The Dragonrider Heritage Second Series, page 97
Because it was the same fear I felt whenever she touched me, said my name, or teased me like we’d known each other all our lives. It was an all-consuming, crippling, soul-crushing fear that grew and festered.
It was the fear of getting hurt again by someone you trust.
Violet’s hands slid away. She started to get up.
I … Gods and Fates, I couldn’t … I couldn’t take it anymore. How could she just stop? How could she throw up those defenses after insisting I trust her and talk about these things?
She was so—ARGH!
Her gaze met mine for one tiny, fleeting instant. And I saw it: the truth I’d been running from practically since the moment we met.
I was no different.
How many times had I done that exact same thing to the people I cared for? How many times had I held them all at a distance out of fear? How many times had I ran away from feeling something important because of how bad the pain might be?
All my life.
I didn’t know the details of Violet’s past, but I could see an echo of the same kind of person I’d become reflected in those beautiful scarlet eyes so clearly. Whatever or whoever she had been before, I knew who Violet was now.
And that was all that mattered.
My heartbeat thundered in my ears as I snapped to my feet and stormed straight for her, fury in every step. My hands clenched into shaking fists. My vision tunneled. My head swam. My knees threatened to buckle with every step.
But, by all things divine, I was going to do it. I was going to make the biggest mistake of my life, and there wasn’t a force in the entire universe that could stop me.
I caught up to Violet in four paces, right in front of the smoldering fireplace, and seized her around the waist with one arm. Grasping the back of her head with the other, I dragged her in close enough to press my mouth against hers.
I kissed her fiercely, holding her body against mine with all my strength.
Violet gasped sharply. She went stiff, her hands pressed against my chest.
Then her arms wrapped around my neck. She kissed me back like the world might crumble beneath our feet at any moment. Her lips were soft, but the kiss was rough and ruthless. Something about it lit a fire in my soul. Her fingers scraped over my scalp and twisted into my hair, and I couldn’t hold back.
I grabbed her thighs and snatched her off the ground, backing her right up against the nearest bookshelf, and pinned her there.
This was stupid. Beyond stupid. Fates, what was I even thinking? Had I finally lost my mind? Violet and I were completely wrong for each other. I had already been down this road once. I’d waded neck-deep into reckless love and nearly drowned in the depths. I shouldn’t have wanted more. I shouldn’t have wanted her.
But I did.
Gods and Fates, I wanted all of her—and not just to hold her and kiss her like this. I wanted her to stay at my side. I wanted her to keep driving me insane, teasing and taunting me like a cat batting at a caught mouse. I wanted to keep having those quiet fireside talks, and walking together through the crowded markets. I wanted to keep learning about her. I wanted to hear her laugh again. To feel her hand in mine. To see her smile.
I didn’t want to live without it. Not for a single second.
I needed her. Gods, I had never needed anything more. I would spend my very last breath protecting her. I would pry open the gates of the divine realm with my bare hands if it meant she could stay right here in my arms. I couldn’t imagine a future without her right at the center of it.
And before I could stop it—before I could even think about it at all—the words spilled out past all my better judgment.
“I-I … I love you.”
It hurt. Gods, those words scorched through every part of me like burning oil. I’d regret it. I knew that. It was reckless to even think that, let alone say it to her face. She would reject me. One word from those beautiful, impossibly soft lips would seal my fate.
Violet pulled back slightly. Still gasping for quick, frenzied breaths, she studied me with those eerie scarlet eyes. I knew she was seeing me—all of me. The ugly, scarred, misshapen depths of my heart that I’d never intended to show anyone.
With my arms still around her and my body pressing hers against the bookshelf, I bowed my head so maybe she wouldn’t see my mouth screw up. I wanted to take it back. To catch those words in midair and cram them back into my mouth. But it was too late.
I was already burning.
Violet’s smooth, cool palms slid along my jaw, thumbs caressing my cheeks as she tilted my head back up to meet her gaze. Her legs squeezed at my waist harder, lips brushing mine, as she leaned in to whisper, “I have loved you longer than you will ever know, Reigh Farrow.”
My pulse skipped. Every muscle tensed, like someone had just dumped a bucket of icy water over my head. She … she did? Gods and Fates, she loved me? I couldn’t speak. I could only stand there, staring into those stunning scarlet eyes, while every brick of shame, doubt, fear, anger, and pain I had stacked around myself over the years crumbled away.
Violet loved me.
She wanted me, even knowing what and who I was.
And I wanted her—more than anything.
Adrenaline surged through my body, and my skin buzzed with wild, savage energy as she dragged a finger down the bridge of my nose and teased at my bottom lip. “Now, shut up and kiss me again.”
“My sister is going to kill me,” I murmured as I lay with my eyes closed, sprawled on my back in front of the hearth. With one of her lovely, strong legs draped over me, and my arm around her, Violet had her head nestled into my shoulder and one hand on my chest. We lay so close I could feel every breath she took as if it were my own.
“And why would she do something like that?” She laughed softly.
“I think she had another meeting lined up with yet another potential bride next month.” I winced a little. “Oops.”
“Is that so? And who was it this time?”
“Some duchess out of Ethalan, I think. I don’t remember. I wasn’t paying much attention, to be honest,” I confessed. Sure, so it was probably rude to brush off those young noblewomen before I’d even met them. But I couldn’t help it. Jenna had started doing this a few years ago—sneakily arranging meetings between myself and a conveniently single noble girl under the guise of some political crap that required my presence. Whatever that was supposed to mean.
“For shame,” Violet scolded playfully. “Such a naughty prince.”
“You’d think after the last few she forced me into, Jenna would have figured out that trying to set me up with anyone like that was doomed to be a disaster. I’m not interested in being sold like a sow at market.” I sighed and stared up at the ceiling, enjoying the ambient warmth of Violet on one side of me, and the hearth on the other. If I stayed here like this much longer, I might actually fall asleep. Heh.
“And what a handsome sow you are,” Violet teased. “How did I ever get so lucky?”
I couldn’t resist a drowsy grin. “Luck is a strong word. You may decide it’s something else after the luster wears off.”
Violet laughed again and flicked the end of my nose. Rolling over onto her stomach, she propped herself up on her elbows and stared down at me. With her face framed in flowing locks of nearly-white hair and those dazzling red eyes sparkling like polished gemstones in the firelight, I couldn’t resist the urge to brush my hand along her cheek again. Gods and Fates, I was the lucky one. How could someone so beautiful really want anything to do with me?
Her expression changed some as she held my gaze, that playful smile fading, as though a veil of worry had fallen over her features. But I didn’t ask. I didn’t push her. Whatever she was about to say, I could see she was still wrestling with it. I had to wait until she was ready.
At last, Violet looked down, nibbling at her bottom lip before she finally spoke in a quiet, cautious voice. “You spoke your truth to me. Now … I must do the same.”
Whoa. Okay, then. I nodded and kept silent, watching her carefully.
Her throat jumped as she swallowed, flicking me a quick, worried glance before she began. “You already know I was with the Zenith’s Call before I came to Maldobar to work for Arlan. I was very young then, and my life here was quite complicated. It was good, mostly. Fast-paced. Often dangerous. Not at all what I had envisioned for myself. But I grew to love it, and the people I worked with.” She paused, her face seeming to glaze over with a faraway expression, as though the memories had carried her off to some distant past. “The last mission I ever worked for the Call was … the reason I had to leave them. I lost someone important to me. Someone I loved. And without him, I couldn’t see a future anywhere until Arlan approached me about going to Maldobar. I must have been about eighteen or so?”
“You don’t remember how old you were?” Somehow, that struck me as odd.
“Before I was with the Zenith’s Call, my life was much more chaotic,” she replied, lips pressing together into a thin, uncomfortable line. “I’m not proud of the person I had to become in order to survive. I lost track of things that didn’t seem to matter—like my age.”
Oh. Wow. Sooo, she really had no idea how old she was. I wondered if Viperi had the same lifespan as other human races, or if they were like the Avoran elves and lived for centuries. Now didn’t seem like a great time to ask, though.
Better to let her finish first.
“That person I loved … he and I first began to trust one another here, in these very ruins. We had a mission together that brought us here, and I realized he was someone I could actually count on,” she murmured, fiddling with a lock of her hair. “I never thought I would feel that way about anyone else. And to be honest, I didn’t want to. It hurt too much to lose someone I cared for like that—someone I assumed would always be in my life. I went to Maldobar for the purpose of working for Arlan, but I wanted to go because … I wanted distance from this place and everything that had happened here. I wanted a place without memories of him.” She paused, her gaze darting up to meet mine again with a cautious vulnerability I wasn’t expecting. “And then I saw you.”
“Me?” I couldn’t help but sound surprised. Gods, if she came to Maldobar right after the Tibran war, that meant she’d first seen me as a very angry, very confused, very traumatized young man with absolutely no idea what to do with himself or anything he felt.
Fine. So not much had changed on that front. But hey, I was working on it. I’d definitely made some progress.
“Arlan wanted eyes on the divinely blessed people in the immediate area. He assigned several agents to each and insisted we take note of your movements or any changes in your habits—always from afar, of course. We were never permitted to engage with you directly,” she continued. “I was assigned to watch over you from a distance. And I did, for a while.”
I leaned in a little closer, squinting my eyes and scrunching my mouth up disapprovingly. “You spied on me in the bath, didn’t you?”
Violet put a hand over my face and pushed me back. “No!” she laughed.
“Watched me change clothes?” I guessed again.
“No!”
“Followed me through the street?”
She pulled a thinking face with one eye shut and her mouth mashed to one side. “Mmmm, now that I probably did.”
“Impossible,” I scoffed and flopped back down on my back beside her. “I would have noticed you immediately.”
Violet scooted closer, resting her chin on my chest with a roguish little grin. “Apparently not. This may come as a surprise to you, but I am actually quite good at my job.”
I rolled my eyes. “To slip by under a dragonrider’s nose? Not likely.”
“Oh? Like how it was such a struggle for me to make my way into your little academy under so many dragonriders’ noses?” she quipped.
Ugggh. I’d almost forgotten about that. I wondered how many lieutenants Jaevid had yelled at about it after we left.
“All right, fine, so maybe you did spy on me and follow me around with all your fancy, former assassin skills,” I surrendered with a smirk. “But I remember very clearly what I was like at that age, and I find it very hard to believe anyone would have fallen for me at first sight. I was angry a lot back then. I did and said a lot of stupid things, even to people I cared about, because of that anger.”
Violet smiled—a real, genuine, affectionate smile that made her eyes shine and her whole face seem to glow. “That’s not what I saw,” she countered. “I saw a young man who was struggling, yes. But even from the depths of your despair, you were always the first to reach out in compassion to the sick and injured. You take care of people; even ones you don’t necessarily like. Your own needs always come second if there is someone to be helped. I saw that.” She reached out to stroke her fingers through my hair again. “I still do. And just like then, I wonder who looks after you? Who is there when you wake up shaking from your nightmares? Who notices the pain that still lingers from your past injuries? Who can you be honest with about the things you have experienced?”
I held still, watching that smile fade gradually away to a look of sorrow. She was worried about me? I, well, I hadn’t thought anyone really noticed any of those things. I was a dragonrider and a prince. I wasn’t supposed to show anything except steady, constant strength.
But now I knew. I knew why she had been the one who found me after my most recent nightmare. I knew why she had come to watch over me after the attack on Rienka. I knew why she ran after me every time I wandered off on my own.
She was worried about me.
She … really did love me.
Reaching for her wrist, I tugged the sleeve of her tunic down to reveal the hidden branded mark on her forearm, just below her elbow. The emblem of the Zenith’s Call. I pressed my lips against it. Her porcelain pale cheeks went rosy again, and I could have sworn I heard her gasp faintly, a sound that made my toes curl up in my boots.
Gods, I adored that sound.
“Stay with me. Don’t leave my side. Ever. And when we get back to Maldobar, I’ll court you properly,” I ventured, not sure how she would respond to an offer like that. Maybe it was too sudden?
She wiggled her way up so that her face stared directly down into mine, her long hair falling like a sterling curtain around us. “You’d parade a Viperi assassin and spy through Maldobar’s royal court as your partner?”
I grinned. “To the horror of all the stuffy nobles and uptight officers? Absolutely. Without hesitation. In fact, I’ll probably hire someone to follow us with a bell just to make sure no one misses it.”
She laughed and leaned down, kissing my lips again. “Very well, Lieutenant. Court me, if you dare.”
26
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
Gathered in the failing light that still ebbed in from the open hidden door, it didn’t take any special insight to sense that everyone—including myself—was on edge. Thatcher had filled me in on everything that had happened on the surface, in Salnis, while Violet and I were down here in the temple. Knowing there was at least a legion of Nar’Haleenan soldiers camped all around the area did not make me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. We couldn’t risk going back to the city for any reason. But the way forward didn’t seem any safer.
“We basically have two choices here,” I said as I stood in the middle of our group. “Fair warning, neither of these options are great, but at this point, we have to make a decision and get moving as soon as possible.”
After quite a few hours of rest, food, water, and basking in the warmth of the heat from outside to dry our things, we couldn’t afford to dawdle for even one second longer. Lukani was back on his feet, still a little pale-faced, but mostly coherent. Thatcher still had those burns under his eyes, but he seemed a lot steadier on his feet now that he’d had some rest and food. Maylea was out of arrows, but she had a steely look of resolve as she gripped her bow firmly. I’d seen that look in her father’s eyes many times. No one would be holding her back from whatever fight came next—with or without arrows.
Neiko was, er, still tagging along. Ugh. He stood right in our midst like he was now a part of the group, listening and nodding intently. I tried not to let that annoy me.
I did not succeed.
“First option: we go back into the ruins, hope we can find our way to the gateway, that it still functions, and that nothing else terrible tries to eat us in the process.” I hesitated, feeling the full force of Violet’s suspicious frown from where she stood beside me. “Or, uh, option two would be … um, I can try something a little risky but potentially far more direct to get us there.”
“Risky how?” Violet questioned, her eyes narrowing suspiciously.
I winced a little. Crap. I’d forgotten about this little relationship snag—primarily because I had not been in one since I was a teenager. Old dog, new tricks. I had, however, been around Jaevid and Murdoc and their wives enough to realize that the decision to put my life in jeopardy for the greater good was now no longer mine to make. Not solely, anyway. I had to take her feelings into account when it came to my usually-almost-deadly stunts.
Ohhh boy. She was not going to like this.
“Um, okay, you see … since I have been granted Clysiros’s blessings and power again, I have certain abilities. It’s sort of like before, when I was the harbinger, although my powers seem a lot stronger now. So far, anyway. And one of those abilities is—well, it’s called valestepping, but it’s actually more like teleporting,” I rambled, already sweating bullets as I kept my gaze locked on Thatcher’s forehead like my life depended on it. Anything to keep from meeting that now scorching glare coming from the small, angry, white-haired woman standing beside me.
Fates preserve me.
“And it is dangerous?” she asked sharply.
“Yeeeeah, uh, sorta? It was very dangerous for me before. Almost killed me a few times, actually,” I said with a nervous chuckle. “But I’ve already tried it once and it doesn’t seem to be nearly as draining as it used to be.”
