Prayer of the Handmaiden, page 5
Had Shasta been a conventional Ithyrian Queen, by this time of morning the parlor would have been full of the ladies of court, bedecked in glimmering silks and busying themselves with idle gossip while they waited for Her Majesty to emerge from her bedchamber. But Shasta held the throne without a king, and therefore possessed the sole power and responsibility of the royal house. She had neither time nor desire for frivolous entertainment, so the opulent parlor was quiet and empty.
Or at least, so it seemed at first. A flicker of movement caught Erinda’s attention as she crossed the room on her way to the bedchamber. She sighed as she recognized one of her staff seated on the floor in a far corner of the parlor. The young woman had turned the page of a book that was nearly twice the size of her lap, so absorbed in her reading that Erinda’s entrance had not disturbed her. A tendril of pale blond hair had escaped her cap to brush the pages of her book, which she also seemed not to notice.
“Panna!” Erinda put as much reprimand as she could into the name. She would need more than two hands to count the number of times she had scolded this particular member of her staff for sneaking books from the Queen’s study.
The maid’s head remained down, and Erinda grumbled under her breath as she marched toward her. Once Panna began reading, the entire palace might collapse around her ears and she would remain oblivious to anything but the book in her hands. Erinda had to bend over in order to take the book from her. The page drifted upward and Panna’s eyes followed, still scanning eagerly back and forth over the text. When Erinda’s presence registered, her face flushed with guilt.
Erinda snapped the enormous tome shut and sighed in frustration. “Really, Panna, how many times will we have this conversation? It’s about time I send you to the kitchens and let Cook try to manage you.”
“Oh, no, Miss, please don’t!” Panna cried, springing to her feet. The world of scullery maids was entirely different from that of the royal chambers. Kitchen labor was far more physically demanding, and the luxuries of books were nonexistent there, as most of the kitchen staff could not read.
“I’m sorry, Panna, but this kind of repeated theft cannot be tolerated.”
“Oh, but I wasn’t stealing it, Miss! I swear to the Goddess, I was going to put it right back.”
“It doesn’t matter if you put it back, Panna. We’ve talked about this. Her Majesty’s things are not to be disturbed, and you know that.” Erinda drummed her fingers on the book’s cover. “There are any number of kitchen girls who will be more than happy to trade places with you, and will respect the sanctity of the royal chambers.”
Panna hung her head, but Erinda glimpsed the crystalline drops that fell from the tip of her nose to the carpet. Any maid of the royal chambers would find it a terrible fate to be demoted to the kitchens, but Erinda knew it was the loss of her precious books that Panna feared. She felt a flash of remorse. Books were to Panna what the horse stables were to her. More than just an escape, they were the reason for rising in the morning and making it through each day’s labors. Wasn’t she late for her own duties this very morning, having been caught up in personal diversions? This was the same argument that arose within her every time she confronted Panna with a covertly borrowed book, and was the reason she had yet to administer the discipline that she knew was long overdue.
“Please, Miss, please don’t send me down there.”
Erinda noted that the plea did not include a promise to refrain from taking more books in the future. Panna was an honest girl, if not a particularly reliable one. “I’m truly sorry, but—”
The bedchamber doors opened, interrupting her. Talon entered the parlor, wearing her scarlet uniform, and shoved the doors closed behind her with a little more force than was necessary. The resulting bang sent Erinda’s eyebrows up. Talon’s face was drawn, her lips pressed into a tense line, and the realization she was not alone in the parlor seemed to startle her.
Erinda dropped into a curtsy, and Panna followed suit beside her. “Good morning, Captain Talon.”
Panna’s tear-streaked cheeks seemed to distract Talon from whatever was bothering her, because she looked from Erinda to Panna and asked, “Something the matter?”
Talon the Marvel, forever coming to the rescue of a damsel in distress. Erinda held back the remark, knowing it was inappropriate given their current audience. “Nothing to concern yourself with, Captain.”
Unsatisfied, Talon turned to Panna. “Panna?”
Panna raised her head only enough to catch a glimpse of Erinda’s face, but then she seemed to muster a burst of courage. She straightened to look Talon in the eye. “Please, sir, I was only reading one of the books from Her Majesty’s study—just borrowing it. I swear I was going to return it straightaway.” She dropped to her knees, bowing until her forehead touched the carpet. If it had been anyone else, the pose would have been ridiculously overdramatic, but Panna’s heartfelt plea was genuine, if somewhat theatrical. “Please don’t let them send me to the kitchens, sir.”
Talon and Erinda exchanged glances, Talon chewing the inside of her lower lip as if trying not to laugh. She reached out for the book in question, which Erinda handed over silently, and read the spine. “Born of Land and Sky: A Study of the Outlander People. Are you interested in the Outlanders, Panna?”
“I’m interested in everything, sir,” came the muffled reply.
The fact that Talon was of Outlander descent was not lost on Erinda, and mentally she had to congratulate Panna’s cleverness. She must have guessed Talon would be sympathetic to her cause. Talon did appear intrigued, and she turned to Erinda. “Are the kitchens really necessary?”
“I’m afraid this isn’t the first time a book from the Queen’s study has been borrowed, so to speak, Captain, in spite of many admonitions that Her Majesty’s personal effects are not subject to the pleasure of her servants.”
Talon nodded, looking thoughtful. “And there are many items in the Queen’s study of a private and highly confidential nature, which are meant for Her Majesty’s eyes only. This, however”—she held up the book—“happens to be from my own collection.” She bent and held it out to Panna. “A gift.”
Wide-eyed, Panna reached for it, but Talon held it firmly for a moment longer and added, “With your promise never to enter the Queen’s study again, from this day forward.”
Panna’s fingers froze. “Sir…”
“You know of the palace libraries?” At Panna’s nod, Talon said, “They are reserved for members of court, but I shall speak with the head of the archives on your behalf. There should be more than enough reading material there to satisfy your appetite.”
The joy that filled Panna’s face was contagious, and Erinda struggled to subdue her own smile as Talon turned to her.
“Now, as for the other matter, I’m afraid I have no authority to choose who serves the royal chambers. That decision rests with Erinda, as head of Her Majesty’s household.” Her dark eyes twinkled, and Erinda understood the silent message. Talon was deferring final judgment to her, though she was certainly casting an unspoken vote in Panna’s favor.
Erinda focused sternly on Panna, who was clutching the precious book to her chest. Clearly, even the prospect of being sent to the kitchens could not dim the excitement of gaining access to the palace’s famed archive of literature, but she still made an admirable effort to compose her face as she awaited the verdict.
“If you enter the Queen’s study again for any reason, it will not be to the kitchens with you, but to the streets. You shall be banned from palace service permanently, Panna. Is that understood?”
“My word, Miss, I won’t go in there ever again.”
Erinda pretended to deliberate a moment more before saying, “Very well. You are dismissed. Take that thing to the dormitory and be quick about it, for Her Majesty’s breakfast is likely to get cold before you’ve fetched it.”
Panna rose from her knees and bobbed up and down rather awkwardly, the heavy book in her arms skewing her balance. She turned and dashed out the enormous, signet-carved doors, only to reappear a moment later.
“Thank you, Captain, thank you so much!” Another crooked curtsy, and then they could hear the skittering of her slippers against the stone floor of the hall.
“You indulge them,” Erinda said with a little shake of the head. She didn’t need to explain what she meant by ‘them.” Talon was overly benevolent and generous with every one of the servants, even the simple-minded old man who scrubbed the palace chamber pots each day.
“It wasn’t so long ago that I was one of them,” Talon reminded her gently. “I haven’t forgotten. And besides, so few even have the desire to learn to read, much less a hunger for knowledge so powerful that they would risk demotion to the kitchens for the chance to peek at a book.”
“She’s not bad looking, either,” Erinda had to tease.
A slow grin crept over Talon’s face. “No, she’s not.” But then she turned sharp eyes on Erinda and changed the subject. “What I want to know is what’s been going on with you. Every day you’re looking thinner and more pale.”
“Why, Captain, you certainly know how to flatter a girl.”
Talon would not be drawn into flirtatious banter. “I’m serious. I’m worried about you.”
If she didn’t hang on to the coy pretense, she might very well break down into sobs right there in the Queen’s parlor. Erinda kept the smile painted to her cheeks. “Really, Captain, there’s no need. It’s just that too much solitude isn’t good for a person, you know? There hasn’t been anyone for me since, well…you.” She threw in an airy wink for good measure. “And as you’re now spoken for, I’ve had an awful time finding an adequate replacement.”
Talon’s perceptive gifts far outmatched the Queen’s, and she did not appear in any way convinced, but she was too well-mannered to press the issue further. Instead, she took Erinda’s hand and pressed it to her lips. “You’ve always been there for me when I needed an ear, Erinda. If you ever need to talk…”
The warmth of that touch was almost enough to melt her resolve. At that moment, she wanted nothing more than to collapse into Talon’s arms, to feel the solid presence of another person holding her up so that she didn’t have to keep fighting alone to remain on her feet. But Talon belonged to someone else now, and it wouldn’t be right to use her that way. Anyway, it wasn’t Talon that she truly wanted, and not even Talon with all her damsel-rescuing prowess could save her from this pit of unhappiness. So she willed lightness into her voice as she finished Talon’s sentence for her. “…I know where to find you, Captain. Thank you.” That was the best she could do, and thankfully, it seemed to be enough. Talon gave her another nod, then left the room.
Erinda took a shaky breath. What she’d said to deflect Talon hadn’t been entirely untrue. She found her emotional stability slipping the longer she went without intimate companionship. Maybe it was time to begin searching in earnest for a new lover. A bored countess, perhaps, or one of the more adventurous servant girls. For the briefest instant, she tried to imagine the bashful Panna’s likely response to such advances, and nearly laughed aloud. Still, the idea had possibilities. She especially enjoyed a challenge, and Panna was very much her type. Shy, quiet, blond…
Before that thought could carry her further down its inevitable path, Erinda forced herself to rap at the Queen’s bedchamber doors, then pulled them open. “Morning, Your Majesty!”
She stopped short at the sight of Shasta, still sitting in bed, her head resting on her knees and her long golden brown hair draped down the coverlet. “What’s wrong?” she asked, sitting next to her on the edge of the massive mattress. Formal decorum was strictly observed when serving Shasta, Queen of Ithyria, but in such moments of despondence, Shasta was just a dear friend in need of consolation.
“Talon,” came the muffled, miserable reply.
Erinda recalled the way Talon had nearly slammed the doors in exiting the bedchamber. “Tell me,” she said.
“I think she’s going to leave me.”
“What? That’s absurd. Trust me, Your Majesty, Talon is going to worship you with every breath in her body ’til the day she dies.” If there was one thing she was certain of, it was the truth of that statement.
But Shasta only flopped over on her side, grabbed a nearby pillow, and covered her face with it. “I’m not so sure anymore.”
“Now stop that.” She tugged the pillow away. “Just tell me what happened.”
“I don’t know what happened,” Shasta replied with an edge of frustration in her voice. “Nurse came to fetch Brita for her morning feeding. Of course I slept right through it, but Talon was up after that, so she woke me up like she usually does, you know, and it was really nice at first…”
Erinda grinned. “Oh, I’ll just bet it was.”
Shasta pushed her away playfully, her cheeks flushing. “Hush.”
“No, no, I’m listening. So Talon treated you to a lovely morning of carnal delights, and then what? She announced she was leaving you?”
Shasta’s blush deepened, but she shook her head. “Not like that, no. But we were lying there, you know, after…and I was telling her how happy I am, how nothing in the whole world is as important to me as she and the baby are now. I was just chattering on about how it doesn’t matter what the viceroys think because she and Brita are my family and I won’t let anyone divide us. And then Talon said…” Shasta furrowed her brow. “She said maybe I should start listening to the viceroys.”
“Did she say why?”
“She thinks we might be putting Brita in danger, because so many of them don’t like her and might even see her as a threat to the kingdom. I told her that we could assign Brita a bodyguard, you know, like Talon was for me.” Shasta took a breath, her temper clearly building again. “And then she said that I’d better be sure of all my options first, and that maybe it would be best for both me and Brita if she were to leave, so I could find a husband and give the viceroys the heir they want.”
Now that sounded like the Talon Erinda knew: self-sacrificial to a fault and utterly attentive to Shasta’s interests, whether or not they lined up with her own. But Erinda didn’t dare interject because Shasta’s fury was in full bloom.
“Can you believe her? As if I could ever, ever be with anybody else! There’s no one for me but her. She knows that. Or at least she ought to! I could just never…I mean, could you? Can you imagine going to bed with a person while you’re completely in love with someone else? Ugh!”
Erinda quirked a smile. A few minutes ago she had been considering that very prospect. Shasta was also quite aware that for a time, Erinda and Talon had engaged in such a relationship. Apparently, Shasta had just recalled that fact, too, because her eyes widened with horror and her hand flew over her mouth.
“Oh, Erinda, I’m sorry. Of course I didn’t mean…I wasn’t thinking.”
“It’s all right.”
“No, it’s not. I’m the most dreadful friend, aren’t I? Here I am rambling on about my problems, while you—”
“We’re not talking about me right now, my darling Queen. This is about you and Talon. And no, I don’t see either of you capable of being intimate with anyone else, not now that you’ve found each other.”
“That’s just what I was trying to tell her,” Shasta said. “But she kept saying that a Queen must not refuse to listen to the voices of her court.” She stopped and blinked at Erinda, waiting for her opinion on the matter.
“Well, I’m not the least bit knowledgeable when it comes to affairs of state, but it does seem to me that Talon has one very good point—the Princess’s safety. Even if you succeed in eventually winning over most of the viceroys, you’re probably not going to convince everyone in the kingdom of Princess Brita’s suitability for the throne. You remember Kumire? Just one nasty person in a position of power could pose very great danger to her.”
“I can arrange for a bodyguard, like how Father assigned Talon to me.”
“Oh, I definitely think that’s a good idea. But Talon’s still right. The life your daughter’s facing is going to be extremely difficult. She’s at the center of a very big mess of politics and prejudice. Have you considered how all of this is going to affect her, growing up in the palace surrounded by whispers and name-calling?”
Shasta’s hostility seemed tempered by this thought, and she was quiet for a moment before muttering, “That doesn’t mean I have to run off and find a husband to make babies with.”
“No, it doesn’t. But it sounds to me like Talon’s trying, as always, to keep you safe. To make sure you really understand what you’re digging your heels in for, before you get dragged down into the mud over this. She needs you to be certain that you’re choosing this path because it’s the right thing to do, and not just because you’re so in love with her and little Brita that you can’t think clearly.”
“But how can she, I don’t know…How can she stand the thought of somebody else touching me? Shouldn’t that make her angry? If she loves me, shouldn’t she be fighting to keep me instead of offering to walk away?”
Erinda closed her eyes for a moment, the question stirring unwanted memories. I love you too much to keep you, Rin…With a mental shake, she opened her eyes again and took Shasta’s hands. “Believe me, such a thing would devastate her, and she knows it. But she’s willing to let it happen if it turns out to be best for you. That woman would do anything for you. Anything.”
Shasta flung herself backward onto the bed, arms out to the sides, staring at the filmy canopy draped overhead. “So what do I do?” Her petulant tone was a bit reminiscent of the spoiled Princess Erinda had grown up with.
“You allow her to go her way, as you must go yours. If your fates are truly entangled—and I absolutely believe they are—your paths will never separate you for long.” She had never been able to fully convince herself that her own fate wasn’t meshed with Kade’s, though of course it was impossible. That was probably why the loss still haunted her even after all these winters apart.
