ONLY FOR LOVE, page 9
part #1 of Only For #2 Series
My eyes are on the security people turning and telling everyone there is nothing to see here. “Now look at what you have done.” I hear his voice and look back to see him standing closer to me. “Look at the fucking scene that you’ve caused.” He shakes his head.
“The scene I’ve caused?” I point to my chest and look down to see if I’m bleeding through my dress because that is the pain I’m feeling. Like someone has just taken a knife and stabbed me in the heart. “I wasn’t even out here.”
“You,” he growls between clenched teeth, “were the root of this scene. Did you fuck him?” I gasp and take a step back away from him. “You better tell me now before I find out.”
“How could you even ask that?” I hiss at him. “How could you think I would do that?”
“I don’t know anything anymore,” he grumbles. “All I know is you’ve made a laughingstock out of me tonight.”
“Me?” I point to myself. “I made a laughingstock out of you?” I can’t help but repeat his words because, surely, I’ve heard him wrong. Surely, my ears are playing tricks on me.
“We need to get back inside”—he puts his shoulders back—“and make sure no one is talking about this shit. Should have fucking laid his ass out,” he mumbles about Kirby and I want to laugh in his face. There would only be one person laying the other one out, and it would not be him laying Kirby out. He grabs my hand and pulls me with him back into the room.
People mingle everywhere and not one person looks over at us. I walk back into the room with a smile on my face. My eyes go to table two, hoping to see Kirby sitting there with his date. But the two seats are empty. I let go of his hand as I make my way back to my own seat, sitting down and smiling at Cheryl, who is eating the second course. “How is the food?” I ask her, putting the linen napkin back on my lap.
“Better than the taste testing.” She smiles. “Everyone is having such a good time.”
She doesn’t even mention the altercation that took place not ten minutes ago. “That is amazing.” I fake smile at her as Trent sits next to me, putting his glass of bourbon in front of his dish.
“Isn’t this amazing?” Cheryl asks Trent.
“Perfect,” he replies, leaning and kissing my cheek, “just like my wife.”
“Isn’t he sweet?” she says and all I can do is smile at her. The smile feels like it’s plastered on my face. The smile I have no choice but to give right now. The whole night all I do is put on this front when I am crying inside.
People come up to me all night long, telling me how incredible the night is. Even the silent auction blows up. People start trickling out, and when it’s just a handful of people left, Trent stands up. “We should get going,” he announces and I get up, grabbing my purse.
“Don’t forget your flowers,” Cheryl reminds me of the bouquet of white roses Kirby had given to both of us to thank us for tonight, something that made me stand there speechless.
“She doesn’t need more flowers at home,” Trent declares. “You should donate them to the hospital with all the other flowers.”
“Of course,” Cheryl says as she watches Trent walk over to Dr. Visabell to say goodbye. “You should at least get the card he wrote,” Cheryl urges, her voice low and I nod at her, not willing to make another scene.
“I’ll be right back,” I tell Trent, who in front of Dr. Visabell doesn’t say anything. I walk over to the back of the room where the silent auction table is, seeing the two white bouquets of flowers on the table. I look in the first one and see Cheryl’s name on the card and then see the next one, my name written across the middle of the white card. I open my purse, shoving it in before turning and walking back to Trent.
We wish everyone goodnight as we walk out of the room. “Thank fuck that is finally over,” he grouses, walking in front of me. We get to the bottom of the stairs as the doors open.
“I need the car for Dr. Yoder,” the valet guy says into the walkie-talkie. “We’ll be right out.”
“I need another car also,” Trent says to him and he nods his head and I look at him.
“What do you need another car for?” I ask him, holding my purse in my hands in front of me.
“I’m going to stay at the apartment near the hospital.” He looks around to make sure no one can hear him. “After the shitshow of tonight, I need to think.”
“You need to think,” I repeat, my voice not as low as his was.
“Lower your voice,” he warns. “It’ll also give you a chance to think about the scene you caused tonight,” he adds. When our car gets there, he walks to the back door of the car and opens it for me. “I’ll see you tomorrow and we can talk then.” He leans down to kiss me, but instead of waiting for it, I duck my head and get into the car. He sticks his head into the car. “I can see I made the right decision.” He doesn’t wait for me to say anything, instead shutting the door in my face.
I sit in the back of the car, looking out at him shaking the valet guy’s hand as he walks toward the car he got for him. The driver gets into the car. “Are we going straight home, Mrs. Yoder?” I look at him as he watches me in the rearview mirror.
“Yes,” I confirm with a smile, “take me home.” I swallow down the lump in my chest as I look out of the window. It was supposed to be my night. I worked my ass off to make tonight the most successful fundraiser the hospital ever had and, in the end, he ruined it for me.
My eyes go dry as the tip of my nose stings. I put my hand on my stomach as I watch the city fade away as he drives me closer to my house. The last thing I want tonight is to fall apart in the car in front of a stranger.
I close my eyes as I blink away the tears. My head goes back to that moment outside with him and Kirby, I will never in my life forget. A moment I will never in my life forgive him for. The minute I got the flowers and I took a step back, I looked toward where Trent was supposed to be sitting but saw it was empty. I smiled at everyone as I handed the flowers back to the waiter, and he told me where he would put them until I was ready to leave. “He’s so thoughtful,” Cheryl praised Kirby, and all I could do was nod because it was more than that.
I looked over and saw his date was chatting head to head with Darryl, and instead of sitting down, I walked out of the ballroom, coming to a stop when I saw Tatum, one of the surgery coordinators, walking in from outside. Her red dress hanging too low in the front, low enough that you could see her fake, round tits. Her face was pale, as if she was caught doing something, as she hurried back into the ballroom. She stopped when she saw me. “Is my husband out there?” I asked her and whatever color was in her face was totally gone. She couldn’t even answer me, all she could do was nod her head and quickly run away.
I rolled my eyes and wondered if I should even go out there. I knew I should have turned and walked back into the ballroom, but instead I was pulling the door open at the exact moment I heard the words that would change everything, “For fuck’s sake, her father is a fucking drug addict. She should be thankful I took pity on her.”
Everything happened so fast after that, I had to make sure Kirby didn’t do anything he would regret in the morning.
I open my eyes when I feel the car coming to a stop and the sound of the door being shut. Looking out of my window, I see I’m in front of my house. The door is pulled open as the driver holds out his hand. “Thank you.” I nod at him once I’m out of the car, and he lets go of the door. “Have a nice evening.”
I walk into the house, not bothering to take off my shoes or even turn on the light as I make my way to my bedroom. The purse slips from my hand and smashes onto the floor, making it spring open, my lip gloss skidding across the floor and the white card falling out.
I squat down in front of the purse and take the envelope in my hand. My finger moves over my name before I turn it over and open it.
Pulling it open, I see Kirby must have written this.
Lexi,
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate, but that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
That’s my favorite quote and thought I would share it with you.
I dare you not to let anyone darken your light.
K.
The minute I read the last sentence, I’m sobbing out loud. Bringing the card to my chest, I can’t help but cry. The pressure is so much that I’m knocked on my ass. My head feels like it’s a washing machine spinning around and around.
“You’re beautiful.” I hear his voice but then at the same time I hear Trent. “She should be lucky she has me.” I close my eyes to not hear the words. “You deserve better.” That is the last thing I hear before I open my eyes and I grab my phone.
Pulling it up and not even thinking about what time it is, I call him. It takes him four rings to answer the phone, and when he does, his voice is filled with sleep. “Lexi,” he says and I can’t help it; instead of saying anything, all I do is silently cry. “Lexi, honey.” The worry is filling in voice.
“Daddy,” I say, the tears rolling down my cheeks, one after another. “Daddy.”
“Lexi, baby, where are you?” His voice that was worried is now filled with a more frantic tone.
“I’m home.” I look around the room. “Dad, I need your help.” My hands shake as I say the words. “Dad, I need help.”
“Baby,” he says tightly, “where is Trent?” He’s probably fucking some girl in his apartment I almost say, but I stop myself.
“Daddy,” I repeat and I can feel the panic starting to come as my breathing is starting to get a bit harder. “Daddy, I need to—”
“Lexi,” he says, snapping my name, “where the fuck are you?”
“I want to leave him, Dad,” I tell him and close my eyes. “He—”
“Did he touch you?” he asks and I can hear the fear and anger in his voice.
“He says I’m not good enough. That I need him.”
“He’s lying to you.”
“That without him, I’m nothing.” The words come out. “I don’t dress good enough. I don’t smile enough. I am not skinny enough.” My body shakes uncontrollably, my teeth clattering as if I’m in ice-cold water.
“Baby,” he soothes. “I’m calling Uncle Matthew and the two of us are coming to get you.”
“I won’t be anything without him.” I feel like I’m in a trance. “But I don’t want to be with him. I’ll be nothing, but I’ll be without him.”
“I’m going to be there in five hours, in five hours.”
“Okay.”
“Can you wait in the house or do you want to go to a hotel?” I lie down on the floor in my room.
The card in one hand, the phone in the other as I just stare out. “Okay.”
“Lexi,” he says my name, “I’m going to hang up on you now, and I’ll call you back.”
“Okay, Daddy,” I reply and then he waits for me to say something. “I love you, Daddy.”
“I love you too, angel”—I can hear the softness of his voice—“more than my life.”
“I’m sorry.” I close my eyes. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t strong like you taught me to be.”
“I’m coming. I want you to do something for me. Can you do something for me?”
“Yeah,” I say, not sure I can even move.
“I need you to lock the door of your bedroom and not open it until I get there.”
“He’s not coming home,” I tell him.
“I’m coming. I promise you I’m coming.” I nod my head. “I’ll call you back.”
“Okay.” He hangs up as I close my eyes. He calls me back every single thirty minutes to check on me, and I vow each time I’ll get up and change. But I just close my eyes and drift off to sleep.
The pounding makes me open my eyes, and I look around the room before getting up on my side. “Lexi.” I hear his voice and then I get up, walking toward the front door. I unlock it, and when I pull it open, I’m in his arms. “Lexi.” He breathes me in. “I’m here.”
“Daddy,” I cry just like I did when I fell off the bike the first time I rode on two wheels. Just like when I busted open my chin skating and he took me in his arms, protecting me the whole time.
“Lexi,” I hear softly and then look over to see my mother standing there. She’s wearing jeans and a white top, a baseball hat on her head. “Lexi.” She brings her hand to her mouth and I can see she’s shaking.
“Why don’t we get her in the living room where there is more space and talk?” My uncle Matthew puts his arm around her shoulders. My mother nods as my father carries me into the living room. I almost turn around and tell them to take off their shoes, but I just shake my head as he guides me to the living room and sets me on the couch. My mother and Matthew sit in front of us. “Okay, talk,” Matthew demands and I can see his jaw is tight as he looks around and then back at me.
“Matthew,” my father warns tightly.
“Lexi,” my mother urges, “we need to get you out of that dress and get your clothes packed.” She stands up. “Then we are taking you away from here and the hold he has on you.”
She holds out her hand. “Come and choose what you want to take with you.” I put my hand in hers and we slowly walk to the bedroom.
“Mom,” I say softly as she unzips the dress, “I should have been stronger, like you.”
“My beautiful girl.” She puts one hand to her stomach and I see that she’s about to completely lose it. “You are not strong like me. You are stronger than me. Picking up that phone and making that phone call you are in a category of your own. Don’t you dare,” she snaps and grabs ahold of my face. “Don’t you dare let him have one more fucking minute of you.” Her tears roll down her face. “Now, my beautiful girl”—she smiles—“let’s get you packed.”
I nod my head and look at her. “Do you think I’ll be okay without him?”
“I think you’ll thrive without him,” she assures me, going over and grabbing one of my suitcases. “I think he’s the one who isn’t going to be okay without you.”
“But he’s a doctor,” I retort and I giggle at the stupidity of it as she laughs with me. “He told me so many things, Mom,” I say as I slip on a pair of yoga pants. “He made me believe so many things.”
“Viktor!” my mother shouts his name as I slip a T-shirt over myself and he comes jogging into the room.
“I need those boxes we just hang the clothes in,” she says, then looks at my uncle Matthew. “I need you to pack her office.”
“It’s four thirty in the morning,” my father replies. “Where do you want me to get those types of things?”
“Don’t you know people?” she snaps, looking over her shoulder as she pulls open one of my closet doors.
“In Arizona?” He shakes his head.
“I can call someone,” Matthew offers, and just like that I giggle again.
“You’re the best, Uncle Matthew,” I declare, feeling like I haven’t in a while. Most likely in shock, but I’ll take this feeling.
“We’ll get you out of here,” he assures me and I can see him swallow.
By ten thirty, I’m walking out of my house with my hand in my father’s. The emergency movers my uncle got are pulling out of the driveway with all of my clothes in it, along with all my office stuff. I left everything else, not wanting to take anything.
“Where is he?” Dad finally asks me once I’m sitting on the private plane and the doors close.
“At his apartment in the city,” I tell him, looking out of the window.
“I need a drink,” my mother announces from beside me and the phone rings from my purse.
“Put it on speaker,” Uncle Matthew urges once I pull it out and see it’s him.
I close my eyes before I press the connect button and place it on speaker. “Hello.”
“Morning,” he greets, “how did you sleep?”
“I didn’t,” I answer him honestly.
“Well, that’s because you had a lot to think about. I hate fighting with you, Lexi, but you left me no choice.” I hang my head and feel my mother put her hand in mine. “Don’t you think you could have acted better?”
I hear hissing and look over to see Uncle Matthew holding on to the armrests with his head back as he looks up at the ceiling of the plane. “I don’t,” I finally reply.
“I can see that you are upset. You have to admit, Lexi, you have no one to blame for this besides yourself.”
I close my eyes. “I’m leaving you, Trent.”
He laughs as if I just told him the funniest joke he’s ever heard. “Yeah, right.” I wait for him to get over his stint of laughter. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing has gotten into me,” I refute. “I finally saw what was right in front of my face.”
“Lexi, I’m going to take a shower and then I’m going to come home and we are going to talk about things. And you are going to see how much different things would have gone if only you—”
“I’m done.” My voice cuts him off. “I’m done letting you darken my light, and I’m not coming back, not now, not ever, Trent.”
“You can’t leave me!” he roars.
“Yes, I can.” I finally inhale deeply. “And I did. Goodbye, Trent.”
twelve
Kirby
Three months later
I walk into the lobby and head straight over to the elevator. There is a man sitting behind the desk in the middle of the path leading to the elevators. He looks up from whatever is in front of him and he points at me. “Are you Materson?” He uses my last name, and I nod my head.
“I am.” I stop at the side of his desk and hold out my hand. “Nice to meet you,” I tell him.
