Mine to Honor, page 14
“How is everyone’s travel schedule?” Stefano asks. We go around the room one by one, as we talk about going away.
My leg moves up and down with nerves when it gets to my turn. “I was supposed to leave next week,” I start, “but I pushed it back a couple of days.” I canceled the whole thing, but I can start with this, then ease into it. “I have what I need from my end to do the work.”
He just stares at me and I can see the questions already in his eyes. He’s my best friend, and aside from Eva, I know him better than anyone and vice versa. “Do you have an ETA for your next trip?”
“I have to check.” Again, the lie comes out before I can stop it. I don’t have to check because I cleared the rest of the month. I wasn’t sure I wanted to leave Eva alone with Cici and no help, so I canceled things.
“We can chat on that later,” Stefano says to me, and if I read between the lines, he doesn’t want to have this conversation in front of the whole staff.
I nod at him at the same time my phone rings. All eyes come to me. “Shit,” I swear, looking down and seeing it’s the daycare, “it’s Cici’s daycare.” I pick up the phone and walk outside of the meeting. “Hello.” I put my phone to my ear.
“Levi.” I hear a woman say my name. “This is Melanie from the Small Bumble Bee Daycare.” I swear to God I feel like the blood has drained from my whole body.
“Yes,” is the only word that can come out.
“I’m calling because Cici has a fever,” she says softly. “I’ve tried to get in touch with Eva for the past twenty minutes, and all I’m getting is her voicemail. You are the next one on the list.”
“Okay.” I look around, putting the phone to my ear and walking toward my office.
“We have a policy that if the baby is running a fever, you have to come and pick her up,” she informs me.
“Of course.” I grab my keys from my desk. “I’ll be right there,” I tell her, “I just have to settle some things.”
“That is fine. I’ll see you soon,” she replies and I hang up on her, walking back into the conference room.
“I have to go. Cici has a fever,” I announce to the room.
“Where is Eva?” Stefano asks me and I look down at my phone, pulling up her name and calling her.
It picks up after half a ring. “You’ve reached Eva.”
“Voicemail,” I respond, looking down at the phone, expecting it to ring in my hand, but it doesn’t. “I have to go.” I don’t even pick up my shit, I just grab my phone and walk out of the room.
“I’ll call you later,” Stefano says and I nod at him, turning and practically running out to my car. I get to the daycare in record time. The whole time I’ve been trying to call Eva but it’s going straight to voicemail. My stomach clenches as I walk into the daycare. I enter the code that I’ve entered only once before when I had to drop her off.
Melanie steps out of her office to greet me. “Sorry about calling you.”
“It’s fine,” I say, looking down toward the hall where I hear crying. “I’ll go get her.” I don’t even wait for her to say anything before walking down the hall.
“It’s going to be okay.” I hear the woman who is holding Cici say as she cries in her arms.
Once I reach the door, I turn the handle and walk into the room. Looking at the other babies sitting on the floor, I ensure I don’t step on anything. “Look who is there,” the woman coos and Cici turns her head and spots me.
Her lower lip quivers as she sobs and my heart breaks. That is the only way to describe it. There is a pain in my chest and it feels like someone stabbed me. “Oh, baby girl,” I whisper, holding my hands to her as she lunges for me. Her blue eyes look so bright, even though she has been crying. Her little nose is red, along with her cheeks that look so rosy. “What’s the matter?” I ask, even though I know she can’t answer me. She rubs her face in my chest, along with all of the snot and tears, but I couldn’t care less.
“She’s been really fussy all day long. She hasn’t really eaten much,” the woman shares with me, and I look over to see Cici pick up the pacifier that is hanging on her pj’s and put it in her mouth.
“It’s going to be okay, baby girl.” I kiss her head. “Do you need anything from me?” I ask the lady whose name I don’t remember as she smiles at me.
“I’ll get her diaper bag,” she says, walking over to the corner where there is a changing station. She grabs the bag, bringing it to me.
“Thank you.” I put the bag over my shoulder before walking out of the room with her. I nod to Melanie as I walk out of the daycare and toward my car. “It’s a good thing I got that car seat,” I tell her as she looks at me, one of her hands on my shoulder, holding on for dear life. “And Eva said it was silly.” I shake my head as I open the back door and place her in the seat. She starts to cry as I buckle her in. “I know you don’t want this, but in order to get home we are going to have to do it this way,” I explain to her and she whines. “You know, in the fifties or maybe even the sixties I could have driven home with you in my arms.” I laugh as she watches me. “I’m sure you understand everything I’m saying.”
I get into the driver’s seat and look back at her as she lays her head on the side of the car seat. I dial Eva again and it goes straight to voicemail. I don’t bother leaving her a message, instead I hang up the phone. When we get home, I dump her bag at the door before kicking off my shoes. “Here we go,” I say, putting her down on her mat in the living room. She lets me know as soon as I step away from her that she does not want to be in the middle of the floor. Her wail fills the room as I shrug my jacket off before walking over to her and picking her up.
I put my head on hers and feel that she’s really hot. “We should take your temperature,” I tell her, walking upstairs to her bedroom. “I know it’s in here somewhere.” I pull out baskets and find the little handle thing that I’ve been using daily to make sure her temperature is normal. “Shall we?” I ask, turning it on with a button and pointing it at her forehead. I wait for the beep before looking down and seeing the color red with the temperature. “One hundred and one. Shit,” I curse, putting it down. “Okay, time to call Eva.” This time I don’t dial her phone, I call her work line.
Someone answers the phone right away. “Hey, it’s Levi, is Eva working today?”
“She is,” she confirms, “she’s with a client.”
I think about what to do next but I have no idea what to do next. “It’s sort of an emergency. Do you think I can speak with her right away?” I declare at the same time that Cici whines in my arms. “Could you just tell her I’m on the phone?”
She takes a long time contemplating and I’m about to snap at her when she says, “Please hold.”
“She told me to hold,” I fill Cici in and I swear it feels like a million years before I hear Eva pick up the phone.
“Hello,” she says breathlessly.
“Where are you?” I ask, irritated, even though I know she’s at work because I just called there. “I’ve been calling you for the past hour. The daycare called me.”
“What?” she shrieks. “Why?”
“Cici has a fever,” I tell her. “They said they tried to call you.”
“Fuck,” she hisses. “My phone was on do not disturb from last night. I must have forgotten to switch it off this morning. I’m coming.”
“No,” I say, “it’s fine. I have her and I’m home.”
“What?” Again the shriek comes out of her.
“I said I’m fine, I have her. Her fever is at a hundred and one.” I look back at Cici who puts her head on my shoulder. “I’m going to give her Tylenol, I guess, but you have to call her doctor.”
“On it,” she replies. “Do you know where the Tylenol is?”
“It’s in her bathroom, no?” I ask for confirmation, walking toward her bathroom and pulling open the mirrored medicine cabinet. “It’s in a white bottle.”
“Yes, you have to give her two point five milliliters.” I’m about to ask her how the fuck am I supposed to know what two point five is when she continues, “Shake the bottle. Squeeze the top of the bottle and when you pull it out there is a syringe attached to it. Just squeeze it into her mouth slowly.”
“Okay, I’m on it.”
“I’ll be there as soon as I can,” she mumbles and I hang up the phone.
“Good news is she is going to be here soon,” I tell Cici. “Bad news is you got me.” She doesn’t smile and her eyes look droopy. “Let’s get you some medicine.” I walk back into her bedroom and set her on her changing table. She starts to whine. “I know but I need both hands,” I explain to her, squeezing the top of the bottle like Eva says and then unscrewing it. “Now I’m going to be honest, I don’t know if this tastes good or not.” I look at the red liquid. “Let me check.” I put a bit on my finger and then taste it. “Not the worst thing I’ve ever tasted and you did eat tofu the other day, so I’m thinking you can take this. But it’s going to make you feel better.” I put the tip in her mouth and she sucks on it. “See, my girl is a champ.” I praise her as I squeeze it into her mouth. I smile at her. “Now, can I change so we can go and chill on the couch?” I ask after I put the top back in the bottle. “I just need to put on my shorts and a T-shirt.”
Picking her up, I walk over to the bedroom, putting her on the closet carpet so she knows I’m not going anywhere. I grab a pair of shorts and a T-shirt and change faster than I ever have in my whole life.
She holds her hands up to me, meaning she’s over sitting on the floor as I pick her up. “How are we feeling?” I ask, walking down the stairs and toward the kitchen. “How about we get some water?” I quiz her, grabbing her little pink cup with handles on the sides. She grabs it as soon as I have it in my hand, bringing it to her mouth. I move slowly to the living room. “You know what we should do?” I sit on the couch, grabbing the remote. “Cuddle and watch television.”
Turning the television on, I lie on the couch with her on my chest. I kiss the top of her head as I flick through the channels. “It’s going to be okay,” I soothe her and she looks up at me, drool coming out of her mouth. “I bet you feel like ass right now.” She whines as she looks at me, telling me I’m right. “I probably shouldn’t say ass.” I smile as she lays her head on her arm for a second and then looks back up at me. “I bet you feel like… I can’t even say shit,” I mumble. “I bet you feel horrible.” She doesn’t answer me of course, she just rubs her face in my chest with snot all over me. “Wow.” I look down at her. “No other woman has ever gotten snot all over me.” I smile at her. “You are the first.” She smiles at me for a second before laying her head on my chest. I kiss the top of her head. “It’s going to be okay.” Grabbing one of the linen covers on the couch, I lift her and then put her back down on my chest. “Don’t want you lying in snot,” I tell her as she lays her head back on my chest. I put my hand on her bum to make sure she doesn’t move. I watch television as she rests on my chest and I don’t know who falls asleep first, me or Cici.
nineteen
Eva
I slam the car door shut and rush up the front steps. The guilt has been running through me and eating at me since he called. Fucking phone was on do not disturb, the minute I saw that, I wanted to throw the fucking thing against the wall, I was so pissed at myself. She needed me and I wasn’t there, again. I finished my client and then told Raquel to clear the rest of the afternoon. Luckily, I just hired someone new who was starting next week to help me out, so it will be a huge weight off my shoulders.
I open the front door, looking over at the couch. Literally everything in my body stops. The two of them are on the couch sleeping, Levi’s legs crossed at his ankles, the television watching the two of them. He has jumped into this whole parenthood thing with me with both feet, not even a look back. Every single day I see him with her, I’m more amazed at how wonderful he is. It also stings just a touch when I think about how good of a father he’s going to be to his own children. He may have said he is never having children, but knowing how good he’s been with Cici, I have no doubt he’s going to change his mind. I push down the bile that wants to come out of me, not ready to fully think about him having a child with someone else. Not willing to think about how this is going to be in a year from now. Not willing to admit to myself just how much I need him.
As quiet as I can, I close the door behind me, turning the knob so it doesn’t click. I kick off my heels, placing them right next to Levi’s shoes before I tiptoe into the house. Cici is on her stomach on top of his chest with her two hands fisted at her sides, the pacifier hanging loose in her mouth. Her cheeks are red and I reach out to touch her forehead softly. My eyes go from her to Levi, whose eyes now open. “Is she still hot?” he asks quietly and without moving.
“No,” I answer him with a soft smile, as he blinks his eyes a couple of times to wake up.
“I gave her Tylenol,” he informs me and then his face smiles, “she took it like a champ. I didn’t give her a bottle after because I was afraid it was going to upset her stomach. But she did have water, because, well, I thought it was a good idea.” The fullness fills in my chest again.
“I would have done the same,” I assure him.
“Have you tasted the Tylenol?” he asks and I shake my head. “It’s sweet.”
“You tasted it?” I ask, shocked. “Why would you taste it?”
“I wanted to know if it tasted bad,” he replies and stops moving when Cici stirs on his chest, but she just turns to her side, cuddling more in his chest than anything.
“I’m so sorry, Levi.” My voice shakes as I talk to him.
“For what?” he asks and I can see his eyes searching mine.
“You didn’t sign up for this.” The words come out before I can stop them and a tear also escapes one eye. I tried to be strong the whole time I was driving home. Tried to tell myself that these things happen. Tried not to beat myself up that I fucked up big-time by not taking the daycare’s call.
“Hey,” he says, “I’m only good with one woman in my life crying at a time.” He tries to make a joke out of it. Knowing he is trying to make me laugh, I give it to him. “The doctor said if she still has a fever by tomorrow, to call him back.”
I know right away he’s pissed. His whole demeanor changes. His eyes go hard, his jaw gets square as he bites down, and the vein in his forehead looks like it’s going to explode. “You need a new fucking doctor.” He looks down at Cici, making sure he didn’t wake her. “What if she has an ear infection?” he asks and I don’t have an answer for him. “Or a sore throat?”
“Or it’s nothing.” It is at this moment when he glares at me that I know I should have not said a word. I hold up my hands sort of like a truce. “I’m just passing along the message.”
“I’m going to call him myself,” he grounds out between clenched teeth while he whispers.
“When she gets up, I’m going to FaceTime Addison and ask her what she would do. She’s the only other person I know who has had a child.”
“I approve,” he agrees and this time I can’t help but laugh out loud, the sound shocking Cici who jumps at the noise. He immediately wraps his arms around her, bringing her even closer to him. “Go away,” he whisper-hisses.
I hold up my hand. “I’m going to go see if I can move my appointments tomorrow.” I get up.
“I can do it.” He looks down at Cici, making sure she is still sleeping. The pacifier now dropping out of her mouth.
“I’m not traveling, so I can stay home with her.”
“Are you sure?” I ask as I hold my hands together, and he nods.
“Worst-case scenario.” He smirks at me. “Things go bad and I call you.” He tilts his head to the side. “That is, if you take off your do not disturb.” Now I’m the one glaring at him at the same time I put up my hand and flip him the bird.
His chest moves as he tries not to laugh, but Cici pops her head up and looks at him. His eyes that were glaring at me not even two minutes ago are now filled with softness. “Well, hello, girl.” His voice is also soft. “Did you have a nice nap?” She uses his chest to rub her nose back and forth. “I’m going to say that is a yes.” He kisses her head and all I can do is watch the two of them. My heart is melting at the sight in front of me, knowing it’s going to be a memory I will forever have.
It takes Cici a second to look over at me. “Hello, baby girl.” My hand comes out and she smiles so much at me that a whole dollop of drool just comes out of her mouth. “That’s a lot of drool.” I’m waiting for her to lean toward me but instead she just stays there in Levi’s arms, not even bothering to move. She just looks at me as he wraps his arm around her.
“You going to call Addison?” he reminds me and I just nod my head at him because, for some fucking reason, there is a lump in my throat.
I pull up Addison’s number and press the FaceTime button. The ringing has Cici stick her head up. “Oh, you wake up for that,” I say to her, smiling as the ringing stops and as the white circle goes round and round when it says connecting. Her face fills the screen a couple of seconds later. “Hi.” She smiles at me and then looks over to the side. “It’s Eva,” she tells whoever is beside her.
“Hey,” Stefano greets as he sticks his head into the phone, “what happened with Cici?”
I look at the phone, wondering how he heard. “I was in a meeting when the daycare called,” Levi informs me and again I look up at the ceiling, trying not to feel guilty but failing miserably.
“She has a fever—” I start to say.
“One hundred and one,” Levi cuts in and I stare at him. “I’m just letting her know.”
I look at the phone, seeing Addison rolling her lips as her eyes stare at the phone super big, just watching me. “What other symptoms does she have?” she finally asks me.
“Fever and drooling, running nose.”
“It sounds like she’s teething,” Addison assesses. “Teething sadly can last a long time and there really isn’t much you can do for them.”
