The Highlanders Bride, page 20
“Not any more!” he roared back.
She threw a pillow at him. “I will not be married to a toll-toine of a man who will not see the wisdom of having help where warranted and needed.”
“Your help is not warranted nor is it needed.”
“Just because I’m a woman.”
“My woman.”
“Oh, no, I am not. Not yet. And, after this conversation, I am thinking not ever!” She grabbed the rest of her clothes and proceeded towards the door. He made no effort to stop her.
“You will be married to me, Laurel Cordell. And it will be as soon as the priest arrives. Do you not realize what happened tonight? You have been bedded. By me. You are mine by all rights except God’s, and I will have his approval before this week’s out.”
She stared at him, cold anger flaring to life. The arrogant man. He really thought she would marry him now. She opened the door and paused just before leaving. “Hear me now, Conor McTiernay. I never plan on changing, ever. Not for you or any man. If you want all the clan responsibilities, you can have them. I love you, but if you cannot accept me and what little I bring in the areas of experience, skill, and order, then I will not marry you. Regardless of whether or not I have lost my virginity, I will not marry you.” And she left.
Chapter Ten
The next day, Laurel woke up early and went to go bathe in the river but was stopped at the guard gate.
“I’m sorry, milady. The laird requested that you remain inside the keep.” The guard felt very guilty about repeating the order, especially when he saw her eyes change to a cloudy blue-green. He hoped that he never had to be the bearer of bad news to her again.
Not wanting to punish the young man for simply being an unlucky messenger, Laurel bade him good-bye and walked towards the Star Tower as if she were returning to her room. Instead, she snuck into the stables and quietly led Borrail out of the stall past the sleeping stable boy. She jumped on him bareback, and then flew by the guard towers before they had a chance to realize her intention and react.
Ha! Keep me prisoner! I will show you, Conor McTiernay. If you think that you can control me—think again, she thought, as she made her way to the river. It was quite chilly for what she was about to do. The weather was getting colder each day, and soon it would snow. The river would ice over in many areas before too long. She peeled off her leggings, exposing her toes to the biting cold of the rocks.
Laurel knew she was insane, but also knew that she needed time away from people and the castle. And she needed a bath. Just thinking about Conor’s high-handed command that she remain within the keep’s walls fueled her anger anew. She quickly stripped the rest of her clothes and ran into the freezing water, hoping that it would diminish her vexation with Conor. She scrubbed her hair and her body with the lilac soap she had brought, and was rising to return to shore when Conor appeared.
He didn’t stop at the river’s edge but rode straight into the icy water and hauled her up on his lap. Returning to shore, he wrapped a plaid around her and told her to get dressed.
Laurel knew he was angry with her. By leaving in such an obvious and defiant way, she had expected to get his attention. Just not so soon. But what Conor didn’t understand yet was that she was just as furious with his autocratic decisions made earlier that day.
After the morning meal, Conor had been sitting by the fire mentally reviewing the previous night. Once again, he grew hard just thinking about it. It had been an incredible experience—unlike anything he had ever known. She had made him feel so alive.
Conor swore under his breath. She had made him feel needed, important, loved in a way he never had before. Until she dropped her bombshell. After they exchanged those harsh parting words, she had been on his mind all night—hovering, taunting. And, at the edge of every dream, he lost her to a dark and dangerous void. Each time he awoke, he was alone and full of fear that she was gone. After one of those many dreams, he arose and ordered the entry guards to prevent her from leaving the keep without him.
When he was first told of her escapade, he was shocked. No one had ever disobeyed a direct order of his before. He was still working out why she would defy him so publicly when he discovered her bathing by herself in the freezing river water.
“What in the hell did you think you were doing?” he demanded as he watched her dress. His body was rigid and tense with a mixture of fury and primal desire at seeing her wet and naked.
She pulled on her bliaut and looked up at him defiantly. She couldn’t believe that he could stand there scowling at her with patronizing masculine outrage. “Be more specific, laird. Do you want me to explain the phases of a bath or were you referring to my ride outside the keep on Borrail?” Despite trying not to, she began shivering, making it difficult to argue and, at the same time, put on her leggings with numb fingers.
Conor saw Borrail tethered to tree branch a few feet away and moved to stand between her and her horse. “Did you ride that huge animal bareback? Are you trying to get yourself killed?”
“Oh, good grief. You and your superior attitude. It’s not only men who can ride bareback.” She was dressed now and feeling a little more confident. She lifted her chin, her eyes glittering with anger, and continued, “I’ll have you know that I have seen your men ride and hunt, and I can outperform most of them. So, stuff your ridiculous ideas and let me pass.” She straightened her shoulders and picked up her dress to go around him.
As Laurel tried to walk by, he caught her by the arm and whirled her around to face him. “You will not bathe in the river, Laurel. It is too cold for your blood. You have yet to become accustomed to highland weather.”
“I was just fine until you barged in riding like a madman.” She tried to shrug off his hands. They remained firm.
“I was protecting you.”
She brought her hands up the middle and forced them out, breaking Conor’s hold. “Bah! You were furious that I left the keep. It has nothing to do with where I chose to bathe. Only that I chose to do it despite your wishes.”
Conor ran his fingers through his hair, trying to get his temper under control. He really had not intended to start the day like this with her. Last night had been exquisite pleasure followed by the acute pain of her departure. He had convinced himself that her refusal to marry him was just bluster to save her pride. But, still, he wished they had not ended last night with so much anger between them.
They stood glowering at each other for several moments before he decided he could no longer stand there and watch her shiver. Her wet hair was dripping and had caused her gown to become saturated along the shoulders. Without warning, he lifted her in his arms and mounted his horse. Her teeth chattering too much to argue, she let Conor wring out her wet strands and bundle her in his plaid. He then grabbed Borrail’s reins and walked the horses back up the hill to the dirt road leading into the castle walls.
“Despite what you believe, I don’t want you hurt. These rivers are deceptive this time of year. It’s only their strong currents that keep them from freezing over. Many a person has entered and became too cold to return to the shore. That is why you should bathe in the keep.”
The answer was logical, which didn’t help. “But I like to bathe in the river sometimes. It helps free my thoughts,” and cool me down, she added to herself.
“Then, when you want to bathe in the river, I will join you,” he said, thinking it an excellent compromise. He could conjure up many ways to keep them warm despite the frigid water temperatures.
“No, thank you. If it is just the idea of my bathing by myself, perhaps one of the other women could join me.” Warmer now, she could feel her spirited nature return.
“They could not pull you out should you need assistance. And no other man would dare to accompany you.”
She didn’t want another man, but she certainly was not going to admit as much to him. “Am I a prisoner, laird?”
He didn’t like the way she was referring to him as “laird” all of a sudden. It was as if she was intentionally trying to imply that there was nothing between them with that single word. “No. Why would you think such a thing? Who told you that you were a prisoner?”
“A guard told me that I was not allowed to leave the curtain walls. Is that true? Am I not allowed outside the castle? Am I a prisoner or a child to you?”
Conor swore underneath his breath. “Stop it, Laurel. You are neither, and you know that. I just cannot escort you all the time, and I need to know that you are safe.” Again, the nightmares of her disappearing into a nameless void flitted through his memory, causing him to tighten his grip.
Feeling the restriction, Laurel assumed the worst. “You mean that you need to control every movement I make. I won’t live like this, and if you force me, I will find a way to leave.”
“And I will drag you back,” he growled, not liking the direction of their exchange.
“I will just try again and again until I succeed. You may be laird and can control the activities of the clan, but you do not control me.”
Conor felt his temper start to slip again. “I don’t want to control you! I want to keep you safe! Not knowing where you were last night shut down the entire castle. We are vulnerable when that happens, Laurel. Do you understand? I had all my men scouring the countryside for your body when we couldn’t find you! The castle was open to attack. I cannot have that, and if that means you have to stay behind the castle walls, then I will see that it happens.”
Laurel had not realized that so much effort had gone into looking for her. So many men and women—searching for her. Conor must truly have been afraid for her welfare, and that was what was driving him now. She was instantly mollified and remorseful.
“I had not realized but, even so, you cannot expect me to never to leave! Please do not ask that of me. What if I promise always to let someone know where I am at all times?”
“If you wish to go somewhere, I will take you,” he said, believing this to be an adequate solution.
Laurel did not think so at all. She did not want to be near him. His unbending stance on her contribution in clan affairs was intolerable. There was no way she could marry him if he expected her to be a meek, uninvolved wife. The thought of being near him and not having him for her own would tear her apart.
“But, what about when I want to stay all day at Aileen’s to help with the baby?”
Conor had not considered that. He certainly did not want to spend large amounts of time with two jabbering women and a baby. “You may have another for an escort. But you must inform someone of where you are going at all times.”
No one knowing Conor well would believe him capable of compromise. But ever since he had met this woman, he had found himself adjusting, even changing some of his long lived-by principles. But when he was the source of her engaging smile and the sparkle in her dazzling blue-green eyes, it made it all worth while.
“Thank you, Conor, and I promise to always have an escort and notify someone of where I am going.”
Her voice was cheerful. She was again happy. She called him “Conor.” Finally, he thought, things will return to normal.
If Conor thought that the truce about her comings and goings around the castle had resolved other issues, he was mistaken. Him yielding to the idea of an escort had not at all addressed the issue of her role—or lack thereof—in clan affairs, as he discovered with Fallon later that afternoon.
“What do you mean, she told you to see me?!” he bellowed at Fallon in the chapel hall.
“Precisely what I said, laird. Lady Laurel said that, from now on, all clan issues were to be discussed and overseen only by you.”
“Exactly! But what does that have to do about whether windows should be cleaned or which material should be used on some benches?” He was totally perplexed as to why he had been called in on such domestic matters. These were exactly the type of affairs he had outlined as her responsibility.
“When I asked for an explanation, she told me that you had directed all labor to be determined and conducted under your discretion. Since additional men will be required to…”
“She what? If she expects me to submit to her demands this way, she will have to think again!” he yelled, stomping out of the chapel.
“But, laird? Windows or benches?” Fallon cried out.
“Hell, I don’t know. Windows!” He would be damned if he gave in to her again. She was not going to manipulate him as if he were an inexperienced chieftain new to the role. He was in charge and, by God, she was going to accept that!
“Glynis!” he shouted across the courtyard as he saw her leaving the kitchen and heading toward the Star Tower. She immediately changed her direction and came scurrying towards him.
“Aye, laird?”
“Tell Laurel that she is to dine with me this evening in the great hall.” Tonight, my love, we will have this out, he said to himself. He started to leave.
“Laird? My lady told me to tell you, in case you inquired, that she would be dining at the commander’s house, visiting with their new babe.” Damn, Conor thought. But if she thought to avoid him forever she was mistaken.
Actually, it was he who was wrong. Laurel was able to successfully steer clear of him for the next several days. She was always visiting some ill person or dining with Finn and his wife in the evenings. But she kept her promise. She always had Brighid with her, and someone at the keep was always informed of her whereabouts.
Unfortunately, she had also made good on her threat to abandon all keep responsibilities to him. Added to that, he could never confront her because he could never find her inside the castle walls. Now that the castle was up and running again, there were several things that needed to be dealt with every day. He didn’t want the keep to return to its previous state, but the time required to see to its maintenance was more than aggravating. He knew Laurel was testing him, driving him to surrender. But, he, too, could hold firm. And, unlike her threat to never marry him, when he said never, he meant never. And he would never yield when it came to her role in clan affairs.
Every night, he waited until she returned from Finn’s to confront her. But, each time, she somehow got past him and was in her chambers asleep when he finally retired for the evening.
“You cannot keep this up, Laurel,” Aileen said the fifth night Laurel had come over. Brighid was cradling the sleeping baby by the hearth.
“I know. But I just cannot face him.”
“What are you going to do when the priest arrives? Finn says that the laird is still convinced that you and he are going to be married.” Aileen retrieved her bairn from Brighid. He was a wee boy and very sweet natured.
Laurel inhaled deeply and let out a forlorn sigh. “Well, he will have to be unconvinced, won’t he? I will not be married to a man who is going to try to change me into something I am not.”
Aileen laid her sleeping little boy in the middle of the bed and rejoined her friend by the hearth. “I agree that he should not change you, but I think you are going to have to marry him.” Aileen leaned over to whisper, “You’re living with him, Laurel. You have no choice.”
“Normally, I would agree. I really would. But where Conor and I sleep shouldn’t have anything to do with us getting married. He refuses to let me do the things that make me happy. He wants me to become some boring, dull version of myself. If he loved me, he wouldn’t ask this. He would be glad of my assistance and what I can do. Not ashamed.”
Aileen listened again to her friend’s criticism of her laird and heard the torment in her voice. “He is not ashamed, and I think it unfair for you to say so. And he loves you a great deal, from what I have seen,” she said, reaching out trying to comfort her friend. “It takes a long time for people, especially men, to change their minds. Be patient.”
“She’s right, milady,” Brighid added from across the room. “Men are most stubborn about such things as traditions and what they consider their responsibilities.” The misery in her voice was unmistakable.
“Why, Brighid, you sound as though you are having troubles with a man yourself!” Both Aileen and Laurel turned towards the young woman, who was on the brink of tears.
“Aye. My man, Donald, feels that he is of a lower station than myself since I have become your maid and escort. He says I should find someone nearer to my status. It matters little to him that I don’t care, that I want to be a soldier’s wife. Still, he refuses to listen.”
“Oh, Brighid. I had no idea. What a ridiculous notion! Whatever are we to do with such men as ours?” Laurel threw up her hands in exasperation.
“I don’t know, Lady Laurel, but I hope you discover the answer soon,” Brighid said despairingly.
Hands on hips, Laurel started to denounce whoever was denying her friend happiness. “Who is this man, Brighid? He should realize how fortunate he is to have your love and quickly seize it while he has the chance. Your status versus his is so unimportant in the bigger scheme of things.”
Aileen shifted uncomfortably in her seat. She was healing well, but had torn a little during the birth. It was still difficult for her to move around. “The same could be said to you,” she chided Laurel. “You should take the love that is handed to you. While your problems seem large, they will shrink with time. You will see. Marry Conor and be happy.”
Laurel thought on those words the rest of the evening. When it was time to leave, Laurel and Brighid returned to the castle the same way as they had the previous nights. They used the east side castle door that led straight into the Warden’s Tower. From there, Laurel had access to the walkway on top of the curtain walls. She went directly to the Star Tower, climbing up to the battlements. Then she descended the tower’s stairs to her chambers.
She knew that Conor waited for her return every night. Before he would retire, he would always open the door to her chambers and watch her feigning sleep. After a while, he would leave, closing the door behind him. Once he had gone, she would cry herself to sleep.
