Dax, page 11
“Apparently he heard through some of his contacts that the Savages are trying to get their hands on the surveillance tape. You know, from the other day.” He glanced over at Molly, but then he looked quickly back at me, giving me a small shrug. I could tell that he wasn’t about to blurt out what he had done, or what I had done. He was at least that smart. But I knew that Molly would be wondering now. He had put me in a position where I felt like I had to lie to her.
And I hated that. But what was I supposed to do?
“I’ll take care of it,” I promised Kane, already wondering why the hell Xander hadn’t called me as soon as he’d heard that. What did he expect Kane to do about it? Kane had never had to clean up one of his messes in his life. He had never even tried to. Surely Xander didn’t think that was going to change anytime soon.
Sure enough, Kane’s face smoothed over in relief. “Thank you,” he said.
“Just lay low for now,” I told him. I was already thinking about what I had to do: go back to the pharmacy and get my hands on those surveillance tapes before the Savages were able to. I was pretty sure I’d be able to get them, though. The owner of the pharmacy wasn’t one of the guys who paid dues to the Grim Riders, but I could be pretty persuasive when I needed to be.
“I will,” Kane promised. “I’ve been trying to.”
“Better do better than try,” I growled.
Kane rolled his eyes. “Yes, Dad,” he said sarcastically.
I could see that Molly was watching the exchange curiously, but she didn’t ask anything there in front of Kane. Which was probably a good thing. He hadn’t told her about the body right away, but if she asked him a direct question, I wondered if he might.
What the hell was I going to say to her, though? Because I knew she would ask.
Sure enough, we had barely walked back into the house after lunch before she turned to me, a question in her gaze. “So what exactly is going on with Kane?” she asked.
I shook my head. “Don’t worry about it,” I told her. “You’re better off not knowing.”
“I can tell that you’re worried about him, though,” Molly said, frowning at me. She paused. “I just want to help.”
“This isn’t the kind of thing you can help with,” I insisted, but I could see the hurt that flashed across her face when I told her that. I sighed and reached out toward her, tucking a lock of her dark hair behind her ear. “It’s just club business.”
“I thought you told me that he wasn’t part of the club,” Molly said, narrowing her eyes at me.
“He’s not,” I replied automatically. I groaned. “Just trust me, this isn’t the kind of thing you need to know about. It’s nothing that concerns you.”
Molly looked even more upset at that, though. “I’m just trying to help, and you won’t even talk to me,” she said, shaking her head. “I just don’t understand you. I know your relationship with your dad and with Kane is apparently so complicated, and it’s honestly no wonder if you won’t ever even give anyone a clue of what’s going through your head.”
I couldn’t tell whether she was more frustrated or upset by it, but reaching out for her did nothing but make her pull away from me. I made an impatient sound. “I appreciate that you want to help,” I told her. “But like I said, this isn’t the kind of thing you can help with. And it isn’t the kind of thing that I want you involved in.”
“Just telling me what’s going on isn’t going to get me involved,” Molly said scathingly. “And why don’t you let me decide if I can help you or not?”
I willed myself not to yell at her, even though I was rapidly losing my patience. Why couldn’t she just leave it at the fact that I was trying to protect her? Why couldn’t she just hear me when I said I didn’t want to talk about this with her?
She shook her head. “Fine,” she said bitterly. “I get it. I’m just another job for you. God forbid that I should know anything about your life.” With that, she turned and stalked upstairs, shutting the door to the bedroom with more force than was required, the sound echoing through the silent house.
I closed my eyes and counted to ten in my head, wondering if I should go up there after her and try to fix the situation. Because I didn’t view her like just a job; couldn’t she see that? That was half the problem. But I knew that if I went up there now, I was more likely to continue fighting with her as she continued to press me over the Kane incident. I didn’t want to share those details with her.
No, better that I let her calm down. I wasn’t going to talk to her about the Kane incident, and that was final. That didn’t make me feel any less guilty about upsetting her, but I knew she would calm down. Probably half of her upset stemmed from what we had seen at her apartment the day before anyway. She was still processing that and taking it out on me.
Yet again, that realization didn’t make me feel any better. But there was nothing I could do.
Chapter 20
Olivia
ON SUNDAY MORNING, I woke up to Dax fumbling around in the room. I rolled over, watching him get dressed. He hadn’t slept in there; I had woken up a couple of times in the night and reached for him, only to realize that he wasn’t there, that he must be sleeping on the couch. No doubt giving me space.
It made me feel terrible. Guilty. I’d come into his house and basically kicked him out of his room. All because I’d picked a fight with him over something I didn’t even really care about. I didn’t need to know what Kane had done, why Dax was telling him to lay low for a few days. It was just that the whole conversation made me realize how little I knew about Dax. I had no idea what he did for the club when he didn’t have a job like mine. I had no idea about anything.
Hell, I hadn’t even known he had a brother until Becca had mentioned it.
That wall around Dax was just too thick. Every time I thought I was getting somewhere, I realized how much more about him that I didn’t know. I hated that. He knew everything about me. Here I was, baring my soul about my relationship with my mother, showing him the apartment that I’d been living in, bringing him to dinner with me and Becca. I was an open book to him.
But how could I possibly let myself have feelings for someone I didn’t even know? All he would tell me about his relationship with his dad and brother was that it was complicated. Even watching the two brothers together didn’t give me many hints. Dax was protective; that was about all that I knew. Becca told me that he was a good guy, but what exactly was there under those walls of his?
That wasn’t the whole reason I had picked the fight with him, though. It was partly also because this was my life now as much as it was his. I was thinking back to my ruined apartment in Boston, thinking about the fact that I was going to be here in Greenboro for at least a little while longer. Whatever Kane had done, it would affect me as well. Whatever Dax was trying to help cover up, whatever was on those surveillance tapes that Kane seemed worried about, it could hurt me too. Just like Becca had been worried about getting tangled up in the mess I’d made with the Vipers in Boston, I was worried about this.
Dax couldn’t possibly be there to protect me at all hours of every day. He had other responsibilities as well. To his brother, to the club, to himself. He had a life, and I had just been dropped in the middle of it. The ever-independent part of me screamed that I needed to know the details so I could protect myself.
But Dax wasn’t talking. And he wasn’t talking now, either.
“Where are you going?” I asked from the bed, still watching him as he put on socks and shoes.
“Get up,” Dax grunted.
I paused and then rolled out of bed, hoping that if I got dressed it would appease his temper at least a little. I pulled on a T-shirt and jeans that Dax had bought for me on one of the first days I’d been there in Greenboro. I really needed to talk to him about getting more clothes if I was going to be staying there. I was starting to feel a bit like a cartoon character, always wearing the same two outfits. But at the same time, I didn’t feel right asking him to spend money on me, especially not for things I didn’t really need. Two outfits were sufficient.
I needed to have that other conversation with him at some point. About what I was going to do in the future. Getting a job there in Greenboro, or somewhere in the surroundings.
But I realized that that conversation would also have to include a conversation about how I was going to protect myself and what I needed to protect myself from when he wasn’t around. I knew that the Grim Riders had to have enemies, and if those enemies found out I was somehow involved with the Grim Riders, that was going to make me a target. I was sure of it. I knew Dax didn’t want to have that conversation, though. And neither did I, first thing in the morning.
“Where are we going, then?” I asked, glancing over at Dax as I pulled on my socks.
“I’m taking you to Xander’s house for a bit while I take care of something,” Dax said cryptically.
I rolled my eyes. “So you still can’t talk to me about whatever’s going on?” I asked.
Dax just gave me a look. But the truth was, I didn’t have any options. My whole life was in his hands now. There was no going back to the apartment in Boston, even if I could scrounge together the money for a new bus ticket. And it wasn’t like I could fight him. If he wanted me to go to Xander’s, he was going to find a way to get me there, even if he had to throw me over his shoulder and carry me.
So as much as I was rolling my eyes at his continued reticence, I followed him out to the car. No point in protesting. Even though I didn’t even know Xander. Based on what I had heard the night before about his “sources,” I had to assume he was part of the club. But that was it.
Really, though, I knew Dax about as well as Xander.
Dax parked the bike outside Xander’s house, and I climbed off, then followed him up to the door and straight inside. Xander met us in the hall.
“This is Molly,” Dax said, jerking his thumb at me. “Molly, this is Xander. Xander, I’ll call you when I’m on my way back for her.”
God, it was like I was just some object. Which I supposed I knew. I was just a job, as far as he was concerned. I was a nuisance. He had other things he needed to do, and he needed to find someone to babysit me so that he could go do them. It made me feel cold inside. But there was nothing I could do to fix that.
I wanted to call Becca, but what the hell would I even say to her? That Dax wasn’t one of the good guys? He was still looking out for me. He just didn’t share the feelings I had for him. I had never really expected that he might.
Dax left, and I was alone with Xander. He raised an eyebrow at me. “Dax feed you breakfast already?”
I shook my head.
Xander nodded toward the kitchen. “Was just about to make some eggs,” he told me.
I trailed slowly after him into the kitchen. I could already tell he probably wasn’t going to be any more forthcoming than Dax was when it came to information, but I was tempted to try asking him all the questions I had anyway. Maybe I could learn something more about the club.
“So do you always help Dax protect silly girls like me?” I asked jokingly, trying to get Xander to open up a little.
He snorted and glanced over his shoulder at me. “Dax doesn’t usually have jobs like this,” he said.
“What are his normal jobs like?” I asked, trying to sound casual.
Xander shook his head. “Can’t tell you about club business,” he said.
“Right,” I said, my face falling. “I just don’t have any idea what he does for the club. For all I know, he could be out there murdering people or something.”
Xander snorted. “That’s not how our club runs,” he assured me. “And it’s definitely not what Dax does.” He paused. “Look, I know Dax isn’t much of a talker, and like I said, I can’t tell you too much about club business. But Dax is a protector. Always has been; he’s got a natural instinct for it. Just, usually his clients are businessmen who think their rivals have it out for them, that sort of thing. And they’re usually male.”
“Right,” I said.
“And,” Xander added, giving me a look over his shoulder, “they’re usually not living with him. At the end of the day, he goes home from work, just like a normal person.”
I wondered what he was trying to say. It wasn’t like I was choosing to live there with Dax; it was what Otis had ordered. I was starting to feel like it would be better for both of us if I wasn’t living there, better for my emotional state and better for him since he wouldn’t have to deal with me. But they weren’t going to even let me suggest that, neither Dax nor Otis.
I frowned at him. “Look, I’m not trying to be an imposition or anything. You have a problem with me being here, you can take it up with Otis.”
Xander looked surprised at that, then laughed. “It’s good that you’ve got a little spark,” he said. But then, his face turned serious. “What I’m trying to say, though, is that if you’re looking for something with Dax, you’re looking in the wrong place.”
“Because I’m not the right type of girl for him?” I cautiously surmised. “Or because he’s not a good guy for me?”
“Neither,” Xander said, shaking his head. “Dax has a good heart, absolutely. But he’s got a lot of responsibility. He can’t be what you want him to be.” He paused. “Just, don’t let yourself get in over your head.”
“How do you know that he can’t be what I want?” I asked, trying to use peevishness to mask my feelings of dismay. “You couldn’t possibly know what I want.”
“Florence Nightingale syndrome,” Xander said, grinning lopsidedly at me as he lay the breakfast plates down on the table with a flourish. “And Dax is finding himself drawn to you because he can’t get away from you, not in that tiny place he calls a home. But that doesn’t mean that things are going to work out between the two of you. And that’s all I’m going to say about it.”
I stared down at my plate. Was that true? Was I only finding myself with feelings for Dax because he was my protector, the person who had saved me from the Vipers? It might just be, I thought. It might be that the reason I liked Dax more and more every day was because he represented a future I had never thought I could have. A life away from Boston, a life where I didn’t have to just scrape by to even survive.
I wanted to insist there was something more. That there was a certain kindness in the way that Dax treated me. He had let me stay in Boston for the night to see Becca, even. But maybe he just thought that that was the easiest way to ensure that I would come willingly back to Greenboro with him. Maybe he was just doing his job.
I sighed quietly, stirring my eggs around with my fork. Maybe it was time I figured something out for myself, rather than letting him control my life. Maybe it was time for me to get out of here. Boston might be out of the question, but there was a big country out there. I could, I don’t know, hitchhike until I got somewhere that needed cleaners. I hated the idea of being homeless, but if that was what I needed to do, maybe that was for the best.
I wasn’t sure I could stay here in Greenboro. This was just as lonely as Boston, but at least there, I’d had work and life to pull me out of those thoughts, those dark feelings. And Becca. But here, I didn’t have anything. There was no forgetting that I was a failure, that I was dependent on a man who probably wished I had never come into his life.
Right now, though, Xander was watching me carefully, no doubt trying to figure out just what I was feeling. Maybe so that he could give a similar talk to Dax at the end of the day. So I pasted a smile on my face, hiding my hurt, and took a bite of my breakfast. I had spent quite enough time in my life pretending that there was nothing wrong; I had perfected the act.
I just wished that the act didn’t make me feel so hollow inside every time.
Chapter 21
Dax
I WENT TO THE PHARMACY early on Sunday morning, intent on getting those tapes. I should have done this the moment Kane had gotten in trouble. I knew that the pharmacy had surveillance back here to ensure that no one broke in or tampered with their deliveries, but I hadn’t wanted to make the shopkeeper suspicious by demanding the tapes. Better that he never know that something had happened in his back alley.
Otherwise, he could go to the police, and even though the police wouldn’t have any evidence of the murder without the surveillance tapes, they’d still be suspicious. The Grim Riders had a very tenuous relationship with the local police force to begin with; we bribed them to look the other way. I didn’t want to upset that balance. That would really piss Dad off. First, the Savages show up on his doorstep, and then we get the cops breathing down our necks?
Kane would never be brought into the club at that rate.
So I’d hoped that this whole thing would blow over. Surveillance tapes were never watched unless someone knew that something had happened, and I had done a good job of covering up what had happened in the alleyway. The pharmacist wasn’t going to know anything about the incident as long as I didn’t ask for those tapes.
But I hadn’t thought about the fact that the Savages might go for those same surveillance tapes to try to pin down who had killed their man. Maybe someone knew that their man was going to the pharmacy that night. Maybe even though we had cleaned things up as well as we could, they had known something had happened. At least enough to get suspicious and start pulling tapes from anywhere that their man might have been.
Chances were, they wouldn’t be able to tell based on the tapes anyway. Those videos were always notoriously grainy, and it wasn’t like Kane would ever have looked right at the camera. He’d just been walking along, and a guy had tried to mug him. Then he’d been focused on that.
