Beyond the Blue Horizon (Moonlit Ridge Book 4), page 10
Wondering if I was just as sick as them.
Because I stood in the shadows staring up at the haze of light that glowed from the big upper window on the second floor of Unit B.
Wondering how this stranger could make me feel like I wasn’t supposed to be anywhere else.
NINE
THEO
TWENTY-FIVE YEARS OLD
Theo pulled back on the throttle of his bike. The powerful engine grumbled and growled, a roar in the vapid, desolate night, the heavy metal vibrating through him as he tore down the street.
A street that was seedy as fuck.
Filled with corruption and depravity.
Half of it meted by his own dirty, tainted hands.
He’d been partner to it for so long that he no longer recognized anything else. Had been this way since he’d found himself homeless at fifteen. A bus had dumped him in the middle of LA after he’d run from the place that could no longer be considered a home.
A scoff ripped from his throat at the memory.
Home.
That was something it had never been.
His parents had hated him since the day he was born, a sentiment he’d easily returned, and it had been only a matter of time before he split.
He wasn’t exactly sure how he’d found one here. The family that had been built with his brothers during the time when the only thing they could do was survive.
Nah.
Otto, Cash, Kane, and River weren’t blood.
They were better than that.
Their loyalty was scored on their souls.
It had only grown deeper since they’d been running with the Iron Owls. All five of them fitting in with the perversion like they’d been made for it.
Powerful and feared.
No one brave enough to touch them.
No one to abuse or torture or neglect them the way most of them had been when they were kids.
They’d risen above it.
Gave themselves over to brutality, because they all knew what it was like to be weak.
They wouldn’t allow themselves to be that again.
Bent and broken to another’s will.
And that power rolled from him as he wound in and out of cars as he traveled through the city.
Wearing his leather cut with the Iron Owls emblem emblazoned on the back.
The vicious owl with its wings outstretched and in full flight.
A skull hanging from its claws.
Warning every motherfucker what would happen to them if they even considered crossing them.
The engine chugged as he slowed and made a right, driving deeper into the sordid. To that squalid place where you could taste the wickedness oozing from the decrepit buildings.
At least he and his boys had gotten out of this area.
Bought a house thirty minutes away that was safe for Raven. The one they protected with every fiber of their beings.
Didn’t matter if they’d moved themselves out of it, though. It would always be a piece of who they were. Each of them cut from the fabric of immorality. Sewn into the mold.
Night rained down. A cloth of iniquity that bound around him like chains, and he slowed even further as he cut across the road and took to the barely visible alley that ran the back side of a metal building.
An old fabrication shop.
A building they used for exchanges and drops.
Theo fought against the ball of guilt that threatened to roll up his throat.
This was the part he hated. The part that contributed to poverty and pain and shredded, broken families.
The part that preyed on the vulnerable and susceptible.
He tried to tell himself that none of them were innocent. They made the choice for themselves. But not even he was a big enough liar to convince himself of it.
Doing his best to squash his shame with the heel of his boot, but never quite managing to stub it out.
But this was who he was, so he eased his bike up to the back of the building and stopped near the door.
He killed the engine, the roar cutting off and giving way to the quiet shout of the city.
The drone of traffic and the cry of faraway voices and the unmistakable sound of gunshots in the distance.
His attention scanned the desolate, dimly lit area as he strode for the door. He always watched his back, not fool enough to get complacent. He swung open the door to the dingy light inside the building.
Three Owls were inside waiting.
Dom, Toga, and Flea.
Unease rustled through Theo.
That loyalty he was speaking of? It didn’t extend to all the Iron Owls. Only his brothers and a few other guys, their vice president, Trent Lawson, and his brother, Jud.
He knew most of these assholes would be happy to stab him in the back the first chance they got.
“What’s up, brother?” Toga lifted his chin at Theo.
They called him Toga since he was a frat, pretty boy type, though he clearly had a thirst for the dark side.
Theo returned the gesture, though he didn’t take time for pleasantries. “Transaction complete?”
Trent sent him to do a job, so he was going to do it.
The money these three had collected from Deik in exchange for two kilos of coke.
Toga gave a nod as he tossed the leather satchel to the floor at Theo’s feet. “Yup. Fuckers tried to short us five large, but we made sure to emphasize that we aren’t in the game to be played.”
“Good,” Theo grunted.
Deik never could fuckin’ be trusted.
He snatched the satchel from the floor and tossed open the flap so he could thumb through the stacks.
“Everything’s there,” Toga said, jutting his chin. “Counted it myself.”
Theo could hardly keep from rolling his eyes. Like that prick could be trusted, either.
It’s what happened when you surrounded yourself with swine.
But it was, in fact, all there, so Theo gave them a dip of his head as he tucked the satchel under his arm and headed out, going right for his bike and securing it in one of the saddlebags.
His chest squeezed with guilt.
He thought he and his brothers all knew this was coming up on a dead end. Theo just had no idea what that would look like for them when they hit it.
He swung back onto his bike and kicked it over. Arms outstretched and hands wrapped around the handlebars, he eased back onto the alleyway in the direction of the street.
He didn’t know what it was that drew his attention to the right.
Out into the overgrown field littered with trash.
To the shape that was almost concealed in the shadows.
He slowed and squinted, peering into the grim night.
It was a person.
A body, likely.
Crumpled and discarded like garbage on the ground.
It would serve him well to mind his own business. To move on and get this money to where it belonged.
But he couldn’t do anything but edge off the side of the alley, letting his bike idle low as he pushed to his feet and started out into the vacant field.
His pulse was thready and fast as he cautiously moved toward them.
Sickness balled in his stomach as they came into better view.
On their side and facing away.
Arms and legs limp.
Dark, tangled hair spread around them.
A girl, he finally discerned.
He attempted to swallow down the bile as he knelt. He needed to turn away. Put in an anonymous call. But he couldn’t do anything but reach out and roll her onto her back.
The deepest moan reverberated out of her, and her eyes blinked open.
Relief rasped out of Theo, though rage pummeled him when he got a good look at her face.
Bruised and battered and left for dead.
But that’s what these streets did. They ate you up and spit you out.
“Hey, it’s okay. I’m gonna get you help,” he muttered, trying to survey the damage. Her clothes were torn but at least she was in them. There was some blood on the edge of her mouth, but he couldn’t tell if she was bleeding from anywhere else.
He fumbled to get to his phone before a whimper mumbled between her lips, and she reached out and clutched him by the wrist. “No.”
A frown carved his brow. “Need to get you to an emergency room.”
She blinked frantically.
She was too fucking thin and frail, and by the ghosts that haunted her brown eyes, he imagined she’d been on the streets for a while.
“I can’t go there. You know that.”
He got it on a level he wished he didn’t. “You’re hurt.”
She emitted a hoarse, self-deprecating sound. “I’ve had it much worse.”
Theo’s chest clutched. “Can you sit up?”
“I think so.”
She groaned as he helped her upright, the girl gasping through the pain as she did.
A girl he’d pin between eighteen and twenty.
He warred, staring down at her. She wasn’t his problem. But he couldn’t just leave her there.
“Come on, let’s get you someplace safe. Get you cleaned up and something to eat.”
Surprise jetted from her, and she shook her head as she tried to process through his offer. “You’re…going to help me?”
Theo might have become a monster.
Might have been involved in horrible things.
His life surrendered to wickedness.
But he couldn’t stomach the idea of leaving her there.
“Yeah. I have my bike. You think you have the strength to hold onto me?”
She warred for a beat, her gaze slanting to where his motorcycle chugged and rumbled, before she gave a slight nod. “I think so.”
Theo pushed to his feet and extended his hand, not realizing just how fucking bad he was going to regret murmuring, “Come with me.”
TEN
PIPER
“I go snow?” Finn pointed his chubby index finger toward the door, flexing and extending it in sweet anticipation. Mouth a pink bow. Messy white locks framing his cherub face.
“Yeah, sweetheart, Mommy is going to take you out to play in the snow. Just let me finish up these dishes and I’ll get you ready.”
He’d been begging me all morning, his adorable nose and tiny hands pressed to the panes of glass at the front of the cabin.
During the day, the view from them was even more breathtaking.
The placid, glacial lake stretched out in the distance, and in between our cabin and the shore was a large open space with a playground off to the side.
I assumed in the summer it was a lush, green field for children to play on, though now, it had a million footprints in it from other children playing on it yesterday.
My spirit expanded at the beauty. At the peace that echoed from every direction.
Part of me wished it were real. Wished I could tap into it.
Because this place felt…special. Different than anywhere we’d gone before.
I ground my molars to stop my thoughts from traveling down that path.
I needed to remember that the only reason I was standing here was because we were stuck.
Trapped by the bad luck I’d fallen into.
“I can feel you freaking out again from over here.” Nelly muttered it low as she teetered into the kitchen, moving to the coffee pot so she could fill herself another cup.
“What am I supposed to do but freak out?” I peered over at her as I turned to load our breakfast plates into the dishwasher. “We’re stuck here for three weeks.”
She grabbed the carafe and filled her mug. “You say that like it’s a bad thing.”
“It is a bad thing, Nelly.”
“It doesn’t have to be,” she quietly urged as she took off the lid to the sugar container and added a teaspoon to her coffee, stirring slowly as if she were contemplating every possibility.
I blew out a sigh, knowing where her thoughts had gone. She’d been imploring that we make a change. Asking at every town that we traveled through if it was the one.
The one we’d make a home.
I hadn’t been able to let my spirit settle on the possibility of it. The fear that drove me always making me feel as if I were being eaten alive every time I considered it.
Memories of when we’d tried coming back at me like bullets. Guilt over what I’d allowed to happen.
A soft sound rolled out of my grandmother, her spoon clinking against the porcelain of her mug. “I know what you’re thinking, Piper. We just handled it wrong last time.”
Handled it wrong?
Didn’t she remember what happened? The consequence of me thinking I could settle down?
She slowly shuffled around, and her face pinched in care as she looked over at me. “I don’t believe anyone will judge you or blame you if you went forward, Piper.”
A different sort of fear scattered, and my gaze moved to my son who continued to dance in front of the window as he waited for me to take him out to play.
Grief gripped me at the thought of losing him.
At the thought of leaving him alone.
My grandmother was strong and fierce, but she couldn’t take care of him forever.
“But what if they did? What if they believed—” I choked it off, unable to say it.
Her brow scrunched. “I don’t think there’s a person in this world who would look at you and not recognize your pure heart.”
“But I was a coward.”
Her head barely shook. “No, you fought the way you had to. You had no other choice then, but I believe that you do now.”
The secret I’d carried for so long wobbled through my conscience. Hope trying to sprout through the barricade where I’d kept it hidden.
Hope always felt like such a dangerous, dangerous thing.
“What would you do if this was your home, Piper?” Her voice was hushed as she asked it.
Lulling me into a dream.
A dream I would give anything to be able to grip onto.
Wistful laughter rolled from me as I shut the dishwasher door.
Heaving out a sigh, I placed both hands on the counter, head shaking as my mind was washed with possibilities. My voice was thin and thready when I finally spoke. “I don’t know…get a job…find friends for Finn. Maybe some for myself.”
Visions of the sketches I’d allowed myself to look at the first night we’d come here hit me unbidden.
How that little girl’s dream had almost become a reality.
“Then how about you do exactly that for a little while?” She suggested it as if it were simple.
Disbelief had my attention swinging to her. “You know I can’t do that.”
“It’s time, Piper. Don’t you feel it? Don’t you think there’s a reason that we’re stuck here? I believe it’s because we’re supposed to be here. I think this is our place. Our safe haven.”
My chest squeezed. We didn’t get one of those.
Edging forward, Nelly set a gentle hand on my arm. “At least for a while, Piper. Give it a chance. I just have this feeling…”
A buzz of anticipation sparked in the deepest place inside me. A clash against the terror of what staying might mean. The fact that standing still only put a target on our backs.
She tightened her hand, and her words lowered in emphasis. “I’m not gettin’ any younger, and I’m tired. Tired of running. And I’m pretty sure I’m not half as tired as you. The burden you carry. You can’t keep on like this, Piper. You can’t keep on and expect to give you or your son the life you both deserve.”
“Nelly.” It was close to a plea.
A plea for her to see reason.
To understand what she was asking.
“I want to stay here, Pipes.” Her weathered voice cracked. “I want to wake up every morning and have a view of that lake and a view of your son’s smile, and I’m hoping to God that soon there will be a smile on your face, too.”
Uncertainty trembled through me. Violent, crashing waves that threatened to drag me to the depths.
Sympathy carved her features. “You can’t run from your demons forever, sweet girl, and this just might be the place to crush them.”
My mind tumbled back to the texts that Theo had sent. The promise he’d made that he was more trouble than anything I could bring to his door. That he wanted it.
To stand for me.
But we weren’t his responsibility.
Besides, that man was nothing but a broken heart waiting to happen.
I could see it written all over him.
“Can I think about it?” I asked, not sure how I was even agreeing to that.
“Well, of course.”
“Mommy, wook it. Kids!” Finn once again had his face smooshed to the glass as he giggled at the children who were romping out in the field.
Loneliness pulsed, that longing pushing in from the periphery where I normally never allowed it to invade.
“I see them, sweet boy.” It was a haggard breath, and moisture filled my eyes as I pulled my gaze from him.
It landed on Nelly whose expression had turned to encouragement. “I know you’re afraid, but it’s been years. Your son needs a home. And so do you.”
Sadness billowed. “Isn’t it going to hurt worse if I have to pack up and leave?”
Understanding filled her grayed, hazy gaze. “Maybe. But living is always worth the pain that comes with it. You just have to hang onto the belief that the joys are so much greater.”
The tattoo on the inside of my forearm burned beneath my sleeve.
In sorrow we must stand.
There had been no standing when the only thing I’d ever done was run.
My throat nearly closed off, and I stared at her as a tear slipped down my cheek. “I’m not sure how to do that.”
Hope filled her features, a mix of love and devotion and the fear that we’d shared for all these years. “You take a deep breath, and you step into it.”
A riot of doubt blazed through me.
Worry and dread.
The nightmares of what we’d faced and the nothingness that we’d been running toward.
When would it end?
Nelly was right. Someday it would have to. One way or another.
