Bride by Mistake, page 12
part #3 of Montana Born Brides Series
It didn’t make him wrong, but maybe he hadn’t handled things in a way that he should have. But that didn’t mean he was going to wait a year. He’d learned his lesson about waiting for love to show up.
“She deserves better than you.”
It hurt. He’d love it not to, but he didn’t think Luke’s one eighty on him would ever not hurt. “I don’t doubt it.” But he wouldn’t be defined by it. “But find one damn person who would work harder to deserve her.”
He turned, because there was no point in arguing. Not really. He’d said his piece, and now it was up to the Shullers to do something with it.
*
Kaitlin had assumed pregnancy involved a lot of crying. She’d been hoping to be above it, but it seemed everything made her want to cry. The stress of the celebrity wedding, Risa being way too understanding, her empty apartment.
At some point when she’d been working the day after Beckett left, he’d gone into her apartment and cleared it of all his things. Including the pregnancy books. Which made her cry even harder.
She didn’t know why. Why couldn’t she accept that Beckett…couldn’t see that he was wrong about his feelings for her? She’d been in his place before, so certain she loved someone, and it had been wrong.
But every time she thought of Beckett, her gut clenched. He’d been so sure, and he’d been brave enough to say what she’d never been brave enough to even hint to Carter.
What did that mean?
She groaned into the empty apartment. Empty, empty, empty. She missed him. She could explain it away with a million different reasons, and yet…
The bottom line was she ached over the fact he wasn’t here, making her dinner, rubbing her back, making her laugh.
Making her feel special and, yes, loved.
Why couldn’t she trust that?
A wave of nausea passed over her, and she breathed through it. She had to tell her parents. She couldn’t put it off any longer. Maybe if she told them things would be clearer.
Or maybe you need to make a decision and not be afraid of it.
When did a person know when it wasn’t fear or hope or want pushing a decision, but just rightness? Or, worst thought of all, did a person never know…and just have to guess and hope and work?
Kaitlin pushed off the couch. Whatever the case, it was clear she couldn’t keep sitting here and hiding and pretending. She had to act.
Luke had texted her a few nights ago that he was staying at the Grizzly Lodge, and as much as she didn’t want to have to depend on her big brother, she wanted someone on her side for the grand reveal to her parents.
It’d be nice if he was also on Beckett’s side, but she didn’t have a prayer of that. Maybe that means you’re supposed to be on his side.
She was really tired of the dueling voices in her head. She locked up the apartment, climbed in her car, and drove down to the edge of town and the motel Luke was staying at. Everything in her froze when she saw Beckett’s motorcycle parked in the lot.
So, he hadn’t left. Not exactly. He hadn’t run. At least not from Marietta, and probably not even from her. He’d simply removed himself from the situation…because she’d been so certain he couldn’t really love her.
I won’t placate you when you love me, too. I know you do. I feel it every time you touch me.
How could he know when she didn’t? She… How could he trust her feelings if she didn’t trust them?
She forced herself to get out of the car and move into the lodge and find Luke’s room. She looked over her shoulder hoping and/or dreading running into Beckett in the hall.
No one.
She went to Luke’s room, pounded on the door, and waited for him to open it. He did, looking more than a little worse for the wear. “Are you hungover at six o’clock at night?”
“What are you doing here?”
“I could ask you the same. You could be in Bozeman. Or you could be staying with Mom and Dad. Or I thought I heard some weird rumor about you shacking up with Melanie, which I know couldn’t be true.”
Luke scrubbed his hands over his face. “First of all, I’m keeping an eye on you.” He sounded less than convinced. “You know what? I don’t have the energy for this. Believe it or not, Kaitlin, I actually have my own problems to deal with. You and Beckett tag-teaming me—”
“Beckett was here?”
“Two nights ago.”
“What did he say?”
“He said I’m right and he’s an asshole.”
“Not. Funny.” She frowned, trying to work out what was going on with any of them. “I’m glad you have your own problems.”
“Yeah it’s fan-fucking-tastic.” He scowled, crossing his arms. “What do you want?”
“I need you to…” She was about to ask him to come with her to Mom and Dad’s, but…other words seemed to work out instead. “I know you’re angry with Beckett. Still. But I don’t understand why.”
Luke moved out of the doorway so she could step in and then closed the door behind her. “Oh, you mean, stealing wasn’t enough.”
“You know he didn’t do that.”
“Whatever, Kaitlin. Listen—”
“He’d never do that to you. He’d never do that to himself.” Why…where had this come from? This wasn’t what she’d planned to talk about.
Luke continued the big brother glare. “I don’t need you to defend him to me. He might have knocked you up, but you don’t know him. No one knows him. He does that on purpose, and he was my best friend for a long time but that doesn’t mean I knew him.”
Why those words infuriated her when she’d wondered just a few days ago if she really knew him, she’d never understand. Why she reacted by pushing her brother, she’d really never understand.
“You should know him! How can you not see? He does that on purpose? What’s wrong with you? Everyone in his life let him down and made him feel like nothing, so yeah, he protected himself a little bit. But he trusted you to see the good in him, and you used that trust for as long as it was easy and the minute it was hard, you broke it.” Kaitlin wanted to cry, because she’d done the same. They were both so stupid when it came to Beckett.
“He was the only one who could have done it.”
“Except he didn’t. And you should never have thought it of him. That, Luke Shuller, is on you.”
“I’m not going to argue with you about him.”
“He is the father of my child, and I…” She sucked in a breath, not sure she trusted the rest of that sentence. But it was there, hovering in her brain, her chest, her heart and her words.
She kept wanting to deny it, but it was there. At the center. Arguing, ignoring, pretending…none of it seemed to make that feeling go away. “I—”
Luke whirled on her, that deadly look on his face when someone was about to do something he didn’t approve of. Oh, so much like Dad and neither would admit it. “Don’t say you love him, Kaitlin. You don’t.”
There was a moment where she was afraid he was right. Maybe she didn’t love Beckett. Maybe she just wanted to? Or because Beckett wanted her to, she thought she might.
She turned away from Luke and closed her eyes. She had to push all the voices away. What Luke wanted, what Beckett wanted, what her family wanted. What did she feel? What was in her heart?
That he was sweet and good and made her laugh. That he touched her stomach like the baby she had growing inside of her was the most precious thing on earth, and touched her face like she was, too. That he was bound and determined to give their child the life and love he’d never had growing up.
She shoved her palms at the tears trickling down her cheek. Her heart ached for him, in so many different ways, and…she wanted to know it was the perfect answer.
But it wasn’t perfect, and it wasn’t easy, and…she was starting to think it never would be. Loving someone came with all kinds of risks and no insurance. The life that stretched out in front of her regardless of what she chose would have its failures.
She would fail. She would make mistakes, but loving Beckett…it was in her, like what he said, whether she wanted it there or not, and honestly? She wanted it there—which was different than making herself feel it. Different than being blind to everything else.
“I do love him,” she managed on a shaky whisper. It might…hurt. It might not be right or perfect or good, but she did. She did love him.
“No, you—”
“You don’t get to tell me what I feel, Luke.”
He shoved his hands through his hair, looking like a man holding on by a thread. Apparently he really did have some problems of his own.
“Do you want to talk about your problems?”
“Fuck. No.”
“Okay, do you want to help me?”
“I will help you with anything, Kaitlin. I would protect you from—”
“I didn’t ask for your protection, for your advice, for your disapproval. Only for your help. Are you ready and willing to give it?”
The war of that played over his face, but eventually he nodded.
“Good. Now, say you love me. And you trust me.”
“I love you.”
“Luke.”
“I don’t trust him…with you.”
“You should, asshole.”
His lips twitched, but he didn’t smile.
“Come home with me. Be there when I tell Mom and Dad.” Kaitlin took a deep breath. It had to be more than that. She had to prove…Beckett deserved a little proof from her. “And I’m going to need your help with a plan.”
“I don’t like the sound of that.”
“You’ll hate it, but you’ll do it.” Pushing past the normal personal space they all usually kept, she took his hand and pressed it on her stomach. “If not for me, for this.”
Luke grimaced, but he reached for his keys. “Fine. Whatever. Just don’t…make me touch anything again.”
For the first time since Beckett had swept out of her life, Kaitlin smiled, because she was going to find a way to sweep him back in.
Chapter Fourteen
‡
The problem with trying to find a job in a small town when you were in your late-twenties was chances were there wasn’t much to offer you. The part-time offer at the garage of the gas station was the closest he was getting to use his skills, and there was the plus he could still do some independent contractor restoration work.
But that usually meant traveling, and he wasn’t sure he was up for traveling until he held his child in his arms and knew…knew everything was going to be all right in that department.
“Larson.”
He groaned. Luke was so not what he needed right now. He needed booze and sleep and to somehow wash the smell of Kaitlin out of all of his meager belongings. But he didn’t have much of a choice; Luke was leaning against the door to his room.
“You here to apologize?”
There was a pause, and in that pause Beckett could almost hope—
“No. I’m here because of Kaitlin.”
At least the crushing of that hope was cushioned by something much more powerful. “Is she all—”
“She’s fine. She’s just making me kidnap you.”
Beckett frowned, trying to make sense of this. “You know what, I’ve had enough of the Shuller crazy train. I’ve stepped off. Now, if you’ll excuse—”
Luke held out a piece of paper. Beckett’s name was written across the top and he knew it wasn’t Luke’s handwriting, it was Kaitlin’s. He shouldn’t take it. He should ignore whatever this was. He had some pride, some self-respect, some fucking sense of self-preservation.
Beckett,
I’m sorry for everything. I hope you can forgive me, and if you think maybe you could, please come with Luke. And wear a suit. Please.
Love,
Kate
He stared at the word love for who knew how long. Then he glared at Luke. “This some kind of elaborate scam?”
“I wish.”
If Luke hadn’t been so vehement in that I wish, Beckett probably wouldn’t have agreed, but as it was, Luke didn’t seem to be very happy about it, and honestly, he wanted to continue to make Luke very, very unhappy.
“So? You coming or do I get to tell my sister once and for all how worthless you are.”
“Apparently I need a wardrobe change,” Beckett said, waving the bizarre letter. Signed Love, Kate. When he thought of that he didn’t care about pissing Luke off. “So, move please.”
Luke sighed, but he moved, and feeling like this was some kind of nonsensical dream, Beckett changed into his one suit and returned to find Luke still standing in the hallway.
“I have to go with you?” Why was he going at all? This was insane. What could change in a few days?
“Afraid so.”
He fingered the letter from Kaitlin he’d shoved into his pocket. He was supposed to hope again? When hope had only ever gotten him a kick in the face.
Love, Kate.
“Well, let’s get going then.” He followed Luke out of the motel and to the parking lot.
What was he doing, wearing a ridiculous suit he usually only wore to important business meetings and weddings climbing into Luke’s Impala?
“For the record, I don’t approve of this,” Luke grumbled, pulling out of the parking lot. “Apparently that doesn’t matter. At least not to Kaitlin.”
“Or me.”
“Or you.” Luke drove through town, jaw set, eyes on the road. So, Beckett stared at the road too, so many feelings jostling for prominence he wasn’t at all sure which one to examine. So, he let them duke it out, a painful squeezing, roiling in his chest and gut.
Luke pulled into the parking lot of the park in the shade of Copper Mountain. There were an awful lot of cars in the parking lot, but it was a nice Saturday afternoon.
He hadn’t wanted to enjoy it.
He glanced at Luke while Luke tried to find a spot in the lot. Hell, if putting it all on the line was possibly working, why not keep doing it? “So this is just it? Friendship over.”
Luke didn’t look at him, but something about his posture changed. “I’m sorry…” He cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I didn’t give you a chance.”
Beckett could only stare. He’d never expected an apology so easily given. “You’re…sorry.”
“But this is Kaitlin’s moment, so go have it. Us…we can figure out later.”
Since this was as insane as Kaitlin’s note, he decided to push his luck. “Gonna give me my job back?”
Luke flicked him a glance. “Gonna pay me back for the buyout?”
“I would, if we could work this out.”
“You’d forgive me. Just like that?”
Beckett considered. He wasn’t sure he and Luke could ever be the friends they’d been, it would certainly take some time to work toward trust again, but he was Kaitlin’s brother, the uncle of his child. “I’d try.”
Luke blinked, stared ahead. “Well.” He cleared his throat. “Anyway. We can talk later. Kaitlin’s plans are kind of time sensitive.” He gestured up to the park.
Hope. A note of hope for him and Luke’s friendship. Yeah, he’d take it. He got out of the car and walked up the pathway, looking for Kaitlin. He was briefly distracted by a little cluster of chairs, surrounded by flowers and people. People with the last name Shuller.
Mr. and Mrs. Shuller stood, looking tight-lipped in their Sunday best. Sierra and Carter sat on two of the chairs in matching shades of pastel. There were flowers and an arbor type thing, Luke’s friend Melanie was standing by a little table of cakes.
It looked an awfully lot like…
Mr. and Mrs. Shuller parted and Kaitlin stepped between them. In white. A long, white dress. It wasn’t as fussy or lacy as Sierra’s had been, but there was no mistaking the simple white dress, and the white flowers woven into her hair, and the bouquet she held.
This was a wedding.
Had Luke…drugged him and he was hallucinating?
“Hi,” she offered, coming to stand right in front of him.
“Um. Hi.” He tried to formulate words, something flippant, something mean or even I love you a million times over, but nothing came out. All he could do was ask. “Kaitlin, what is this?”
“A wedding,” she said matter-of-factly, her smile was small. In fact, it looked fragile, and he wanted to save it, keep it protected and curved forever.
“I…”
“To be completely honest, it’s not legally binding or anything because of the whole marriage license situation, but you know. It’s a symbol. We could use a symbol. And we can take care of the marriage license soon enough.”
There were roses in her bouquet and around the arch he supposed was acting as some kind of alter. She had put together a wedding. For them. After. None of this made sense. “The last time we talked you said you…”
“I said a lot of things that didn’t make much sense. And I guess it took you leaving to scare me enough to…well, make sense of what I was really feeling.”
Beckett could only stare. At her. At the setup around them in the little park. How…had this happened?
“So, what do you say? Do you want to get married?”
He thought maybe now he could understand her shock when he’d first suggested it. Because as much as this was what he wanted, it didn’t make any sense. He leaned close so no one else could hear his answer. “Shouldn’t we talk?”
“Yes, we absolutely should.” She put her bouquet down on a chair and took his hands in hers, that spine of steel straight and determined, her hands slim and warm. “But I had to prove…I had to show you that I was wrong, and I didn’t think words would do it. Not when I messed everything up.”
“You messed…” He had to be dreaming, Twice in one day, people were apologizing to him—him who was always the one messing things up. “Kate, I…” She was wearing a white dress. An actual wedding dress. Flowers and people and cupcakes. A wedding. For them.
“Um.” She dropped his hands and grabbed something from a basket nearby. Hesitantly she reached out to his lapel and pinned a small thing of flowers to his shirt. “It’s supposed to look like fairy wings,” she whispered. “I’ve listened. I’ve learned. I love you. I do. I just had to figure out how to trust myself.”
