Second Half, page 9
Keeping an arm around my waist, we descend the rest of the stairs so that I can admire Ally. Claire has come down as well and we are all just sitting on the steps staring at the beauty that is my godchild. “You did good kid. I don’t think that I have mentioned it enough how beautiful she is but, my God, Suz, she’s gonna be a heartbreaker.” Unbuckling Ally from her seat, I pick her up and take a deep breath. Just the smell of Ally calms my frayed nerves.
“This right here is what I needed to stop the dark from completely taking over.” Looking over at my sister and best friend, I know that I am the luckiest girl ever. “Ya’ll are the best. Thank you for coming.”
After setting Ally up in my room in her pack and play, we relax downstairs on the couch. It feels so good to just hang out with my two favorite people.
“So, are you going to tell us what happened?” Claire asks, once she realizes I’m not going to offer anything up voluntarily.
“I need wine. Ya’ll want?” I get up and head into the kitchen, returning with two of my biggest wine glasses, a chilled bottle of Simi Chardonnay, and a bottle of water for Suzie; because bringing her a wine glass would be asinine and cruel as she’s breastfeeding. Putting the water down in front of Suzie, I start to pour the wine when Suzie speaks up. “Ummm, hello, what am I, chopped liver here?”
“Suz, you’re breastfeeding, Ben would kill me if I let you drink.”
“Pump and dump baby!” She giggles. “It was all part of the negotiation process. I love my husband, but sometimes I forget he has a law degree. The man would try even a Supreme Court Justice with his let’s talk terms BS. I’ve pumped enough for the next week. We’re good to go. Besides, I haven’t had a drink in, oh God, since Mac’s wake?”
“Well okay.” I get up and bring her back a much smaller glass.
Suzie gives me a quick pout, but with a grunt she claps her hands together then throws them into the air. “Yeah…bring on the booze bitches!” She looks around quickly to see if she said that out loud and if we actually heard her. Claire and I start laughing. It has been so long since I have seen Suzie this way and it lightens the darkness that has settled in my heart a little more.
Guess I’m staying sober tonight. I think to myself.
Once the wine has been poured and everyone is settled again, Claire slaps my leg, hard. Ouch. “Well? Are you going to tell us why Derrick called me in a panic to come over and then proceeded to wait, on the front steps, until I got here?”
“Not really.” I’m playing with the cuffs of my shirt and not looking at either of the girls.
“Zoey, I found you in bed. No lights on and crying. We are not doing this not talking crap again. Now spill it.”
Taking a deep gulp of wine to help settle my nerves, I look at Claire and then Suzie. I know that of all the people in my life, these two amazingly strong women will give me the soundest advice they can. They will be brutally honest with me and then dry the tears that they have caused.
“I CAN’T BELIEVE that Mac would do that, he saw how upset you were.” Suzie says, quietly after I finish spewing everything that Derrick revealed and the involvement that my father had.
“I do. If anything, you should never underestimate our father. He loved you, Zoey, but he loved the game more. Derrick didn’t stand a chance. He is truly one of the best athletes in the game. Mac would have recognized that immediately. You, Zoey, were collateral damage.”
Looking over at my sister with a look of hurt and bewilderment, I ask, “Claire, how can you say that about Daddy? He loved us and would have done anything for us.”
“No, Zo, he loved you, the Shadow, mom and I were just background noise. He was always the Coach. He saw how the press ate up you following him around and he used it to his benefit. Not once did he ever show up at one of my games. It was always yours and more so when he needed to get back in the press.”
“Bullshit! He absolutely loved you and Momma. She was the one that treated him like a second class citizen.”
Exasperated with my blatant ignorance, Claire pushes off the couch. “Seriously, Zoey, were we raised by the same parents? Mac was the best at manipulation; and Jami, you know that I loved her, but she learned at the knee of a master, her own mother. Mildred Applebee was one cold hearted bitch and only cared about the status that came along with being an Applebee.”
“Hello, your perception might have been skewed by the fact that you got knocked up at sixteen.” I did not just say that! “Oh my God, Claire, I didn’t mean that. I’m so sorry.”
“Are you kidding me? No, Zoey, an abortion was not allowed, not in the ‘perfect McEvoy family’. Mac and Jami wouldn’t allow a teen pregnancy to tarnish their reputations. The pregnancy was embarrassing enough, but an abortion would make it look like they didn’t care.”
“What? You wanted to abort Sasha?”
“No. But I didn’t want to pay for a mistake that I made at sixteen for the remainder of my life.” With that you could hear a pin drop in the house.
“So, what are you going to do, Z? Are you going to forgive Derrick?” Suzie says, trying her best to change the subject.
Sighing, I look over at her, “I really don’t know.”
TWO HOURS LATER, Sasha showed up, decided that we all needed shots, and then proceeded to fall asleep or pass out on my love seat. Claire and I are cuddling on the couch. I’m still sober, someone needs to make sure that Ally is taken care of, and I don’t want to ruin Suzie’s time away.
Suzie is singing It’s Raining Men by The Weather Girls as she dances in front of my fireplace with a pickle as her microphone. God I hope that is a pickle!
“I love this song, but we have to stop her or she will keep going all night!”
Claire, the drunk diplomat decides to step in. Waving her hand, “Suz…Suz…Come here.”
Stopping her very heartfelt rendition, that sounds like she has killed a cat, Suzie walks over and plops herself on the couch and on to me. Ouch!
Pushing her off, I roll myself off of the couch and shout, “Shots!” as I walk into the kitchen. Apparently that announcement has awoken Sasha because she is the first in the kitchen, pushing her mother out of the way.
“Little Beers!”
“No that will curdle my stomach.”
“Grow a pair, Mom!”
I love my family, I do, but they have plucked my last nerve with their constant sniping at each other. If Claire said white, Sasha will say it’s black just to spite her mother. There’s something going on there, I think to myself.
“Jack Fire” Suzie says, clapping her hands and hopping up on the counter. “Can I tell you how happy I am that Ally has started to sleep on a schedule. What time is it?” She says in her drunken state.
“It’s only like one o’clock.”
“Z, you will make sure that she eats at three right?”
“Don’t worry, Suz, I got this. My alarm is already set. You just enjoy.” Looking around, I realize that the boys’ bowls aren’t where they should be. “Did we feed the boys?”
“I did when I got here. But we might want to let them back in, I put them out in the backyard about thirty minutes ago.”
Suzie hops down and goes to let them in. They come rushing in ahead of her and sit like little gentlemen waiting for a treat. Knowing the routine, because I am not the only sucker in this house, Suzie walks over and pulls treats out of their cookie jar.
Claire leans on the island and looks at the array of alcohol on it. “Did we really drink this much? I have to be at the training facility in the morning. The general manager hired a new defensive line coach and I have been tasked with showing him around.”
“You all did, I stopped after my second glass. Hooch and heightened emotions aren’t a good combo for me. But I am so happy that you all came by tonight. It helped me a lot.”
Knowing that the evening is winding down and not quite ready to call it a night, Suzie whines, “One more, plllleeeeaaaasssseeee, Claire. I’m having so much fun!”
“One more and then I’m pouring myself into Zoey’s bed and going to sleep.”
“Yay!” Shoving a handful of cheese balls into her mouth and spitting half of them on to the island, Suzie says, “Do you know that I haven’t had a cheese ball in thirteen months!”
“Now that is almost a sin.” I say in solidarity of our passion for Utz cheese balls.
“Ben watched every calorie I put in my mouth. I know he was only looking out for me. Otherwise I’d be the size of a house. But man I missed these babies!” Licking the delicious cheese off of her fingers, Suzie looks at me as I make a little beer shot for Sasha. “Zo, if I didn’t love him so much, I would have hurt him for taking these away from me. At first I hid them in the pantry and ate them at night when he was asleep. But then the bastard put a camera in there.”
“Shut up!” Claire says, as she too grabs a handful of the puffy, round deliciousness. The look on her face as she says this is pure astonishment.
Shaking her head while sucking the ooey goodness of cheese ball powder from her fingers, Suzie replies, “You have no idea. Ben comes off as all calm and collected. Not even close. His body is a temple.” Then taking on Ben’s voice, Suzie follows up with, “Suzanne, I’m a professional athlete. My ability to remain in top physical shape allows us to have what we have. Eating properly is just a small sacrifice.” Flipping back to her normal voice, she adds, “He is completely addicted to eating healthy, doesn’t even have a cheat day for Christ’s sake!”
I laugh at Suzie’s spot-on imitation of her husband and shake my head. “Derrick is the same way.” I announce.
“What?” Everyone is now looking at me.
“Well he used to be,” I say quickly. “Remember, Suz, we couldn’t have anything that wasn’t healthy in the house? We used to hide our cheese balls under the bathroom sink, next to the tampons.” Grabbing the Jack Fire I start to pour two shots for Claire and Suzie.
She nods her head in agreement, “Yep…That was all Ben’s fault. The healthy bastard!” And then on a sigh says, “God I love him.”
“Why would you hide them there?” Claire asks. “You know what…I don’t want to know. What I want to know is why you used present tense regarding Derrick and not past. What’s up?” My freaking sister is a bloodhound and misses nothing. Even drunk.
“Shot time!” I push the shots toward everyone.
“You, little sister,” she points her finger at me, “are holding back. But I’m too drunk and too tired to care right now. I’m taking this shot and going to bed.” Claire downs her shot, and walks out of the kitchen.
“Zoey, what are you going to do? About Derrick? He loves you and you have always loved him. I’m sorry about Mac being the driving force behind everything. But if you can be happy, I say grasp it with both hands, hold on tight, and just be happy.” With that said, Suzie takes the shot in front of her, kisses me, then follows my sister’s lead and heads upstairs.
Which leaves me and Sasha in the kitchen; she’s looking at me as if I have ten heads, and after the amount of alcohol she has had, I’m pretty sure that it is because she is deciding on which of the many forms is truly me. “Ya, you’re going to forgive him right? Fear does strange things to people. He only did what Pops suggested. Right or wrong, he did what he thought was best. You weren’t right back then, I don’t think that you really remember what you were like. You were so sad and withdrawn from everything. You cried all the time. If they did conspire to send that video together, it was because they were worried about you. I remember what you were like, and it was some scary shit. I’m sure Pops didn’t mean for it to end up with you trying to take your life. He loved you so much. He was just making sure that you graduated and Derrick succeeded.”
Looking at my niece, I realize that we are more like siblings. “Don’t worry about it, Sash. Derrick will always be a part of your life, whether he’s a part of mine or not. I know that Pops loved me, but some things are just inexcusable. Sometimes the damage that is done is irreversible.”
Coming around the island, Sasha wraps her arms around me, kisses my cheek and says, “You two belong together. Do you know that every time Derrick called it was always to check on you?” She just shakes her head at my look of doubt, and gives me one more kiss and walks out.
When did Sasha surpass me emotionally?
IT’S THREE IN the morning and Ally and I are sitting in the living room enjoying the silence. I have her cradled in my arms, and the only noise is the sucking noise she is making on her bottle. It’s rhythmic and soothing and making my eyes droop. I don’t know how Suzie and Ben do this on a daily basis, but I am enjoying this alone and bonding time with her more than I thought I would. Ally is going to be beautiful and spunky. Just like her mother. Ben is going to shit his pants trying to fight off all the boys that are going to be in her future.
Ally is about to finish the bottle and is getting a little fussy. I know that she needs to be burped and am about to shift her up to my shoulder when Sam walks over and hops on the couch. He places his head on Ally’s legs that are dangling over my right arm. It’s as if she knows that he loves her and won’t let anything happen to her because she quiets and burps on her own, then turns slightly in my arms and lets out a sigh of contentment.
With Ally now comfortable, I lay my head back on the back of the couch and remember a conversation that Derrick and I had nine years ago.
“Duchess?” Derrick says, as he walks into my room after taking a shower.
“What, baby?”
“We didn’t use any protection. Are we okay with that?”
After a few minutes of hesitation, I answer him. “Yeah. Why?”
“Well, I was thinking that if you got pregnant, then you really would be mine. And I want that, Zoey. I want a life with you and me raising a herd of little monsters.”
Sitting up on the bed, I look at him. This is the first time that Derrick has actually talked about us having children together. “Okay, what are you trying to say here, Derrick?”
“Just that, if you do end up pregnant, that you and me, Zoey, we’re good. I want that future. But more importantly, I want that with you.”
Derrick leans in and gives me a kiss filled with so much emotion it makes me cry.
A banging on the door wakes me from my dream. Ally is still in my arms, and not only is Sam cuddled up next to us, but Reilly and Steeler are there as well. The banging continues at my front door, so with Ally still in my arms, I scooch to get up. Rolling my head as I walk into the foyer, I look up and see Sasha coming down the stairs.
With another bang on the door, Sasha runs down the rest of way, and says “I’ve got it, Ya.”
“Thanks, baby.”
Opening the door, we find Ben on the other side.
“You,” he points his finger at me, “are never allowed to have a girls’ night with my wife and daughter again.” Ben walks in and scoops Ally out of my arms, kissing her head as he proceeds to head up the stairs to the master bedroom.
Rubbing my head, I look at Sasha. She doesn’t even look like she drank last night; she really is a beauty. “Can you start the coffee for me, Stinkerbell? I’m sure that your mother is going to need some before heading into the office.”
Turning toward the kitchen, all she says is, “You got it.”
I follow Ben upstairs and am shocked when I get to the bedroom. Suzie is curled up in a ball at the end of the bed and Claire is sprawled out, catty-cornered on the bed. Claire’s legs are on top of Suzie and they are both dead to the world.
Taking in the sight of his wife and my sister, Ben looks at me, “Zoey, you have five minutes to get them all up and out of bed. I’m late for training. Claire was supposed to be at the facility to show Jack around a half hour ago, and Suzie and Ally have a doctor’s appointment in twenty minutes.” With a look around the room, he exclaims, “Jesus, you people can make a man want a drink!” With that, he takes his daughter and walks out of the room, with Reilly and Steeler right behind him.
Nudging Claire first, because she will be the easiest to wake, I crawl up onto the bed. “Claire-bear, you have to get up now.”
Shooing me away while rubbing her nose on Sam’s back, she just grunts and looks to get more comfortable.
“Claire, its nine thirty and you were supposed to be at the practice facility a half hour ago.”
That seemed to wake my sister from her drunken sleep. Shooting straight up in bed, she rubs her eyes and moans something about needing Tylenol and coffee, then lies back down. So much for professional responsibility, I think.
I raise my voice and give my sister a hard shove on the shoulder. “Claire, you are late, and the new coach is waiting on you. Ben said he is pissed.”
Groaning and rolling out of bed, Claire looks at me, points and says with all sincerity, “I hate you and am stealing something to wear.” With that, she darts into the bathroom and I hear the shower turn on. I then turn to wake the sleeping dead that is my best friend next.
SUZIE, SASHA, BEN, Ally and I are all in the kitchen when Claire comes running in, demanding the biggest to-go cup of coffee I have. Making it as quickly as possible, she hugs me and tells me that she loves me, and that she will be keeping the Jimmy Choos she has on as payment for the hangover from hell and looking unprofessional with the new coach.
Ben laughs at her, kisses Suzie and Ally, and tells her she can ride with him. Sasha got dropped off last night and has class today and will need her car to get home. Nodding, she hugs Suzie, then kisses Ally and Sasha, but before she reaches the kitchen door, she turns around.
Coming back and putting her arms around me, she whispers, “Are you okay, Zo?”
“I’m okay, Claire. I know you’re worried. It’s frightening how dark the soul can go if you allow it. I’m not letting that darkness consume me like before.”
“I love you.” Claire squeezes me one last time before turning and walking out.
