Twisted Scars, page 11
Jyoti had always held out hope that our father wasn't really dead, and after talking to Misha, she might be right. But I hadn’t told her so. I didn’t want to give her false hope. Not if it turned out to be nothing but a cruel joke. And not if he would very likely be captured soon and killed anyway. If Wesley hadn’t known my father was alive, he did now, thanks to me and my big mouth. I’d put my dad in danger just by asking about him because I was a fucking idiot! My fists clenched just at the thought. What the hell was wrong with me? At one time, the idea of Wesley killing my father would have seemed impossible, but now after what they had done to Tully, it didn’t seem impossible at all… it seemed probable. And the realization that I’d asked the man who’d most likely tried to assassinate my father if he knew my father was alive made me want to drill my head into a wall or drive my bike off the nearest cliff. But death was too good for me. I didn’t deserve death, not when the real hell would be preferable to the one I’d carved out for myself right here and now.
“Darshan?” Jyoti’s voice cut into my thoughts.
“I don't know,” I said.
“I do. He would think it was bullshit.” She shook her head and set his photo down. “So I guess it's good he's not here.”
“I guess.” I had never doubted my father growing up. I had admired how he valued right from wrong. But now I felt so conflicted. Everything seemed too muddled and colored in too many shades of grey to discern what was right from wrong. Was doing the good thing always right? I wasn't so sure, because I'd tried and nothing felt good anymore.
Jyoti's bangles jingled as she adjusted her skirts.
“What's going on, Jo?” I leaned my hip against the desk and crossed my arms.
She didn't look at me. Her eyes darted around the room, looking everywhere but at me, and it made me nervous. “I've decided to go to London with Mum.”
I had the sudden terrifying sensation that I was falling, and I swayed, gripping the desk as I tried to keep myself upright. “No.” I shook my head. “You can't. You know what will happen if you go with her. I won't allow—”
“It's already decided.”
“No. It can't be.” I gripped the desk harder, feeling the wood bite into my fingers.
Jyoti just smiled. “It can. And it is, Dar.”
This couldn't be happening. Not after—
“Darshan?” She stood and crossed the room to me and gripped my hands. “I knew you would take this badly, but I didn’t think—”
“Please don’t do this.” I sank to my knees, gripping her skirts. “Please, I’m begging you. I’ll name you my second—I’ll do anything—just please don’t do this.”
She couldn’t. Not after everything I’d done to save her from this!
I’d let them kill Tully for her! I’d sold my fucking soul for her!
Jyoti sank to her knees and gripped my face in her small hands. “You know that Alessia is better for the job than me.”
“But I did this for you!"
Her gaze softened. “I know you did, and now I’m doing this for you. So you don’t have to choose between me and what’s best.”
“But protecting you is what’s best!”
“I never asked you to protect me.” Jyoti dropped her hands. “I may not have the same powers as you, but that doesn’t mean I’m helpless. You need to trust that I can take care of myself.” She pushed to her feet. “Mother and I came to an agreement. She’s allowing me to choose the man I prefer as long as I marry. I have chosen, and I will marry.”
“But you don’t love him.”
“No,” she said. “I don’t. And I may never love him the way you love Wren.”
I did love Wren, but in the end, what had that mattered? She didn't love me. She'd chosen someone else. I shoved the thought aside. "What about Alessia? How can you do this to her?”
Jyoti stilled. “Do what to her?”
“I know about you two—you can’t leave her, she loves you. She needs you too!”
Tears filled my sister’s eyes. “And I love her. She knows that my leaving doesn’t mean the end, it just means things will be different than we’d hoped.”
“Please don’t give up like this.”
She glared at me. “How dare you think this is me giving up!” She gripped my hands in hers until it hurt, and her strength surprised me even though I knew it shouldn’t. “I’m not giving up, and you better not give up either. Things aren’t right around here. Something’s brewing. Mum says that things are going to change. But I’m not sure it’s for the better.” She stood. “We’re leaving as soon as the cab gets here.”
I got up and stumbled after her. “So soon?”
“Yes,” she leaned into me, and wrapped her arms around my waist. “This is only goodbye for a little while, brother.” She lifted her head and looked at me. “I promise I’ll invite you to the wedding.” She winked.
I choked out a laugh that sounded more like a sob as I squeezed her tightly in my arms. My throat burned with emotion as I breathed in the familiar scent of jasmine in her hair. I didn’t want to let her go, but she pulled from my grasp. “Why didn’t you tell me sooner?”
She leaned her forehead against my chest. “I knew you would talk me out of it.”
“You’re damn right I would’ve,” I growled. “You don’t need to—”
“Yes, I do.”
Why? The question was etched into my mind, and somehow, I couldn’t bring myself to ask it. Instead, I reached out and gripped the sides of her face and kissed her forehead. “Be careful.”
She nodded. “You too, Dar. And watch your back. Things aren’t right here, they haven’t been since Dad disappeared.” She opened my door and stepped into the hall.
“Wait,” I called after her.
“What?”
“Take Missy with you.” I snatched the dog's leash from the bed where I’d tossed it haphazardly after our last walk. At the sight of it, Missy leapt off her spot on the bed and padded to my side, her mouth open and her tongue hanging out.
Jyoti shook her head. “Darshan—”
I snapped the leash onto Missy’s collar and held it out to my sister. “Please, I know you love having her around, and she loves you. Not to mention, she’ll take a chunk out of anyone who even looks at you the wrong way.”
Jyoti sighed as she eyed the leash. “Mum will hate the idea.”
“I don’t give a tiny rat's ass about what our mother thinks at this moment.” I took her hand in mine and laid the leash in it. “I’ll feel better knowing that she’s with you. She’s the only one in our lives right now without plans and ulterior motives.”
Jyoti’s eyes filled with tears. “You’ll miss her.”
I would, but not as much as I would miss my sister.
“I’ll be fine,” I said. “Knowing you’re together will put my mind at ease.”
“Fine.” She smiled. “I’ll take her.”
I didn’t feel relieved, because she was still going, but at least she would have someone with her. I rushed around the room, gathering Missy’s things and zipping them into an old gym bag. I then bent down and rubbed the white spot above the dog’s left eye. “Take care of her, okay?”
Missy licked my chin and then I stood and pulled Jyoti into one last hug. “I love you.”
“I love you too.” She squeezed me back. Then without another word, she and Missy stepped into the hall and left.
I ran a hand through my hair, gripping it at the roots until it hurt. My stomach clenched as my vision blurred in and out. I staggered before sinking onto my bed and pressing my head between my knees. I stayed there until my head stopped spinning and I was sure I wouldn’t hurl all over the carpet.
I couldn’t let this happen.
I bounded for the door and sprinted down the hall. My bare feet slapped against the marble staircase as I raced down them. I could see the front door. It was open and Jyoti and my mother were about to step outside to the orange and green cab that was waiting.
“Wait!” I shouted, my voice echoing through the foyer and my sister and mother turned. Missy yanked on her leash, but my sister held her firm.
“Darshan?” My mother looked at me. Her eyes were hard as she moved towards me and wrapped her arms around my waist.
I stiffened in her embrace. I couldn’t remember the last time she’d hugged me and I didn’t know what to do with my arms. So they hung there, loose at my sides. “Please—” the word choked out of me and she pulled back and cupped my face in her hands. Her touch was too rough to be considered tender, but it almost felt motherly.
I know that you don’t trust me. She spoke the words into my mind in a rush. And I know you think I’m doing this because I’m a selfish parent who only cares about appearances. But I beg you, son. Look into your heart and trust me. Just this once. I have been a villain many times in my life, but this is not one of those times. This is for Jyoti’s good. I’m helping her find a place where she will be protected and where she can use the goodness in her heart to protect others. She dropped her hand to her side. You are strong and will survive what’s to come, but not if you’re protecting your sister. I want you both to survive, and that won’t happen if you’re distracted.
I shook my head. “I don’t understand, Mum.”
“You will someday,” she whispered. “I promise.” With a nod, she turned and gripped my sister’s arm before pulling her out the door and towards the cab.
I watched through the open door as my mother got into the front seat and Missy and Jyoti got into the back. The cab pulled out of the driveway and down the street before turning the corner and disappearing completely.
And just like that—
my sister was gone.
After the car was gone, emptiness seemed to settle in my gut. Without thinking, I grabbed my shoes and jacket and headed through the still-open door. I shut it behind me and strode up the street, needing to clear my head. The sky was darkening as I walked the few blocks towards Woodbine Beach. It was strange. We lived so close to the beach, but we rarely went, and when we did go, we’d always driven the two hours to Port Dover.
The beach wasn’t empty, but it wasn’t busy either. Human children were back to school, and there was less of a reason for so many to congregate. In the summer months, the beach was packed, but now it was quiet. Peaceful. And it disappointed me. I wanted it to be loud and busy. I’d wanted the intoxicating whirl of human emotion to distract me from the emptiness in my chest. My heart felt like it was gone—not taken—more like it had rotted out of my chest and I was now left with the empty space where it had once been.
I shoved my hands in the pockets of my leather jacket and walked off the boardwalk and onto the sand. My shoes soon filled up with the rough grains, but I didn’t care. I deserved to be uncomfortable. I deserved a lot of things. Bad things. As I walked, I passed a few people, but they didn’t pay me any mind, and I made my way towards a bench farther down the beach. There was someone on it, but it wasn’t until I got closer that I realized who it was.
Alessia.
She had her knees pulled up to her chest, and she rested her chin atop them. She stared not at the water but at the ground in front of her as her shoulders shook with silent sobs.
“Alessia?”
Her head shot up, and she instantly dropped her feet to the ground and swiped at the tears on her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweatshirt. “Darshan.” She sniffed and wiped her nose. “What are you doing here?”
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “Can I sit down?” I motioned to the space next to her, and she nodded. I lowered myself to the bench and leaned forward, my elbows propped on my knees as I looked out at the grey waters that were rushing up towards the shore. The sky was cloudy and getting darker by the second. It was almost autumn, and the nights were coming a little earlier with each day that passed. Soon it would get cold and the beach would be a ghost town.
“Is she gone?” Alessia asked.
“Yes.”
She nodded, her eyes lifting to the sky, but not meeting mine. “I begged her not to go.”
“So did I.”
Her shoulders shook like she was trying not to cry again. “I love her, D.”
I blew out a long breath and leaned back. “I know you do. She told me she loves you too.”
Alessia’s jaw clenched, and she swallowed. “Then she should’ve stayed.”
I reached over and squeezed her hand in mine. “I’m sorry.”
“Why?” She looked at me, her face pale, the skin around her eyes red and raw from crying. “This isn’t your fault. It’s Wesley’s and your mother’s. Wes took away the chance for both of us to be in your inner circle, and your mother offered Jyoti the opportunity to get out of the way. I know a big reason she left was to make sure I got the spot—” Her voice cracked. “I should’ve left first—”
“No.” I gripped her hand tighter. “You shouldn’t have to leave. Besides, I don’t think this is fully about not having enough space in the inner circle… the things she said—that my mother said…”
Alessia scoffed as she pulled her hand from mine. “They both talk a good game, don’t they? Your mother somehow got it into Jyoti’s head that this was for the greater good—that she had to do this. I begged her to just stand up to your mom, but she kept saying that it was about more than the two of us.” Her knuckles whitened as she gripped her knees. “She kept saying that I, of all people, should be able to understand why this was so important. But how the hell am I supposed to understand something she won’t explain to me?”
“She didn’t tell you why she left?”
“Not really, at least not in a way that made any sense to me. She was acting so secretive towards the end. Maybe she was worried about someone overhearing or that she’d get in trouble for sharing too much. Everything she said felt like it was in code. But I didn’t know how to decipher it.” A tear slipped down her cheek. “What if she left because I was too stupid to figure out what she was saying?”
“Alessia.” I slipped off the bench and knelt in front of my heartbroken friend. “None of this is your fault.” I took her hands in mine and gripped them, willing her to hear me. “None of it.”
“Maybe it is.” Her shoulders shook as she began crying harder, and I leaned up on my knees and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. Her sobs filled the night air. Her entire body quivered as she allowed herself to feel the pain of loving someone and having them walk away. Something I understood all too well. I couldn’t understand how my sister could do this. If they loved each other, shouldn’t that matter enough to make things work?
I held Alessia for a long time, until the shaking eased and the hiccupping sobs ended. She pulled back and straightened, brushing the curls from her damp cheeks.
“Are you okay?” I asked as I got to my feet and held a hand out to her.
“Not really,” she admitted as she took my hand and allowed me to help her to her feet. “I’m tired and I think I need to feed. There’s an indie concert taking place tonight at Dundas Square. Will you come with me? I think it might be good for both of us to be at full strength right now.”
“Of course,” I said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and leading her towards the boardwalk. Feeding on such a large crowd would mean likely not needing to feed for a couple of weeks. It also meant that Alessia and I might be better equipped to keep Lynn and Geo in check.
“Did you feel like this when Wren left?” Alessia asked after a long moment.
“Like what?”
“Broken?”
I gripped my friend tighter and stared straight ahead. I hadn’t told Alessia that I’d seen Wren and Misha. Seeing the way they had been together had hurt more than when Wren had first disappeared. When she’d disappeared, there’d been a chance I’d get her back, but now—she didn’t want me the way I wanted her. She wanted someone else. And that fucking hurt.
“Yes,” I said. “I felt—feel, if I’m honest—broken at times. Losing someone hurts.”
“You hide it pretty well.”
“I do?” I’d been sure it was written all over me. Somehow, it was a relief knowing it hadn’t been too obvious to everyone else.
“Not the caring for her part, but the feeling broken part.” Alessia leaned her head on my shoulder, and we walked the rest of the way towards the house in silence. We were almost there when Alessia stopped and looked at me. “You know there was something Jyoti said this morning that I can’t seem to get out of my head.”
“What’s that?”
“She said that something was coming. Something dark. She said no one would be safe from it, not even the children. That before the end, the children were going to be expected to play the part being set out for them.”
I frowned. “The children?”
“That’s what she said.” Alessia shook her head. “She said that their persecution was being used as fodder to mold them. I didn’t understand what she meant, and all she said was that I should understand how strong the loss of one's parents can be, and how much a child might give to avenge their deaths, and how easy it might be to use that against them.”
I felt a jolt of unease. “She talked about persecution and orphans? You’re sure?”
Alessia met my eyes. “Yes, why?” She leaned closer, her brown eyes narrowing at me. “What’s wrong? Does that mean something to you?”
“Did she say who was trying to use these orphans? Was it the Resistance?”
“No, she didn’t say who it was, but I don’t think it’s the Resistance. Part of the reason she went with your mother is to find a way to protect the children. Your mother would never take her to the Resistance.” Alessia started walking up the driveway, and I followed. “Who knows what's true though? This is all information fed to her by your mother. For all we know, it’s lies to get Jyoti to do what she wants her to.”
But I wasn’t so sure. The fact that there were so many Psi orphans, and so many of them had been brought to the schools because of human persecution... it was all too coincidental to be unrelated. But what did it mean? Who was molding them? Us? We were only helping them hone their powers—teaching them to protect themselves and each other. But then I thought about the examination they had expected me to give my students, and the way the board members had acted when they’d done so well. My steps faltered as I realized it wasn’t the Resistance who wanted to use them. It was The Council—us. It was the only thing that made sense. But why? What did The Council want to use them for?
