let that be all the excitement for her. “You still think this is a good idea?”
Chloe snorts, crossing her arms. “I thought it was a good idea when you brought it up. You’re just nervous.”
My answer is a grunt. We’ve decorated the house with little green streamers, and a big banner across the living room entrance that says, GREAT JOB! I made cupcakes shaped like succulents, which was harder than it fucking looks, since I was never big on cakes and decorating, but they turned out alright.
Almost all of the other staff from her clinic is here already, along with David. It was difficult to find a reason to send Amelia out after she got off of her shift. I do most of the little errands like that, Jacob in tow, but thankfully, she didn’t question me too much.
Cricket starts barking at the door, and a hush falls over everyone. “She’s home!” I shout. “Everyone get ready!”
Well, there’s nothing to do about it now. I’d just better hope she likes the party.
Chloe hits the light switch just as the door slides open. “Sebastian?” Amelia calls, laughing. “I have that dish soap you needed so bad-”
“SURPRISE!” The group cheers, Chloe throwing on the lights.
Amelia stares, her eyes wide, dish soap in one hand and her bag in the other. “Wh…You guys!” I sigh with relief when she beams from ear to ear, laughing. “I can’t believe this! When did you have time for-”
She sees the cupcakes and gasps, dropping her bag to rush over and squeal over them. Chloe joins her with a matching grin, commenting, “Your roommate over here spent hours on these. I had to taste test, it was a tough job, but I made it through.” She says dramatically, draping a hand over her forehead.
“I love them.” Amelia turns to me, my heart skipping a beat at the warmth on her face. “Where’s Jacob?”
“Right here! I’ve been hogging him, little cutie.” Rosa steps forward, holding Jacob. He’s wrapped in a soft, knitted blanket gifted to us by one of Amelia’s other coworkers, half-asleep but kept awake by all the people and noise.
It still doesn’t feel real when I look at my son. My son. I chuckle as Amelia scoops him into her arms, kissing his face and swaying back and forth with him. “Did you miss me today, baby?” She coos, laughing. “This is amazing, everyone. Thank you so much.”
“Well, we had to do something, didn’t we?” Chloe takes Jacob, nodding at Amelia. “Go change, and then we can party. If I recall correctly, someone is due for a glass of wine with her baby’s godmother.”
The party is great, although Amelia refuses Chloe’s invitation to drink.
But there’s one last thing to do, one big moment that will make or break everything, and it’s hard to enjoy the celebration when I know what tonight will end with. Well…how it’ll end for the two of us, at least.
Finally, the guests start trickling out. Chloe and David are the last to leave, but that’s largely because they spent the entire evening talking to each other. I basically had to kick them out, if I’m honest.
But when we’re finally alone, Amelia does something that takes me by surprise. She walks out of the bedroom after laying Jacob down, looks me over, and crosses her arms. “What’s wrong?”
“What?” I stare at her, realizing how obviously she caught me. “I- nothing.”
“Mhm. And you’ve been moping around all night because of…nothing?” She raises an eyebrow.
For an instant, I’m reminded of those days when we first started falling in love. How captivated I was by the way she challenged me, this bold, kind, unpredictable little woman. Finally, I sigh through my nose and reply, “I was going to wait until you put Jacob to bed.”
“I did put him to bed.” Amelia points out.
I shrug and wave a dismissive hand. “Until awhile after you put him to bed.” I correct, crossing my arms over my chest. “Here’s the deal, Peppermint. I have to give David an answer by tomorrow.”
“To what?” Amelia asks, frowning…only for realization to trickle in, her eyes widening. “Oh.”
“Oh.” I agree grimly.
I knew he was going to ask, he’s waited this long out of respect for Amelia’s recovery, Jacob’s first couple of months. But if he’s going to take over the Los Angeles location, he needs answers, and soon.
I have to decide whether to stay in San Jose, or go back to Los Angeles. “What…What are you thinking about doing?” Amelia asks hesitantly.
Maybe it was stupid, but I’d almost hoped we would never have to have this conversation. We didn’t talk about those I love you’s before Jacob was born and to be honest, we just haven’t had time. Amelia was still healing after her surgery, we were adjusting to raising a newborn baby, and romance is a hard enough topic for us when we aren’t exhausted and terrified.
And now, the place where I’ll live my life hinges entirely on a decision we haven’t made. “I don’t know.” I say honestly.
Amelia bites her lip. “Jacob is too young to go anywhere.” She says softly.
I nod. “I’d have to make visits. If I work four days, I can spend weekends here.”
Even as I say it, it sounds…wrong. What would I do for four nights a week, alone in that massive penthouse? After the warmth of this little house, the constancy of Amelia and Jacob, I don’t know if I could go back to living by myself.
“That…That might work.” Amelia says, but her voice is tight.
Suddenly, she turns on her heel and marches into the kitchen. I hear the popping of a cork before I even make it to the doorway, raising an eyebrow as I lean against the wall. “Thought you told Chloe you didn’t want to drink.”
“That was before you brought this up.” Amelia replies, pouring herself a hefty glass of wine and turning around. She grips the counter with one hand, her wine in the other, and takes a few deep swallows as she stares me down. “So you’re going to leave.”
“I didn’t say that.” I reply, a little faster than I’d intended. “But it’s an option.”
Amelia nods. I can’t read her expression, for once; she’s locked everything away, her face cool and carefully controlled as she asks, “Is that…what you want? To move back to Los Angeles?”
No! I want to shout, but I can’t bring myself to do it.
After all…there’s no guarantee that she wants to stay with me, either. I never got to find out what she would have said to me that night, whether she returns my feelings or just tolerates them.
“It’s an option.” I repeat, and the first sign of emotion appears on Amelia’s face; a tiny crease between her eyebrows.
“That’s not what I asked. What do you want to do?”
“Well, I can’t stay here, can I?” I finally sigh, rubbing the bridge of my nose with my thumb. Amelia’s brows furrow a little deeper, her head rearing back as though I’ve said something more insulting than she’d expected.
“Oh? Is that so?” I can’t read the tone in her voice, getting more tense by the second.
“Look, Amelia, I can’t be the only one to make this call. You-”
“I am staying here, in San Jose, with my son and my friends.” Amelia snaps back, and now, finally, I get it. She’s mad. “But it’s your life, Sebastian. I can’t make this choice easier by telling you what to do.”
Strangely, this is better, it’s more along the lines of what I was expecting, at least. “Now we’re being honest.” I chuckle dryly, watching her gasp with outrage.
“Well, what did you expect?!” She demands. I start walking to her, one slow, careful step at a time, and her eyes get a little more frantic, darting between my face and the kitchen entrance behind me. “I, I thought we could-”
“We could…?” I raise an eyebrow, gently prying her fingers away from the counter edge. The line of it imprinted along her palm, her breathing hitching as I turn her hand over to examine it.
She’s turning bright red. “W-We…I thought…”
Before Jacob was born, I wouldn’t have dared, even up to the day of his delivery.
But something about going through that with her…it made me realize just how valuable she is. How easily I could lose her, not just to heartbreak, but to a world I can’t control.
I never wanted to go back to Los Angeles. Not since I reconnected with Amelia. I’m happy here, running my restaurant from afar and slipping in when I want to get back in the kitchen, spending my days with my son and the love of my life.
What I wanted, more than anything, was for Amelia to ask me to stay.
And, in her own way, isn’t that what she’s doing?
I raise her hand to my lips, pressing a slow, gentle kiss to her knuckles. Her eyes lock on mine, shades of green and brown and gold like sunlight falling through leaves in spring, and I curse myself for being such a fool for so long. “You thought we could be together again.”
Wordlessly, Amelia’s eyes turn away. I press my fingertips under her chin and lift her face, make her look at me. “You can’t leave again.” She finally whispers. “Not now.”
