Bayside Escape, page 19
But at the same time, she couldn’t imagine leaving Desiree.
Thoughts of her sister brought more anxiety. They had a lot to talk about, and serious talks were like rabid dogs—Violet avoided them at all costs. She knew Desiree would be on cloud nine from her honeymoon. How could Violet break her heart by telling her she was thinking about leaving?
Violet closed her eyes, bathing in memories of the last few weeks. She didn’t try to dodge the confusion, anger, or hurt of when she and Andre had first reconnected. That pain had helped them become stronger in the same way the missing years between her and Desiree had led them to their unexpected common ground.
Cosmos made a noise, and she glanced at him, sleeping soundly against the crook of Andre’s body. The pup who had once driven her batty had become a reminder of what unconditional love was all about.
The same way Andre has.
Memories of the amazing night they’d first made love came rushing back—she could still feel their bodies as one, still see the powerful look of true love in his eyes and hear the intensity of his emotions as he’d said, I can’t imagine a single day without you in it. Come back to Boston and marry me, Daisy. She’d been as elated as she’d been terrified. Oh, how she’d loved him. Never in her life had she dreamed of, much less experienced, a love so deep and real as the love they shared. But she’d tried to imagine what life with Andre would be like in Boston, and reality had hit like a freight train. No matter how in love they were, the idea of staying in one place, of being a proper doctor’s wife, was suffocating.
But now he’d changed his world because of the things they’d talked about and maybe even because of the love they’d shared. Was it so much to ask for her to do the same?
But he hadn’t asked her to come with him this time, and that brought another level of panic, despite her indecision.
I can’t imagine a life without you, either.
She thought she had eight days to figure things out, but what if he didn’t want her to go with him, but wanted to try a long-distance relationship? Could she live with that? Could he? Maybe it was time to face all her fears.
She looked at his peaceful face, silently hoping she wouldn’t mess things up. She mustered all her courage and kissed Andre’s lips.
“Mm.” His arm slid down her back, holding her tighter. “How’s my girl?”
“Well fucked and…” She cringed at how harsh that sounded, which was weird in a frighteningly good way. His eyes opened and she said, “Well loved and stressing out.”
He lifted his other arm slowly, trying not to wake Cosmos, and threaded his fingers into the hair just above her ear, cradling her cheek. His warm brown eyes drifted over her face, and his lips curved up in a reassuring smile. “There’s not much I love more than waking up to your sweet face. We’re in our magical tent, babe. No stress allowed.”
“It would be easy to let reality fall away, but I know the next week will fly by, and then we’ll be standing on the edge of that awful plank with the world spread out before us.” Words tumbled from her mouth faster than she could think. “And I can’t stop imagining all that’ll be left on solid ground. Desiree and the life we’ve built here. The family we’ve created. That stupid dog. And you haven’t even asked me to go with you, so for all I know…” Tears filled her eyes. She couldn’t even say that he didn’t want her to go, because she knew that wasn’t true. She lowered her face to his chest and held on tight, as if her words alone might catapult her into darkness.
He kissed the top of her head, and she felt his heart beating faster against her cheek.
“I didn’t realize we were walking a plank.” He brushed her hair away from her face and kissed her forehead. “Are you ready to talk about the future? Every time I try to bring it up you avoid it like the plague.”
“I do not,” she snapped, but that wasn’t true. That was her stupid self-preservation kicking in. “I’m sorry. It’s true. But do you blame me?” She tilted her face up and said, “I screwed us up once, and I don’t want to do it again. I want to be with you, but I want to be here, too, and I know I can’t have it all. I’m not asking you to fix it or figure it out. I just wish I knew what to do. Desiree is coming back, and all I can think of is how far we’ve come—her and me and you and me. My heart is yours. I hope you know that, but she’s—”
“Shh, babe.” He gathered her in his arms and held her. “Nobody wants you to choose.”
“Oh, right,” she said sarcastically. “Maybe I can pack everyone’s shit and drag them across the world, too.”
He gently rolled her onto her back and gazed down at her with a sexy smile.
“Sex isn’t going to solve this,” she said half-heartedly.
“I don’t want to have sex. I want you to close your eyes and just breathe. Come on. Do it with me, just like you taught me to do. Remember?”
“How could I ever forget? When you finally closed your eyes and relaxed, I wanted to crawl into your lap and disappear.”
“Even with my eyes closed I felt you watching me, and I knew then that if I were ever to get through all your beautiful layers, I’d never want to let you go.”
She closed her eyes and felt the sting of tears again. “Stop. No sappy stuff right now. It’s too hard.”
He kissed her and said, “I want you to be with me always, but figuring out how to make that work takes conversation.” He brushed his lips beside her ear and whispered, “It takes two, baby. This has never been a one-sided decision. I need to know what’s in your heart.”
“You,” she said quickly. “And Desiree. I committed to running the inn with her. I can’t just abandon her.” Pain washed over his face.
“You think following your heart means abandoning the people you love, but it doesn’t. You see gray areas of potential in everything around you, but you also have this belief that some parts of your life—the people you love, your relationships—can only exist as all or nothing. Maybe that comes from Lizza cutting ties with Ted and Desiree when you were young. Or maybe not. Why you believe it isn’t as important as realizing that there is a world of possibility between all and nothing.”
He was quiet for a long moment, his gaze drifting over her face again, as if the answers were written there. She hoped they were because the only thing going through her mind was, Which side are you on, or where do you fall in between? Wherever it is, I want to be there, too.
“What if you could have both?” he said softly. “What if we spent the time between clinic openings here with Desiree and your friends, and we worked our schedules to be here each summer to help with the inn?”
“I can’t ask you to change your schedule for me—”
He silenced her with a kiss and said, “You don’t have to.”
Cosmos raised his head and raced out of the living room, barking as the girls barreled into the kitchen in a cacophony of conversation. Violet groaned, and he kissed her again, smiling against her lips.
“Come on, babe. Those are the friends you don’t want to leave, remember?” He climbed off her, tossed her his T-shirt, and pulled on his jeans.
She put on his shirt and her leather pants from last night, and they headed to the kitchen. Serena had her nose in the fridge, Chloe’s hand was stuffed in a box of cereal, and Daphne had just bitten into an apple. Gavin and Emery were standing by the coffee machine.
“Where the heck did you two come from?” Emery asked.
“Living room,” Violet said, ignoring Gavin’s raised brow.
Drake and Dean ran through the door. “Sorry!” they both said in unison.
“We thought we’d beat them here,” Dean said.
“It’s okay,” Andre said.
“What’s going on?” Emery asked. “Why were you trying to beat us?”
“Something wrong with your place, Vi?” Serena asked. “Oh no, did you guys have a fight? Is that why there’s no breakfast?”
Andre chuckled.
Violet rolled her eyes. “We got you doughnuts last weekend. Maybe it’s time you made us breakfast.”
“You got doughnuts?” Emery handed Gavin and Dean cups of coffee. “Why didn’t we get any doughnuts?”
“Nice, Serena,” Gavin said as he sat at the table. “I’m your business partner, and I always make sure you have ample sugar in the office. Where’s the reciprocation?”
Serena pulled out a chair and sat down with a container of yogurt. “She means the smushed doughnuts that we had to scrape off the sides of the box to eat. I told you about them.” She tore off the top of the yogurt, eyeing Violet and Andre. “How did they get so mangled from a simple ferry ride, anyway?”
Chloe stuffed a handful of cereal into her mouth, looking at Violet and Andre expectantly.
Daphne sat at the table with her apple and said, “Maybe they didn’t go on the ferry after all.”
“Sex on the ferry is more like it,” Serena said.
“I need coffee.” Violet headed for the coffeemaker.
Drake sat beside Serena and said, “Stop picking on Vi, babe. We got more than our fair share of perpetual bliss that night, and from what I recall, you didn’t complain when I was licking that scraped chocolate off your—”
“Stop!” Daphne and Chloe yelled.
“Aw, I want to hear about their nasty little doughnut tryst,” Emery teased.
Serena pointed at Drake and said, “If you say one more word, you won’t be getting any bliss, perpetual or otherwise, for a very long time.”
Drake blinked innocently and said, “I was going to say off your fingers. Where was your mind going?”
“Is this where the party is?” Justin sauntered into the kitchen carrying a bag from Blue Willow Bakery. “I brought bagels and muffins.”
The girls rushed at him, all talking at once.
“Thank goodness! I’m starved!” Daphne said.
Emery squealed. “Yay!”
“This makes you even hotter.” Chloe snagged the bag from him.
Justin held his hands up, and Violet said, “Welcome to the madhouse.”
“Pass me a muffin!” Serena hollered.
“Don’t you feed these people?” Justin asked.
Dean grabbed Emery around the waist and said, “I fed my woman this morning.”
“That kind of food only makes me hungrier.” Emery gave him a bagel and a kiss.
Violet handed Justin a mug of coffee and said, “I was wondering when you were going to show up.”
“Yeah, well, I don’t usually spend my mornings solo,” he said with a cocky grin.
“Take a seat, Casanova,” Violet teased. “If you’re lucky they’ll leave you a few crumbs.”
Justin laughed and sat at the table. Violet got coffee for herself and Andre, then sat on Andre’s lap as the gossip girls and their men devoured the food.
“Thanks for bringing breakfast,” Chloe said, shoving the bag across the table to Andre and Violet. “We should have a system. You know how churches have prayer chains, where one person calls the next? We need breakfast alerts. Like”—she lowered her voice—“SOS. Bad night at the inn. Bring bagels.”
“That works!” Daphne said. “But that means someone has to check things out first.”
“Me!” Emery chimed in. “I’ll send a text to Des. Did you get it good, or are we scrounging this morning?”
“Okay, on that insane note…” Violet reached for a change in subject. “Did you get the party figured out?”
Emery grinned. “Yes! In fact, Justin, you should come to our party next weekend. It’s a welcome-home party for Des, Rick, and Harper, and a—”
“Harper?” Andre asked.
“She’s a fictional blonde they wave in front of single guys to get them to stick around,” Gavin said with a smirk. “I don’t believe she really exists.”
“She does, and she’ll knock your socks off,” Chloe said.
“You mean Harper Garner?” Justin asked.
“Yes!” the girls all said at once.
“Dude, she’s real, and she’s hot,” Justin said.
“I’ll believe it when I see it,” Gavin said. “You’ve got to come, Justin. I might need a wingman, and all the guys around here are too taken to do a good job of it.” He lowered his voice and said, “But I’m still not banking on there being a real Harper.”
“Oh, shut up,” Emery said. “Harper is hot, smart, and isn’t here because she’s working on a movie she wrote. The party is also going to be a send-off for Andre.”
A pang pierced Violet’s chest at the thought of leaving Desiree if they followed Andre’s plans.
Justin glanced at Violet with a confused expression, and Andre held her a little tighter with a hopeful look in his eyes. Did he think she was going to tell everyone she might be going with him right this second? She hadn’t even talked with Desiree yet. She forced herself to say, “Good idea. You should come, Justin.”
Emery filled him in on the details.
“I’ve got to run.” Drake gave Serena a quick kiss and said, “Babe, don’t forget Hagen’s spending the night tonight.” He looked at the others and said, “We’re practicing.”
Serena choked on her food. “We are not practicing.”
“Yeah, we are,” Drake said as he walked out the door, sparking more laughter and snarky comments.
“Thanks for coming last night,” Justin said to Violet and Andre.
“Last night?” Emery asked. “Where’d you guys go last night?”
“The suicide-awareness rally in Harwich,” Justin said before Violet could respond.
“Lots of bikers,” Violet said. “Not really your scene.”
Daphne’s jaw dropped. “Hot bikers and you didn’t invite us? I see there’s no love for the single ladies over here. Sheesh.”
“You have a baby. You don’t need a biker,” Chloe said, popping a piece of a muffin into her mouth. “You need someone like Gavin, or Dean’s brother Jett. He’s hot.”
“Hey,” Gavin interjected. “I’m sitting right here, thank you very much. I’m hotter than Jett.”
“Keep your pants on. You’re not banging Daphne,” Violet said with a glare.
“Chloe, have you ever seen a big, protective biker holding a baby?” Daphne looked up at the ceiling with a dreamy expression.
“Justin’s a biker,” Serena pointed out.
Violet leaned down and whispered in Andre’s ear, “Remind me again why I’d miss them.”
Chapter Sixteen
AFTER VOLUNTEERING AT the hospital Friday afternoon, Violet stopped by Justin’s studio to check on the sculpture. Justin was getting ready to leave the studio when she arrived. He was covered in stone dust.
She tossed her keys on the table and said, “Hey. You and your goodies were a big hit this morning.”
“That was an interesting breakfast. Is it like that every day?”
“That depends. Do you mean that loud? That presumptive? That—”
“Fun.” He shrugged and said, “It was loud, and yeah, they seem to be all up in each other’s shit, but you have to admit they’re entertaining.”
“That’s one way to put it.”
“Are we going to dance around the whole Andre’s leaving thing?” Justin leaned his hip against the table as she inspected the sculpture.
She kept her eyes trained on the butterfly. “Do I look like I’m dancing?”
“Vi,” he said softly. “Look at me. What’s going on? Are you leaving with him?”
She huffed out a breath and crossed her arms. “I want to.”
“But…?”
“I don’t know. I need to talk to Des. She’s back, but I’ve been at the hospital all afternoon.”
“And now you’re here, which means you’re procrastinating.”
Yup…
He frowned. “Okay, look. Maybe you just need a swift kick in the ass. You ran once. Don’t fuck the guy over again.”
“Way to have faith in me,” she snapped. “I won’t screw him over. I love him, Justin. I want to be with him. It’s just that Des has been gone for weeks, and my leaving will crush her.”
“She’s always been your soft spot.” His eyes warmed. “What can I do to help? Anything?”
She shook her head. “I could never repay you for all that you’ve already done for me over the years.”
“Hey, you saved me from getting into drugs and shit when I was younger. We saved each other.”
“Thanks, Jus.”
“You know you never needed my help to figure things out, right? You wanted me there, and I’m glad for that. You’re one of my best friends. But don’t fool yourself into thinking you can’t handle your own shit. You’ve always had a pretty clear picture of what you needed to do to survive.” He put a hand on her back and said, “Want to talk it out?”
“No. I’ll figure it out.”
He winked and said, “You always do. I’ve got to go. Hit me up if you need anything.”
She chewed on what he’d said long after she finished inspecting the sculpture. Maybe Justin was right and she’d always known what she needed to do to survive. But Andre had made her see her life much more clearly than she ever had before, and she no longer wanted to just survive, living every aspect of her life in a separate bubble. She was being offered a second chance at love, and she couldn’t be the partner Andre deserved if she couldn’t even be honest about who she was to her own sister.
She locked up the studio and headed back to the inn, determined to make things right.
She found Desiree in her bedroom folding clothes. Cosmos was asleep at her feet.
“Welcome home.”
Desiree squealed and threw her arms around her, sending Cosmos into a flurry of barks. “Oh my gosh, I missed you! I have so much to tell you about our trip, and pictures to show you, and everything!”
How could her sister’s happiness get her all choked up? “I missed you, too. Where’s your new husband?”
