Primal Mirror, page 30
“We can handle tonight without the squad,” Rina said after touching her hand to Auden’s in silent comfort. “We’ve got four senior soldiers a bare five-minute run away—and oh, my baby brother, too. Because he’s a cat who likes to poke his nose into everyone’s business.”
Auden frowned. “What?”
“Last-minute addition to the plan.” Remi didn’t mention that Kit had been cuddling Liberty while it was discussed. She didn’t need the reminder of her baby, not when she’d almost been in tears when the medication wore off early and milk began to engorge her breasts.
She’d just given herself another dose—and from the redness in her eyes, she’d given in to the tears, too. He’d told her he could do it, press the injector to her skin, but she’d insisted on privacy and handling it herself.
“Time for you to get some rest, Rina,” he said, both because it was the truth—and because he wanted to hold Auden. “I’ll need you back on shift in a few hours, while I’m down.”
Rina nodded. “I’ll stay next door today. Wake me when you’re heading to sleep.”
After the sentinel left, he didn’t hesitate to cuddle Auden into his arms.
But she flinched, her body as stiff as a board. “How can you want to touch me?” A raw statement. “I feel broken, tainted—and worse, I feel a failure because I’m not there for my child.”
“You are none of those things,” he said on a growl. “You are a warrior fighting for your child’s future using all the tools at your disposal. You might not have claws, Auden, but you have a mind that’s brilliant and a determination that’s fucking unbreakable. No one and nothing will stand in your way when it comes to your cub.”
Cupping the back of her head when she remained mute and rigid, he nipped her ear. She jolted…then seemed to crumple. “In the bathroom, it struck me that this is all illusionary.” Her fingers gripping at his jacket. “A phase where I’m ascendant and the other Auden isn’t. What if it flips in another week?”
Pushing out of his arms, she paced around the room. “There are no guarantees, Remi. Not even if we figure out why they want Liberty so much!” She tapped the side of her head. “Scars don’t just vanish. Not scars like this.” Her chest heaved, her breathing erratic. “How can I go back to my baby when I don’t know who I am?”
Remi snarled. “I know. All you have to do is trust me—I’ll lock you the fuck up if you turn into the other Auden. I can scent her, remember?” He gripped her jaw. “Because, little cat? I’m not letting you go.”
“You made me a promise.” A harsh rasp, Auden toe-to-toe with him.
She was fucking incredible.
“I promised to take you out if you become a threat to Liberty.” Remi ran the pad of his thumb over her lower lip. “You can’t become that if I rip you the hell away from her the instant your scent changes.”
“You can’t be there all the time!”
He smiled, and knew it was a thing wild, without boundaries. “You’ll be living in a pack, Auden. I can make it so you’re never alone with Liberty if that’s what it takes to make you feel safe. Any member of the pack will grab her and run if you start to turn.”
“What if I become that other Auden forever?” Auden knew she shouldn’t have asked the question, that there was no good answer, but she pushed at the wound, wanting him to strike out, throw her away.
Remi’s words, when they came, were quiet—and slammed into her like bullets. “You might lose all your memories of us, Cupcake, but I’ll still have them. And however long you have with our tiny kitten, she’ll have them.” Claws brushing her cheek. “No matter what, your name will be carved onto our hearts for all eternity.”
She crumpled against his chest again, sinking into the protective warmth of his embrace, this man who saw all of her, and still wanted her. Why was she fighting with him? Because she was angry at herself? At her parents? At fate?
She didn’t know. What she did know was that the idea of losing her memories of Remi was as horrifying a thought as losing her memories of Liberty. Because this alpha leopard had become as much a part of her as her child, his growl, his arms, his beard-shadowed jaw safety to her.
“I’m going to write her letters,” she whispered against his chest. “While I’m still me, I’ll write her letters that I need you to keep for her if nothing we do works and I turn into the other me.”
Remi’s body went rock-hard, a block cold and jagged, but he didn’t interrupt.
“I want her to know I loved her. So much.” Her throat grew thick, her eyes burning. “I want my baby to grow up knowing she was the best thing that ever happened to me.”
Remi’s chest rumbled, his hand warm and protective as he cradled the back of her head. “She’ll know. No matter what, she’ll know.”
Sobs rocking her, Auden cried. But she only gave herself so much time, no more. Because she couldn’t break down. She had to use the time she had as herself. “While we wait for the house to settle,” she said, wiping her face on the backs of her forearms, “I’ll see what I can dig up on the system. Rina said she put my organizer with your kit.”
Remi didn’t argue—he probably saw how close she was to the edge, how much she needed to do something for her baby. “Yes.”
After retrieving it for her, he said, “I’ll duck into the bathroom and change out of this suit. Mliss handed our stuff over to Rina at the gate, so no one in your house has had a chance to embed anything in them.”
“Change here,” Auden whispered from where she sat on the bed, because the idea of seeing all that masculine beauty made her skin stretch, dulled the pain until it no longer throbbed like blades in the skin.
“You can scent me.” She used his own words against him because it had struck her all over again that her life—as Auden—could end without ever experiencing intimate touch at Remi’s hands. And this time, it wasn’t a realization she could fight, wasn’t a panic she could think away. It was too deep, too vicious. “Please be with me while I’m me. While I know you.”
“Auden. We’ve already talked about this. Anything we do, we do on our own timeline.”
“I know…but I’ve realized…I need that time to be now. I need something good to balance out the ugliness of this house, of my family, of my entire life.” She swallowed her tears, fisting her hands in the sheet. “I need you, Remi.”
“You’ve just given birth.” It came out a growl.
“I’m healed, thanks to the insane amount of money your pack blew on me.” She tried to smile at the words she’d meant to be light. “My hormones are all over the place, my emotions a huge storm, but they’re not affecting my ability to think—and while I might still be trembling from the shock of the birth, it was the most beautiful shock of my life. If I’m shaken, it’s in joy. If I’m lost, it’s only because I’m a new mother. There’s nothing bad in it.”
The tears burned her irises now. “And you. You’re the most extraordinary, wonderful shock I could’ve ever imagined—and I don’t want to miss out on knowing you in this way that’s integral to your nature. Each time I close my eyes, I’m afraid I won’t wake up as me. Please, Remi. Give me this piece of you to fight the nightmares.”
A growl before he reached up to undo his tie. “I’m going to spank you later for disrupting all my plans,” he threatened…only it wasn’t a threat at all.
His voice was thick, leopard eyes awash in emotion.
The alpha heart of him, it wrapped her in its embrace, holding her close to his primal warmth.
“You’re making me break all the rules.” Tie off, he looked at it for a long moment before hanging it carefully over the end of the headboard. His jacket he threw over the armchair after prowling over to that side of the bed.
Then, eyes of green-gold locked with hers, he began to undo his shirt. “Only for you,” he murmured in that rough, deep voice. “You understand that, Auden? I don’t let go of what’s mine.”
Her tears retreated under a wave of languorous warmth that made her toes curl. “Yes,” she whispered. “I understand.”
Her breath was no longer in any way steady, her breasts so tight that she was afraid the medication had worn off again, but when she touched one taut mound, it felt different. Hot, wanting.
Remi’s gaze followed her hand as he continued to open button after button to reveal a strip of golden skin faintly dusted with dark hair. “Take off your sweatshirt and touch yourself just that way.” It was an order.
The part of Auden that had been fighting for her freedom all her life thought she should rebel, couldn’t understand why she didn’t want to.
“It’s a game, little cat.” Piercing tenderness in Remi’s deep purr. “Played only between us. Because it makes you wet and me hard.”
The blunt carnal statement twined with raw affection had a whimper escaping her mouth and any thoughts of clinging to control slipping out of her grasp. As he pulled his shirt out of his pants to finish unbuttoning it, she reached for the bottom of her sweatshirt and pulled it over her head in a single move.
Remi hissed out a breath at her exposed body, her breasts bare because they’d ached too much for her to put her bra back on when the medication first wore off. “Fucking beautiful.” A petting growl that felt like a touch. “Do it. Hands on those gorgeous tits.”
The words he used, so rough and unpolished, they only made her…wetter. So wet that she saw his nostrils flare.
“Good girl,” he purred again. “That’s how I like you, so wet your musk sticks to my throat and makes me want to lick you up.” A narrowed gaze. “But we can’t do that yet—and we definitely can’t give my cock what it wants—because that’d be going straight to a hundred from a standing start. So we’ll do something else.”
He flicked a look at her unmoving hands. “Do what I said, Auden”—his voice dropping an octave—“or you’ll be punished.”
A game, she remembered. This was a game he was playing with her. Because cats liked to play games…and her lover was a cat.
A big, gorgeous, prowling predator.
He was also brutally protective. Never would he hurt her—or allow her to hurt herself.
She raised her hands to her breasts. She didn’t know what to do at first, just cupped them…and felt sensation shoot through her. Especially when he growled his approval and ripped off his shirt to throw it atop his jacket.
His hands dropped to his belt and so did her eyes…the belt, and the rigid bulge underneath. Her hands tightened on her breasts of their own volition, but she eased up when her nipples protested with a sharp twinge of pain. “They’re too sensitive,” she found herself saying in a whisper, as if in apology.
“See, my sweet, delicious Auden, you know how to play this game.” Sliding out his belt on that silken statement of approval, he folded it in half, then prowled over to run the strip of leather up her leg, over her abdomen, and up to tap against one heavy breast. “Because that’s what a good girl does. She tells her lover what feels hot, what doesn’t, and every single one of the naughtiest fantasies inside her beautiful head.”
A kiss, the belt thrown aside as he knelt on the bed and circled her throat with his hand while pressing her lips open with his own lips and tongue. There was nothing tentative or exploratory about this kiss—it held the stamp of ownership, as did the hand around her throat that tightened the merest fraction just then.
She shuddered and clutched at him with her hands.
Breaking the kiss, he smiled again, those wild eyes so inhuman that she felt it: she was in bed with a predator. Claws and teeth…and a cock that wanted to mount her. Her cheeks flushed at her own thoughts.
“So, my Auden likes this.” He ran the pad of his thumb over the skitter of the pulse in her throat. “Maybe I’ll get you a necklace with a little lock pendant on it. A reminder of who you call lover—the only man you’ll ever call lover.” A kiss proprietary and raw, his hand stroking her throat as he made love to her mouth in ways she hadn’t known were possible.
Then he kissed his way across her cheek and whispered in her ear. “The necklace would be for when you’re in public. In private, I might just put a collar on you and have you wear that and nothing else.”
Auden’s entire being felt as if it was liquid. She ached, but she didn’t know for what.
“Shh.” Another kiss, his hand cupping her breast—but being careful not to brush her nipple. “Does this hurt?”
“N-no,” she gasped out. “But my…nipple. I think it’s too tender.” There was no awkwardness in admitting that, in referring obliquely to the reason why her breasts ached and her nipple was unbearably tender. Because it was Remi. Her Remi.
“There you go, being my good girl again.” A nuzzle, a stroke of her hip that was so affectionate her eyes burned. “I know what you need.”
Removing the rough warmth of his hand from her breast and throat, he said, “Offer your breast to me.”
Desperate to have him come back, she cupped her breasts as she’d done before, and said, “Please.”
His pupils expanded and then he was dipping his head and all that dark hair was brushing over her sensitized skin as he gently—so gently—suckled a wet kiss to the underside of her hypersensitive breast. The heat, the wet, it was everything and it was too much.
She cried out.
Just as Remi inserted his hand into her pants and nudged up with his knuckles.
Her thighs clamped around his hand, her hands tight in his hair, her body and mind flying apart in a surge of pleasure as primal as the man who’d given it to her.
The last thing she remembered hearing before she lost her senses was Remi’s growl in her ear. “Oh, you’re going to be one hell of a playmate. I can’t wait to have my mouth on your pussy…and your pretty, pretty mouth on my cock.”
Auden’s brain exploded.
Chapter 40
Henry will one day understand that I did him a favor. Auden was never suitable to take over his position as head of the Jackson family. Had the biograft succeeded, he’d have ended up with a child with an active ability; the graft was designed to expand her neural pathways and trigger a large-scale psychic expansion outside of her passive main ability.
I had hoped for a significant Gradient increase in her already-existing basic Tp. It seemed to me that “stretching” Auden’s mind to make her more powerful had a higher chance of success than attempting to trigger a wholly new ability. That the endeavor failed has cost Henry nothing—Auden was already a useless part of his genetic legacy. He can no doubt create another child soon enough.
—Shoshanna Scott’s private notes (20 February 2076)
AUDEN SWAM TO consciousness with the awareness that someone was stroking her breast to hip and back again with a lazily feline touch. Shivering, she opened her eyes to look into those so wild, she’d never mistake them for human.
“There you are.” A purr of sound before Remi brushed his lips over hers.
She was so, so glad that the Arrow who was protecting her mind had created a second layer of shielding so that nothing of her emotions got through to them. Because she’d lost control at the end there, become nothing but a creature of flesh and pleasure.
“I didn’t get to see all of you,” she complained, her voice coming out rough.
Had she screamed at the end? Had he kissed her to capture the sound? It was hazy, her brain blurred with the sensations erotic and more extraordinary than she could’ve ever imagined. Because, unlike the videos she’d watched to teach herself about the intricacies of sexual intimacy, it hadn’t been about just the body. She hadn’t understood that until he touched her with such care, until he took such care with her.
Remi Denier had ruined her. She’d crave him to the end of her days.
“I wanted to see you,” she said, turning into him, greedy and needy and unashamed about it—because it was him.
Taking her hand, he brought it to his body. “Oh, that was only the first act.”
She gasped as her hand met the hard, warm ridge of his arousal. He was naked.
Heat rolling over her in a luxuriant wave, she glanced down. Her hand looked small and fine against the veined thickness of him, and she found herself thinking about what he’d said at the end. About her mouth.
Her stomach clenched. She’d never even considered she might want to do the act he’d described, but now…
She looked up at him. “Can I? What you said. With my mouth.”
Claws against her skin as he stroked her back. “Zero to a hundred,” he said, his purr more of a growl now—but intermingled within was laughter affectionate and intimate.
She nuzzled his throat as he’d done her, felt him smile.
“You know your limits, Cupcake?” That clawed hand curling around her throat. “Hmm?”
“No,” she admitted, that pet name making her all warm and silly and happy inside. “That’s why I have to trust you to stop me if I push it too far.”
He kissed her, hard and deep and with such possessiveness that her inner muscles clenched again. They felt a little bruised, but in a good way. A delicious hurt. And that without him ever being inside her. She didn’t know what would happen to her when he pushed his thickness inside her.
The idea made her squeeze her thighs together, the pressure exquisite.
“You are such a sexy bite of woman.” He nipped at her lower lip. “And I do want to see this luscious mouth of yours on me. But I want to lick you to pleasure first. And even if it’s physically safe, you’re not ready.”
Auden trusted his judgment—and given how hard she’d orgasmed after what they’d just done, she wasn’t sure she’d survive the intimacy of his mouth on her most private flesh.
“Please,” she begged, stroking her hand over him. “I really want to try.” Her mouth watered, her breasts aching. “Remi.”
