Her Rebellion, page 15
She turns to look up at me with wet eyes and sits up drawing her knees to her chest, gaze drifting away from me as her forehead creases. I try to brush her hair back from her face, but she pushes my hand away before shifting her gaze to me.
“You’re right,” she says, and something in the way she sounds makes my chest tighten. “I wouldn’t ever be happy with someone like Clifton Phillips. I know that. But I can’t do this anymore either. It’s too much, and I can’t.”
I open my mouth to answer but my phone rings. We both turn to look at it, and Mercedes’s breath catches when she sees it’s Santiago.
“Mercedes—” I start, but she shakes her head, grabs the phone, and answers it.
“Santi? Is the baby okay? Is Ivy?”
I hear the rumble of his voice, but I can’t make out the words.
Mercedes presses a fist to her mouth, tears suddenly pouring from her eyes. I take the phone from her.
“Santiago? What is it? What’s happened?”
“She woke up. Ivy woke up.”
19
MERCEDES
“How are they?” I ask.
I hear shuffling on the other end of the line before Santi answers distractedly. “They are both doing well. Keeping me busy. Ivy’s rehabilitation is progressing, and she’s improving every day.”
“That’s so great to hear,” I tell him.
The silence on the other end of the line makes me think Santiago doesn’t believe me, and he never will.
“When can I come meet my niece?”
“I don’t know yet.” His tone takes on a hard edge.
I swallow, and it feels like there’s glass lodged in my throat. I get why he’s so protective of them. They’ve been through hell, and part of that is my fault. He’s making it clear it’s not a matter of choosing sides anymore. His loyalty lies with his wife and daughter, and they are his family now.
It fucking hurts, but I get it. Oddly enough, I get it more than he could probably understand at this moment, with a child of my own growing inside me. I will always choose this child above anyone or anything.
“Santi—” My voice fractures, and I try to hold it together. “I know things have been tense. I know I’ve been awful. And you probably won’t believe me when I tell you I regret it, but I do. I want to be a part of your lives. I want to come see you and Ivy, and I want to meet Elena.”
“Mercedes.” He sighs, shuffling the phone again as Elena cries in the background. “I don’t know yet.”
“Please,” I beg. “I need to see you. It’s important.”
I don’t tell him that I want to have a conversation with him about releasing me from Judge’s care because he’ll think that’s my only motivation, and that’s not true. I really do want to meet my niece.
“Let me think about it,” he says.
The crying gets louder, and I can just imagine him picking up his baby daughter, and my heart squeezes at the thought of it. Not only because I’m missing it, but because I never thought I’d see Santi as a father. I never thought I’d see him love the woman he once talked about killing in cold blood. Yet he is.
If I believed in hope, this might have given me some. Because if Santi can fall for his enemy, then surely, Judge can fall for someone he admits he can’t let go of. But I can’t go down that path again. Not now. Maybe not ever. Judge has proven over and over again that the only thing he’s capable of is breaking hearts. Regardless, what he wants doesn’t matter now. It can’t. Not with the decision I made when I failed to swallow what he thought was a mistake.
“Please let me know,” I whisper into the phone. “I really do want to come see her.”
“I’ll let you know,” Santi answers, distracted by his current situation. “I have to go.”
“Okay, I’ll speak to you soon then?”
“Yeah,” he says, and before I can draw another breath, he disconnects the call.
I sit on the bed, staring at the wall. Judge is gone, God knows where, but that would require him sharing his life with me. Since our spat, he’s been wavering between putting distance between us and then acting as if nothing ever happened when he comes to lie beside me at night. Sometimes, his determination wins, and other times, it fails him. When he reaches out to touch me on those nights it fails, I let him. I let him because as much as it hurts, I want it. I know I won’t be able to have it forever, so I take it while I can. I take it before our time is up indefinitely, and he’ll never want to touch me again.
“Mercedes.” Lois knocks on my door, drawing my attention to her. “Solana is here. Would you like me to send her up?”
“Oh, yes, thank you. That would be perfect.”
She nods and retreats, and I use the few moments I have to check my makeup and try to cover up the dark circles beneath my eyes with some powder. But it doesn’t work, and that much is obvious as soon as Solana enters and sees me.
“You look tired.” She frowns.
“That’s because I am.” I laugh hollowly. “I hear that’s a side effect of a tiny life force growing inside you.”
She walks over and gives me a tight squeeze before pulling her messenger bag off her shoulder and setting it on the bed.
“Well, I brought what you needed.” She hands me the pregnancy test and then retrieves a bottle with her shop label on it. “And these aren’t really calming tablets. I just put the label over some prenatal vitamins.”
“You think of everything.” I offer her a watery smile.
“I know.” She returns my smile, but her concern is evident. “Are you okay?”
“I will be,” I answer. “It’s just… a lot.”
“Well, let’s take things one step at a time, shall we?” She grabs my hand and tugs me toward the bathroom. “First step, peeing on a stick.”
Five minutes later, I’m sitting on the edge of the porcelain tub while Solana peers down at the stick resting on the sink.
“Good news or bad news?” she asks.
“Both,” I answer in amusement.
“The good news is I’m going to be the best freaking godmother this kid could ever ask for,” she says proudly. “And the bad news is anyone who ever even thinks of hurting him or her will have to reckon with me.”
I can’t help laughing even as a few tears spill free, and I press my hands to my belly. I already knew it was real, but this confirms it.
“She’s not lying,” I whisper to the baby growing inside me. “But I think you’ll love your crazy aunt Solana.”
“Damn straight they will.” Solana comes to kneel before me, wiping my tears away. “It’s going to be okay. You know that, don’t you? You’ve got me, and you’ve got Georgie, no matter what, always. We are your motherfucking family.”
“I know you are.” I pull her in for a hug, and she squeezes me for a long time.
Finally, after a prolonged pause to let the official news sink in, she comes to sit beside me on the tub. “Are you going to tell him?”
“No.” I shake my head quickly. “He doesn’t want kids. This was my decision, not his. He won’t be happy when he finds out, but I want nothing from him. I won’t ask him for anything. I just want this baby, and he can go on with his life, forgetting either of us exist.”
By the tense silence next to me, I probably shouldn’t have been so honest. Because Solana really will cut a motherfucker for me or anyone else she loves. I know and love this about her. But I don’t want her protection. I just want her friendship. I want to tell her everything about my life because I’m so fucking tired of shouldering it on my own.
“You want me to poison him?” she asks, her voice dead serious.
Again, I can’t help laughing. “No. But thank you.” I turn to her and take her hands in mine. “What I want is to tell you about my world, Solana. I think it’s time I finally did.”
She releases a breath, nods, and listens to all of it. Every single secret that spills from my lips.
After spilling all the details of my life to Solana, she and Georgie have been making frequent visits. As in, almost every day. I was nervous about telling Georgie my secrets too, given that he’s even more protective than Solana, but I didn’t want to keep lying to them or giving them half-truths. So after getting him up to speed on all need-to-know things related to The Society and my pregnancy, everything is out in the open. I thought I’d be more relieved, but I’m questioning if I did the right thing because they’re both convinced I might just up and disappear at any moment in this crazy world they still don’t fully understand.
I’ve tried to quell their fears, but honestly, they aren’t too far off the mark. I was raised in this world, so I never really realized before how insane it sounds to normal people on the outside. People do disappear in The Society. They get murdered and tossed into Tribunal prison cells that nobody knows anything about. They get poisoned, betrayed, and double-crossed, and that’s just a small taste of any given week. But even so, I had no reason to be concerned for my safety. That was until I noticed Georgie and Solana exchanging looks like they know something I don’t. When I demanded they tell me, they finally relented.
Apparently, Judge is fielding some sort of threat. Whoever tainted the beignets is after me, and they also went to Solana’s house in an effort to track me down. It’s a realization that scares me because she doesn’t have the same level of protection I do. But she assured me Judge has people watching her, which is strange. And it pisses me the hell off that he’s been hiding this from me.
He mentioned something about Abel, but since Abel has already been captured and we’re attending his trial today, I know that can’t be the case. If it was him, Judge wouldn’t still have guards following Solana or lurking in the yard outside. It has to be someone else, though I know there’s no point in asking him. I can see that today when he comes into the room while I’m getting ready.
He watches my reflection in the mirror as I apply my lipstick and smooth my hair back. His annoyance is obvious, and I don’t have to wonder why. He’s taken notice Solana and Georgie have been visiting far more often, and I’ve been waiting for him to say something about it.
“Why aren’t you wearing your necklace?” His narrowed gaze roams over the empty space around my collarbones.
I meet his gaze in the reflection. “It wouldn’t do to have Santi see it and wonder where it’s from, now, would it?”
He grunts in response, dragging a hand over his face as if it never occurred to him. I roll my eyes but try not to let him sour my mood. Santiago finally agreed to let me come to the manor before we all leave for the trial, and I have no intentions of anything raining on that parade. Not today. Judge, however, has other plans.
“Are you going to tell me why your friends have been over almost every day?” He brushes my hair over my shoulder, his fingers settling onto the nape of my neck.
“I know this is a foreign concept to you, but my friends actually like me,” I tell him. “They enjoy visiting with me.”
“And that’s why they suddenly seem to be glaring at me every time I cross paths with them?” His thumb skates over the empty space reserved for my future husband, and I shiver.
“Perhaps you need to take some charm lessons,” I suggest. “Solana and Georgie love everyone. You must be the exception.”
He doesn’t respond, but I can feel his gaze burning into me as I apply another smidge of powder I don’t really need.
“Perhaps until they can learn to be polite, I need to limit their visits to the house.”
I turn around to glare at him. “Do you get off on making me miserable? Is that it?”
His jaw muscle ticks, and he shakes his head. “I don’t want you to be miserable, Mercedes. Quite the opposite.”
“You have a funny way of showing it.” I slam the compact on the vanity table shut and stand, shrugging his hand off my neck.
I try to escape into the bathroom, but he grabs me by the wrist and tugs me back to him. I’m expecting another argument, but when I look up into his eyes, there’s a softness I almost wish he wouldn’t show me. It makes it so much harder to maintain my emotions around him.
“Today will be difficult enough.” He strokes along my jaw, his eyes moving over my features as if he’s trying to memorize them. “Let’s call a cease-fire for now.”
I release a staggering breath, and he leans in, surprising me with a kiss. It’s different from his other kisses. He’s not branding me with his intensity like I’m used to. This is something softer. Something he’s taking simply because he feels like it at the moment. And goddammit if that doesn’t feel like another dagger to my heart.
“Don’t be nice to me,” I beg him as he releases me. “Please.”
“Why?” His brows crease together.
I square my shoulders and shake my head. “Because. I just… don’t want you to.”
The vein in his neck pulses an angry beat, but he doesn’t argue. At least for now.
“We’re going to be late.” He heads to the door, leaving me to follow him. “Let’s go.”
20
MERCEDES
I’m a wreck of nerves when I squeeze Santi in the first hug I’ve given him in so long. A weird sound strangles my throat, betraying my emotions, and he pats me awkwardly in an attempt to comfort me.
“I’ve missed you so much,” I croak.
“I know,” he answers. “I’ve missed you too.”
I hold him at arm’s length, examining him. He’s still the same scarred man who crawled from the ashes of the wreckage that imploded our lives. But something about the way he carries himself is lighter. Though his eyes are no less intense.
“You look different,” I observe.
He shifts. “A lot has changed.”
I force a stiff nod, understanding tension still lingers between us as my eyes roam to Ivy. She’s sitting across the room with Elena, and I force a smile, hoping she can see it’s genuine.
“When can I meet my niece?”
“I’m not sure if that’s such a good idea,” Santi answers.
I can feel my chest caving in, pain lancing through me, and Judge seems to sense it too as his hand settles on my back. At least, that’s until my brother notices it, and the warmth of Judge’s comfort falls away.
“Mercedes will behave,” he assures Santiago in an authoritative tone. “And she would very much like to meet her niece if you’ll let her.”
Santi’s gaze moves to Ivy, and mine does too. It’s in her hands, and I understand that. I’d also understand if she said no, but she’s a better person than I am. She rises from her chair, rocking Elena in her arms as she approaches, but Santi intercepts her halfway. His hand settles on her hip as he leans down to whisper in her ear.
I wait quietly while she answers him, her eyes on mine. I feel like I’m frozen in place as she finally approaches me, and it’s hard to know what to do. I want to thank her, but I don’t know how.
“Ivy,” I choke out a clumsy greeting. “I’m happy to see you are recovering well.”
“Is that so?” Ivy returns, her voice not completely absent of the ice I deserve.
“Yes.” I dip my head, trying not to let myself get crazy emotional. “I know I can be a spoiled, jealous bitch sometimes, okay? I can admit, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of, and for that I am sorry. But you obviously make my brother very happy, and I see that you’re here to stay, so I would like to try to get to know you. If you’ll let me.”
Ivy seems surprised by my admission, but her face softens, and I want to believe this bridge hasn’t burned entirely.
“I think that would be beneficial for all of us,” she says, shifting Elena so I can see her. "This is your niece, Elena Frances De La Rosa."
"She's beautiful." I bring a trembling hand to my lips, tears filling my eyes. "Can I hold her for a minute?"
Ivy looks at Santi, and he nods back at her. “That’s up to you.”
She considers it for a moment and then helps me take the small bundle into my arms. I stare down at her in awe, marveling at her innocence. That sweet baby smell. My heart floods with warmth, and I know everyone can see it. The tension radiating from Judge beside me is palpable, but I only have eyes for my beautiful niece. She’s truly amazing, and more than anything, I know I want and need to be a part of her life.
“One day, you will have your own,” Santi murmurs approvingly.
He couldn’t have any idea how much his words terrify me. I know he’s thinking way into the future, but at some point, he will learn it really isn’t that far off at all. Hoping they can’t see the flush crawling down my neck, I crack a joke.
“Maybe I’ll have a whole brood of them. Ten little monsters just like me.”
Santi snorts at the notion. “What do you think of that idea, Judge?”
Against all rational sense, my eyes snap up to his. “Yes, Judge. What do you think of that?”
He narrows his eyes, but it doesn’t hide his obvious displeasure at the thought. “She can do what she likes… once she’s proven herself capable.”
His answer feels as visceral as a slap to the face, and I wish more than anything I hadn’t heard it, even if I already knew deep down that’s how he feels. It serves as a reminder that I can’t let him in again. Every touch, every soft word… they are all designed to lure me back to him, but if he knew the truth, he wouldn’t want anything to do with me. It’s up to me now to leave him before he can make that decision. Before he can serve me the ultimate and most painful rejection of my life.
My baby deserves more than that, and I will never let our child know anything but love. I might not know much of it myself, but I will learn, and it will pour out of me so fiercely, I pray he or she will never feel his absence in the way I surely will.
“A conversation for another time,” Santi says, sensing the tension I wish wasn’t so obvious.
“Thank you for letting me meet her.” I hand Elena back to Ivy. “I suppose we should probably get going now.”
