The Obsession, page 5
“Of course it was. You must be so shaken up. Just try to stay positive. She’ll be getting the best care.”
Rosa sounds so sure of herself, as if she’s said Ellie will make a full recovery, and therefore she will, no other option. “Anyway, tell me what’s happening with Seth. I’m driving like I’m a hundred years old. I need the distraction.”
“I got you. He sounds pretty pissed, to be honest. I was about to call you, but you beat me to it. I heard his angry voice and panicked you’d broken up.”
Groaning, I brake to stop at a red light. “He just went to kiss me in public and I was the one who panicked.” I sigh. “Wait, when did Dustin come over? I thought you two were fighting? And aren’t you helping your dad today?”
“He came over to help my dad too. Hold on, I’m going into my bedroom and then you can start from the beginning.” Some muffled noise and then I hear a door shut. “Okay, spill.”
“Have you noticed anything different about me over the past year?” I ask.
“Is this a new topic?”
“It’s a new branch of the topic. It’ll be relevant, I promise.”
Rosa wants the juicy details of what went down between me and Seth ASAP, and she rarely lets anything get in the way of gossip. I’m surprised she doesn’t already know—her ability to dig the tea out of thin air is second to none.
“Um, I guess. You’re not going to get mad if I tell you, right?”
That sounds a lot like I’m going to hate what she says next. Rosa and I have never held back, but sometimes she can be a little too blunt. It’s just the distraction I need from Ellie, though. “Right. Give it to me.”
She sighs and my heart plummets.
“Connie, you…I don’t know how to put it. Your light has dulled, and you don’t seem that happy anymore. It’s totally your mom’s fault, I’m not blaming you, but you asked.”
Yeah, I did.
This is what frustrates me most about Mom. I can feel myself changing and I’m powerless to do anything about it. Our house is like a prison, and I have no choice but to follow the guard’s orders.
“Seth basically said the same thing,” I tell her with a sigh that I can’t keep out of my tone. It always hurts hearing criticism from friends, no matter how much I understand it’s coming from a good place.
“Did you have a big fight?” Rosa asks.
“Well…kind of? It was more frustration, and then he left. He wants to make my mom pay for what she’s doing. He’s been patient, but that’s quickly waning.”
“Pay? Pay how?”
“Like stage a break-in and steal the recording stuff.”
Rosa snorted. “Never work. She can just buy more.”
“I guess it’s more to make her worry that someone broke in while I was in the house, and scare her? But that seems kind of wrong to do to my own mom, honestly.”
Rosa’s silent for a few beats and then asks, “Do you really think that would stop her?”
“Are you asking rhetorically?”
“You can’t see me, but I’m shrugging.”
“Rosa!”
“Kidding. Look, forget what he said. He’s just looking out for you and got carried away with his macho crap.”
“You got that right.” I turn left. “You know that guy…person I mentioned who’s commented on YouTube a lot?”
“You’ve mentioned a couple, but yeah.”
“This one is blueqb. Well, I did something. Yesterday I liked a comment they made—”
Rosa cuts me off, cheering loudly into my ear. “Yes, girl! Ha, take that, Lou! It’s about time you made your feelings clear.”
“Thanks. I don’t think my mom noticed that I did it. And I wasn’t that brave, it was just me liking his comment hoping I have a good week. Anyway, after that he went on my Insta and started liking a bunch of my photos.”
“Oh, that’s not good,” Rosa said. “Sounds stalkery to me.”
“Oh, come on. No way…”
If you’re really stalking someone, typically you try to make sure the person you’re watching doesn’t notice. Blue has been very open about the fact that they’re scrolling my Insta. And after all, it is public. Anyone is free to follow or like my content. Mom’s idea, of course.
“I would just keep an eye on it, Connie. You never know.”
“I will,” I tell her. “I’m almost home. You’re still coming later, right?”
“Yeah, see you then.”
“Bye.”
I hang up, feeling even worse about this whole situation than before.
My mind is spinning, thoughts of Ellie overwhelming my discussion with Rosa until all I can think about is the way her body smashed into the concrete.
I pull into my driveway, put the car in park, and just sit there for a minute. My hands may no longer be shaking but I can feel my heart palpitating.
Before I can get out of the car, I call Mom, needing someone else to help me calm down.
Please pick up. I just need some comforting words and support from my mom right now.
“Hey, is everything okay?” she says, answering right as I’m about to give up.
I hate how my mom always assumes the worst. It irritates me and now I’m sorry I called. “Yup, everything’s good,” I say cheerfully. “Went to breakfast with Seth and Dustin.” I add the lie so she can’t think it was a date. “But what isn’t so great is that my friend Ellie had an accident.” My voice sounds tremor-y as I fill my mom in. “It was awful, Mom, I was there and saw…and heard everything. She was so still.”
“Well, it’s good she’s at the hospital now.”
“Yeah, I know. I’m just kind of upset still. What if she dies?”
“Are you really okay?” Isla asks, the sound of the road loud in the background.
I knew I could count on my sister to check in and not minimize. “I’m just worried.”
“Well, there’s nothing you can do,” my mom says. “Keep us updated with Ellie’s condition, but I know she’s going to be fine, Connie.”
My mother, the medical expert.
I swallow my frustration. “I hope so,” I say, trying to keep the venom from my voice when all I want to do is scream at her. “Look, I’m going to go. I’m home now.”
“Don’t forget to lock the front door,” she tells me, as if I have a habit of leaving the doors and windows wide-open.
“Will do. Bye.” I cut her off with a harsh jab to the end button on the car’s screen.
I want to ask her what she’d do if I didn’t lock up and we were robbed.
Seth’s words spring to the forefront of my mind. We could make that happen.
I mean, how would we even get away with it? We’d need some sort of evidence that it wasn’t an inside job without setting anyone else up.
Jules has mentioned an uptick in petty crime recently. Break-ins on the other side of town and vandalism.
I shake my head and get out of my car, heading up the driveway as the sky releases the first raindrop right on my forehead. I manage to get into the house before I burst into tears.
6
I have a good cry and then lock the door behind me and set the alarm. The app tells me that the home security system is running normally. There are no open windows or unlocked doors. I’m safe. Still, I check it again before pocketing my phone and walking to my room.
It’s hours before my friends will arrive, if Seth even comes after this morning, so I need to do something to pass the time. Dustin would usually call me straightaway. He’s gotten much closer to Seth because of football but he’s still my oldest friend.
The house feels enormous when its empty. Like I could walk for days and never reach the other side. And the silence is unnerving. It’s just me and my thoughts rattling around for hours until I have company over.
Not great for my mental health.
I change into some cute workout shorts and a sports bra and head into the gym. Exercise will clear my mind and also give me some much-needed endorphins.
There’s another motive for using the gym. Isla and I have been working out most days, keeping ourselves fit to feel confident—it’s easier to ignore the comments on our bodies when we feel good. Though we tell ourselves and each other we’re doing it because we want to be healthy. And though we never have said it aloud, we also do it for the physical power. I like knowing that if I had to, I could escape a dangerous situation. Have some control over my own safety.
I take my phone out of my pocket and snap a picture of the dumbbells. Thinking of new captions every day is something I quickly grew bored of. I can’t be bothered to keep making things funny, particularly when I can’t see the humor.
So screw it, I upload the photo to my stories with absolutely no caption and no context. If that makes Mom angry, then good.
As the picture posts, I can’t help but smile. I’m getting more and more satisfaction over disappointing her.
Keep going. Post the pictures, do the workout, clean the house. Just don’t think about what could be happening at the hospital.
Notifications ping almost immediately, so I check the log.
Rosa has viewed. A couple of other friends have loved it.
Blue has sent a reply.
Biting my lip, I click to open it.
Love a strong woman
Nope. I turn my nose up. Not loving that. We don’t know each other nearly well enough for those friendly-edging-on-flirty types of comments. We don’t know each other at all.
It seems likely that this person is a guy, but of course I can’t be sure.
Frowning, I swipe up and leave their message on read. They’re too friendly. If Dustin, Seth, or any of my other friends said that, it wouldn’t bother me at all. Coming from a stranger it’s a big no-no.
I put the phone down and pick up the dumbbells, more determined than ever to be able to defend myself.
* * *
∙ ∙ ∙
“Where’s Seth and Rosa?” I ask Dustin as I let him in.
He watches me lock the door behind him.
“What’ve you been up to?”
I touch the damp ends of my hair. “Workout and shower. What’s going on?”
“Rosa told me about this Blue dude. Seth did too, and he is not happy about it.”
“Yeah, I’m not loving it.”
“Block him, Connie.”
My friends seem convinced that it’s a guy.
“I can’t.”
“F what your mom says! He’s creeping you out.”
I sigh. “I know you came by yourself because you want to tell me something. Can you just say it?”
A smile touches his lips for a second before his stern expression returns.
“I forgot how well you know me,” he says. “Well, Seth thinks you’re being reckless. We’re all worried. My mom is too.”
Dustin walks into my kitchen, super comfortable being here after years of friendship. Mom is cool about letting my friends come over and treat the house like their own, I’ll give her that.
I sit down on one of the island stools as he grabs one of the sodas Mom bought while vlogging the road trip prep.
He sits down next to me, cracking open the can. “We think, while your mom is away and can’t physically make you do anything, you should shut your social media down. Ghost it and everyone online. My mom thinks that’s a good idea too.”
That was probably Seth’s idea.
I shake my head. “You know better than anyone I can’t do that. I promise to be careful. I won’t engage with anyone while I’m home alone, okay?” I move closer to him and pout. “Dustin, all I wanted was to have a fun two weeks. It’s already been scary and stressful. I don’t have the capacity to make a move like that now.”
“Stop stressing. My mom said Ellie’s condition is stable.”
“Why didn’t you start with that! I’ve been going out of my mind!” My chest tilts forward with the relief of knowing she’s not dead. “Well, that’s good but I want more than stable. I want her to wake up.”
“Stable is the first step to that, Connie. Look, I think you should focus on you. Ellie’s getting help, you’re not.”
I didn’t just fall onto concrete.
“Dustin, I’m fine.”
“Sure,” he says sarcastically, holding nothing back. “Come on, we both know that’s BS. I want you to be as carefree as we were when we used to slide down the stairs in sleeping bags.”
I laugh at the memory, wishing that I could go back for just a day. We’d play for hours at Dustin’s house, and at the park opposite the police station. There was a bike path, a big pond with geese, people pushing strollers and walking dogs—I spent a lot of time there. I had another friend, Grayson, who I used to hang out with there after school. We’d sit on the swings and joke around. He moved when we were fourteen. I haven’t spoken to Gray in such a long time. Our bond is fading faster than we ever imagined.
“So what if I don’t stop being online? What’s the worst that could happen to me?” I ask, dipping my hand into a family-sized bag of chips he’s just opened.
“I’m going to tell them I found you face down in a pool of your own blood.”
“Oh, the morbid humor. Horribly timed after today, by the way.”
He makes a face at me. “I wouldn’t joke if I didn’t think she was going to be okay. What I’m not joking about is you, Connie, but not because I think you’re going to be stabbed or shot. I’m worried about your mental health. All the stuff with your mom, and now this guy you’re flirting with—”
“Flirting?”
Dustin held up his hands. “Don’t get mad at me, but Seth thinks you’re talking to this guy. Blueqb.”
I shake my head. “I can’t do anything about that. I’m not going to start talking to randos online, so he doesn’t need to worry.”
“You should tell him that.”
“He should know that.” I fold my arms like a four-year-old. Why should I have to keep assuring him when I’ve never given him a reason not to trust me? It’s not like Seth didn’t know I had a whole online life before we got together. He knew me before the vlog exploded, but we didn’t start dating until after.
“All right. You talk to him…or not. Whatever, I’m just telling you how he feels.”
Shouldn’t he be doing that?
“I’ll figure it out. Are you staying for a movie?” I ask, needing a quick change of subject so I can have one person in my life not irritated by something I’ve done.
He winces. “Rosa has plans.”
“Yeah, she has plans with me!”
“I know, but she needs to chill for a bit. She doesn’t know what to do or how to help you.”
“I’m not asking for any help.”
Why does it feel like people listen to my words but don’t hear them?
“Doesn’t mean you don’t need it. Look, you tell us what we can do to make things better for you. Actual solutions, because I’ve known you since we were babies and you’re not okay.”
“Dustin…”
“I still love you, Connie, but the longer this vlog crap goes on, the less of you I see. I think you need to sit your mom down and have a real conversation with her.”
I’ve explained the situation to my friends about a thousand times before and they don’t seem to grasp it. Having a conversation about what you need with someone unwilling to listen or who simply doesn’t care will never work. It’s not like I haven’t tried.
Seth must understand that, or he wouldn’t have told me we could find another way. Like breaking and entering and theft.
“So you and Rosa are doing something without me?”
Dustin shrugs. “She wants to stay in.”
There’s something he’s not saying. I have this feeling of ants all over my skin, crawling until I need to scratch myself raw. Whatever my friends are doing, I think it, or at least a part of it, includes talking about me.
Recently I’ve been feeling like my friends are slipping through my fingers, and I’m gripping on for dear life, just delaying the inevitable.
“You’re all mad at me for something that’s out of my control.”
“No, absolutely not! Connie, don’t ever think like that. We’re on your side, always. We’re just frustrated and want to protect you.”
“You do that just by being my friends. You’ve said I’ve changed and maybe I have, but I don’t want us to change.”
As much as each of them can irritate me, they’re my best friends and I’d do anything for them. I can’t lose their friendships.
I can’t be left behind with just Mom and Isla.
“We’re not going to, I promise. Trust me.” He leans over and wraps me in a bear hug.
I hug him back, holding on just as tight because today has been super scary, and I just need some comfort.
“Everything is going to be fine,” he whispers in my ear before stepping away.
I let my arms drop, missing the warmth and safety, and smile up at him. “Thanks, Dustin.”
“Anytime. I’ll see you tomorrow and we’ll watch movies?”
Tomorrow. So the plan has totally changed. This isn’t the first time they’ve done this, changed our schedule without properly telling me, then dropping it into conversation as if we’ve discussed it.
“Right,” I say, disappointment weaving around my body. “See you tomorrow.”
He grabs the bag of chips and grins over his shoulder, taking them with him. I want to grab hold of his hand and tell him to stay. Everything that’s happened today has put me on edge.
I’m fighting with Seth, Rosa needs a break, and some rando is in my DMs.
And…Ellie. Don’t think about it!
When I hear the door shut behind Dustin, I sprint from the kitchen to make sure it’s locked and that the alarm is on.
