Whispers of Salvation (updated), page 16
part #1 of Whispers of Salvation Series
I have daily thoughts about joining her, but I also have the thoughts that I want to live, that I want to stick around for my family and the guys.
The panic in their eyes when they can’t find me or when I have a panic attack makes me feel guilty, but I can’t help it; I need time, which they understand, but Dad doesn’t.
“Sure.” I curtly reply, knowing he’s going to upset all the progress I just made, quieting my mind.
“You start college next week…” I open my mouth to reply, but he cuts me off, “You said you had an interest in psychology, so I’ve signed you up for that. Everything is sorted; you only need to turn up.”
“Why didn’t you talk to me first?” I ask him, the anger I feel simmering under the surface.
"Honestly, Autumn, I get you went through something hard, but you’re home now; you’re safe. You need to get on with your life and try to live. You need some structure, and you’ll be fine, I swear.”
Is this man for real right now?
“I went through something hard, are you for real? How did you feel when I was missing?!”
“Devastated, obviously. But I also continued with my life.”
“Right. You were devastated, and I was only missing. I lost Chlo forever; she isn’t coming back. There is no pretty reunion in a few years. There’s nothing. All I have of her is her ashes, and you want to sit there and tell me that I only went through something hard but that I need to just get on with it, just like you did, right?”
“Don’t go twisting my words, Autumn, you know what I mean. You deserve to move on with your life. She’s not here, but that doesn’t mean you need to stop living.”
“I’ll go to your pretty little college, Dad, but you don’t get to tell me how to grieve for her.”
“I wouldn’t. I’m not. I want what’s best for you, and your grief for her is holding you back.”
Unable to listen to him anymore, I get up from where I was sitting and make my way back to the house, leaving him sitting there.
His words are on repeat in my head as I trek up to my room, shutting and locking the door behind me, intent on having a hot shower to try to clear my head again.
Unlocking the new iPhone that Sebastian set up for me, I pull up Spotify and start my ‘hype shower playlist’ because I can’t be bothered to get out of the shower every 5 minutes to change the song because it doesn’t fit the shower vibes.
I submerge my head into the water, letting it drain away all thoughts of choking my dad out because that man has been infuriating the last few months. I understand he wants what is best for me, but boy, oh boy, is he in denial about my mental health.
Sweet but psycho by Ava Max comes on, and I start to sing along, using this shower time for an impromptu singing session. I must spend the next thirty minutes in the shower, singing, shaving, and just having a little self-care to make myself feel normal again.
Deciding that I’m now smooth enough and pink enough from how hot I had the shower, I get out, wrap a towel around myself, and make my way back into the bedroom.
I let out a startled scream at seeing Dominic lazily chilling on my bed. “Dominic! I swear I locked that door.” I shout at him, clutching the towel closer to my body.
“Don’t you make a sexy little lobster.” He chuckles, his eyes raking over my body, turning heated as they lock onto a drop of water, making its way between my breasts.
“Dominic! I locked that door for a reason. How did you even get in here?” I try to tell him sternly, but my lips twitch from his comment.
“As if a flimsy lock could keep me away from my Cupcake.” He rolls his eyes.
“No, maybe not, but a locked door normally indicates that I don’t want anyone in here. I was in the shower… naked.”
“I am aware of that Cupcake; I heard your lovely singing session. Beautiful voice, by the way; I wonder if you’ll sound that musical when I have my head between your legs.” His words make me gasp, but I can’t ignore the little flutter I get in my lower stomach, making me clench my thighs together.
“I can’t deal with you right now. I need to get changed.” I turn away from him and head to my walk-in closet, grabbing a black pair of shorts, one of Atlas’s old band t-shirts that go down to my knees cause the man is a giant at 6’5, compared to my short ass.
Heading back into the room, I see that Dominic hasn’t moved from his spot, his eyes trailing me as I flutter around the room.
Chlo’s ashes sit on top of my dresser with her blanket that’s still charred, and Bun is there for comfort.
I sometimes bring him to bed, but only on the nights I’m sleeping alone. More often than not, I have the guys here, all spread out. Even Brenn sleeps in here. I still feel awful that they sleep on the floor, but after I broke down crying one night, they dragged in mattresses, and now my room looks like it’s padded because there are always four on the floor now.
Picking up my dirty clothes, I place them in the hamper and head out of the room down to the kitchen, soft footsteps behind me letting me know that my lost shadow has proceeded to follow me.
Abruptly stopping when I feel him practically walking on my heels, he doesn’t stop in time and proceeds to slam into my back, his hands falling to my hips.
“Stop walking so close behind me. You can walk perfectly fine right next to me,” I tell him; his hand's flex, but he stays where he is.
“But if I don’t walk behind you, how can I look at your ass.” He tells me, sounding so serious. Turning my head so I can look up at him, his blue eyes sparkling with amusement, flicking down to my lips.
He’s always flirting with me, but I can’t take him seriously. He flirts with everyone, including Mrs McKay, but I’m sure that’s so that she keeps making him her cookies.
He also would never be interested in someone like me. This boy is so beautiful, he could be a model.
Unable to answer him, I just keep looking at him. Why does the cute as fuck one have to look like a fucking runway model? My thoughts rise to the surface again, imagining him pressed against me in another way.
Dominic leans down and kisses the tip of my nose before righting me and patting me on my ass. “Come on, let’s feed you.”
Deciding not to say anything because I’m sure I look like I did after I got out of the shower, I continue my walk down to the kitchen.
Walking in, I see Zander and Mrs McKay, heads bent together over the worktop, no doubt plotting about what they can feed me tonight to help with more weight gain. Clearing my throat, they both swivel around to face me with guilty looks on their faces.
“Hey Sugar…” Mrs McKay greets me. “You hungry?”
“Starving,” I tell her with a smile. Her face fills with relief.
The first few weeks here, I found it challenging to eat multiple meals a day, only being used to one, since my priority was always making sure Chlo was fed.
“Hey Princess, how you doing?” Zander asks me as he fusses over the ingredients for tonight’s meal.
“Great, honestly. I had my final checkup with Doc yesterday.”
“Oh yeah, and what did he say?” Zander replies while batting away Dominic's hand from the warm cookies that Mrs McKay just pulled out.
“He said that I’m at a healthy weight, that my healing is coming along good, and that I just need to continue the physio for my feet, and I should be totally fine,” I tell him with a broad smile, waiting for it all to click together in his head.
No sooner have the words left my mouth the wooden spoon he was holding drops into the bowl of flour, causing it to cover the worktops. He lifts his head, and his eyes have a new intensity to them. He takes a step around the worktop towards me.
“He said you were at a healthy weight?” he asks, as he takes another step, making me gulp.
“Yup.” Popping the P to emphasize.
“And that you are doing good now? That you are fit and healthy?”
“Well, I wouldn’t say fit. I still feel like my lungs are collapsing every time I walk up those stairs, but yes, apparently, I am as healthy as I can be. That was Doc’s words. Why?”
Zander doesn’t say anything else before he closes the distance between us and drags me from the stool I’m sitting on and into his arms.
My legs swing while he spins me around. As he sets me down, dizziness makes me stumble. He steadies me, then embraces me tightly. I cling to him, savoring his scent—a mix of aftershave, bread, and rosemary, possibly dinner.
“Are you ok?” I ask him when he makes no move to release me.
“Yeah, Princess, I’m fine. I’m just glad to hear that you’re doing good now,” he says, his body still molded to mine, not helping the current thoughts that are in my head after Dominic’s heated gaze earlier.
“Ok, great, so can I be released now? Cause I’d really like to breathe again.”
“Shit. Sorry.” He exclaims as he releases me, pulling me back, his hands on my shoulders as he looks me over.
Then he graces me with the most blinding smile ever, pulling at the scar on his face and showing off his slightly imperfect teeth, the little chip on his front tooth, which makes him look even more rugged but no less handsome.
He looks like the WWE star Roman Reigns, but his hair is more brown than black.
His hair is currently pulled up into a messy bun, which makes me envious.
Seriously, this man’s hair puts most girls I’ve ever known to shame; I wonder if he’d help me with my hair routine because just shampoo and conditioner isn’t cutting it.
He leads me back to the stool and places me back onto it like he actually places me on it next to Dominic.
These men, I swear.
Dominic leans over the worktop and looks my face over. “You ok there, lobster?”
“I will kill you, Dominic; don’t test me,” I tell him, glaring at him. I can feel my face flaming hot.
“Don’t tease me, Cupcake, I’m already hard from looking at your ass.”
“Idiot.” I shove him away from me, still glaring at him.
Stupid boy, with his ridiculous comments that make my heart feel funny, probably just anxiety, not feelings, nope.
“Leave her alone, demon boy. And no talk like that in my kitchen.” Mrs McKay admonishes him.
“We all know it’s more like Zander’s kitchen now, Mrs McKay,” Dominic tells her, causing me and Zander to let out a groan. I swear he really does have a death wish.
“Now listen here…” She trails off as my dad comes into the room with the others. Brenn and the others make sure to give me a hug and a kiss on the top of my head before taking their seats. We all discuss our days, and Dad informs them that I’m starting college with them next week. I’ve just got my GED, so I’m not behind, only really in the actual psychology class.
Chapter 21
Autumn
We spend the next week just chilling out, the guys at college during the day, and all of them coming over at night to spend time with each other.
On the night before college starts, I walk into the sitting room to find the guys furiously whispering to each other, my footsteps alerting them to my presence.
They all abruptly stop.
I pause next to the sofa and look them all over, taking in their furrowed brows and the tightness around their eyes.
“Are you all ok?” I ask tentatively.
“Yeah, Babygirl, we’re fine. We wanted to talk to you about something, though.”
“Oh,” I say, taking a step back, ready to bolt from the room. Whatever they want to talk to me about doesn’t seem good, and honestly, I don’t want to deal with that right now.
“Nuh uh, Cupcake. Get your cute booty over here so we can discuss something with you.”
My feet stay frozen where they are. “Is it bad?” I ask them, my voice smaller than I like.
I don’t want them to be upset with me, and from the way they were all whispering to each other, it doesn’t seem like it’s going to be good.
“No, Babygirl. I promise it’s nothing bad. Just come sit down, and we’ll talk.” Tobias coaxes.
“Oh, for god’s sake.” Comes from the doorway, and then I’m in the air, landing in a hard lap.
Strong arms wrap around my waist, which could only be Atlas because of how big they are, and when I go to stand up again, I’m pulled back down into his lap.
Huffing out in frustration, I blow a bit of hair that fell into my eyes and glare up at my brother.
“Was that necessary?!” I exclaim.
“Apparently so. Listen to what they have to say, Little Bear.” He tells me before leveling all the guys with a stare, “If you upset my sister, I’ll kill you all in the most horrific way after I torture you all for days, do you understand?”
“I’ll help if they hurt Cupcake.” Dominic pipes up, nodding his head along with Brenn, like threatening people with torture is the most natural thing.
Brenn nods his head after all the guys agree and leaves the room, leaving me in Atlas’s arms.
Squirming in my spot, when all of them turn to look at me, all of their eyes hold an intensity to them that wasn’t there before. The silence drags on for a bit, making me more uncomfortable by the minute, the guys all looking at each other, doing that freaky eye communication thing that they do so often.
“Can someone say something before I bolt out of here because you are all making me freak out with the silence,” I tell them.
I try to get out of Atlas’s lap again so I can look at them all for this conversation, but his arms tighten, refusing to let me go.
“Please stay. I need to hold you for this conversation.” He all but begs me.
“Ok. You’re scaring me now, Atty. Please tell me what’s going on.”
“Fuck’s sake. Sunshine, we want to talk to you about potentially starting a relationship between us all.” Sebastian grunts out.
“I’m sorry, I don’t think I quite heard you right. A relationship? Between us all? I’m confused.”
“Look, Pumpkin, we’re all interested in you and have been for a while, but we all promised that we wouldn’t bring up a relationship until you were better. We have all been flirting with you the last few months, and we are all in awe of how strong you are. We’ve all been slowly falling for you, and I can’t speak for the others when it comes to the L word, but we want to try this. If you don’t, then we’ll all go back to being just friends, but think about it, please.”
“How would this work?” I ask because my brain feels like it’s about to implode right now from all this information.
How could these perfect men be interested in a girl like me? I’m so broken that I don’t think I can be put back together, but these guys have certainly tried over the last few months.
“Well, we’d all take you out on dates, let you get to know us all one-on-one, and then we’d also spend time together as a group. I know it’s unconventional, but we don’t care. We all want you, and I love them all like brothers. No point in us fighting over a girl when we can share her.” Zander says from his spot across from me.
“You all want me? Truly? Even though I’m broken and covered in scars.”
“I’ve been obsessed with you since I first saw you, Cupcake, and you cemented that when you said you didn’t want to get rid of me the day, we left the hospital,” Dominic tells me, giving me that lazy, sexy smirk he always does, his blonde hair messier than usual.
“You’re the only person I let join me during my movie time. It makes me happy. I’d like to try sunshine.” Sebastian says.
“You’ve become my best friend…” Tobias says, causing both Dominic and Atlas to let out small growls.
Tobias ignores them and continues, “These last few months, and we both understand the trauma that we’ve both experienced. I’ve been enamored by your strength this whole time, Autumn, and I want to bask in it for a little while longer if you’ll let me.” He tells me this so sincerely that I cry a little. This man is so sweet.
I tap Atlas’s hand to let me up and make my way over to him, drop into his lap, and wrap my arms around his neck, just like I did the night I woke up with him in my bed, the others around us, while he told me his story.
He wraps his arms around me and pulls me into a crushing hug, his head buried in my neck. He releases me, and I turn around, staying where I am to face the last two.
Zander looks me over, giving me a small smile when he realizes I’m ok. “I’ve liked you since you got out of that hospital, Princess. Watching you in that hospital, how kind you were to all the nurses; even when they were prodding you every moment of the day, you were still kind to them, always thanking them. But you also have this fire in you that I’ve only watched burn brighter since you woke up. I’m in awe of you. Please give us all a chance to make you the happiest girl in the world. You deserve it.”
I turn to my last man, who looks at me with so much hope in his eyes, but I can also see sadness, as if he has made up his mind that I’m going to say no.
Deciding we both need to have a private talk without the others here, I ask them to give us a few moments alone.
They all leave, kissing me on the head.
Dominic, of course, takes it further by kissing me on the corner of my lips, making me smile at his antics as they close the door behind them.
Chapter 22
Atlas
‘I Guess I’m In Love – Clinton Kane’
Taking a deep breath, I turn to the girl I’m so madly in love with that if she rejects me, I might break.
She’s been my whole world since we were kids, and I first claimed her as my best friend. I looked at her on that playground, her messy pigtails and the wide toothy smile, and some part of my brain instinctively told me that she was mine.
I’ve been hers since that day. She may not have known it, but she’s it for me; even if she doesn’t want me, I don’t have it in me to ever try to move on with someone else.
I’ll always be there waiting for her, hoping she might change her mind, but if she doesn’t, I’ll still be her Atty, her best friend, her rock.
