So Not Meant to Be, page 31
As if my heart has been ripped from my chest, being scratched, and scarred by my ribs in the process. All my hopes. All my thoughts. All my fucking courage, it’s all wiped away. Evaporated. Demolished.
She’s … she’s going on a date?
This can’t be fucking happening.
This has to be a joke, right?
She can’t possibly be going on a date with him, not after … well, not after everything.
But to my horror, Kelsey reaches past me and opens the door, revealing Derek on the other side.
Fuck …
“Hey, Derek, just need to grab my shoes. Give me a second.”
“Not a problem.” Derek turns toward me as Kelsey opens the entryway closet. “Hey, you must be JP. Nice to meet you. Your brother has talked a lot about you.”
He holds out his hand, and because I don’t want to look like a dick, I take it in mine and give it a shake. “Nice to meet you,” I say, but I barely recognize my voice. It’s gravelly, dark.
Fuck, I’m so upset.
So goddamn upset that I can feel my throat start to tighten.
“Okay, I’m ready,” Kelsey says.
She’s slipping away.
My plans.
My night.
My big ask.
It’s all crumbling right in front of me.
I can’t feel my feet. My lungs don’t seem to have any air in them. And it feels as if a sharp knife is bludgeoning my chest continuously, ratcheting up this overwhelming sense of pain.
“I’ll be home later,” Kelsey says, her hand dragging over my arm.
Her touch … it does something inside of me.
It reminds me of what Breaker said.
You need to use words and tell her how you feel. So far, you’ve tried to show her what you feel. Now it’s time to speak, man. Give her your truths.
He’s not wrong. My tactics have proven to be shortsighted.
And before she can take another step, I ask, “Can I talk to you for a second?”
She pauses, looks over her shoulder, and asks, “Right now?”
“Yes,” I answer.
I must look distraught because she tells Derek to give her a second and then follows me down the hallway to my room, where I shut the door. I shed my suit jacket, toss it on a chair in the corner, and pace the room.
“Is everything okay?”
“No.” I shake my head. “Everything is not okay.” I pause and look up at her. “I’m going to say something that I know you certainly weren’t expecting but, fuck, I need you to know.”
“JP, what’s going on?”
“I like you, Kelsey,” I say, just letting it all fly out. “I fucking like you, and I … I want to ask you out on a date, a real date.”
Her mouth falls slightly open.
“And I know this isn’t the best timing and that this is selfish of me because you’re about to go out on a date, but please, please don’t go out with him. Stay here, with me, be with me, give me a chance.” She doesn’t say anything. And I wait as she stands there in shock. “I had plans for tonight. I was going to take you to Parkside and tell you how much I like you and want to be with you. I know that’s hard to believe, given your first impression of me, but I swear, Kelsey, I swear I’m fucking ready for something more.”
“JP … I … I don’t know what to say.”
“You don’t have to say anything, just don’t go out with him. I don’t think I could fucking take it. Your last date was when I drank myself stupid. That’s how long I’ve felt this for you. I don’t think I could survive tonight knowing he’s claiming you as his, holding your hand, making you laugh … kissing you. All I’ve wanted is to fucking kiss you, to taste your lips, to make you mine. I’ve wanted this ever since I met you, from the first moment I laid eyes on you, Kelsey. I knew you were special. I knew you were someone I had to get to know, that I wanted to be around. And, sure, I didn’t go about it the right way in the beginning, but I’ve been trying. I’ve tried to tell you so many times. So many fucking times.” I push my hand through my hair. “Please, Kelsey, please just stay here with me, talk this out, give me a chance.”
She looks behind her and then back at me. “JP, I have a date … I don’t … I’m not sure …”
Fuck.
Fuck, the pain is searing.
Burning me.
Marking me.
“I’m sorry,” I say. “Fuck, this was selfish of me. I’m sorry, Kelsey. I’m fucking sorry.” I take a seat on the edge of my bed and bury my hands in my hair.
“JP …”
“Just go. Forget I said anything. Please, I shouldn’t have. This puts you in a bad spot. I’m sorry … just go on your date.”
She’s silent.
I can feel her eyes on me.
Her indecision weighs heavily on my shoulders and when, for a moment, I think that she might stay, I hear her first step echo through my room, then another … then another. Trailing away from me, one step at a time, until my door is shut behind her.
Fu-uck.
I suck in a sharp breath through heavy, webbed lungs. It feels impossible to gain much-needed oxygen.
Our last night in San Francisco, and instead of spending it with me, she’s spending it with another man.
I’ve loved learning how she takes her coffee, the special breakfast she has to have in the morning.
I doubt he knows about her day-of-the-week underwear or how she curls her hair when she’s in a fun mood, straightens it when she means business.
And knowing what she tastes like when she’s wet, aroused, and looking for more? Or how she sounds and looks when she comes? That will be torture for me, going forward.
I’ve given her my truths. All I’ve ever wanted since I met her was to kiss her. Impress her.
But in the end, she will choose him.
My throat is so tight, I can barely breathe. I feel my frustrations, my emotions, bubble to the surface. The urge to call down to the concierge for a bottle of Scotch is all-consuming. Just to get lost, forget, to erase this monopolizing pain ricocheting through my chest.
I pull on my thick strands.
Fuck, what do I do now?
Leave?
Chase her down the hall, begging her to stay?
Find the nearest bar?
I can’t stay here. I can’t wait around, wondering when she’ll return. No, I need to get the fuck out of here. I need to get home. I’m a billionaire, so I can fly my fucking self whenever I damn well please. That’s what I’ll do.
Leave.
Get home tonight.
Go to my safe place, my house, where Kelsey hasn’t touched one goddamn thing. Where I won’t be reminded of her.
Where I can sink into oblivion.
I glance around for my phone. I need to make the call. I need to pack. Fuck, who cares about packing? I can buy new shit.
I just need to leave.
I just need to—
The bedroom door creaks open. My body stills as my eyes flit to the door. It cracks open some more, and then Kelsey appears.
No air in my lungs.
No blood through my veins.
Nothing is working within me as I sit there, staring … wondering what the hell she’s doing.
She shuts the door behind her and walks over to me. Her strides are demure, her body language timid.
Hunched over, I sit up just as she stands in front of me.
“Kelsey, I—”
Not saying a word, she straddles my lap, lifts my chin with her forefinger, and before I can attempt to take my next breath, her lips are on mine.
Fuck … me.
All it takes is one touch for me to break.
I’m not sure what her intentions are, and I don’t give a fuck, because she’s kissing me. Kelsey is fucking kissing me, and it feels like I just died and went to heaven.
Soft.
In control.
Yearning.
She parts her lips, dips her tongue into my mouth, and then sifts her fingers through my hair.
I snap.
My hands slide around her, one at her waist, the other at the nape of her neck, and I kiss her back with more force. I let her melt into my touch, take control.
She tugs on my hair.
I slip my hand under the hem of her dress.
She moans into my mouth.
I groan into hers.
She opens her mouth wider.
My tongue finds hers.
And then it’s a tangled mess of need. Of eagerness. Of everything I’ve ever fucking wanted, and it’s right here, available for the taking. I’m not letting go.
I can’t.
Her hand slides up to my jaw and she grips me tightly. “Unzip my dress.”
“What?” I ask breathlessly.
Her eyes connect with mine, the gold in them shining in the yellow glare of the nightstand light. “Unzip my dress, Jonah.”
My cock instantly grows hard. Is this real?
Is she real?
Am I fucking dreaming?
Because that’s what this feels like—a dream where I’ll wake up just as I grip the small zipper of her dress. I’ll be rudely disrupted, she’ll disappear, and that empty, clawing feeling will return.
“Baby,” I whisper, my forehead touching hers. “Is this … is this real?”
“Yes,” she says as her lips fall to my jaw. “This is real.”
“But … your date?”
“I sent him home,” she whispers as her lips move over my mouth again. “I realized …” She kisses my cheek. “Very quickly …” She kisses my mouth. “That the pain I felt walking away from you …” She kisses my other cheek. “Brought me to my knees.” She lifts up and looks me in the eyes. “I think I’ve wanted you for a long time, and it took me walking away to confirm that.”
I attempt to swallow the lump in my throat, but fail miserably. “What does that mean?”
She brings her hands between us and slowly begins to unbutton my dress shirt, one button at a time. “It means that I’m yours. All yours.”
“You’re not … you’re not leaving?” I still can’t believe it.
She tugs my shirt out of my pants and slides the sleeves off my shoulders, leaving my torso bare to her. Her hands slide back up my tense arms, over my carved shoulders, and down my rumbling pecs. She wets her lips as her hips move gently over my lap.
“No. I’m staying. I want … I want you to ask me out.”
Fucking hell. I feel the sting of tears at the backs of my eyes. I’m not a goddamn crier, but for the life of me, I can’t stop the ugly emotions seizing me. Not sure the last time someone chose me … for me.
For all the ugly I have to offer.
For all the halfhearted seriousness I sputter out.
For all the insecurities, the demons, the baggage.
She’s seen it all, in the flesh. And she’s choosing me.
Wetting my lips, I stare into her eyes and say, “I want you as mine. All of you. Your beautiful mind, your insane organization, your sexy-as-fuck body, and your loving heart.”
“Then”—she pauses and brings my hand to the back of her dress, to her zipper—“take it. Take me.”
Two words—who knew they could undo me?
I slide the zipper down and the straps of her dress loosen so she can push them off her shoulders. She gathers the hem of the dress and lifts it over her head, leaving her in a one-piece lingerie set.
“Did you … did you wear this for him?”
Her seductive eyes flash up to mine as she shakes her head. “No. I wore it for you.”
Fucking hell.
I drive my hand into her hair again and bring her mouth to mine, showing her just how much I want her, how much I’ve longed for this. When she grips me back, her fingers digging into my skin, I realize she wants this just as much as I do.
I’m not letting go, neither is she, and with that knowledge, I slow down my kiss. I part my lips and tangle my tongue with hers as I twist her to the mattress, laying her carefully down while I hover over her, my arm propping me up.
Together, we explore each other. Her hands sift through my hair, down my back, across my chest, over my shoulders.
I drag my fingers over the lace of her lingerie, over the sides of her breasts, down to her hip, and then back up to her delicate neck.
“I’ve wanted you for so long,” I whisper as I bring my mouth to the column of her neck. “And not just for sex. This isn’t just sex for me.” I lift up so our eyes meet. “Do you hear me? This isn’t just sex for me.”
“I know.” She brings my hand to her heart, pressing down so I can feel how hard it’s hammering. “This isn’t just sex for me either. Feel that? That’s what you do to me, you make my heart beat faster.”
“Why didn’t you say anything?”
“I didn’t think you felt the same way.”
“Babe.” I grip her jaw and tilt her mouth up. Inches away from her mouth, I say, “I think you know how I feel now.”
“I do,” she whispers before I press my lips to hers again. She sighs and loops her arms around my neck. I toy with the strap of her lingerie then tug the strap down a few inches, waiting to see her response. When she doesn’t protest, I pull it all the way down her arm. She shrugs out of it.
While keeping my lips on hers, our tongues colliding, tangling, I feather my fingers up her arm, across her collarbone, and then to her exposed breast. My palm connects with her hard nipple, and I groan into her mouth before rolling the hard nub with my fingers.
“Yes,” she whispers when my mouth releases hers. I kiss down her neck, to her chest, and then I lift up and stare down at her.
“Fuck,” I whisper, dragging my hand over my mouth. “Kelsey, you’re so goddamn beautiful.”
She shrugs out of the other strap and then, with her eyes connected to mine, she says, “Strip me down.”
Hell …
Lifting up, I tug on the lingerie until I free her from the lace, leaving her completely naked on my bed.
“Christ,” I whisper before lowering my mouth to her breasts. I squeeze one with my hand while I drag her nipple into my mouth. I lap at it with my tongue a few times, over and over, and then I suck on the nub—hard—causing her back to arch.
So responsive.
I move to her other breast and do the same thing.
Lick.
Lick.
Suck.
She moans while holding me in place.
I go back to her other breast and then trail kisses along her skin, over her belly button, and right below. Her legs part in anticipation, but instead of giving her what she wants, I move back up her stomach and to her left breast. I tease her nipple with my mouth.
“God,” she groans in frustration. “I’m so ready for you. You have to know that.”
“Are you?” I ask as I move my hand between us and very lightly run it along the seam of her pussy. My fingers are drenched in her arousal. Looking her in the eye, I suck on my fingers. “Fuck,” I grind out. “I’ve wanted your pussy ever since that first taste.”
I drag my mouth back down her body, swirling my tongue around, feeling her writhing beneath me as I grow closer and closer to the spot between her legs. I drag my tongue over her hipbone and then to her inner thigh.
“Please, don’t tease me … please,” she cries.
“You want my mouth?”
She nods. “Please, Jonah.”
Seeing the desperation in her eyes, I switch plans. I wanted to consume her with need by playing around with her inner thighs, but there’s no point, so I spread her legs with my hands and move in between them. Her glistening clit is ready for me, so with one, long, gentle stroke, I soak her all up.
“Oh … God,” she groans while her pelvis reaches for me. “More. I want so much more.”
I part her with my fingers as I drag my tongue very slowly over her clit. I’m languid with my strokes, adding sufficient pressure to drive her nuts, but not enough speed to push her over the edge.
And that’s how I keep her, on the edge with every press, every lick. I don’t want her to come, not yet, not when I’m right where I want to be. Pleasing her. Tasting her. Consuming her.
I’ve dreamt of this, of this very moment, where I could own this woman. I don’t want it to end; I want it to last. I want to know that I can drive her crazy with every pass of my tongue.
“JP, please,” she begs.
I slowly insert two fingers inside her, giving her more, but not making her come yet.
“Yes.” She shifts under my grasp. “Right there. Ohhhh, yes.”
I curve my fingers up, while I pick up the strokes of my tongue, turning them more into flicks, causing a slew of curse words to fall out of my beautiful girl’s mouth. And, fuck, it turns me on even more.
My dick is so hard, it’s painful as it presses against my dress pants, offering no room. Between the way she fucking tastes, and her reaction to what I’m doing, I know the minute I get inside her, I’m going to come.
“JP, oh God, I’m … I’m right there.”
Her confession makes me pause, and I pull my mouth from her clit to look up at her.
Her chest is heaving, her eyes are ravenous, and her mouth is drawn into a frown as she says, “What are you doing?”
“I want to look at you, see what you look like right before you come.”
Her hands grip the comforter beneath us as she lies back down. “Please, JP, please don’t make me wait. I want to come on your tongue.”
Well, fuck.
I bring my mouth back to her clit, and instead of licking, I suck the little nub between my lips, causing her to call out my name and her legs to grip me tightly.
“Fuck,” she groans. “Oh God … I’m—I’m … there.”
I suck one more time before releasing her and flicking my tongue against her clit over and over again until she tenses around me and yells out something unintelligible as she falls over the edge. Her hips ride against my mouth, her arousal soaks into my beard, and I keep moving my tongue and fingers until she’s begging me to stop.
I pull away slightly to see what I’ve done to her. To watch her unfold, to recover with her sated body stretched out along the bed.
My dick is so painful right now, and I undo my belt, unbutton my pants, and drag the zipper down. Her eyes flash up to mine and I give her a show as I slowly push down my pants and briefs, revealing my agonized cock. I take it into my hand, grip the base, and pull.
