Seeking Slow, page 1
SEEKING
SLOW
RECLAIM MOMENTS OF CALM IN YOUR DAY
Melanie Barnes
creator of Geoffrey and Grace
CONTENTS
Preface
SLOW LIVING: AN INTRODUCTION
What It Means to Live a Slow and Simple Life
Realistic Slow Living
Reflecting on the Past
THE CHALLENGES OF OUR MODERN AGE
The Glorification of “Busy”
Consumer Culture and Materialism
The Art of Waiting
The Digital Age and Virtual Consumption
LIVING LIGHTLY | Digital Detox
TIME
Valuing Our Time
Managing Our Time
LIVING LIGHTLY | Working Smarter
Our Purpose and Priorities
LEARNING TO NURTURE OURSELVES
Making Time for Ourselves
LIVING LIGHTLY | Slow Moments
Embracing Self-Compassion
Play
Daydreaming and Boredom
WELL-BEING: BODY
Learning to Listen to Our Bodies
LIVING LIGHTLY | The Benefits of Listening to Your Body
The Body-Mind Connection
A SLOW HOME
Creating a Slow Home
Simplifing Our Belongings
LIVING LIGHTLY | Decluttering Your Home
SEASONAL LIVING
How to Live Seasonally
Welcoming the Seasons
LIVING LIGHTLY | Seasonal Decorations and Activities
Nature Therapy
SUSTAINABILITY
Conscious Shopping
Slow Fashion
LIVING LIGHTLY | Conscious Consumerism
Reduce, Reuse, Recycle
A Homegrown and Natural Home
WELL-BEING: MIND AND SOUL
What Is Meditation?
What Is Mindfulness?
Why Meditate and Practice Mindfulness?
LIVING LIGHTLY | The Benefits of Meditation
Meditation Techniques
How to Begin to Meditate
DAILY SLOW-LIVING RITUALS
Creating a Ritual
From Ritual, to Routine, to Habit
LIVING LIGHTLY | Daily Mindfulness
Establishing a Quiet Corner
Conclusion
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Notes
PREFACE
It was not long after my daughter was born that we started to explore slow living. It all started with a gradual realization that time is a precious commodity that we cannot get back. Becoming a mother highlighted to me how fleeting time can be as I watched how quickly our baby was growing into a little girl. I didn’t want to miss a minute of it because I was rushing through life too busy or too stressed. I wanted to be as present as possible and soak in her childhood and every little detail—the fun and the challenging.
Through the early years of our daughter’s life, I found that my perspective on many things altered. What was once important didn’t seem so important anymore, and I discovered new priorities. In response to these changes, we began to adapt the way we approached life as a family. We began to think about what was essential and what could be simplified. On examining my motivation for slowing life down, I knew I wanted to be as intentional and present with my time as possible; however, I also realized that I needed to prioritize my and my family’s well-being, and that slow living would facilitate this.
During this time, I had a recurring conversation with many people. We would talk about our difficulties in balancing the challenges of life: work, parenthood, paying the bills, running a home, etc., with this desire to slow down, enjoy life, and generally feel better. But we didn’t know where to start or how to make time to do so. Slowing down and prioritizing our well-being seemed to be an unfamiliar concept to many of us.
When I looked a little closer, I realized that I had in many ways always been a proponent for slow living—we all have things we do so naturally that we never question them or consider that they might be unique. From a young age, I remember wanting to feel connected to my body. I thought that if I understood my body and all its facets, I would therefore understand myself. Learning to appreciate and listen to my body has naturally always allowed me to be guided by my well-being. I assumed everyone approached life this way and that being “in your body” and listening to your body was instinctual to all of us. As I entered further into adulthood, I realized that this was not the case and that many people live their whole lives without being truly connected to their bodies.
Studying dance and movement, and then yoga, meditation, and holistic therapies later in my life, meant that I had the opportunity to deeply explore the connection to myself: how my body moves, what its limits are, the body-mind connection, and how to restore and nurture myself. Spending time learning about the human body and mind in this way naturally changed the context of how I viewed myself, and an increase in the awareness of my general well-being automatically followed suit.
Having spent fifteen months exploring my craft as a dancer in New York City and taking as many dance, movement, and yoga classes as possible, I had stretched my body to its limits. I was as connected to my physical body as I was ever going to be, but I started to think that perhaps there were other elements that were missing. On returning to the UK, I went through a lengthy spell of feeling unwell, and went back and forth to the doctor. Eventually, there was a vague diagnosis of irritable bowel syndrome, and in terms of treatment, little guidance and help were offered, which encouraged me to explore changing my diet and how I could better support my body holistically. After about six months of dietary changes and altering some of my habits and routines, I started to feel well again. I could see that the changes I had made to my lifestyle were having a positive impact.
Approaching life holistically allowed me to think about my body and my well-being in a more complete way. I realized how important it was to consider the whole picture when making choices and decisions about myself and my loved ones. As well as taking into account my physical health, holistic living encouraged me to look at my mental and emotional health and consider the impact of stress and anxiety. Realizing that everything is intimately interconnected changes how we respond to looking after ourselves.
My experience had taught me that it was possible to feel better by simply altering aspects of my lifestyle. I wanted others to be able to benefit in the same way, so I decided to look further into the things that had improved my well-being. I studied yoga, yoga philosophy, and meditation before becoming a Kundalini yoga teacher and massage therapist. On many occasions, I had to encourage myself to embrace unconventional philosophies when seeking well-being ideas and inspiration, realizing that we must try something and experience it before passing judgment on whether it can be of any benefit to us.
Teaching was incredibly rewarding, as I would see a noticeable shift in people in the space of just a class. They would come in looking tired or frazzled and leave breathing a little deeper and looking more relaxed. I spent nearly all my twenties and early thirties studying or teaching yoga, movement, and meditation, yet in my early thirties, something happened that created a disconnect within myself. Everything that I had learned and had been practicing, gradually began to fall away as I slipped further into a state of depression and isolated myself more and more.
Anyone who has had difficulties in becoming a parent and with infertility will know what a painful and lonely time it can be. Month after month went by without a positive result, and then months turned into years, and still we had no answers. I struggled to cope with the constant disappointment and the uncertainty of it all. I felt let down by the fact that my body didn’t seem to be able to do what I wanted the most. I had spent the last fifteen years learning to be connected to my body and consider my well-being, yet it didn’t seem to make a difference when it came to wanting to become a mother. After a difficult three and half years, I had just come to terms with the fact that we probably wouldn’t be able to have any children, when a few months later we became pregnant.
After our daughter was born, that sense of time being precious was no doubt amplified by the fact that it took us such a long time to conceive. The early years of our daughter’s life inspired my first steps into slow living, and I began sharing my thoughts about motherhood and simplifying our lives on Instagram and on my blog, Geoffrey and Grace. Through reading, writing, and talking about my experiences, I realized that many others were also feeling this desire to slow down and simplify, in order to connect with the important things in life. I thought about the things we were doing that were helping our family slow down and feel good, and wanted to share them. Gradually, through conversation with friends and family, I remembered how I had always been drawn to think about my body and prioritize my well-being. Perhaps now I could help others slow down and feel more connected to their bodies in the same way.
Geoffrey and Grace initially started as a creative project purely for pleasure, but it has now grown from a blog to guiding and impacting all parts of my life—from becoming my full-time job to influencing our lifestyle choices as a family.
Slow Living
AN INTRODUCTION
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What would happen if we lived our lives at a slower pace? If we occasionally paused for thought, simplified our lifestyles, and created space for moments of stillness, perhaps we would also find more joy and happiness. We all know how easy it is to get swept away wi
WHAT IT MEANS TO LIVE A SLOW AND SIMPLE LIFE
Simple living is not a new concept—people have been practicing it for centuries—and the term “slow living” as we know it today is becoming increasingly popular. Used to describe a lifestyle that encourages a slower rhythm and values a mindful approach, slow living isn’t about doing everything slowly. It is about intentionally doing things and being present for each part of our day. By choosing quality over quantity, we gain more opportunity to savor the simple pleasures and experience those moments wholeheartedly.
An alternative approach to living in the fast lane started with the Slow Food movement in the 1980s. When a famous fast food chain wanted to open a branch near the Spanish Steps in Rome, residents, politicians, and officials opposed the idea. This single event prompted Carlo Petrini to found the Slow Food movement as an alternative to fast food. Its aim: to defend traditions, celebrate the pleasure of food, and highlight the connection between where our food comes from and how it ends up on our plates. Over the last thirty years, the ideas behind the Slow Food movement have crept into mainstream culture and expanded into other areas of our lives. With working weeks seeming longer, schedules more rigorous, and people appearing busier than ever before, slow living is becoming an essential practice for our well-being.
It is not surprising that we are looking for ways to simplify and slow down. Many of us are living beyond our means, in terms of energy, resources, and time—we have come to expect a lot from our bodies and our lifestyles. Often, we are juggling things or multitasking in the quest to “have it all” or “do it all.” There will always be more tasks to do, more emails to answer, more work to catch up on. Add to this the brilliance of technology and we can now do these things at any time of the day, even when we would have previously been resting or doing nothing. This can leave us with the expectation that we must use our time more efficiently. The pressure that comes hand in hand with feeling busy means we often hurry through our days, which results in us being less productive with our time and missing out on life’s wonderful moments.
Most of us instinctively know there is a better way to live our lives than being hustled along an endless track of “to-do lists.” Destination living, where we are fixed solely on a specific end point or result, means we are more likely to miss out on enjoying the small and simple experiences along the way. Still, slowing down can seem challenging. So, how do we realistically slow down and navigate the misconceptions about who slow living is suitable for?
REALISTIC SLOW LIVING
Slow living is possible for everyone. The art of slow living is not in how much “free time” you have, but how intentional you are with that time. There are many facets to slow living that can be applied practically to anyone’s lifestyle—from slow food and slow fashion to slow travel and slow parenting.
By examining our attitude to time, we can alter how we approach individual tasks and how we schedule our week. By analyzing our purpose and prioritizing, we can understand what is motivating us and fill our days accordingly. Through slowing our homes and simplifying our belongings, we can begin to create space for more rest and play. By looking to nature and the seasons for inspiration, we can see how living seasonally can naturally shape and slow down our rhythms and routines.
Once we start to live slowly, we automatically begin to increase our awareness of our general well-being. We need to remember that time nurturing and tending to ourselves isn’t a luxury, but is, in fact, essential, and that we must reconnect and learn to listen to our bodies in order to truly slow down. We don’t need a lot of time; just ten minutes daily can go a long way to support our health and happiness.
By mindfully approaching everyday tasks, we can begin to slow down our minds and thoughts. In this book, I will be encouraging you to think deeply about the choices you make across all areas of your life. It is important to invest some time and energy to think about how you spend your days, what you spend your money on, what leisure activities you choose to do, and what things you surround yourself with. All of this filters into effect how slowly we are able to live our lives, and how lightly we are able to tread on this earth.
We often equate happiness with the big moments in life, but there is a lot of joy to be found in the simple things. Let’s learn to cherish those small moments, and refocus what it means to be happy—it is not about trying to have it all, but about learning to be content with what we have, and that less can indeed be more.
REFLECTING ON THE PAST
Generations before us managed to live slowly and simply, in part because the way people used to live facilitated a slower and simpler existence, though often it was out of necessity through times of austerity, and living could be hard. My grandparents grew their own vegetables because of food rations; they mended stuff because they didn’t have the money to throw things away and replace them with something new. Simple things, such as a trip to the cinema or gathering around the telly to watch a TV show as it first aired, were hotly anticipated and felt like a treat. Generally, there were a lot fewer distractions, so it was easier to go at a slower pace and find time to spend with family. Shops were often closed on Sundays; therefore, enjoying long family lunches, playing games, spending time in nature, and even being bored were normal pastimes.
There were also fewer choices about how to spend leisure time and less information readily available to everyone. People had to seek out their own entertainment and fun, so they often invested more time in hobbies. Though more time was spent on doing household chores—washing everything by hand, mending clothes, cooking from scratch—that have since been replaced by “easier” time-saving alternatives, we still feel as if there aren’t enough hours in the day.
While in one respect it is wonderful to have so much choice and flexibility with what we can do and when, it is important that we are mindful about how we choose to spend our free time, and that we invest our energy in activities that bring us joy and enhance our well-being. Especially where self-esteem and self-worth are concerned, perhaps, in some ways, our ancestors had the right idea. It is probably healthier to spend our time on household chores and hobbies, rather than the preferred pastimes of today, including browsing the internet and binge-watching TV shows.
While it is easy to look with nostalgia at days gone by, it is evident that there are lots of things we can learn about slow living and simplifying from previous generations. When I think about how my grandmother lived day-to-day, it is easy to see why she was good at appreciating the simple things and finding joy in life. My grandmother lived with her mum and seven siblings in a three-bedroom terrace house in Tooting, South London. She shared a bedroom with three sisters, and at her first job (at a department store on Oxford Street), she had to use the toilets in the nearest Tube station.
Without the basic luxuries we have today, people had gratitude for the things we take for granted. People were also more likely to be thoughtful with their choices, even small decisions, such as correspondence. It takes more time and effort to write a letter and post it, so naturally one would have put thought into any communication—it wasn't even easy to make a phone call.
By looking to the past and reflecting on how folks used to live, what lessons can we learn to guide us into the future? Wouldn’t it be great if we could combine the wonderful things that make our lives easier in the twenty-first century with age-old traditions and ideas that better support our overall well-being?
The Challenges of Our Modern Age
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With the demands of twenty-first-century life, no wonder people are looking for alternative ways to live. For me, slow and simple living encompasses all the fundamental values that help my family live a more wholehearted life, from being connected to the present moment to appreciating the little things, and taking time to enjoy and celebrate life. Of course, there are many things that can hinder us on our quest to live more slowly, including the glorification of being “busy,” consumer culture and materialism, and our digital age and virtual consumption, all things that we need to evaluate in our lives and decide whether we want and/or need a lifestyle change.
