Smolder, page 15
And somewhere in the midst of all that, a gunshot had blasted in the hallway. It had startled him at first, but then he’d realized it was Pax, shooting himself like he’d asked Mack to do. Pax had slipped out directly after, and Austin had let him go. He couldn't spare another thought, what with being busy preventing Tan from killing someone.
It might be for the better anyway. The alien had done so much for them already, and hopefully, their paths would cross again sometime. For now, Austin had other things to worry about.
"I don't understand what happened," Tan said. "How could I attack her like that? You know I would never do that."
Before Austin could say anything, Julia opened her mouth again. "What do you mean, you would never do that? You shot that alien in cold blood."
"I did what?" Tan stammered, and Austin's stomach dropped. Didn't he remember? God, things were so much worse than he had realized.
"I think you had a PTSD episode," Bobbi said, ignoring Julia's remark. "Sometimes, when we’ve experienced a trauma, events can trigger us into feeling the same way we did when we sustained the trauma. It's called a flashback, and it's like leaving reality and feeling like you're back in the situation where you got hurt."
PTSD. Austin hadn't known what to call it, the way Tan could react sometimes, but what Bobbi said made total sense. "I think tonight's violence may have dragged up some bad memories," he said softly. "That's not your fault, baby. You didn't choose this."
When he caressed Tan’s cheeks, he encountered wetness. Those silent tears broke his heart.
“I didn’t mean to attack her,” Tan said, his voice quivering.
“I know,” Austin assured him. “I know, baby. It’ll be okay.”
“That’s easy for you to say. It’s not your girlfriend who almost got killed.”
To Julia’s credit—though Austin really didn’t want to give her any points for this—she seemed to realize the stupidity of her remark right after she’d made it. “I’m sorry,” she said. “That was…”
“Yeah.” Austin sighed deeply. “That’s my boyfriend there on that table in case you forgot. Thanks to your girlfriend.”
“She didn’t mean for the gun to go off.”
Austin rolled his eyes at her. “That is so insanely stupid that I can’t even. She tried to take his gun! What the fuck did she think was gonna happen? She knew it was loaded and ready because he’d fucking told you guys so.” He held up a hand. “You know what? Forget about it. I don’t have the energy for this. I need to take care of my men, and you guys need to leave.”
“L-leave?”
Austin gave Tan a gentle push so he let go, then pulled himself up by the edge of the kitchen counter. “Did you really think you could stay after what you did?” The look on Julia’s face said that was exactly what she had expected, and Austin was tired, so tired. “You tried to take his gun, not once, but twice. You disrespected our order not to harm Pax. And as a result, Mack is hurt badly, and Tan had some kind of flashback. Why the fuck would we let you stay?”
“Don’t say we when you mean I. It’s not the three of you making the decision. It’s you. You’re sending us out when you know snow will be upon us soon.”
“When you arrived, we told you you could stay for two days. That time is up.”
“We only agreed to that because we thought you didn’t have enough food to have us stay longer. But we know you have more than you’re showing us.”
Austin’s blood ran cold. “Was that a threat?”
Julia shrugged, but it didn’t look nearly as nonchalant as she pretended. “You can interpret that any way you want.”
Her voice held an edge, an edge that Austin didn’t like one bit. She sounded smug, as if she knew more than she was letting on. Oh, shit. The gun Kristina had wrestled from Mack, where had it gone? He’d only taken one step when Julia’s hand appeared, the one that had been wrapped around Kristina. It now held the gun. Holy fuck, the nerve of that bitch. Threatening them again after her girlfriend had wounded Mack.
“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Austin said. “Haven’t you done enough harm yet?”
Julia pushed herself up, leaving Kristina to fend for herself. “You are going to show me exactly what kind of supplies you guys have, or I’ll…”
She hesitated.
“Or you’ll what? Shoot me?” Austin spat out. “Do the very thing you accused Tan of? Who’s the monster now?”
Tan had scrambled to his feet as well and stood next to him. Austin pulled on his hand, trying to get Tan to stand behind him, but Tan wouldn’t budge. “She’s not gonna shoot,” Tan said quietly.
“I will,” Julia said, waving the gun with a carelessness that made Austin cringe.
“No, you won’t.” Tan’s voice was completely calm again as he stepped forward and stopped right before Julia, right into the gun, which Julia was pressing against Tan’s chest with a shaking hand.
“Tan!” God, if he pulled on Tan’s hand, it might startle Julia, and the gun could go off. What the fuck was Tan thinking? Was he experiencing another one of those flashbacks?
He looked at Bobbi, who subtly shook his head. Austin took that as a signal he didn’t know what was going on either.
“And why wouldn’t I shoot you? You tried to kill her!”
The shaking had become worse, and tears now filled Julia’s eyes. She had to stay calm because if she lost it…
“Because of this,” Tan said, and in one fluid move, he grabbed the gun.
Austin gasped, making a weird, uncoordinated step to interfere, though how and what he had no idea.
“What…?” Julia stammered.
“You don’t know jack shit about guns, do you? Because if you did, you would’ve known that even with an empty magazine, you can force the slide forward with the slide release lever. At least with this gun, you can.”
Austin’s mouth dropped open. He had no idea what Tan was talking about, but god, he was impressive like this.
Tan calmly took out the magazine and held it up. It was indeed empty. “We’re not stupid. Mack only left one bullet in after your previous stunt. That one ended up in his chest, so I knew the gun was empty. When I picked it up, I forced the slide forward since I didn’t want anyone to know it was empty. Good thing I did, huh? Sure as fuck fooled you. Also…”
He switched the gun to his left hand and slapped her across the face with his right. Hard. “That’s for shooting my boyfriend and trying to threaten us. Again. You know, I was really sorry that I accidentally attacked Kristina, but after this, I think it’s karma’s way of evening the score. And now it’s time for you to leave.”
Austin had nothing to add to that, now did he? How could he possibly top that? Well, he did have one last thing he needed to mention. “You can stay if you want,” he told Bobbi, who looked conflicted. “We have nothing against you.”
Bobbi closed his eyes for a second. Clearly, this was a tough call for him. “I’ll go with them,” he said finally, his voice soft but decisive. “We promised we’d stay together.”
Austin nodded, then held out his hand, and he and Bobbi shook warmly. “I understand. Thank you for everything.”
Julia muttered curses as she and Kristina grabbed their stuff. Tan’s handprint was red on Julia’s pale face, and Austin got a deep satisfaction from that. The bitch had it coming.
Tan made eye contact with Austin, then jerked his chin toward the pantry, and Austin gave a subtle nod. It was classic Tan: inflicting pain and showing mercy at the same time.
When the three were bundled up and ready to leave, Tan handed them a bag. “Here’s some food. Should last you a week or so.”
Julia hesitated, then took it. Her eyes were pleading as she looked at Austin. “You would have done the same.”
“No, not like that,” Austin said. “We’d never have endangered everyone else with such reckless actions.”
“Maybe. But you’d have done everything to keep your men alive as well.”
Austin shrugged. “Yeah. Only difference is that we’d have played it much smarter. We would’ve won. Now get the fuck out of our house. And if you ever come back, don’t expect mercy from us.”
23
It took them two hours to clean up. Austin had taken everything he could find on the bodies of the dead aliens in the hallway, stacking it all in the guest bedroom to look at later. Then it had been up to Tan to cut out the microchips Pax had warned them about. They’d been surprisingly easy to remove from their wrists, and Tan had done it methodically, shutting off his emotions again. Once they were out, they’d burned them in the fireplace with a little gasoline as an accelerant.
He’d switched places with Austin, sitting with Mack and Newt as Austin dragged the dead alien bodies into the horse barn. They’d debated wrapping them in something but had quickly agreed they couldn’t spare any more sheets, so they’d been unceremoniously dumped in with poor Diane.
Then they’d cleaned the hallways and the kitchen, mopping up the blood, the water, removing the remnants of the first bot. Austin had put that in the guest bedroom as well, saying Mack would probably love to have a look at it. If Tan hadn’t been so utterly certain the thing was truly fried, it would’ve freaked him the fuck out. Or maybe he was simply too exhausted to care.
“It’s too much at the same time,” Tan whispered to Austin when they were finally done with everything and ready to go to sleep. “My head hurts.”
Tan was in bed next to Mack, who was still sleeping. He hadn’t woken up yet after they’d taken the bullet out, and with every passing minute, Tan’s anxiety rose. He was careful not to touch him while he turned onto his side to face Austin, who had made a bed for himself on the floor. He’d dragged the two twin mattresses from the guest bedroom and had stacked them on top of each other, then made a comfortable bed there, tucking Newt in right next to him.
The poor dog hadn’t woken up either, and Tan had wanted Newt in bed with him. Austin had kindly pointed out that wasn’t smart, what with Mack’s injuries, and he’d been right, of course.
Austin turned onto his side as well, then reached out his hand. Tan did the same, and they laced their fingers together. “It was a lot,” Austin said softly. “The bots, the aliens, Newt getting wounded, the whole conversation with Pax, and Mack getting hurt, the cleanup…”
He was omitting something, and Tan smiled at him. “You don’t need to pretend it didn’t happen.”
Austin sighed. “I’m worried about you, babe. How are you feeling now?”
“Tired. Super confused about what happened.”
“Can you tell me what you remember?”
Tan frowned. How had it started? “I was mad at Kristina for what happened to Mack. Just super mad, and then…” He blew out a frustrated breath. “I don’t remember. All I know is that there was this anger inside me and that I wanted to let it out. And then I heard your voice, telling me I was safe. Everything between that is…gone. Black.”
It wasn’t your fault.
Wow, that was the first time his inner voice had been nice to him. Either he was more fucked up than he thought, or he’d taken compassion on himself.
If only Bobbi were still here to explain if this was normal. Tan had never even heard of this PTS-something, let alone had a clue as to how he could fix this.
Let’s talk about that later. You need sleep.
Yeah, no shit.
“I’m sorry,” Austin said, his voice nothing but warm.
There was no anger there, no resentment, and Tan hadn’t even realized he’d been anxious about that until he noticed Austin didn’t show any. “I was afraid you’d be mad. Or disappointed in me.”
“Oh, babe, of course not. This isn’t your fault. This is…”
He stopped talking, and where before, Tan would have pretended he didn’t know what Austin had wanted to say or would have changed the topic, he now forced himself to finish the sentence. “This is their fault, isn’t it?” he whispered. “The…the counselors. The men who did this to me.”
Austin squeezed his hand. “Yeah.”
He didn’t say anything else, and Tan blew out a deep breath. “Did…did you know this was happening to me?”
“No, not like this. I’ve been worried for a long time now, but I didn’t see this coming. I should have, but I didn’t.”
“It’s not your fault either. They caused this.”
“Yeah, they did.”
They were quiet, the sound of Mack’s deep breathing and Newt’s fast pants filling the room. The sounds were calming and unnerving at the same time, reinforcing Tan’s worries about both. “I can’t talk about it,” he said.
You can, but you’re right that now is not the time.
“I know.”
“It…it hurts too much. I don’t think I’m strong enough.”
“Babe, you are the strongest person I know, but it’s okay. You’ll know when you’re ready. Don’t force it.”
He’s right. You can do this. You’re so much stronger than you think. But rest first. Sleep.
“But you think talking is good.”
Austin hesitated, a frown creasing his forehead. “I used to, but now I think it’s maybe different for everyone. We all process differently. We cope differently. And let’s not forget our experiences aren’t the same.”
Hmm, he had a point there. Still, wasn’t it a sign of weakness that he’d coped this way? He’d have to think about that some other time when his head wasn’t throbbing so much. He rubbed his forehead with his left hand.
“Does your head hurt so much, babe?” Austin asked.
His voice sounded like that of Tan’s mother once upon a time. Back when he’d been little, too young for others to consciously notice he was different. Back when she’d still loved him, had still treated him the same as his siblings. Back when she’d cared about him, had been concerned when he had a boo-boo. Thinking about her hurt, like sharp shards stabbing his heart. He shoved the feeling down.
Well, you excel at that after years of practice.
“Yeah,” he said simply. Then, because it was easier and avoided further questions, he asked, “Do you think we should be worried about the three of them coming back? Trying to take our food?”
“I don’t know. Not tonight, I’d think, or even tomorrow. Bobbi would stop them for sure. But in a week or so, if they haven’t found a safe place to stay? Maybe. But we’ll worry about that when we have to. For now, let’s try to sleep a little.”
Dawn had broken, making the bedroom just a shade less dark. They’d been up all night, and Tan was so tired he could weep. Austin was right that sleep was a priority. For all of them. But how could he sleep after everything that had happened? Tan bit his bottom lip. “What if more bots show up?”
“I don’t know,” Austin said, and that answer scared Tan more than anything else. “I’m so exhausted I can barely think, babe. We don’t have to worry about Zagorian soldiers in daylight, and the fireplace is out, so that should hopefully keep human visitors at bay. Other than that, I got nothing. We’ll just have to hope and…”
“…pray,” Tan finished with a hoarse whisper. “You know it’s a sad state of affairs when we have to rely on prayer.”
Austin squeezed his hand, and Tan’s eyes drifted shut. He was so tired. “I should’ve asked Pax if Newt would be okay…”
“There was so much we needed to ask him. Next time.”
Next time? Austin was counting on seeing Pax again? How would that ever be possible? He thought about it, but his mind kept spinning in weird directions until he finally gave in. He fell asleep, still holding Austin’s hand.
He woke up disoriented. Who was whimpering? And why wasn’t he being held? Where were his men? It only took a second or two before the memories crashed back into him, and his eyes flew open. Austin was still asleep on the floor, softly snoring, but Newt was gone. They’d left the bedroom door ajar, and it was open wide now. Had Newt gone outside? Was he okay? But if Newt wasn’t in the room, who was whimpering?
Oh fuck. Mack. Tan carefully shifted onto his other side. Mack’s eyes were open, and when Tan moved, he turned his head sideways, looking at him with frightened eyes. “What happened?”
His voice was hoarse, but never had Tan been happier to hear it. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“It hurts…”
Right, painkillers. Bobbi had instructed them to give Mack painkillers as soon as he was awake. Painkillers and antibiotics, which they had thanks to Mack himself, who had raided the Walmart pharmacy back in Rapid City.
“You got shot in the chest,” Tan said, caressing Mack’s cheek with a single finger. He shouldn’t move too much on the bed because that would probably hurt Mack.
Mack looked puzzled for a second or two, but then his expression changed. “Kristina.”
Tan nodded, anger flaring up inside him all over again. “Yeah. The gun accidentally discharged.”
Mack swallowed. He was thirsty, probably? Was it okay to give him something to drink? Bobbi hadn’t said anything about that. He’d have to drink some water anyway with his painkillers.
“Bullet?”
“Bobbi took it out. Turns out, he’s an ER nurse. Do you want some water?”
“Please. Austin and Newt?”
Tan smiled at him, still gently stroking the rust-colored stubble on Mack’s cheek. How typical of Mack to ask after everyone. He took such great care of them. “Austin is still asleep on the floor. He didn’t want to get into the bed with us, scared it would jostle you too much. And Newt, I don’t know, actually. He was here when we went to bed. Maybe he’s gone outside. I’ll check on him after I’ve given you some water. And meds. Bobbi told us to give you painkillers and antibiotics.”
Mack blinked a few times, his eyes droopy. Tan had better get some fluids and those meds in him before he fell asleep again. “Don’t go back to sleep, okay? I’ll be right back.”
