“I won’t accept that,” he countered.

  “You’re too late!” I spun around and immediately regretted my outburst. The silence around us was palpable. My shout froze every pixie in sight—midair, on flowers, in shrubbery and trees. Hundreds of them watched us in dismay. To prevent some sort of attack, I lowered my voice. “Talking about this only makes it hurt more. Don’t you get it? Every moment you were gone stripped away parts of my soul and shattered them. I spent every minute, awake and asleep, waiting for you to come back and release me from this prison.” I threw my hands in the air.

  “Now… now, it’s over. I’m with Sakari. He takes good care of me. He loves me. I have to see the positive now or the truth of it all will eat me alive. No matter if we defeat Adair or not, I’m bound to Sakari.” I paused to swallow back tears. I would not cry now.

  “When all is said and done, at the end of the day, what we had has to be put behind us. Like every other faery who has fallen in love out of their colony, we have to accept that we will never be together.”

  Kai stood with his arms at his sides, not speaking. He appeared so helpless as a human. I wanted to beg him to reply, beg him to make it right. Accept it. Fix it. Run away with me. Leave me behind. But there was nothing either of us could do, and we both knew that.

  Kai came closer to me. Though he seemed weak, he kept his confident stance. “I’ve never understood the phrase I can’t live without you. Of course you could live. You would eventually get over whatever loss.” He took a step. “Loss comes with the territory of life. I know loss. I’m still standing.” Another step. “You could figure out how. Everyone does.”

  Kai stood toe to toe with me. I knew I should step back. He was about to touch me. I could feel it, but I wasn’t strong enough not to let him. “But, Calliope, now that you’re a part of my life, now that I know you, I honestly don’t have the faintest clue how to survive without you.” He lifted his hand, letting his fingers trace the outline of my face, sending a shiver up my spine. “My body is here, I can function with the necessities, but I’m so much more with you.” He leaned in. “With you I’m whole.”

  It was everything I wanted to hear, and yet nothing that mattered now. Kai’s hand cradled my cheek, and then his lips were on mine. I whimpered against his mouth, unable to tear myself away, yet knowing how wrong it was.

  The light brushing of our lips was more than I could take. This couldn’t be wrong. Wrong was being bound to Sakari. Wrong was what Adair did to all of us. Wrong was not having Kai in my life.

  In an instant I was overpowered with a wave of agony so potent I withdrew from Kai, pressing my hands to his chest.

  “Calliope?”

  “Sakari,” I breathed, blinking.

  “I’m Kai, actually, but it’s good to know I make you lose your ability to think straight.”

  “No, Kai.” My hands pushed his chest away. “Sakari can sense what I’m feeling. He knows what I’m doing with you.” And it’s killing him. “We can’t do this!” I stumbled over large roots and nearly fell. Kai caught my arm.

  “Calliope, we will figure this out.” I tore my arm from him. I couldn’t let him touch me. His words faltered, but he continued. “We… we’ll find a solution to be together. We have to. Don’t be with him. Please.”

  “Stop it.” He was confusing me. “It’s not that simple, Kai. You know you own my heart, but bonding changes everything. I can’t do this to him. It’s too wrong to betray him this way. I won’t. I’m sorry.”

  “Calliope—” He reached for me again, but I pushed his hand away.

  “Can we please just try to find the purus and go?” I looked everywhere but at him. I thought I could handle being near him. I thought we could find a neutral ground, but it was clear now. That was never going to happen. When he didn’t reply, I finally peered back at him.

  Kai nodded solemnly, setting his jaw, and pushed on through the tall grass before us without saying another word.

  Chapter Thirty-Six

  SAKARI

  “So, you and Calliope seem to be getting along.”

  I grunted. Well, after my father seized her kingdom and I dragged her out of her bedroom and forced her to spend time with me day after day and convinced her I wasn’t who she thought I was, I suppose we learned to get along.

  “Looked as if you and my sister were getting along,” I said flatly.

  “Yeah, about that,” he said nervously. “I promise you nothing happened. We danced and talked, hung out a little bit. But I was completely respectful. Only a kiss on the hand.” I glared at him. “And I don’t know why I confessed that,” he said under his breath, shifting his eyes back and forth. “I thought she was really… lovely.” Cameron chose his words carefully, as he should. “If only I wasn’t human,” he muttered mostly to himself, I thought.

  He stopped talking for a few minutes before he started back up again, like he couldn’t handle the silence.

  “Congratulations on the wedding and all. I didn’t really get to say that yesterday.”

  I kept walking, maintaining my focus, and searched every piece of land I could see. If this flower wasn’t in bloom for this moon cycle, my father was going to wish he thought better before poisoning the Waking Oak. I was going to make him pay.

  “It’s weird to think she’s married now. We feel too young for that, even though I know we’re old enough. I couldn’t imagine getting married right now.” He laughed. “Me—married. It’s laughable, I assure you.”

  I wanted to strangle this kid. I knew it wasn’t his fault I was angry right now, but did he ever stop talking? If not, he would, very shortly.

  “Are you in love with Calliope?” he asked, and I stopped.

  I turned and he stumbled back. “Have I done something to make you think I’m not?”

  He shook his head, but I could tell it wasn’t because he honestly didn’t think so. He was too nervous to oppose me.

  I softened my facial features. The guy looked like I was going to murder him. Calliope would be so upset with me. “Cameron,” I said with a sigh, “there have been a lot of changes in my life over the last few days, and I’ve come to the conclusion that there are only two faeries in this world who I love. And Calliope is one of them.”

  “And the other?” he asked hesitantly.

  “My sister.” I set my stare. “So, if you’re concerned I’m going to hurt her, or that I don’t wish for anything more in this world than her wellbeing, don’t worry about me. I know where I stand and I will spend every day of my life spilling out my heart so she knows it. Calliope is my world now.”

  Cameron blinked, stunned. “You really do care about her.” He couldn’t believe it. “I just assumed, under the circumstances, that it was all a part of the plan, but you do. You really love her.”

  “I have from the start.”

  He nodded. “I believe you.”

  A mixture of burning desire and torment formed in the pit of my stomach. I blinked at the new sensation as it spread through my veins. What in the…

  It wasn’t mine.

  Here I was, pouring out my soul to her best friend, and she was with him. I should have suspected that placing them together couldn’t amount to anything good, but I hoped I could trust her. Could I honestly blame her? He was the one she loved.

  I felt like a night sky without stars—black, empty, and desolate. She didn’t love me and no matter what I did, no matter what I said, I’d never be able to change that.

  In an instant her feelings changed. Her guilt wasn’t hard to detect. It came in waves, crashing into me over and over again, kissing the shore and taking it away. I wanted to shut her off. I didn’t want to feel all of this anymore. It was too much.

  I wanted to go back to this morning, waking up with her in my arms. Seeing the look in her eyes when she peered up at me, the smallest of smiles growing on her face, for the first time in… ever… I felt hope.

  “Sakari? Hey, man, are you okay?”

  With my hand clutching my chest, I nodded. “We need to find the purus. No more talking. Let’s go,” I said sternly.

  “You got it,” he said without question.

  Chapter Thirty-Seven

  CALLIOPE

  We scoured Novalora for hours that felt like days. There had to be nearly one hundred ponds, but none of the ones we came across held the blossom. Kai and I didn’t speak a word to one another for the rest of our travels. Somehow it made the search that much easier. I didn’t focus on him. I focused on finding the cure—what was most important.

  When we came across Sakari and Cameron, it didn’t look promising.

  “No luck?” I asked.

  Sakari shook his head, but didn’t keep eye contact for long. I wanted to reach out, beg for his forgiveness. My guilt was so profound there was no way it wasn’t flooding his body.

  “This place is never ending.” Cameron was trying to catch his breath as he bent over, hands on his knees. “I think my feet might fall off. This guy,” he said, pointing to Sakari, “is not a slow walker.”

  Sakari was trying to bury the hurt, but it was too strong to conceal from me. And I’m glad. I deserved to feel everything he was feeling and more. I deserved to know his pain. My guilt should cripple me. He didn’t deserve my infidelity. Sakari didn’t do anything wrong.

  A gurgling, choking sound pulled me from my thoughts. I turned to see Kai doubled over, holding himself up against a tree. Blood spewed from his mouth, convulsing his entire body.

  “Kai!” In an instant I was at his side. He retched, unable to stop. “What’s happening?” I cried.

  “The change,” Sakari murmured as he watched Kai. “His body can’t take it.”

  The illness took hold of Kai’s body, and I couldn’t help but feel that this was my fault. If only I hadn’t let Adair control me, Kai never would have left. He never would have felt so desperate as to become human.

  “What can we do?” I asked frantically. Before I got an answer, I did the only thing I could think of. I closed my eyes and tried to heal him, placing both of my hands on his back.

  “It won’t work, Calla,” Sakari said, coming up behind me. “There’s nothing we can do. He has to change back in order to get better.”

  Kai continued to throw up blood, dropping to his knees, unable to stand any longer. I turned away, unable to watch.

  “If he keeps throwing up he won’t last much longer. He can’t afford to lose that much blood,” I said. “I don’t know how it works with faeries, but humans cannot survive without enough blood.”

  “I don’t know what you want me to do,” he said, apologetic. “Changing him back is out of the question right now.”

  “Is he going to be okay? Is it normal for the transition to affect him this quickly?”

  “I don’t know,” Sakari said regrettably. “I’ve never known anyone who didn’t accept the change.”

  The vomiting finally stopped. Kai caught his breath, wiping his mouth and stood up. “I’m okay,” he said, pushing me away.

  “Are you sure?” I asked, still standing close. “Do you want to sit down? Take a little bit of a rest?”

  “I’m said I’m fine,” he said more adamantly.

  I nodded and stepped back, knowing I was only making it worse.

  “You know, Calliope is right. It might be smart to rest for a bit,” Sakari added. “You’ve put a lot of strain on your body today. It probably can’t take it.”

  “And you’re the last one I want to take advice from.” Kai jabbed his finger at Sakari and spit out what blood was left in his mouth. “Nothing you says holds any importance to me.”

  “Kai,” I scolded.

  “That’s fine by me. Your existence holds no importance to me. Push your limits, please. Let’s see how long you make it.”

  “Sakari!”

  “Yes, Sakari,” Kai taunted. “Please, let your true intentions show to Calliope. I know you’ve somehow pulled the moss over her eyes.”

  “Oh my gosh, you guys,” I groaned, trying to step between them. I didn’t expect them to start throwing punches, but at least if I was between them, it wouldn’t come to that. “This is not the time for this.”

  Sakari lowered his voice. “At least I’ve never given up on her.”

  “I left to help her!”

  “You guys are being ridiculous,” I tried to interject. “Please stop it.”

  “A lot of help you can do as a human,” Sakari spouted.

  “I’m more of a man as a human than you could ever be as a faery,” Kai growled.

  “Hey!” Cameron shouted, silencing us. We looked to him. “Finally,” he muttered. Who knew how long he’d been trying to get our attention. He must have wandered off because we spotted him about fifty feet away. He shrank back when all our eyes landed on him. “Sorry, but umm… isn’t that what we’re looking for?” His hand pointed at a small body of water we would have missed if Cameron hadn’t done his own roaming.

  We walked across the way to meet him. Nestled in the bend of—what could easily be referred to as—a murky puddle, blossomed a flower nearly the size of an inner tube. Its transparent petals set atop the moss above the foggy water, keeping the sludge from tainting its beauty.

  “Cam,” I uttered in awe. “You found it.”

  The center of the purus blossom was like a deep dish filled with pinkish opalescent nectar. Six heart-shaped petals delicately flowed out like a bell.

  “How are you going to carry all that nectar?” Cameron asked. “Where will you store it?”

  I hadn’t even thought of that. It was a shot in the dark to even come across it. “I was hoping we could just bring the flower with us, but that thing does not look easily portable.”

  “Well, if I was still faery I could use my Sower influences and shrink it, but this human thing puts a little bit of damper on that,” Kai brainstormed aloud.

  “Let’s turn it into steam,” Sakari said.

  “What?” I asked.

  “You have power over water, Calliope. If we turn it into steam, it will rise. We can store the nectar in the clouds and make it rain when we need it.”

  I chuckled humorlessly. “How? Who is we, exactly?”

  “Well,” Kai said, gesturing to Sakari, “He can create a fire around the pond to heat up the nectar. You’re good with fire, yes?” Sakari nodded begrudgingly. “Then you can make it rain when it’s time, Calliope.”

  “Seriously?” I asked, deadpan.

  “Why not?” Kai asked. “Just make the water work for you. There are water particles in the nectar. Flowers are made up of water, among other things. The nectar will mix with the water in the clouds, like a concentrate. When we get back to the Waking Oak, you can release the nectar mixture.”

  This was ridiculous. Everything Kai said was crazy, but last year I was a teenage girl trying to make it through my senior year of high school, and now I’m a faery queen in the land of pixies. Anything could happen.

  “This is crazy. How do you even know it will work?”

  “I don’t see why it couldn’t work,” Sakari interjected. He hated that Kai’s idea made sense.

  Looking to him, standing so confident, I was grateful they were agreeing on at least something. “You two have a lot of faith in something you’ve never seen before.”

  “That’s because we believe in you,” Sakari said. “But you have to believe it, too, or it won’t be possible. You’ll stunt your ability.”

  “Cool. So, no pressure or anything.” The fate of five kingdoms relied on my ability to make it rain nectar. Awesome.

  “You can do this, Calla,” Sakari said, sensing my anxiety, I’m sure. Placing his hand gently on my cheek, he leaned down to my eye level. “I know you can.”

  “And if I screw it up?” My brain was going in so many different directions I could hardly find myself. When I looked at Sakari he centered me.

  “You won’t.” He leaned in, inches away from kissing me.

  “Uh,” Cameron interrupted, breaking the moment. “Shouldn’t you do this soon… or?”

  I cleared my throat and stepped back, coming back to myself. “Yeah. Let’s do this,” I said with a sigh, keeping myself from looking at Kai. I could only imagine how he would react to my interaction with Sakari.

  But it didn’t take long for him to comment. “Calla?” he griped.

  I tried to ignore him. How could I possibly acknowledge him the way I wanted to? Why did my father suggest the four of do this together? This was the worst idea he’d ever had.

  Sakari stepped up to the pond and spread his arms, conjuring the fire. A spark kindled a small flame in some underbrush near the pond that surged around the entire body of water, circling the purus. Within seconds, the flames looked like a bonfire. This fire intensified so much faster than the one he made in the forest. We stepped back as the blaze grew higher and higher.

  “How will we know when the nectar is gone?” Suddenly the smoke above the purus changed into a pearly white vapor, rising into the sky.

  “We’ll see the nectar’s steam fade away,” Sakari said, pointing to the white vapor.

  “Guide it into the clouds, Calliope,” Kai instructed. “Make it work for you.”

  “Now?”

  Kai chuckled dryly. “Yes, now.”

  Biting my bottom lip, I stretched my hands above my head. I searched for the components of water in the steam. Gosh, I hope this works.

  “Just concentrate,” Kai softly said. “Like using that thread for healing, use reins to guide as you would an animal.”

  I did as he said, envisioning the steam as a horse, directing it into the clouds above us. As if in a tunnel, it kept rising straight up.

  “Holy crap. It’s working,” Cameron gasped.

  I didn’t want to lose my connection, so I tried to block out his narrations. I needed to put all of my focus on this task or I’d lose it. I hadn’t completely grasped controlling the elements yet, and Sakari was right. It did make me feel a little weary. After a few minutes the iridescent vapor slowly dissipated.

 

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