Loving Jack, page 18
She took her hands under, then over him, while her mind spun faster than her movements. Their bodies were captured in a slow-motion dream world, but their thoughts, their needs, raced.
Reaching down, he found her, cool and inviting. At his touch, his name burst from her. The sound of it across the quiet moonlight had his madness growing. She clung to him, her hands slipping over his slick body, then grasping for purchase. Her lips were wet and open when he took them again.
Jackie found her back braced against the side of the pool. Trembling with anticipation, she opened for him, then groaned when he filled her. Her hands fell lifelessly in the water, and he was there, holding her, moving in her.
The moonlight was on her face, making it both exotic and beautiful, but he could only press his own into her shoulder and ride the wave.
Chapter Eleven
Some people were born knowing how to entertain, and Jackie was one of them. The fact that she was using a party as a way of blocking out the knowledge that she had only a few more days until Nathan left didn’t mean she was any less determined to make it a success.
She wrote for eight, sometimes ten, hours a day, losing herself in another romance, in another catastrophe. When she wasn’t chained to her machine, she was shopping, planning menus, checking off lists and supplies.
She insisted on doing all the cooking herself but had decided to enlist Mrs. Grange to help serve and her son, the future teacher, to tend bar.
She was delighted when Nathan joined her in the kitchen the afternoon of the party, his sleeves rolled up and his mind set on helping her make hors d’oeuvres. Determined, he was, and clumsy. Jackie found both traits endearing. Tactfully she buried his attempts on the bottom tray.
Jackie, optimistic about the weather, had planned to set up tables outside so that the guests could wander out among the colored lights she’d hung. Her faith was rewarded when the day remained clear and promised a star-filled, breezy night.
She rarely worried about the success or failure of a party, but this was different. She wanted it to be perfect, to prove to herself and to Nathan that she belonged in his world as much as she belonged in his arms.
She had only a matter of days left before he would fly thousands of miles away from her. It was difficult not to dwell on that, and on the fact that he had never told her what he wanted of her. What he wanted for them. She refused to believe that he still considered permanence impossible.
He’d never told her he loved her. That was a thought that hit her painfully at the oddest times. But he’d shown her in so many ways. Often he’d call her in the middle of the day just to hear her voice. He’d bring her flowers, from his garden or from a roadside stand, just when the ones she’d put in a vase had begun to fade. He’d draw her close, just to hold her after lovemaking, after passion had ebbed and contentment remained.
A woman didn’t need words when she had everything else.
The hell, she didn’t.
Pushing back her gnawing doubts, Jackie told herself that for once she would have to be content with what she had instead of what she wanted.
An hour before the party she began to pamper herself. This was one of her mother’s traditions that Jackie approved of. She was using her old room after telling Nathan he’d only be in her way. There was some truth in that, but more, Jackie had discovered she wanted to add a touch of mystery to the evening. She wanted him to see not the step-by-step preparation but the completed woman.
A long, leisurely bubble bath was first on her list. She soaked, the radio playing quietly while she looked out through the skylight over the tub. The only clouds in the sky were as harmless as white spun sugar.
She took time and care with her makeup, shooting for the exotic. When she studied her face from every angle in the mirror, she was satisfied with the results. She indulged in the feminine pleasure of slathering on perfumed cream before she took the dress she’d bought only the day before out of the closet.
Nathan was already downstairs when she started out. She could hear him talking to Mrs. Grange, and she could hear the woman’s gruff replies. Always one to enjoy a bit of drama, Jackie put her hand on the rail and started slowly down.
She wasn’t disappointed. Nathan glanced up, saw her and stopped in midsentence. Intent on him, she didn’t notice the tall sandy-haired man beside Mrs. Grange. Nor did she see his mouth fall open.
Her eyes dominated her face, smudged on the lids with blending tones of bronze. Her hair, a combination of nature and womanly art, was windswept and cunningly tousled. Oversize silver stars glinted at her ears.
When Nathan could drag his gaze away from her face to take in the rest of her, it was another shock to the system.
The dress she’d chosen was a stunning, eye-burning white that fell in a narrow column from her breasts to her ankles, leaving her shoulders bare and her arms unadorned but for the dozen silver bracelets that encircled her arm from her wrist almost to her elbow. Smiling, she reached the bottom, then turned in a circle, revealing the slit in the back of the dress that reached to midnthigh.
“What do you think?”
“You’re stunning.”
Finishing the circle, she studied him in turn. No one wore a black suit with quite as much style as Nathan, Jackie thought. It must have been that broad-shouldered, muscled body that gave conservatism a dangerous look. She took a step closer to kiss him. Then, with her hand in his, she turned to Mrs. Grange.
“I really appreciate you helping us out tonight. And this is your son? You must be Charlie.”
“Yes, ma’am.” He swallowed audibly, then accepted the hand she offered. His palm was sweaty. His mother hadn’t told him that Miss Jack was a goddess.
“It’s nice to meet you, Charlie. Your mom’s told us a lot about you. Shall I show you where we’ve set up the bar?”
Mrs. Grange gave him an elbow in the ribs. The boy looked as if he had rocks in his head when he stared that way. “I’ll show him what he needs to know. Come on, Charlie, get the lead out.”
Charlie went with his mother—because she had a death grip on his arm—but sent one last moonstruck look over his shoulder.
“The kid’s jaw dropped on his shoes when he saw you.”
With a laugh, Jackie tucked her arm through Nathan’s. “That’s kind of sweet.”
“Mine hit the floor.”
She looked at him, nearly level with him in her heeled sandals. “That’s even sweeter.”
“You always manage to surprise me, Jack.”
“I hope so.”
With his free hand he touched her shoulder, then ran his fingertips down her arm. “This is the first time I remember wishing a party was over before it began.” It wasn’t her usual scent tonight, but something stunningly sexy and taunting. “What did you do to yourself up there?”
“Tricks of the trade.” She had to shift only slightly for her lips to meet his. “It’s still me, Nathan.”
“I know.” His arm curled around her waist to keep her there. “That’s why I wish the party was over.”
“Tell you what.” She slid her hands over his shoulders. “When it is, we’ll have one all our own.”
“I’m counting on it.” He lowered his lips to hers as the doorbell rang.
“Round one,” she said. Keeping his hand in hers, she went to answer the door.
Within an hour, the house was milling with people. Most of them were every bit as interested in finding out about the woman in Nathan’s life as they were in an evening of socializing. She didn’t mind. She was just as curious about them.
She discovered Nathan knew a wide variety of people, from the staunch and stuffy to the easygoing. It took only a smile and a greeting for her to click with Cody Johnson, an architect who had joined Nathan’s firm two years before. He favored scuffed boots and faded jeans but had made a concession to formality by tossing on a suit jacket. Since her brother favored the same style and brand, Jackie recognized it as murderously expensive. He clamped a hand over hers, looked her up and down with eyes as brown as her own, then winked.
“I’ve been wanting to get a look at you.”
“Check out the boss’s outside interests?”
“Something like that.” He still held her hand, but there was nothing flirtatious in the gesture. Jackie had the feeling that Cody got his impressions as much by touch as by sight. “One thing you can never fault Nathan for is his taste. I always figured whenever he looked more than twice at a woman she’d have to be special.”
“That seemed like both a compliment and approval.”
“You could say that.” He didn’t often give both so easily. “I’m glad, because Nathan’s a good friend. The best. You planning on sticking around?”
Her brow lifted. Though she preferred direct questions, Jackie didn’t feel obligated to respond with a direct answer. “You cut right through, don’t you?”
“Hate to waste time.”
Yes, she decided, she liked Cody Johnson just fine. With her hand still in his, she looked over and spotted Nathan. “I plan on sticking around.”
His lips curved. He had one of those quick, arrogant grins that women found devastating. Because, Jackie thought, a woman could never be sure what he was thinking. “Then why don’t I buy you a drink?”
Tucking her arm through his, she headed for the bar. “Have you met Justine Chesterfield?”
His laugh was full and rich. Jackie liked that as much as she did the sun-bronzed hair that fell over his forehead. “Anyone ever tell you you’re clear as glass?”
“Hate to waste time.”
“I appreciate that.” He stopped at the bar and was amused by the way the college boy gaped at his hostess. “She’s a nice lady, but a little rich for my blood.”
“Is there anyone special?”
“Depends. You got a sister?”
With a laugh, Jackie turned and ordered champagne. Neither of them noticed Nathan watching them with a small, preoccupied frown.
He wasn’t a jealous man. Nathan had always considered that one of the most foolish and unproductive emotions. Not only was jealousy the green-eyed monster, it invariably made the affected party look, and act, like an idiot.
He was neither an idiot nor jealous, but watching Jackie with Cody made him feel suspiciously like both. It was not, Nathan discovered, a sensation that could be enjoyed or ignored.
Cody was certainly more her type. Nathan managed to smile at the squeaky-voiced engineer who thought he had his attention. Cody could easily have passed for a gunfighter. Jackie’s diamond-in-the-rough Jake Redman. That was Cody, with his loose-limbed, rangy build and his sun-bleached hair that always looked as though it were one week past time for the barber. And there was the drawl. Nathan had always considered Cody’s slight drawl soothing, but it began to occur to him that a woman might find it exciting. Some women.
Added to that was a deceptively laid-back attitude, a total lack of interest in convention and a restless, unerring eye for quality. Fast cars, late nights and bright lights. That was Cody.
When Nathan saw Jackie glance up and laugh into Cody’s wide grin, he considered the potential satisfaction of strangling them both.
Ridiculous. Nathan sipped his drink, then reached for a cigarette. He wasn’t fully aware that he rarely wanted—needed—a cigarette these days. Cody was a friend, probably the best friend Nathan had now, or had ever had. And Jackie . . . What was Jackie?
Lover, friend, companion. A delight and, oddly enough, a rock. It was strange to think of someone who looked and acted like a butterfly as something so solid and secure. She could be loyal when loyalty was deserved and strong when strength was needed. But rock or not, he’d given her no reason to pledge her fidelity. For her own good. He didn’t want to cage her in or narrow her horizons.
The hell, he didn’t.
Cutting off the engineer in midsentence, Nathan made a vague excuse and moved toward Jackie.
She was laughing again, her face glowing with it, her eyes brilliant as they slanted upward over the rim of her champagne flute. “Nathan, you didn’t tell me your associate was the kind of man mothers warn their daughters about.” But as she spoke, her hand linked casually with Nathan’s. It was the kind of ease that spoke of certain intimacy.
“I’m happy to take that as a compliment.” Cody was drinking vodka straight up, and he toasted her with the squat glass. “Nice party, boss. I’ve already complimented you on your taste.”
“Thanks. You know, there are tables loaded with food outside. Knowing your appetite, I’m surprised you haven’t found them.”
“I’m on my way.” He sent Jackie a final wink, then sauntered off.
“Well, that was certainly a subtle heave-ho,” she commented.
“It seemed he was taking up a great deal of your time.”
Her head swiveled around, her brows lifted and then her face glowed again with a fresh smile. “That’s nice. That’s very, very nice.” She brushed her lips lightly over his. “Some women don’t care for possessive men. Myself, I like them a lot. To a point.”
“I simply meant—”
“Don’t spoil it.” She kissed him again before she tucked her arm through his. “Well, shall we stroll around looking convivial, or shall we dive into that food before I starve to death?”
He raised her hand to his lips. The quick bout of jealousy, if that was what it was, hadn’t caused him to look or act like an idiot. That was one more thing he’d have to rearrange his thinking about.
“We’ll dive,” he decided. “It’s hard to be convivial on an empty stomach.”
***
The evening was a complete success. Cards and calls came in over the next few days complimenting and commenting. Invitations were extended. It should have been a delightful time for Jackie. She had met Nathan’s friends and associates and had won them over. But it wasn’t Nathan’s friends and associates who mattered. The bottom line was Nathan himself, and he was going to Denver.
It was no longer something she could think about later, not when his plane ticket was tucked in his briefcase. She’d been to Denver herself once, to sit on the fifty-yard line at Mile High Stadium and cheer. She’d enjoyed it well enough. Now she hated it, as a city and as a symbol.
He was leaving in a matter of hours, and they’d settled nothing. Once or twice he’d tried to talk to her, but she’d put him off. It was cowardly, but if he was going to brush her out of his life, she wanted every moment she could grab before it happened.
Now she was out of time, but she’d made herself a firm promise. He would at least tell her why. If he didn’t want her any longer—wouldn’t let himself want her—she would have the reasons.
She braced herself outside the bedroom door, squared her shoulders, then walked in. “I brought you some coffee.”
Nathan glanced up from his packing. “Thanks.” He’d thought he’d been miserable a few times before in his life. He’d been wrong.
“Need any help with this?” She lifted her own cup and sipped. Somehow it was easier to have serious, life-altering discussions when you were doing something as casual as drinking coffee.
“No. I’m almost finished.”
Nodding, she sat on the edge of the bed. If she paced, as she wanted to, it would be easy to slam the cup against the wall and watch it shatter. As she wanted to. “You haven’t said how long you’ll be out of town.”
“That’s because I can’t be sure.” He’d never hated packing before. It had always been just one more small, slightly annoying chore. He hated it now. “It could be three weeks, more likely four, on this first trip. If we don’t run into any major complications, I should be able to spot-check it as we go.”
She sipped again, but the coffee was bitter. “Should I be here when you get back?”
It was like her to put it that way, not a demand or even a request, but a question. He wanted to say yes, please, yes, but “It’s up to you” was what he told her.
“No, it’s not. We both know how I feel, what I want. I haven’t made a secret out of it.” She paused a moment, wondering if she should feel a loss of pride. But none came. “Now it comes down to what you feel and what you want.”
Her eyes were so solemn. There was no hint of a smile on her lips. He missed that, already missed that bright, vivid look she wore the way other women wore jewelry. “You mean a lot to me, Jackie.” The word love was there, in his mind, in his heart, but he couldn’t say it. “More than anyone else.”
It amazed her that she was almost desperate enough, almost hungry enough, to accept those crumbs and be content. But she lifted a brow and continued watching him. “And?”
He packed another freshly laundered shirt. He wanted to choose the right words, say the right thing. Over and over during the last twenty-four hours he’d imagined what he would say to her, what he would do. In one wildly satisfying fantasy he’d dragged her to the airport with him and they’d flown away together. On a shell pelican.
But this was real. If he couldn’t give her anything else, he could give her fairness.
“I can’t ask you to stay, to wait, then live your life day by day. That’s not what I want for you, Jack.”
The hurting came from his honesty. He wouldn’t lie or give her what she thought might be the comfort of pretense. “I’d like you to take a step back and tell me what you want for yourself. Is it what you had before, Nathan? Peace and quiet and no complications?”
Wasn’t it? But somehow, when she said it, that life no longer sounded settled and comfortable, it sounded stagnant and boring. Yet it was the only one he was sure of. “I can’t give you what you want,” he said, struggling for calm. “I can’t give you marriage and family and a lifetime commitment, because I don’t believe in those things, Jack. I’d rather hurt you now than hurt you consistently over the rest of our lives.”
