Nantucket, page 21
“Don’t forget the special ingredient,” Aidan reminded.
“What’s that?”
“Love—Mom always says love is what makes everything taste so good.”
“Oh,” Liam said, pulling him into a hug and feeling how small he was. “If we’re going to go to Sally’s, you need to get up and get dressed.”
“Aye, aye, Captain,” Aidan said, saluting him with a grin.
Liam chuckled and headed back to the kitchen to let Tuck and Moby in.
Five minutes later, Aidan appeared, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts, and Liam looked up from making coffee and shook his head. “You’re gonna need more on than—”
“I tried to wake Mom to see if she wanted to go,” Aidan interrupted in a worried voice, “but she won’t wake up.”
“What?!” Liam said, a shadow falling over his face. He tousled Aidan’s hair as he hurried past him. “Cadie?” he said, trying to control his voice. “Cadie,” he repeated, stroking her cheek. It felt cold and he reached for her hand. “Hey, Cade . . .” He pressed his fingers against her wrist and felt a faint pulse.
“Is everything okay?” Levi asked, coming into the room with Emma behind him, pulling on her robe.
Liam nodded as Cadie stirred and opened her eyes. “Hey, Cade,” he said softly.
“Hey,” she said groggily, looking around. “How come you’re all here? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s the matter,” Liam assured her.
But then Aidan leaned against her bed and innocently explained, “I tried to wake you to see if you wanted to go to Sally’s for breakfast, but you wouldn’t wake up.”
“Oh,” Cadie said, looking confused.
Liam looked at Levi and they each knew what the other was thinking—it’s just a matter of time ...
Finally, Emma broke the silence. “So, you two are going to Sally’s?” she asked, putting her hand on Aidan’s shoulders.
“Mm-hmm,” Aidan said with a nod.
“Well, you’re going to have to put on long pants and a sweatshirt,” Emma said with a shiver. “It’s chilly.” She guided Aidan back to his room and left Liam and Levi alone with Cadie.
“How’re you feeling?” Liam asked, squeezing her hand.
“Tired,” she said. “And I need to use the bathroom.”
“Do you want me to carry you?”
“Sure,” she said with a weak smile, knowing there was no way she’d make it on her own.
Liam looked at Levi. “Want to finish packing Aidan’s lunch?”
Levi nodded, his eyes glistening.
Ten minutes later, after helping Cadie back to bed and assuring her everything was okay, Liam reappeared in the kitchen. “I know you need to pick up your paintings today,” he said, “but do you mind staying here until I get back from taking Aidan to school?”
“I don’t mind,” Levi said.
“When he woke up, he didn’t want to go to school, so I bribed him with breakfast at Sally’s.”
“Bribery’s good,” Levi said with a smile as he slipped a juice box into the canvas lunch bag. “In fact, breakfast is a good idea—he adores Sally. How come he didn’t want to go to school?” he asked, looking puzzled. “I thought he was looking forward to it.”
“I thought so too. I don’t know if he’s nervous or if he’s afraid to leave her.”
Levi nodded. “I know how he feels. Emma and I were planning to take the paintings back to Boston after we picked them up, but now I’m afraid to go that far—I’m afraid I won’t be able to get back . . .”
“Nothing’s going to happen today,” Liam said. “You should go.”
“How do you know that? How will we know . . . ?”
Liam shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Are you ready, Cap?” Aidan asked, coming into the kitchen wearing jeans, his new sneakers, a sweatshirt, and his backpack.
Levi frowned. “Cap?”
“It’s short for captain,” Aidan said with a grin.
Levi realized he’d never heard Aidan address Liam by any name—he’d never called him Liam or Mr. Tate or Dad—and it suddenly dawned on him that he probably hadn’t known what to call him.
“Don’t forget your lunch,” Emma said, turning him around, unzipping the top of his backpack, and slipping his lunch inside.
“So much for a shower,” Liam said, running his hand through his hair, pulling a flannel shirt on over his T-shirt, and reaching for his keys. “There’re eggs,” he said, nodding to the fridge.
“That’s all right,” Levi said, holding up his coffee mug.
“We’re all set. We’ll grab something on the way too.”
“Okay,” Liam said. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Have a good day, pal,” Levi said, giving Aidan a high five before pulling him into a hug.
“Bye, love,” Emma said, hugging him too.
“Do you want to say good-bye to Mom?” Levi suggested, and then wished he hadn’t.
“Sure,” Aidan said, hurrying down the hall. They all stood silently, waiting, and when he reappeared, he said, “She was asleep, so I just gave her a kiss.”
“Okay, let’s go,” Liam said, holding the door.
“C’mon, Tuck,” Aidan called, and the big dog almost knocked him over as he hurried out the door.
After the truck pulled away, Emma poured a cup of coffee and headed down the hall to take a shower, and Levi wandered back to his mom’s room and sat on the edge of her bed. “Oh, Mom,” he whispered. “Please don’t go yet.” Then he just sat there, watching her breathe, time slipping by.
“Hey,” Emma said, peering into the room. “Your turn.”
Levi nodded, stood up, and followed her back to Coop’s old room.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Not really,” he said, sinking onto their unmade bed and holding his head in his hands.
Emma put her arm around him. “I’m so sorry, Levi,” she said softly. “Waiting is pure hell.”
Levi nodded, tears filling his eyes.
“My granddad had cancer,” Em continued, “and the end was miserable for everyone—it’s a terrible way to go. Terrible for everyone.” She paused. “Did you know it’s legal in Oregon for doctors to assist a person who is terminally ill in death?”
“No,” Levi said, shaking his head. “They should make it legal everywhere. I hate seeing her in so much pain. It’s inhumane to make people suffer . . . and it’s inhumane to make their families suffer.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Emma said.
“I don’t want her to die,” Levi said, his voice choked with emotion, “but at the same time, I just want it to be over . . . and the only way for it to be over is for her to die. It’s crazy, Em. I feel so selfish.”
“You’re not selfish, Le. You’re a wonderful son and you’ve been there for your mum every step of the way. Your love is why you’re suffering so much. It’s perfectly normal to want the pain and misery to end . . . the human spirit can only take so much.”
Levi groaned in anguish. “Where is God in all this?”
“He’s closer than your own breathing,” Emma whispered, searching his eyes.
Levi shook his head. “I know one thing—if I ever get sick, we’re moving to Oregon.”
Emma smiled. “Same for me.”
He reached for his towel. “Thanks for being here, Em,” he said, gently kissing her cheek.
Liam parked in front of Cuppa Joe and Aidan hopped down as Tuck trotted up the worn steps. “Wait for us,” Aidan called. They went inside and Tuck immediately wiggled his way behind the counter.
“Well, hello there!” Sally said, laughing.
Aidan gave her a hug. “We’re here for breakfast.”
“You are?”
“Mm-hmm . . . we’re on our way to school.”
“Well, what can I get you?”
“A blueberry muffin!”
“Make that two,” Liam said wearily as he reached for a coffeepot.
Sally took two huge blueberry muffins out of the glass case and looked over at the tall, dark haired boy with horn-rimmed glasses working behind the counter. “Jase, you okay for a minute?”
Jase flashed a smile as he made change for a customer. “Yup.”
Then Sally turned back to Liam. “How is she?” she asked as the muffins heated.
“Not good,” Liam said, shaking his head. “She’s in a lot of pain and she’s needed so much morphine, she’s hardly ever awake.”
“That’s what happens,” Sally said, putting the warm muffins down on the table and joining them. As soon as she sat down, Tuck moseyed over to rest his head on her lap. “I hate to say this, Liam, but it probably won’t be much longer. . . .”
Liam nodded and looked over at Aidan to see if he knew what they were talking about, but he was busy peeling the paper off his muffin. “Sally, can you open this for me?” he asked, sliding his milk carton toward her.
“Sure, hon,” she said, prying open the cardboard top. “Are you ready for your first day?”
“I guess so,” he said, swinging his feet.
“Mrs. Polley is a wonderful teacher.”
“I know,” he said, taking a sip from his straw.
“She comes in here on her way to school sometimes.”
“She does?!” Aidan said in surprise, looking around.
“Mm-hmm, but probably not today—she’s probably already at school today, getting ready.”
Aidan nodded, his body swaying slightly to the rhythm of his swinging legs.
“Is Lisa coming today?” Sally asked, turning back to Liam.
“Yes,” he said, glancing at his watch as he sipped his coffee.
“Well, I think you should talk to her about having someone there round the clock.”
“I will,” Liam said.
“Do you want me to wrap your muffin?”
Liam looked down and realized he hadn’t even taken a bite. He smiled sadly. “I guess so . . . sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, hon. You can have it later when you’re hungry.” She disappeared behind the counter and came back with a waxed paper bag.
“Thanks, Sally,” Liam said, standing. “Thank you for everything.”
Sally gave him a hug. “You’re more than welcome, my dear. Please keep me posted.”
“I will.”
Sally turned to Aidan and scooped him up. “Have a great first day, hon . . . and tell Mrs. Polley I said hello—she and I go way back.”
“I will,” Aidan said, wrapping his arms tightly around Sally’s neck.
She set him down and held Tuck’s head in her hands. “You be good, too, mister,” she said, and Tuck licked her cheek and wagged his tail as if to say, “I will.”
Chapter 49
Levi and Emma carried the last of the paintings up the stairs to the spacious studio on the top floor of an old warehouse that looked out over Boston Harbor. “I love your space here,” Emma said, setting down the painting in her arms. “I can’t believe the rent is such a bargain.”
“I know. I think I’m going to keep it even after the cottage is ready. They’re so different.”
“And the art that comes from them will be too.”
“You’re right—it’s funny how the setting influences the outcome; here I’m always working from photographs, but when the cottage is ready, I’ll be able to do a lot more plein air painting, which will be nice—I haven’t had the chance to do that since college.”
“Something to look forward to,” Emma said with a smile.
“I need something to look forward to . . . although I’m going to miss being able to show my mom what I’m working on,” he said sadly.
“I think you’re going to find she’s closer than ever—it’ll be as if she’s looking over your shoulder.”
“I hope so,” Levi said, pulling her into his arms. “One thing she’s already told me is not to let go of you.”
“She’s a smart lady,” Emma teased.
“Well, I told her I already knew that.”
“Smart boy,” she added, laughing.
“And I never will,” he added, kissing her full lips.
“Even if we have to move to Oregon someday?”
“Even then,” he said, kissing her neck and pushing her blouse down over her shoulder.
“Mmm,” she murmured, pulling him toward the unmade bed that was pushed up against the windows, but as she lay back across the sun-warmed sheets and watched him pull his sweater over his head, she realized his eyes were glistening.
He dropped his sweater on the bed and sat down next to her. “I’m sorry, Em, I shouldn’t have started anything. I thought I could . . .” he said, “but I just can’t. All I can think about is how much pain she’s in . . . and how time is running out.”
“Shh . . . it’s okay,” Emma whispered.
Levi lay back against the pillows next to her with tears streaming down his cheeks. “My heart feels like it weighs a hundred pounds . . . and it’s all I can do to drag it around behind me.”
Emma stroked his soft hair. “A month from now . . . or six months from now, when the time is right, Le, we’ll make love again. There’s no hurry.”
Levi turned to search her eyes. “I need to head back, but you don’t have to go. I know you have things to take care of . . . I know you have stuff to do.”
Emma frowned. “I’m going back with you.”
He smiled sadly and wrapped his arms around her.
Chapter 50
On Tuesday afternoon, a light rain began to fall across Nantucket and the dark clouds and fog hung stubbornly over the island right through Thursday. By Wednesday, Cadie had stopped eating, and although Lisa tried to limit her meds so she’d be awake, her pain without them was crushing. At Liam’s request, she and another nurse started taking turns staying at the house, and although they said they wouldn’t be sleeping while they were there, Liam gave up his bed and slept in Coop’s old recliner so they’d be close to Cadie if she needed them. On Thursday night, Moby hopped up on the bed and nestled on the quilt next to her . . . and Liam—who’d never seen his cat show compassion—found it oddly comforting that the old fellow seemed to understand. Even happy-go-lucky Tuck was subdued and often wandered into the room to rest his chin on the bed or gently nudge her hand.
On Friday morning, the sun finally broke through the gloomy clouds, bringing with it blue skies and a balmy breeze. Liam pushed open the kitchen windows to let in the fresh air and went to see if Lisa needed anything. As soon as he walked in the room, he realized Cadie’s breathing had changed—it was shallow and more labored. “Is everything okay?” he asked with a frown.
Lisa turned to look at him and shook her head. “You need to decide if you want Aidan to be here.”
“Do you think it’s today?”
“I do,” she said gently.
Liam shook his head. “I-I don’t know . . .” he stammered.
“It should be whatever feels right to you.” She paused, seeing his dismay. “I’ll get Levi.”
Liam sat on the edge of the bed and held Cadie’s hand. “What would you want, Cade?” he whispered softly. “Aiden is so young . . . but he knows what’s happening. Would you want him to be here?” He searched her unresponsive face and then looked up and realized Levi had come into the room. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know either,” Levi said, brushing back tears.
Just then, a hummingbird landed on the feeder and they both watched as it hovered outside the window, looking at them. “It’s a part of life,” Levi said, “but I don’t want him to be scarred for life.”
Emma stood in the doorway with Aidan and then put her hands on his shoulders and guided him over to the bed. “Hi, Mommy,” he whispered softly, touching Cadie’s hand. To their surprise, she stirred and opened her eyes.
“Hi, hon,” she murmured, and then she turned to look out the window. “Did you see how blue the sky is today?” Aidan nodded solemnly and she squeezed his hand. Then she looked at each of them and smiled wistfully. “I’ve known such love,” she whispered.
Moments later, she was gone.
PART III
For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised
imperishable, and we will be changed.
—I Corinthians 15:52
Chapter 51
Liam stood silently, watching the last rays of the September day dance across the waves. It’s over, he thought. The seemingly interminable wait for death is over. Cadie is gone . . . and now we are left to pick up the pieces of our lives and move on—with work and school and whatever else will occupy our time. Our lives without her. He closed his eyes and recalled how, when Cadie’s breathing had become almost imperceptible, Lisa had opened a window. “For her spirit to pass on,” she’d said, and a warm breeze had whispered through the window, rustling the curtain.
He ran his fingers through his hair, rubbed his eyes, and watched a flock of piping plovers chase the waves. He felt something wet nudge his hand and then heard a light thump on the sand. He looked down and saw a soggy tennis ball at his feet. “Life goes on, doesn’t it, old pal?” he said with a sad smile. He picked up the ball and tossed it, but Tuck only took a few half-hearted steps before he just sat down and gazed at it. “I know how you feel,” Liam said, kneeling next to him. Tuck licked Liam’s cheek and then lay down and put his big, golden head between his paws.
“Oh, pal,” Liam said, sitting next to him. “You and I—we should know better. This is what happens when you put your heart on the line.”
“Hey, Dad,” Levi said, coming up behind them.
Liam looked up. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to being called Dad.”
“Yes, you will, and someday, you’ll be called Grandpa too.” He knelt down next to him and stroked Tuck’s soft fur. “Anyway, the undertaker just called, and he’s on his way.”
Liam nodded. “I’ll be right up.”
“Okay,” Levi said, turning to walk back to the house. Liam watched him go and then looked back at the waves. He’d always thought it was crazy that grieving people were expected to deal with the business-like details of their loved ones’ arrangements within hours of losing them: Writing an obituary so it will appear in the paper in a timely fashion; choosing a coffin or cremation; deciding where to bury—or scatter—the remains; choosing hymns and readings, not to mention planning a party-like reception for an unpredictable number of people—all while you’re feeling your absolute worst. And even though he’d balked when Cadie had brought up the subject, he was glad, now, she told him what she wanted.
“What’s that?”
“Love—Mom always says love is what makes everything taste so good.”
“Oh,” Liam said, pulling him into a hug and feeling how small he was. “If we’re going to go to Sally’s, you need to get up and get dressed.”
“Aye, aye, Captain,” Aidan said, saluting him with a grin.
Liam chuckled and headed back to the kitchen to let Tuck and Moby in.
Five minutes later, Aidan appeared, dressed in a T-shirt and shorts, and Liam looked up from making coffee and shook his head. “You’re gonna need more on than—”
“I tried to wake Mom to see if she wanted to go,” Aidan interrupted in a worried voice, “but she won’t wake up.”
“What?!” Liam said, a shadow falling over his face. He tousled Aidan’s hair as he hurried past him. “Cadie?” he said, trying to control his voice. “Cadie,” he repeated, stroking her cheek. It felt cold and he reached for her hand. “Hey, Cade . . .” He pressed his fingers against her wrist and felt a faint pulse.
“Is everything okay?” Levi asked, coming into the room with Emma behind him, pulling on her robe.
Liam nodded as Cadie stirred and opened her eyes. “Hey, Cade,” he said softly.
“Hey,” she said groggily, looking around. “How come you’re all here? What’s the matter?”
“Nothing’s the matter,” Liam assured her.
But then Aidan leaned against her bed and innocently explained, “I tried to wake you to see if you wanted to go to Sally’s for breakfast, but you wouldn’t wake up.”
“Oh,” Cadie said, looking confused.
Liam looked at Levi and they each knew what the other was thinking—it’s just a matter of time ...
Finally, Emma broke the silence. “So, you two are going to Sally’s?” she asked, putting her hand on Aidan’s shoulders.
“Mm-hmm,” Aidan said with a nod.
“Well, you’re going to have to put on long pants and a sweatshirt,” Emma said with a shiver. “It’s chilly.” She guided Aidan back to his room and left Liam and Levi alone with Cadie.
“How’re you feeling?” Liam asked, squeezing her hand.
“Tired,” she said. “And I need to use the bathroom.”
“Do you want me to carry you?”
“Sure,” she said with a weak smile, knowing there was no way she’d make it on her own.
Liam looked at Levi. “Want to finish packing Aidan’s lunch?”
Levi nodded, his eyes glistening.
Ten minutes later, after helping Cadie back to bed and assuring her everything was okay, Liam reappeared in the kitchen. “I know you need to pick up your paintings today,” he said, “but do you mind staying here until I get back from taking Aidan to school?”
“I don’t mind,” Levi said.
“When he woke up, he didn’t want to go to school, so I bribed him with breakfast at Sally’s.”
“Bribery’s good,” Levi said with a smile as he slipped a juice box into the canvas lunch bag. “In fact, breakfast is a good idea—he adores Sally. How come he didn’t want to go to school?” he asked, looking puzzled. “I thought he was looking forward to it.”
“I thought so too. I don’t know if he’s nervous or if he’s afraid to leave her.”
Levi nodded. “I know how he feels. Emma and I were planning to take the paintings back to Boston after we picked them up, but now I’m afraid to go that far—I’m afraid I won’t be able to get back . . .”
“Nothing’s going to happen today,” Liam said. “You should go.”
“How do you know that? How will we know . . . ?”
Liam shook his head. “I don’t know.”
“Are you ready, Cap?” Aidan asked, coming into the kitchen wearing jeans, his new sneakers, a sweatshirt, and his backpack.
Levi frowned. “Cap?”
“It’s short for captain,” Aidan said with a grin.
Levi realized he’d never heard Aidan address Liam by any name—he’d never called him Liam or Mr. Tate or Dad—and it suddenly dawned on him that he probably hadn’t known what to call him.
“Don’t forget your lunch,” Emma said, turning him around, unzipping the top of his backpack, and slipping his lunch inside.
“So much for a shower,” Liam said, running his hand through his hair, pulling a flannel shirt on over his T-shirt, and reaching for his keys. “There’re eggs,” he said, nodding to the fridge.
“That’s all right,” Levi said, holding up his coffee mug.
“We’re all set. We’ll grab something on the way too.”
“Okay,” Liam said. “I’ll be back in a bit.”
“Have a good day, pal,” Levi said, giving Aidan a high five before pulling him into a hug.
“Bye, love,” Emma said, hugging him too.
“Do you want to say good-bye to Mom?” Levi suggested, and then wished he hadn’t.
“Sure,” Aidan said, hurrying down the hall. They all stood silently, waiting, and when he reappeared, he said, “She was asleep, so I just gave her a kiss.”
“Okay, let’s go,” Liam said, holding the door.
“C’mon, Tuck,” Aidan called, and the big dog almost knocked him over as he hurried out the door.
After the truck pulled away, Emma poured a cup of coffee and headed down the hall to take a shower, and Levi wandered back to his mom’s room and sat on the edge of her bed. “Oh, Mom,” he whispered. “Please don’t go yet.” Then he just sat there, watching her breathe, time slipping by.
“Hey,” Emma said, peering into the room. “Your turn.”
Levi nodded, stood up, and followed her back to Coop’s old room.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
“Not really,” he said, sinking onto their unmade bed and holding his head in his hands.
Emma put her arm around him. “I’m so sorry, Levi,” she said softly. “Waiting is pure hell.”
Levi nodded, tears filling his eyes.
“My granddad had cancer,” Em continued, “and the end was miserable for everyone—it’s a terrible way to go. Terrible for everyone.” She paused. “Did you know it’s legal in Oregon for doctors to assist a person who is terminally ill in death?”
“No,” Levi said, shaking his head. “They should make it legal everywhere. I hate seeing her in so much pain. It’s inhumane to make people suffer . . . and it’s inhumane to make their families suffer.”
“I couldn’t agree more,” Emma said.
“I don’t want her to die,” Levi said, his voice choked with emotion, “but at the same time, I just want it to be over . . . and the only way for it to be over is for her to die. It’s crazy, Em. I feel so selfish.”
“You’re not selfish, Le. You’re a wonderful son and you’ve been there for your mum every step of the way. Your love is why you’re suffering so much. It’s perfectly normal to want the pain and misery to end . . . the human spirit can only take so much.”
Levi groaned in anguish. “Where is God in all this?”
“He’s closer than your own breathing,” Emma whispered, searching his eyes.
Levi shook his head. “I know one thing—if I ever get sick, we’re moving to Oregon.”
Emma smiled. “Same for me.”
He reached for his towel. “Thanks for being here, Em,” he said, gently kissing her cheek.
Liam parked in front of Cuppa Joe and Aidan hopped down as Tuck trotted up the worn steps. “Wait for us,” Aidan called. They went inside and Tuck immediately wiggled his way behind the counter.
“Well, hello there!” Sally said, laughing.
Aidan gave her a hug. “We’re here for breakfast.”
“You are?”
“Mm-hmm . . . we’re on our way to school.”
“Well, what can I get you?”
“A blueberry muffin!”
“Make that two,” Liam said wearily as he reached for a coffeepot.
Sally took two huge blueberry muffins out of the glass case and looked over at the tall, dark haired boy with horn-rimmed glasses working behind the counter. “Jase, you okay for a minute?”
Jase flashed a smile as he made change for a customer. “Yup.”
Then Sally turned back to Liam. “How is she?” she asked as the muffins heated.
“Not good,” Liam said, shaking his head. “She’s in a lot of pain and she’s needed so much morphine, she’s hardly ever awake.”
“That’s what happens,” Sally said, putting the warm muffins down on the table and joining them. As soon as she sat down, Tuck moseyed over to rest his head on her lap. “I hate to say this, Liam, but it probably won’t be much longer. . . .”
Liam nodded and looked over at Aidan to see if he knew what they were talking about, but he was busy peeling the paper off his muffin. “Sally, can you open this for me?” he asked, sliding his milk carton toward her.
“Sure, hon,” she said, prying open the cardboard top. “Are you ready for your first day?”
“I guess so,” he said, swinging his feet.
“Mrs. Polley is a wonderful teacher.”
“I know,” he said, taking a sip from his straw.
“She comes in here on her way to school sometimes.”
“She does?!” Aidan said in surprise, looking around.
“Mm-hmm, but probably not today—she’s probably already at school today, getting ready.”
Aidan nodded, his body swaying slightly to the rhythm of his swinging legs.
“Is Lisa coming today?” Sally asked, turning back to Liam.
“Yes,” he said, glancing at his watch as he sipped his coffee.
“Well, I think you should talk to her about having someone there round the clock.”
“I will,” Liam said.
“Do you want me to wrap your muffin?”
Liam looked down and realized he hadn’t even taken a bite. He smiled sadly. “I guess so . . . sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry, hon. You can have it later when you’re hungry.” She disappeared behind the counter and came back with a waxed paper bag.
“Thanks, Sally,” Liam said, standing. “Thank you for everything.”
Sally gave him a hug. “You’re more than welcome, my dear. Please keep me posted.”
“I will.”
Sally turned to Aidan and scooped him up. “Have a great first day, hon . . . and tell Mrs. Polley I said hello—she and I go way back.”
“I will,” Aidan said, wrapping his arms tightly around Sally’s neck.
She set him down and held Tuck’s head in her hands. “You be good, too, mister,” she said, and Tuck licked her cheek and wagged his tail as if to say, “I will.”
Chapter 49
Levi and Emma carried the last of the paintings up the stairs to the spacious studio on the top floor of an old warehouse that looked out over Boston Harbor. “I love your space here,” Emma said, setting down the painting in her arms. “I can’t believe the rent is such a bargain.”
“I know. I think I’m going to keep it even after the cottage is ready. They’re so different.”
“And the art that comes from them will be too.”
“You’re right—it’s funny how the setting influences the outcome; here I’m always working from photographs, but when the cottage is ready, I’ll be able to do a lot more plein air painting, which will be nice—I haven’t had the chance to do that since college.”
“Something to look forward to,” Emma said with a smile.
“I need something to look forward to . . . although I’m going to miss being able to show my mom what I’m working on,” he said sadly.
“I think you’re going to find she’s closer than ever—it’ll be as if she’s looking over your shoulder.”
“I hope so,” Levi said, pulling her into his arms. “One thing she’s already told me is not to let go of you.”
“She’s a smart lady,” Emma teased.
“Well, I told her I already knew that.”
“Smart boy,” she added, laughing.
“And I never will,” he added, kissing her full lips.
“Even if we have to move to Oregon someday?”
“Even then,” he said, kissing her neck and pushing her blouse down over her shoulder.
“Mmm,” she murmured, pulling him toward the unmade bed that was pushed up against the windows, but as she lay back across the sun-warmed sheets and watched him pull his sweater over his head, she realized his eyes were glistening.
He dropped his sweater on the bed and sat down next to her. “I’m sorry, Em, I shouldn’t have started anything. I thought I could . . .” he said, “but I just can’t. All I can think about is how much pain she’s in . . . and how time is running out.”
“Shh . . . it’s okay,” Emma whispered.
Levi lay back against the pillows next to her with tears streaming down his cheeks. “My heart feels like it weighs a hundred pounds . . . and it’s all I can do to drag it around behind me.”
Emma stroked his soft hair. “A month from now . . . or six months from now, when the time is right, Le, we’ll make love again. There’s no hurry.”
Levi turned to search her eyes. “I need to head back, but you don’t have to go. I know you have things to take care of . . . I know you have stuff to do.”
Emma frowned. “I’m going back with you.”
He smiled sadly and wrapped his arms around her.
Chapter 50
On Tuesday afternoon, a light rain began to fall across Nantucket and the dark clouds and fog hung stubbornly over the island right through Thursday. By Wednesday, Cadie had stopped eating, and although Lisa tried to limit her meds so she’d be awake, her pain without them was crushing. At Liam’s request, she and another nurse started taking turns staying at the house, and although they said they wouldn’t be sleeping while they were there, Liam gave up his bed and slept in Coop’s old recliner so they’d be close to Cadie if she needed them. On Thursday night, Moby hopped up on the bed and nestled on the quilt next to her . . . and Liam—who’d never seen his cat show compassion—found it oddly comforting that the old fellow seemed to understand. Even happy-go-lucky Tuck was subdued and often wandered into the room to rest his chin on the bed or gently nudge her hand.
On Friday morning, the sun finally broke through the gloomy clouds, bringing with it blue skies and a balmy breeze. Liam pushed open the kitchen windows to let in the fresh air and went to see if Lisa needed anything. As soon as he walked in the room, he realized Cadie’s breathing had changed—it was shallow and more labored. “Is everything okay?” he asked with a frown.
Lisa turned to look at him and shook her head. “You need to decide if you want Aidan to be here.”
“Do you think it’s today?”
“I do,” she said gently.
Liam shook his head. “I-I don’t know . . .” he stammered.
“It should be whatever feels right to you.” She paused, seeing his dismay. “I’ll get Levi.”
Liam sat on the edge of the bed and held Cadie’s hand. “What would you want, Cade?” he whispered softly. “Aiden is so young . . . but he knows what’s happening. Would you want him to be here?” He searched her unresponsive face and then looked up and realized Levi had come into the room. “What do you think?”
“I don’t know either,” Levi said, brushing back tears.
Just then, a hummingbird landed on the feeder and they both watched as it hovered outside the window, looking at them. “It’s a part of life,” Levi said, “but I don’t want him to be scarred for life.”
Emma stood in the doorway with Aidan and then put her hands on his shoulders and guided him over to the bed. “Hi, Mommy,” he whispered softly, touching Cadie’s hand. To their surprise, she stirred and opened her eyes.
“Hi, hon,” she murmured, and then she turned to look out the window. “Did you see how blue the sky is today?” Aidan nodded solemnly and she squeezed his hand. Then she looked at each of them and smiled wistfully. “I’ve known such love,” she whispered.
Moments later, she was gone.
PART III
For the trumpet will sound, the dead will be raised
imperishable, and we will be changed.
—I Corinthians 15:52
Chapter 51
Liam stood silently, watching the last rays of the September day dance across the waves. It’s over, he thought. The seemingly interminable wait for death is over. Cadie is gone . . . and now we are left to pick up the pieces of our lives and move on—with work and school and whatever else will occupy our time. Our lives without her. He closed his eyes and recalled how, when Cadie’s breathing had become almost imperceptible, Lisa had opened a window. “For her spirit to pass on,” she’d said, and a warm breeze had whispered through the window, rustling the curtain.
He ran his fingers through his hair, rubbed his eyes, and watched a flock of piping plovers chase the waves. He felt something wet nudge his hand and then heard a light thump on the sand. He looked down and saw a soggy tennis ball at his feet. “Life goes on, doesn’t it, old pal?” he said with a sad smile. He picked up the ball and tossed it, but Tuck only took a few half-hearted steps before he just sat down and gazed at it. “I know how you feel,” Liam said, kneeling next to him. Tuck licked Liam’s cheek and then lay down and put his big, golden head between his paws.
“Oh, pal,” Liam said, sitting next to him. “You and I—we should know better. This is what happens when you put your heart on the line.”
“Hey, Dad,” Levi said, coming up behind them.
Liam looked up. “I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to being called Dad.”
“Yes, you will, and someday, you’ll be called Grandpa too.” He knelt down next to him and stroked Tuck’s soft fur. “Anyway, the undertaker just called, and he’s on his way.”
Liam nodded. “I’ll be right up.”
“Okay,” Levi said, turning to walk back to the house. Liam watched him go and then looked back at the waves. He’d always thought it was crazy that grieving people were expected to deal with the business-like details of their loved ones’ arrangements within hours of losing them: Writing an obituary so it will appear in the paper in a timely fashion; choosing a coffin or cremation; deciding where to bury—or scatter—the remains; choosing hymns and readings, not to mention planning a party-like reception for an unpredictable number of people—all while you’re feeling your absolute worst. And even though he’d balked when Cadie had brought up the subject, he was glad, now, she told him what she wanted.
