What We Learned Along the Way, page 20
“It’s not just a job. It’s the job I’ve been working towards my entire college career. I’m not going to give that up.”
Her mother softened her tone. “I just don’t want you to go back there and get hurt again. You know he’s there. He’s going to try and get you back and that’s going to be hard to resist. I know you still love him. I don’t want to see you cry anymore.”
“I know. I’ve thought about all that, but I can take care of myself. I have to do this for me.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.” It was nearly 6:30 and Halimah wanted to have dinner ready before her husband got home. She went into the kitchen and started peeling potatoes.
“Can you do me a favor?” Mariam asked as she peeked her head into the kitchen. Her mother didn’t turn around, but Mariam knew she was listening.
“Can you not tell daddy? At least not until after I leave.”
Halimah put the potato down. “I don’t keep secrets from your father, Mariam.”
“Come on, please. It’s only until I leave. You know how daddy gets. It’ll be easier if he doesn’t know.”
Halimah let out a loud sigh. “When do you leave?”
“Tomorrow afternoon.”
“Tomorrow! Why so soon? You’ve been through so much. You can’t stay at least another week?”
“The ticket is already paid for. I’ve been gone for over two month. I need to get back to work.”
“Fine, I won’t say anything to your father, but if he asks, I’m telling him.”
“That’s fine. I leave tomorrow afternoon, so he won’t even notice anything until after I’m already gone. Thanks a million.” She turned around and went up to her room before her mother had a chance to change her mind.
Mariam had already packed up most of her belongings, but she still had a few things left.
“Where are you going?” Nadia asked when she came into the room.
“I’m going back home,” Mariam said, trying to sound nonchalant.
“Home where?” Nadia asked angrily. “I know you not tryna go back to his cheating ass!”
“Excuse me?” Mariam said as she whipped her head around to look her sister in the face. They had argued many times before, but her sister had never cursed at her.
“The truth hurts, don’t it?” Nadia said with her arms folded.
“Look, Nadia, you really need to stay out of my business. You don’t even know what’s going on.”
“Oh, I know enough. I know he got your so-called best friend pregnant, then married you and acted like nothing happened. What else is there to know?”
“Can you just drop it, please? I have a lot going on. I don’t need this.” Mariam was starting to get a headache.
“This is exactly what you need. You need someone to tell you what a dumb mistake you’re about to make. What, you think because he shed a few tears on the phone that everything is going to be better?”
“You and mama can think what you want. I’m going back for work. I have a great job in Chicago, one that I have every intention of keeping, regardless of what you all say.”
“Maybe you fooled mama with that excuse, but I know better. You’re going back to Chicago to be with Rashad. I know you are.”
Mariam hated how well her sister knew her. No matter how much she tried to push the lie about only going back for her job, there was no fooling Nadia. That didn’t stop her from trying though.
“You need to stay out of grown folks’ business. You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warm you,” Nadia said before leaving the room, shaking her head in disgust. Mariam prayed her sister wasn’t right.
Sitting in the cramped airplane seat, Mariam felt like a hypocrite. No matter what she told her mother and tried to tell her sister, she knew why she was going back. It was true that she wanted to keep her job, but more than that, she wanted to talk to Rashad. She was still angry and there was no guarantee that things would work out, but wherever they were going to end up, they had to take the journey together and in person. She had always thought of herself as a strong woman, but here she was back on her way to Chicago. She heard stories of pitiful wives that took their cheating husbands back and always swore she would never be like that. Now other women would hear her story and swear never to be like her.
When Mariam got off the plane, she ran to the bathroom. The overwhelming mixture of emotion and pancakes she’d eaten for breakfast was turning on her. She knelt down in front of the toilet bowl and closed her eyes. She couldn’t stand the sight of vomit. She made a loud hurling noise and released it all into the bowl. She stood up and flushed immediately, trying not to give the smell a chance to escape the bowl. Too late.
She was happy to see that there was no one else in the bathroom when she left the stall. She rinsed her mouth out with a small bottle of mouth wash she had in her purse and splashed cold water on her face. She hadn’t seen her husband in months and she wanted to look good, not particularly because she wanted him to be attracted to her, but because she didn’t want him to know how much hell she’d gone through.
Mariam retied her hijab and put a little makeup on before going back into the busy airport. As she followed the signs that directed her toward the baggage claim, she watched the other people zoom by. She wondered if any of them were like her, on their way to give their cheating spouses another chance.
After she grabbed her bag from the revolving belt, Mariam picked up her phone to call Rashad. Before she could dial, she felt a hand on her shoulder. It scared her.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you,” Rashad said from behind her. She put her phone away and turned around to face him. Neither of them had ever felt that awkward before. He wanted to hug her, but didn’t know if he should. She wanted to hug him, but didn’t want to seem too easy. They weren’t sure what to do, so they just stood there for a moment until a rush of people scrambling for their bags forced them to move. She started to pick her bag up from the ground, but Rashad quickly relieved her.
“Let me,” he said.
“No, I got it,” she said, trying to grab the bag back.
“No, I’ve got it,” he said, pulling the bag back in his direction. She didn’t resist this time, so he started walking towards the car. “I hope you have comfortable shoes on. It’s kind of a far walk.”
“I’ll be fine.” Mariam couldn’t believe how nervous she was. What did she have to be nervous about? As she followed her husband to the car, she watched the muscles in his back go up and down. She loved watching him walk. She was just now realizing how much she’d missed that.
“So, what do you say?” he said as they walked up to the car.
His words pulled her out of her trance. “Huh, what do I say to what?”
“I asked if you’re hungry. We can stop and get something to eat on the way home if you want.”
“No, thanks. I’m not hungry.”
“Come on, babe. You’ve been traveling all day. You’ve got to be hungry.”
“No, that’s okay. Really, I’m fine.”
“Just a salad or something. It won’t hurt. Do it for me,” he pleaded with a smile.
“I said I’m not hungry. Why can’t you get that through you head? What, do I need to say it in sign language?” Mariam wasn’t ready to do anything for Rashad, not even eat a salad. His cute walk and hospitality weren’t enough to make her forget what he had done.
The man inside the parking garage toll booth had witnessed the hostile conversation and looked a little alarmed. Rashad paid the man and tried to look as normal as possible. “Thanks, buddy,” he said before driving away.
He waited a few minutes for the scowl to fall from her face. Once she looked more relaxed, he tried making conversation again. “How is Jihad doing?”
“Better, a lot better.”
“That’s good to hear. I’ve really been praying for him.”
“Oh, thanks.” Mariam’s phone started to ring. It was her father. She ignored the call, but Rashad recognized the ringer.
“Isn’t that your father?”
“Yes.”
“Why don’t you answer?”
“Because I don’t feel like hearing his mouth.”
“What do you mean?”
“I know he’s just calling to tell me what a horrible decision I’m making for coming back. My whole family is mad at me because of it.”
“But you came back anyway?”
“Uh, yea.”
“Why?”
“Because I wanted to. This isn’t about you or my parents or my smart-mouth sister. I did this for myself.”
“I know it’s not about me, but thank you anyway,” Rashad said. She didn’t respond.
The two of them stood in front of their apartment door as Rashad fumbled for his key. Mariam took a deep breath.
Once I step into this apartment, there’s no going back.
He opened the door and held it open, allowing her to enter first. She looked around for a second and then took her things into the bedroom. She immediately pulled out paperwork and started reading and sending emails.
“You sure don’t waste any time,” he said as he watched his wife take less than 5 minutes to get back into work mode.”
“I’ve got a lot of catching up to do,” she said without moving her eyes from the computer screen. “I figure if I spend the rest of this week working like crazy to get caught up, I can go back to work on Monday and not feel completely lost.”
“Oh, okay. Sounds like a good plan, but do you have to get to work so soon? I was hoping maybe we could talk.”
“Not now. I have way too much to do. Maybe tomorrow, or next week, or whenever. Excuse me while I make this call. She held one finger up in his face before he could say another word.
“Yep, it’s me. I’m finally back,” she said into the phone in her professional voice.
Rashad went into the kitchen to make some lunch. He knew she said she wasn’t hungry but, sooner or later, she’d have to eat. He really wasn’t in the cooking mood, but Mariam was back, so he forced himself to do it anyway. He made her favorite dish, chicken lasagna, and fixed it up nice with garnish, just like he did at work. He hoped that, as usual, the smell would waft into the bedroom and bring her into the kitchen. He waited for about ten minutes. No Mariam.
“Smell anything familiar?” he said with a huge smile while standing in the doorway.
She was so consumed in her work that it took her a second to respond. “Huh? Do I smell anything? No. Why?” she said with a pencil still in her mouth.
Rashad stiffened up. He had been cooking for most of his life and he had never met anyone with a sense of smell stronger than Mariam’s. She could tell him his secret ingredient based on smell alone. There was no way she didn’t smell the food.
“I made your favorite, chicken lasagna. Want me to bring you a plate?” he said cheerfully, hiding his frustration.
“No, thanks. I’m still not that hungry. I could go for something small though, like a salad.”
Rashad knew what she was trying to do. She wanted to make him angry so he would start yelling at her. Then she’d have an excuse to leave again. He wasn’t going to fall for it.
“One salad, coming right up.”
They spent the next two weeks interacting strangely. Mariam was constantly passive aggressive, and Rashad tried his best not to be angered by her passive aggressiveness. Needless to say, it was a house full of tension.
“How much longer are we going to do this,” Rashad asked one evening.
“Do what?” she responded, not even bothering to peek her head out from behind the book she was reading.
“This!” he said, waving his arms in the air. “It’s like we’re living together without actually being together. I know it’s hard and you’re still angry, but we have to talk.” He didn’t give her a chance to respond. “And I know what you’re going to say. ‘I’m too busy. Not today.’ But I can’t accept that anymore.” He took the book from his wife’s hand and turned her body to face him directly. “Talk to me, please.”
Mariam was shocked. She hadn’t expected him to touch her. They hadn’t touched each other the entire time she’d been back. They weren’t even sleeping in the same bed. She wasn’t sure what to say, but she had to say something.
“Okay, what do you want to talk about?”
Rashad let out a sigh of relief, but he was slightly caught off guard. He hadn’t expected her to give in that easily. Mariam, too, was surprised at how easily she gave in. She still didn’t feel ready to have a real conversation with him, but she hated the way things were going. Rashad scooted closer to his wife and tried to hold her hand, but she wasn’t ready for that.
“Don’t,” she said as she tensed up and pulled her hand away. Rashad’s eyes started to look glassy.
“Nothing I can do can change this, but I am so sorry, baby.” It wasn’t long before the tears began to flow. “I never meant for this to happen. I never meant to hurt you.” Rashad spent the next five minutes pouring his heart out, but Mariam had too many thought running through her head to hear him.
“Did you know?” she asked, cutting him off in the middle of a heart-felt sentence. He used his hand to wipe the big tears from his face.
“Did I know what?”
“When we got married, did you know she was pregnant?” He looked down at his hands for a second, studying the veins that ran through them. Mariam got her answer before Rashad knew he’d even given it.
“Yes, I knew, and I was going to tell you,” he started to explain. Mariam let out a sound of disgust and stood up from the sofa.
“Wait, where are you going? Baby, we’ve got to talk about this. Please, come back.” Mariam ignored his plea as she walked quickly across the living room toward the bedroom. “Mariam,” he tried again, his voice strained from the tears.
“Leave me alone!” she yelled from behind the locked bedroom door.
Chapter 25- Aliya
Even though she only had a few months to plan, Aliya’s wedding was coming along nicely. It took no time to reserve the mosque, and she had put down a deposit for the reception at a small banquet hall nearby. It wasn’t quite what she had imagined for her wedding, but it was nice.
“Wow, so I’m really the last one left,” Malikah told Aliya one afternoon at her apartment.
“The last what?” Aliya asked as she began to take pictures down from the wall.
“The last one to get married. You, Jaime and Mariam will all be married before this year is over.”
“Your time will come.”
“You know, I actually started to believe that for a while, but this whole thing with Isaiah brought me back to my senses.”
“Don’t talk like that. You never know what will happen,” Aliya said. She had to speak up to make sure her voice wasn’t lost to the crinkle of the newspaper she was using to wrap her glass frames.
“Whatever. Let’s not talk about me. I don’t feel like crying. So, I can’t believe you’re really moving. You love this apartment.”
“I know,” Aliya said, looking around. “I can’t believe it either, but marriage is about sacrifice.”
“Yea, that’s what they say. You need me to help you take these boxes over to Langston’s house? Oh, wait, I’m sorry. I meant to say do you need me to help you take these boxes over to your house?” Malikah corrected herself.
“Actually, no. We’re going to put my stuff in storage.”
“What? Why? You’ve got some great stuff,” Malikah said, admiring one of her expensive-looking vases.
“Yes, but he already has the house fully furnished. You’ve seen the house. It’s gorgeous.”
“It’s definitely a nice house. I just hate to see all this cool stuff go into a closet to collect dust. As soon as I get my own place, I’ll know exactly where to go.”
The day of the wedding came and went. Aliya couldn’t believe how quickly it all happened. Her father, overjoyed to see his daughter finally settling down, surprised her with a five thousand dollar check. Langston surprised her with a honeymoon trip to Thailand.
“So that’s why you never wanted to discuss a honeymoon,” she said to Langston later that night. “You had me thinking we weren’t going to do anything.”
“I know, and I could tell you were getting an attitude.”
“Attitude? Me? I was actually pretty calm about the whole thing. I figured you were just busy with work and that we’d take one later,” she said sweetly.
“No, you had an attitude. I could tell by the way the corners of your mouth turn down. You know you were ready to curse me out.”
Aliya laughed. “Okay, maybe I did have a little attitude.”
“I know you did, because I know you,” he said as he kissed his wife softly.
The newlyweds planned out their entire life during the long flight to Thailand. They talked about where they saw themselves in the next five years, what they would name there additional children, all the places they wanted to go and what college they wanted Harlem to go to one day. They debated every topic imaginable, including Superman vs. Batman and white Michael Jackson vs. the black one.
Aliya was ecstatic. She had a wonderful husband, a sweet, new daughter and a father that she hadn’t argued with in the longest. She couldn’t imagine life getting any better than it was at that moment.
Just like the plane ride, the actual trip went by quickly. Even though they were there for ten days, it flew by like a weekend. They came back with three memory cards full of pictures, tons of souvenirs for everyone, and tans that you wouldn’t believe.
When they got back to the states, Aliya stood in the living room and inspected her new home. She had been there many times before, but it was different this time. Every other time she had been there, she had been in Langston’s house. Now she was in her house. It was the strangest feeling. On one hand, she was excited to be living in such a wonderful place, but on the other, it felt weird to be married with a daughter. She had always imagined her life going differently. She never would have guessed, not even in a million years, that she would be married at 21 to a millionaire, Muslim husband with a four-year-old daughter.
