A Hero For Heather (Blossoms Book 7), page 25
“Then let’s eat,” she said. “I’ll cook and you can tell me what you did today.”
“Slept,” he said. “Then laundry. We can cook together.”
There was no reason to argue. “Sounds about as interesting as my day.”
He laughed at her. The forced one again. “I highly doubt that. You probably created five new scents or products.”
“Hardly,” she said.
They got food out of the fridge and ended up eating leftovers from last night. Neither of them brought up the fact that less than twenty-four hours ago they were going to have a fun crazy night of sex like they always did and go about their day as if he hadn’t only witnessed death but been the one to bring an end to the events that unfolded last night.
When dinner was cleaned up, he said, “I’m really beat. Zane has me doing a few things for him tomorrow.”
“Okay,” she said. That was his subtle way of wanting her to leave. She was going to hold the hurt back. She’d have to figure this out another way.
Or maybe she’d just have to accept he’d given her all that he could and she’d have to decide if it’d be enough.
40
Do Him Good
“How are you doing?” Zane asked him the next day. They were in the barn at Zane’s house. Luke was going to help out doing some demo at a home not that far from here.
He needed to smash some shit and was thrilled when Zane texted him yesterday.
Now he figured there was a reason for it.
“Good,” he said.
“You sure?” Zane asked, loading up his truck.
“I never knew you to be so chatty before,” he said. “Or do you have a degree in psychology now?”
Zane cracked a grin. “My wife is making me soft. Or I should say my daughter started it. But I know you. I’ve known you longer than them.”
Which was part of the reason he wanted to bail today but said it might do him good.
“Not much to say,” he said.
Luke felt he’d talked enough last night.
There was no way he was telling Heather he was the one that had taken the shooter out. But then he got thinking she probably knew.
Or she guessed.
He was all over the place emotionally last night.
The minute she asked him what she could do or what he needed, he just had this hunger clawing inside of him that had to be unleashed.
But then he had to dial it back.
He didn’t want to scare her. He didn’t want her to worry he had no control.
But being soft and gentle wasn’t what he was good at either.
The worst part, it was almost like she knew what he was doing.
Which of course piled more guilt on his ever-confusing life.
“You never did afterward.”
“What is there to say?” he asked. “I had a job to do and did it.” He waited a second. “Did you talk to Heather yesterday?”
“I did,” Zane said. “Grab that toolbox over there if you can.”
He did what Zane said, loaded it up and then they started to walk back to their vehicles. He’d seen Heather’s SUV parked by her greenhouse but no sign of her.
It was probably for the best, as he wasn’t sure what to say right now.
Staring at the ceiling last night hadn’t helped.
All he thought of was how nice and pure Heather was to him.
The life she’d led was nothing like he’d had or knew much about.
She had family in her life that cared for her. That called and checked in on her. That wanted her to return home.
His father was in prison and his mother was out turning tricks and getting high yet again. He figured the next call he got, if anything, would be to say his mother’s body was found.
He wasn’t going to try to save her again. He tried once and it was more than she did for him.
Did he feel a bit of calm over wiping this from his mind?
Yeah, he did, and then the guilt popped up with it telling him he was a piece of shit person and not worthy of his girlfriend.
The problem was, he didn’t want to let her go.
“You told her it was me, didn’t you?” he asked.
“No,” Zane said. “I wouldn’t come out and say that.”
“But she asked enough questions and your silence was answer enough?” he asked, letting out a sigh.
“Probably,” Zane said. “I told her to not let you get in your head again.”
He wanted to be annoyed over that but then realized that Zane was the only family he had. He’d moved here for a reason and he wouldn’t turn that one person away.
“Not much can keep me out of my own head,” he admitted, then got in his truck, glancing at Heather’s greenhouse and looking away when he pulled out.
He followed Zane to the house they were working on and got inside with two other crew that showed up.
Zane told everyone what was going and what was staying.
Luke picked up a sledgehammer and started beating the shit out of the stone counters in the kitchen while others were taking down cabinets.
When he was done with that, he moved to the wall Zane was working on, the exposed two-by-fours now being kicked down by him and the others.
Two hours had gone by and he had one hell of a sweat going on and felt better than ever before.
“Now how do you feel?” Zane asked.
“Jesus, Dr. Phil. What is going on with you?”
He was grinning when he said it and Zane slapped him on the back. “Just letting you see life goes on and you need to figure out how to do it a healthier way.”
“You’re not telling me anything I didn’t already know.”
In the past when they’d gotten done with a mission, he’d hole up for a day or so and not say much. He’d get in his head. He’d try to figure out if he was going to hell for what he’d done and then realized he didn’t believe in heaven or hell. He didn’t believe in much more than what he could touch in front of him at any given moment.
“You’ve got something here,” Zane said. “You look happier than I’ve ever seen you before.”
“That is what happens when you get laid regularly.”
He said it as a joke but then saw Zane frown. “That’s an insult to Heather and you. Just like I expected. Hole up and be quiet and then when that isn’t working you go into this front of jokes and making people laugh.”
“Fuck,” he said, running his hands through his hair. His buddy wasn’t telling him anything he didn’t know he did.
Except he didn’t think he was doing it now. Guess he couldn’t even control his own actions.
“Yeah, you’re right,” he said.
“Let’s walk outside,” Zane said.
It’s not like he could say no. Or he could, but he wouldn’t.
He put the sledgehammer down and moved outside with Zane.
“What did you want to say?” he asked.
“A lot,” Zane said. “But I’m trying to figure it out.”
“You can’t fix me,” he said. “No one can. I’m a product of my upbringing.”
“No,” Zane said. “You’re not. You beat that and you know it. You haven’t said anything about your mother and I’m going to guess she never showed up for help?”
“The thirty days are up and I never got a bill.”
“You didn’t call to find out?” Zane asked.
He had and wasn’t embarrassed to admit it. “I did. Just wanted to verify and was told that she never showed up. She’s made her decisions in life and it’s time that I do the same.”
“Make the right ones,” Zane said.
“I am,” he said. “Heather doesn’t deserve to be stuck with someone like me.”
“Stuck?” Zane asked. “Now you’re sounding like you feel sorry for yourself.”
“Never,” he said.
“That’s right. If you know Heather as well as the rest of us, and I know you do, then you also know she is pretty damn strong. She’s managed to stay with you for months and something told me she was there for you last night too.”
“She was,” he said.
“Then what is going on?”
“How can she be with me?” he asked. “I killed a man the other night. One of many in my life.”
“It’s a job,” Zane said. “No different than breaking up that kitchen in there. Do you think she is your judge and jury?”
“No,” he said. “She can’t stand to be judged and knocked down by her mother.”
“That’s right,” Zane said. “Remember that.”
“It’s hardly the same thing as not going into the field or career your mother wanted for you than what I’ve done.”
“It’s because you are making it so. Life is what you make of it. How much pressure you put on yourself for it or not. Those are things you need to deal with and no one else can.”
“Obviously, my way of dealing isn’t all that great,” he said.
“Only you know that,” Zane said. “Be honest with yourself. If you really couldn’t handle your career you would have found something else to do. You know it. You’ve got the training for a lot of things, but you left and decided to do this.”
“I did,” he said. “And I’m sure you’re going to tell me why.”
“I am,” Zane said. “Because you are a protector like me. I’m protecting my family now. You never felt you had one so the world was your family.”
“That’s lame,” he said, laughing.
“Maybe,” Zane said. “But you’re out there protecting and serving because it’s what you do. It’s in your blood. Maybe you couldn’t do it as much as you wanted as a kid. Or no one protected you and you swore to never let someone else feel that.”
“Not likely,” he said. “You’re making me out to be some saint and I’m not.”
“No,” Zane said. “You’re not. But you’re human. You feel, but you don’t want people to know that you do. The longer you keep it in the more it eats you up. Just remember that. You’ve got people around you that care. People that want to help you and be there for you. It’s your choice what you do with it. But don’t push away the best thing that’s happened in your life because you’re insecure.”
Zane walked away from him. It might be the first time his best friend said something to piss him off.
Probably because he was right on with everything he said and no one liked having the truth shoved in their face like that.
41
Get In Your Head
Heather had seen Luke’s SUV pull out after Zane’s truck this morning.
There was part of her that hoped he’d come to see her. Even if it was to just say hi.
But she knew he wouldn’t. She hated that she knew that and that Zane was right. Luke was going to retreat within himself and then he’d start cracking jokes again.
She’d seen both parts of it last night. As if he couldn’t figure out what to do or who to be when she just wanted him to be himself.
She tried to put it from her mind and get to work, but she couldn’t.
She took a risk and decided to call one person that might be able to help her understand.
“Heather,” Gavin said to her. “What’s wrong?”
“Do you have a minute to talk?” she asked her older brother. “If you’re busy I understand.”
“I’m always here for you. What’s going on? You don’t normally call me. Did something happen with you and Luke? Do I need to come there and beat the shit out of him? Pave the way for Mom so she isn’t on your case to come home now?”
Gavin was laughing. She didn’t find the first part funny. Or the last part either, though on another day she might.
“Not coming home regardless,” she said.
There was silence for a second. “Did you and Luke split?”
She realized now that he would assume that. “No. I’m debating what I can tell you. It’s not that I know anything official either.”
“Tell me what you know and it won’t go any further.”
She told him about the situation at the casino last night. “I’m sure you can read about it online.”
“It was on the news even here,” Gavin said. “It’s making the rounds. I know the person was taken out by a sniper. Shit. Was it Luke?”
“I’m going to say yes,” she said. “I didn’t ask. I wouldn’t and don’t know if he can tell me. I think if he could, he still wouldn’t.”
“Probably not,” Gavin said. “Not something I’d want to share with a woman I was with.”
“Why?” she asked, sighing.
“Heather. Come on now. You just said you were freaking out last night. Those are the same fears I have and the same with Noah. I’m sure Luke does too.”
“I don’t know that I was freaking out,” she argued. “A poor choice of words. I was concerned. It was a dangerous situation, but then the rational part of my mind said that he wasn’t going to be in the line of fire. He’d be camped out somewhere away from the action. Right?”
“That is normally where snipers are,” Gavin said.
“You shot someone,” she said. “I know you did. I know I’m not supposed to know, but I heard Dad talking to you one night. How hard was that?”
“My situation was different,” Gavin said. “We were being fired at and had to fire back. I did hit one of the guys. I didn’t shoot to kill but to disarm. Others shot to kill.”
“What were you told to do?” she asked.
“You do what you’re trained. You have to make that decision fast. You have to live with your actions and your results. If I had to shoot to kill, I would have. I know it. And I think I could have accepted it after a period of time. There is a reason you need to seek counseling after those situations. They want to make sure you’re fine.”
“Oh,” she said. “Luke never said anything.” Then she reminded herself she wasn’t supposed to know it was him. She didn’t ask and he didn’t volunteer the information.
“He might not,” Gavin said. “Are you going to ask?”
“I don’t know what I’m going to do. I went to see him last night. I could tell he was putting a front on, but he wouldn’t talk either.”
“You can’t force those things, Heather,” Gavin said. “Or maybe you can. You know him, I don’t.”
“I don’t know him as well as I wish I did.”
“You love him,” Gavin said. “That’s all you need to know. And as Grandma Jane used to tell you all the time, don’t let people stand in your way. Even if it’s the person you love, if you think he’s standing in the way of your happiness, then you owe it to push through.”
She laughed. “I think I needed to hear that. I don’t want to push him away.”
“If it pushes him away because you are trying to help him then he’s not for you. Because in the long run that will make you miserable if you see him suffering.”
“I never knew you were this smart,” she said. “It does make me wonder why you’re single.”
“I haven’t found someone as great as my sister yet,” Gavin said. “She might be out there. If I’m lucky. And if Luke doesn’t realize how lucky he is to have you, I can make sure he does.”
Heather laughed. “No need to do that,” she said. “I’ll make him see it.”
She hung up the phone and then went back to work feeling much better than she had before.
At the end of the day, she’d seen Luke’s truck come back in with Zane’s. She wasn’t going to let him leave without talking to him.
They hadn’t talked at all today. Not even one text. Normally one of them reached out, but he hadn’t and she wasn’t going to.
But her brother was right and she was going to be selfish and put herself first because Luke was damn lucky to have her in his life.
When Luke was getting in his truck to leave, she realized he wasn’t going to come see her and she decided to take matters into her own hands.
She ran outside and started to dash toward his truck.
He hit the brakes and then put the window down. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing,” she said, gasping for air. Damn, she hadn’t run like that in a long time. At least she knew her leg was good, as she hadn’t felt anything other than embarrassment.
“It’s like someone is chasing you. Is there a morphed plant monster in there?”
There he went again. Trying to make jokes. “Ha ha. Very funny. Get out of the truck and come into my office.”
She turned and walked away from him hoping he followed.
She heard the door shut and hid her smile.
“What did you need?” he asked when she was in her office.
“Sit down.”
He lifted his eyebrow at her tone. She was probably pushing it, but she was on a run now and wasn’t stopping for anything.
“I feel as if I’m in the principal’s office.”
“Stop trying to joke about everything,” she said. “I know what happened last night. I know that I probably shouldn’t know what I do, but I want you to know that I do know.”
She frowned over that choice of words. They were confusing to even her.
“There are some things you don’t need to know.”
“I do,” she said, crossing her arms. “I love you, Luke. I don’t want to lose you.”
“Who said you were?” he asked.
“I’m not saying you are going to leave me, but maybe you are stubborn enough to because you’ve got it in your head that you don’t deserve me. Or aren’t good enough. Whatever words you use. But they are all bull crap. I’m more concerned I’m going to lose you to yourself.”
“Now I’m really confused,” he said.
“You,” she said. “You get in your head. You never talk about anything in your life. I’ve had to sit on you and pull your teeth to tell me about your mother. And you took my advice and guess what?”
“What?” he asked, smirking at her.
A real smirk. Not one that he was forcing.
“You did what I suggested, and you freed yourself.”
“Freed myself?” he asked.
